Search the Community

My depersonilization feeling it getting too extreme, I feel nonexistent and am questioning reality....talking is beginning to feel unreal... I dont know how long I can take this

I have bad depersonilization, i was on facebook and i read my name and it felt like it wasn't even mine, kinda like I didnt even recognize it, it scared me really bad and my anxiety spiked up, is this normal to see my name as not mine, ive had minimum sleep these past days as well if that doesnt help, but ive felt really outside myself lately, and then this happens.

This is the first forum ive ever been on, day by day my anxiety and its symptoms have gotten worse, I am 21 years old and suffering from a very bad case of everything. I had a anxiety attack a month or so ago and have had a bad case of depersonilization, ive had this before at 16 but it went away, now it is back and worst than before. Ive also developed new anxiety symptoms both physical and mental, ive had rapid eye movements but they arnt so bad anymore, shortness of breath, fear of a bunch of stuff, the MOST IMPORTANT issue I need help on, is that ive had some pretty dark invasive thoughts such as when picking up a baby, (throw it) other things on that line, racist slurs in my head when looking at the opposite color, things that are nothing like me, I'm a super nice person, I want to help people as a job one day, and thoughts like this are scaring me and above all that, I've been having very delusional thoughts such as ive been seeing 66 lately the number and I instantly think that I'm about to be possessed by the devil with super bad dreams as well, or every little thing that usually means nothing gets me thinking it means something more, and sometimes I even know its BS but I still keep thinking about it like its really happening or going to, like when I googled seeing numbers, someone said that people who see numbers got abducted by aliens, and so even for a breif moment I accepted it as that, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind and be in the looney bin, thinking about my future with my GF or future job is impossible now, wondering if in a year or so ill be completely delusional. My thoughts seem to be getting more and more crazy by the day and sometimes I even believe them, ...someone please explain this too me.