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  1. My first post is on New Year's Day. I want to introduce myself because people might have a panic attack seeing a new moderator in their midst. I will probably edit it after a while since it is long has a lot of information, My name is John, username Ironman, and I am a carryover from I have been a moderator on that site since almost the beginning, and was a moderator on another forum for over six years. A résumé in three sentences lol. My history with anxiety: My first real panic attack was January 28, 1989. I was in the eighth grade (13 1/2) and I was dealing with a mother who has mental illness and had just been hospitalized for 11 days during the previous Christmas. Her illness behaved much like an alcoholic only it was 24/7 with her behavior. That, in turn, had me put pressure on myself to succeed. In the beginning, I could count on two nights a month where I would not sleep well. It would shift into hypochondriasis and catastrophization (big words lol). I got through high school and college with periodic episodes. I ended up having acquaintances, but they never really go to know me. I wouldn't let them because I was teased about my mother. That mindset stuck. By 1999, I had finished college and attempted to start my own life - but depression set in. At that point, I decided to seek help. I started seeing a doctor who couldn't quite pinpoint what my issue was, just that I had anxiety. In 2000, I joined a church with the expectation that I could make friends who were decent. Little did I know that the more I tried to make friends, the worse I got. In 2002, the anxiety started getting worse after a weekend trip to Gatlinburg. The worry about what was going on flared up and got worse throughout 2003. On New Year's Eve 2003, I remember being the only person at the altar praying (this was one of those charismatic churches) and God told me that I would not be at the church at the end of 2004. In the midst of the anxiety, that was unsettling. This is where things get really weird and I have to use my hindsight and what I have learned. In January 2004, I know that I had anxiety that was bad enough that I was derealizing/depersonalizing ("zoning out"), and the choir was sitting behind the preacher/evangelist. At the end of one service the preacher's wife screamed "you are going through what you are because you didn't try out for the choir!" The choir knew I was interested in trying out - but when I did in 2000, we were handed a several-page document on rules, ending with a contract that we would support the leadership (preacher's daughter and son-in-law) 100 percent. I found that kind of odd and walked out before I auditioned (I play woodwind instruments). Taking things personally is a big thing with anxiety sufferers and that made it worse. To make a long story short, they tried to kick me out of the church twice, incorrectly using Scripture. Since the church was not part of a denomination, they could do what they wanted. The first time was Easter Sunday 2004, after I was so racked with anxiety that I felt unworthy to take Communion - BIG mistake in that church. The preacher's wife screamed out "if you're causing divisions, we'll kick you out!" I went to the altar and prayed for something unrelated like my anxiety - and the choir was cheering and pointing to me.....before shunning me altogether. I started withdrawing from people I thought were my friends - I was in with a group that were brown-nosers to the pastors. They had a TV show on a cable channel and thought they were something else. The anxiety exploded to the point I was rocking in a fetal position begging for the nerves to stop. In my mind, "looking at people" was my crime (derealization was something I didn't know anything about at the time) so I won't look at the preacher or the choir. That must have offended the ego of the pastor's wife because she tried to kick me out again in June 2004. It's a three step process to kick somebody out and June 6, 2004 was actually step two. I pulled a friend who I could trust, had him pray with me at the altar, and I left the church for good. I have to add that August 2002 to June 2004 was also a trying period in my life (I call it my Job trial). Job, in the Bible, was a man who lost everything and people around him told him to give up his faith and he wouldn't do it. In my case, I had become unemployed, lost my dog, my grandmother, faced having a root canal with no insurance, had boils like Job, lost my friends, and then my church, and almost what was left of my two years. Twelve days after I left the church, I landed a job (software engineer). But, the anxiety didn't go away! I got a new doctor in June 2004 and finally got diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. That's another storyline in my soap opera lol. I have been at my current church since October 2006 - a HEALTHIER ONE. I would be able to help here with the issue of spiritual abuse. I am still working on social interaction, though - it's a process, but I have come a LONG way. ...oh and before I close, that "bad church" sent me a packet to rejoin in March 2005 - I keep it as a reminder of the pain I went through. The pastor's wife and that church have been through unbelievable stuff that only God can dish out! One example - June 14, 2010: God released me from the Church when the 62-foot tall fiberglass statue of Jesus ("Big Butter Touchdown Jesus" as people called it) was struck by lightning and disintegrated. Anyway, I wanted to provide a bit of background. Those at AnxietySpace know me, but AnxietyCentral would see me as an invader lol. I hope 2021 can bring some peace and knowledge that 2020 was actually an interesting experience. People were going through what we have for years!
  2. I am severely agoraphobic and it's getting worse. I was hoping to find people on here that I could chat with that are going through the same thing. I am Bi Polar 1 so I cannot take the usual prescribed SSRIs. My doctor has tried everything on the medicine front...I also suffer from ADHD and PTSD. Getting therapy has been a challenge to say the least. I mean finding someone good, getting out of the house and costs that I cannot afford. I am on disability and have not worked in 6 years because of all of my mental health issues. But this agoraphobia is taking my life, literally. I am so tired of being in fear, just exhausted and I live alone. My friends have basically walked away from me and I guess I don't blame them. Truth is, I have the social anxiety so bad that I fear talking to them anyway. I just need a few online friends that I can chat with so I don't feel so alone.....This is my first time writing and will add more later, right now I am tired from writing just this much. Thank you to whomever reads this.
  3. Hi all, my name is Dave and I am suffering from GAD and have been for a while and have had to very bad bouts of it in my 54 years. It always turns to Hypochondriasis. It's a shame that this occurs in folks like us and has the title reads..." The World Doesn't know We Exist ", oh they have heard the terms " anxiety " " Hypochondriac " and the latter term they would probably laugh at. We look in the mirror constantly, we look at our bodies constantly, we look at our urine and our excrement like never before. Did we really know our bodies and every square inch of them before we became anxiety sufferers, no ! Now we do and now we see every imperfection and we think " what the hell is that " technology allow us to go on Dr. Google, but even though it says these things that we believe are catastrophes waiting for the catastrophic diagnosis can many things or nothing at all. We pick the last one it says...the worst one, the one that will surely kill us. Are we doctors, no. Have we ran tests on ourselves, no., but do we make the diagnosis based on a web page, yes ! Why ? The average person would say to themselves " oh it's nothing " we are not the average folks. We will put ourselves through the mental hell of dying without cause. This is why I have always called anxiety " The Bastard " It wasn't the web page that told you that you have cancer it was you who told you. With a big helping hand of " The Bastard " Have you ever written down how many diseases you thought you have had over the course of any given time. I did and I filled a whole sheet of paper looked at it and I actually laughed and said " Nobody can have that many diseases, and would be walking this earth and have the time and energy to look these diseases up and to worry about them. Even though we say we are tired and weak. We are tired and weak because of looking up our symptoms and worrying in constant fear. There is no research for us, why ? Because it's not a terminal illness. Again the world doesn't know we exist, only in what their minds believe we are. " Just stop worrying " If it were only that easy, right ? I would love to say, " okay " on with life and it be over. No, it's not going to work. It breaks my heart and so many of the posts I read here and I am a sufferer right a long with you, but the only thing I can say is I will catch myself doing all the wrong things and realize it being a veteran of it, but I had many years in between bouts where I had no high anxiety worries. If you had told me in my 20's that it will come back later in life. I would have said " no f***ing way " well it did, I let my guard down with some close family passings. Not realizing it's life long management. We do exist and we are real and our symptoms are real and we break our own hearts day after day. What a shame and to see you young folks missing out and worrying and worrying wasting your youth. Just goes to show how debilitating this disorder can be. Put your seat belt on and do everything you can to get away from the " The Bastard " if you have to keep getting that reassurance, then do it. If you have to tell yourself constantly it's only anxiety it will not kill me, do it. Stay off the is not a replacement for a doctor, do it. If you have to get mad, do it. If you have to cry, do it. Recovery is little by little, it doesn't come quickly and we have to accept that and we have to believe that in order to get better, but you will. It starts with everything that is hard and everything that is avoided. Keep a journal of your symptoms so you know you have had them before. The anxious mind has no memory...everything is short term and when something you think you have never felt before happens well go back and look at your own symptoms and not the web symptoms. World we do exist and it is one big scary pain in the ass. David
  4. Do you struggle with extreme anxiety? The Teachman PACT lab at the University of Virginia is looking for adults (age 18 and older) who struggle with anxiety symptoms to enroll in a new, online anxiety-reduction program. We are recruiting participants to help us learn how we can help individuals combat anxiety via online training. To determine your eligibility for the study, visit and click on "Get Started Now." The study involved 5 sessions over the course of 5 weeks, each lasting 20 minutes or less, as well as one 15 minute assessment 2 months later. All training sessions and assessments can be completed on a computer, phone, or tablet. For more information, please visit or contact: PACT LAB Department of Psychology, University of Virginia Email: IRB: 2017-0234-00 PI: Bethany Teachman
  5. Do you struggle with extreme anxiety? The Teachman PACT lab at the University of Virginia is looking for adults (age 18 and older) who struggle with anxiety symptoms to enroll in a new, online anxiety-reduction program. We are recruiting participants to help us learn how we can help individuals combat anxiety via online training. To determine your eligibility for the study, visit and click on "Get Started Now." The study involved 5 sessions over the course of 5 weeks, each lasting 20 minutes or less, as well as one 15 minute assessment 2 months later. All training sessions and assessments can be completed on a computer, phone, or tablet. For more information, please visit or contact: PACT LAB Department of Psychology, University of Virginia Email: IRB: 2017-0234-00 PI: Bethany Teachman
  6. This is the first forum ive ever been on, day by day my anxiety and its symptoms have gotten worse, I am 21 years old and suffering from a very bad case of everything. I had a anxiety attack a month or so ago and have had a bad case of depersonilization, ive had this before at 16 but it went away, now it is back and worst than before. Ive also developed new anxiety symptoms both physical and mental, ive had rapid eye movements but they arnt so bad anymore, shortness of breath, fear of a bunch of stuff, the MOST IMPORTANT issue I need help on, is that ive had some pretty dark invasive thoughts such as when picking up a baby, (throw it) other things on that line, racist slurs in my head when looking at the opposite color, things that are nothing like me, I'm a super nice person, I want to help people as a job one day, and thoughts like this are scaring me and above all that, I've been having very delusional thoughts such as ive been seeing 66 lately the number and I instantly think that I'm about to be possessed by the devil with super bad dreams as well, or every little thing that usually means nothing gets me thinking it means something more, and sometimes I even know its BS but I still keep thinking about it like its really happening or going to, like when I googled seeing numbers, someone said that people who see numbers got abducted by aliens, and so even for a breif moment I accepted it as that, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and be in the looney bin, thinking about my future with my GF or future job is impossible now, wondering if in a year or so ill be completely delusional. My thoughts seem to be getting more and more crazy by the day and sometimes I even believe them, ...someone please explain this too me.
  7. In regard to you thinking you are not making any progress this poem shows how little progress can be seen but is, nevertheless, always there. Say not the Struggle nought Availeth By Arthur Hugh Clough Say not the struggle nought availeth, The labour and the wounds are vain, The enemy faints not, nor faileth, And as things have been they remain. If hopes were dupes, fears may be liars; It may be, in yon smoke concealed, Your comrades chase e'en now the fliers, And, but for you, possess the field. For while the tired waves, vainly breaking Seem here no painful inch to gain, Far back through creeks and inlets making, Comes silent, flooding in, the main. And not by eastern windows only, When daylight comes, comes in the light, In front the sun climbs slow, how slowly, But westward, look, the land is bright. More About this Poem
  8. "If we are stuck in traffic, burn the dinner, spill the milk, someone beats us to the parking spot, cuts us off in traffic, increases our rent, or challenges our integrity, our peace gets threatened. But can any event do that unless we give it the power to do so? Everything is neutral. We give all events the meaning they have for us. Are we victims of these circumstances, or can we exercise choice? When these things happen and we are out of peace, do we crucify ourselves or simply recognize that we have generated these events for our healing and as part of the script of our lives. When we defend against the pain of betrayal, we hide our emotions from ourselves. When this is the case, our lives and our relationships become dry, brittle, and dead. Without an open heart, we need excitement to generate a sense of aliveness. We escape from the boredom of our lives with the many games in which we engage in the world. But with willingness to look behind our defenses, to take responsibility for our pain, and to go through our darkness, giving it over to the light, a new birth comes. We are given many opportunities to heal in this classroom. It invites us to go deeper into our hearts. The pain will bring a deeper opening, either to open like a flower or be cracked open. It does not matter which. What matters is that we have the courage not to turn away from these opportunities and not to continue to defend against them through blame, judgment, and defensiveness". This is a quote.
  9. "I was speaking with a friend last night about loneliness. When I thought more about where loneliness comes from, I realized that it is all about my identity, which is separate from everyone else. It is a belief, based on the Laws of Chaos, that truth is different for each of us. This experience in which we feel separate from others, locked in the body, and invested in lack and limitation is the human condition. It keeps us separate from others with the belief that we each have our own unique values and hold different perspectives that we do not share. We can be in a crowd and feel profoundly separate from everyone. We can be in an intimate relationship and feel the loneliness of separation". This quote highlights the problem most anxiety sufferers have. The feeling of isolation, which is loneliness. We feel separate and apart from our fellow man and even though we are close and intimate with another we still can feel separate. This, in my view, is about the way we are raised in our Western culture and the values and responsibilities society places on us. If we don't live up to certain standards we feel inadequate which often leads to anxiety. If we don't 'conform' we feel outside; not one of the tribe. Again, isolation. One of the biggest punishments which was used in the old Soviet Union days was to banish a person from his country. That was punishment indeed. Also the expression being 'locked in the body' is very descriptive of an anxiety state. How often we wish we could escape from our body that seems to suffer so much from our thoughts. It is a belief, based on the Laws of Chaos, that truth is different for each of us. While it is true that each individual is unique and has to be treated accordingly, there are fundamental laws that apply to all of us. Love, grief, fear and any deep emotion are all part of the human condition to which we all subscribe. A mother in India will have the same emotions on losing a child as one in the USA. We sometimes forget that fact and assume that we are more vulnerable than they. Anxiety always has its root in fear. For anxiety to exist fear must be present. So we come back to what we are afraid of. Isolation and loneliness is what we began with and, I believe, are the basic causes of anxiety. All the symptoms we get stem from those two emotions. Christmas is nearly upon us and I wonder how many will still feel lonely in the midst of a family. I am sure those of you with anxiety will know what I mean. We find it difficult to 'join in' and so feel inadequate and alone. But all is not lost! We are learning, and that is what anxiety is about, learning about ourselves and how we react to others. If we give love we receive love. If we give anger and fear we receive those too. So have a good Christmas, well, the best you can manage, and good wishes to all.
  10. Hello, Right now has been a really intense time for me in life, and I've realized why my therapy strategies didn't work before. I used to think that GAD and panic disorder were very separate things but now I'm absolutely sure I have both. I don't have the resources to go back into therapy to try and get the help and knowledge I need about panic disorder and handling the attacks in an actually helpful way. I would really appreciate any advice or strategies you have. Thank you so much
  11. Has anyone dealt with Klonopin withdrawal symptoms? I’ve had severe anxiety since about the 3rd day that I stopped taking it. Neck pain/tension, light sensitivity, weird feelings in my head like someone is touching the nerves in my head, severe anxiety, depersonalization, lower chin/upper throat tightness, insomnia, night panic attacks/terrors. It’s been about 12days now. I was taking .5mg per day, at night.
  12. No matter how many times I read that lightheadedness and foggy mind/vision is a classic symptom of panic disorder, My reaction remains the same. No time to rationalize when it comes on all of a sudden. I'm so tired...
  13. Ok, I'm just going to roll with this so bear with me. It's landing in the GAD forum but is open to all. I'm posting this off the back of @lonesailor14's fantastic post about 'letting go' that she posted (see here) I let go a long time ago, I made good progress but after my husband passed away last year I've of course had many hurdles come my way. At first I was determined, I would smash this agoraphobia and panic malarkey and live life to the fullest for the both of us. (yeah, I know but it was a nice idea) I have done things I never dreamed of, but in some respects I've taken one step forward, ten back... Today our eldest cat passed away. She was the first cat we got, when we moved into our first home together and got married. She was 15. I am of course heartbroken. She was the oldest of 7, I still have 6 furbabies to look after, they need their momma and my Mum needs me too. My doctor told me this week she was extremely proud of me, I was taken a back and not sure why? @JOYCICLE shared a video with me, I watched it then took a bath. Whilst in the bath I got to thinking and became inspired. Maybe my doctor felt proud for a genuine a reason, self worth and self esteem is something I have always struggled with, and it's taken a huge knock the last few months. I struggle to take a compliment! I'm feeling like I want to grab the proverbial bull by the horns. The video I am about to share is on point, no matter what disorder you suffer from, no matter your circumstances this lady is saying all the things I have tried to do the last few years. Acceptance, and management are key and the stress hormone cortisol is one of our worst enemies. Cortisol feeds the cycle of anxiety/symptoms, lets cut it down and give our bodies and minds the help we deserve. Meds or no meds, it does not matter. This can help either way. A good balanced diet, a good sleep schedule, daily exercise and fun! Smile more, laugh more. Happy tasks and exercises, along with mindfulness and anything that promotes relaxation. This is not about acceptance, this is stress/anxiety/symptom management. BUT, whether you have accepted or not, why not try it anyway? If your anxiety and symptoms lessen, it really can help you to accept. OK I have tried not to ramble on, I hope I have made some sense! Watch the video. I am going to start on Monday. Lets give it a try over the next few months and see if we feel better. (I know we will) We will use this thread to monitor progress, You can even write a blog, oh and I highly recommend along with this to keep a worry diary. Who is with me?
  14. Does anyone ever get the intense fear without many physical symptoms?.. and every thought, good or bad, produces more fear? Like a full blown mental panic attack. Same thoughts and intense fear, but not many physical symptoms... Or the feeling that there is nothing in your chest? Like your heart and lungs are not there, it's a very strange feeling, and hard to describe.
  15. I started on Zoloft last night. I was feeling a little sick and dizzy after waking this morning, which seems to be from the Zoloft I took last night. Then I felt a sudden warm burning sensation in my abdomen, which started to quickly spread to my chest and body. I felt the sensation all the way up to my mouth and head. My mouth and tongue felt warm and tingly, and my arms and legs felt warm and tingly. Then my heart started to beat fast, which I'm not sure if it was because I panicked, or if it was related to the feeling. Please tell me someone knows what I'm talking about.
  16. Has anyone ever taken hydroxyzine for panic attacks? What are your experiences with it? Does it help with an actual attack?
  17. I'm wondering if anyone else experiences the mental attacks. I know that's where the attacks usually start, from different thoughts, but my panic usually begins with obsessing over a physical symptom. Now, terror goes through my mind without physical symptoms. It's like panic is tied to my every thought, good or bad. A thought of joy or excitement is immediately met my panic. It's as if a dark cloud traps every one of my thoughts. If I think about doing anything, this dark cloud of panic immediately grabs my thought. Every thought leads to panic, fear, or terror. It feels like every time I reach my hand out of this dark cloud, I'm immediately pulled back in. So even when I'm not feeling physical symptoms, I'm still trapped. This is very discouraging and debilitating.
  18. Hey all, Hope everyone has had a good holiday week. I just had a sort of generic question: Has anyone experienced intense anxiety upon awakening? I know that sounds ridiculous, particularly considering its before I really engage in any cognitive activity. I just wake up and boom, it's there and it's heavy. Somatically it feels like a pit in my stomach. It consistently dissipates after a few hours or when I finally convince myself to take my medication (Ativan). Any ideas on how to handle this frustrating pattern of anxiety? thanks for any feedback in advance. Brad
  19. Hi all! I've had anxiety for most of my life, but only recently has it really started to affect my daily life. It has started to do so in a major way- affecting the way I speak to people, the way I think, my relationships, my ability to work, my health, and so much more. It led to panic attacks most recently, which led BACK to therapy and medicine. Just for you to note- I am VERY proactive about my anxiety- I try everything I can (even when I'm not seeing a therapist or taking medicine). That means I exercise, deep breathe, practice progressive muscle relaxation, meditate, practice guided meditation or meditative music (beta waves, affirmations, etc), practice yoga, practice gratitude, journal often, write my creativity out, listen to music, take calming nature walks, play with my animals (I have an ESA dog & 2 other awesome pets), and basically everything else I can try. Currently I see a therapist for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and I'm using medicine to guide me back into my calm life. I've not had success with any other meds in the past, but I'm trying this new one now that seems to be helping. I will let you all know what the name is once I'm certain that I will be staying on it and that it truly is helping me. As of right now, it feels like the CBT is more helpful than the medicine, but who knows. Also hoping to try TMS really soon. My insurance just approved me for it, but I still have to cover 15% which is a bit too much for me right now. Hoping to find payment options or insurance reimbursement somehow...I've heard this can be a huge help for people with GAD and depression. I always need people to talk to or else my anxiety spirals out of control. I hate bothering the people I love with this stuff constantly. They are always supportive, but honestly I don't want 100% of our conversations to be about my anxiety and mental health. Instead I'd rather live and be happy with them. Because of this, I'd love to find a support group for my anxiety. I am happy to help you and chat with you about issues, as long as you are willing to lend an open (and non-judgmental) ear. Support is super important when you have anxiety, so I'm hoping I'm not alone in this. Let me know and we can do daily or weekly check ins!
  20. I have no idea what happened to Anxiety Zone neither have I any desire to know, but one thing struck me when I read that someone has come on here because they have anxiety because Anxiety Zone closed!! To close down a site that is helping anxiety sufferers without giving adequate explanation is unforgivable. Now may I be forgiven if it was for some unavoidable incident that caused those who ran it to have to shut down suddenly, but surely someone could have said something. For anxious people to be suddenly deprived of any means of support, or any way to express themselves, is not good practise at all. In fact it could be regarded as a unthinking and hurtful. In setting up sites like this and running them means you assume responsibility. The fact that it is non profit making has nothing whatsoever to do with it. How much monetary value can you put on peace of mind? I believe that those who come on here from Anxiety Zone will find a whole different attitude to the one they are used to; at least I hope so, and I would add a very warm welcome to them.
  21. How does your 'sense of impending doom' make you feel? Sometimes I find comfort in knowing SOMEONE understands.
  22. I'm wondering if anyone else experiences the mental attacks. I know that's where the attacks usually start, from different thoughts, but my panic usually begins with obsessing over a physical symptom. Now, terror goes through my mind without physical symptoms. It's like panic is tied to my every thought, good or bad. A thought of joy or excitement is immediately met my panic. It's as if a dark cloud traps every one of my thoughts. If I think about doing anything, this dark cloud of panic immediately grabs my thought. Every thought leads to panic, fear, or terror. It feels like every time I reach my hand out of this dark cloud, I'm immediately pulled back in. So even when I'm not feeling physical symptoms, I'm still trapped. This is very discouraging and debilitating.
  23. Hello all, Just want to say thank you for providing such a warm and thoughtful forum in discussing mental health. I was formerly an active member of before it was shut down, and for many years did not really have a place to go. I'm a doctoral student ironically studying clinical psychology- finding a means to express my emotions without judgment is difficult, given that most providers don't wish to deal with trainees in the field. This site seems warm and accepting. Looking forward to meeting you all!
  24. I am not sure if someone else has ever felt something so rediculous as mine but I'll share anyways. I was diagnosed with GAD and on medications. My GAD tend to come and go, but what I dont understand is the reason. I got married couple of months ago and even though I always wanted to get married and have a loving partner which I do, I have these repetative negative thoughts in my mind that mayby when she comes (she is out of the country waiting immigration) I will have a lot on me, I won't have time, there will be lot of problems since I sometimes dont talk much and she loves to talk, and I might start having panic attacks when looking at her. We chat great over skype and everything and we love each other but its just this negative thought of having her around always will make me crazy or increase my anxiety even though I dont know why I feel like that since she is so sweet and loving. I don't know if these are normal marriage thoughts or my GAD. I just dont want to think or feel like this and just want to feel comfortable with my wife and look to her as my saviour and someone I can goto when I have this. But, I am afraid if I tell her these are my thoughts, she might think I don't love her and will hurt her bad since they are related to her so all of these things just keep running in my mind and make me even more stressed and depressed. Any help is appreciated.
  25. I've made a post about my situation on here and on many other forums, and the responses I've gotten have all mentioned how I need to go to a therapist or counselor. The problem is, I can't go to any of those things even though I need to. Last year I went to my counselor in school to talk about my intrusive thoughts and my counselor told my mom and my mom was angry after that. She said I can't go to the counselor again. I am now a high school freshman. If I go to my counselor again she'll take everything away from me: all of my electronics, my art supplies, EVERYTHING. I don't want to lose contact with my QPP and internet friends because without my phone or a form of communication I'll be a nervous wreck and I will feel alone and just emotionally empty. I don't know what to do. I'm running out of places to go for advice. Someone has recommended meditation but I always get so anxious to the point of not being able to calm myself down in such a way like that.