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Found 28 results

  1. Hi everyone, I was recently diagnosed with PSTD and Panic Attack Disorder. I'd been experiencing the panic attacks since I was 16 but I never sought help until this year after my health really started to deteriorate and my friends became worried. I'm here because I want to find people who understand and care. I'm Asian, and some might wonder what that has to do with anything but it has to do with everything. Mental health is a topic that Asian families and society just doesn't know anything about or want to know anything about. I'm also Christian and that plays a lot into my frustration with my family. My home doesn't really feel like home anymore because of all of the issues going on and just being home puts me in a constant heightened state. When I was younger, I didn't know what was happening to me when I'd have a panic attack. I just thought I was crying and my parents thought I was crazy. The most recent occurrence happened while I was in the car with my parents. I wanted to open the door and jump out because I couldn't handle being in the car with them anymore. I wanted to get away. While I was having a panic attack, I was trying to explain to my parents how they could help but they didn't seem to understand what I was saying. Eventually, my mom told me to just "calm down" and my dad laughed out of annoyance, saying that I always do this. I began having a full blown panic attack and my parents yelled at me. Eventually, I calmed down a bit but began again when my mom started to play a sermon about anxiety. I hate it when people tell me to pray about it. To pray the anxiety away. As if one prayer could "fix" it. As if I didn't already try that. My mom says she wants to know how to help me but when I tell her, she goes and does something else which triggers my panic attacks instead. Literally choking up as I write all of this. I just want to find people who understand... I'm so tired of not being understood. I'm so tired of being called crazy when I have panic attacks, as if I want this for myself. - Z
  2. I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine. Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works. Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health.
  3. For the last couple of years, I've been screaming my anxiety fears into the Tumblr void and it's not helping anyone - talking to myself just makes me feel more alone and broadcasting my darkest fears only makes them seem bigger. So I thought I'd try writing here instead, and making sure to frame my thoughts in a positive, recovery-centered way. I just started working through the Panic Attack Workbook by David Carbonell because I found his website and was blown away by how much I felt like he was writing about me specifically. I thought, "This is a man who can help me with my exact problems," and I'm optimistic that will be the case. But I'm only up to chapter five so that means I'm in the knows just enough to be dangerous phase of working through recovery. My problem at this exact moment in time is that there's a Chromebook waiting for me to pick it up at Best Buy 15 minutes away, but: It's Black Friday and I know the trip will take at least twice as long as usual because of the lines. I can't stop thinking about an event I'm going to on Sunday that's causing anxiety, and I think if I don't "stay home and rest" now, I'll be too sick and anxious to go. There's a strange aching behind my right ear, my throat's a little scratchy, I'm mildly dizzy, I've got a mild headache behind my eyes, and my stomach is rumbling - clearly a sign that I'm about to be imminently and catastrophically sick and not a result of having skipped lunch and dinner. I've already been to this Best Buy once today in search of the same Chromebook. I left because the lines were long, but that was a function of impatience, not anxiety. I have very good reasons for going and picking it up today and not tomorrow, but the fact that I've already been there once today is making me think irrationally that it's risky to go again because I'm "pushing my luck". Here's what I know when I strip away the anxiety response: I've already 'scouted' the location so I know exactly how it will go - only it'll be better this time because I've pre-paid and it's later in the day. I'm going to have a lot of fun setting up my new Chromebook tonight once I get it home. How I feel today has absolutely no bearing on how I will feel on Sunday, and I have anxiety, not a physical condition, so I am not a "spoonie" as I sometimes think. All of the physical symptoms I have can be easily explained away by a lack of food, a day spent looking at my computer screen, and the anxiety itself. Even if I were to be sick in some manner during my trip, I could be home and "safe" in no more than two hours round trip - and that's being generous. So I'm going to fill my water bottle to stave off the hunger symptoms a little longer, listen to some calming music on the way to the store, and pick up my new toy. Not today, anxiety!
  4. Panic attacks suck. I know it, you know it and anyone who has fallen victim to one knows it. However, this one simple exercise could help you relax in a pinch. What if I told you that you might be breathing all wrong? In fact, experts estimate that only around 12.5% of the population uses this optimal breathing technique. I understand it may sound silly to some that breathing has a technique to it. Let’s face it, air goes into your lungs and air leaves your lungs. It can’t be that hard, right? If I told you to stand straight up and take a deep breath, most of us don't use Diaphragmatic breathing; also known as abdominal breathing or belly breathing. Instead, they would likely be lifting their chest or shoulders to take in a deep breath. This is called shallow breathing and can cause more problems than you think. Breathing with the Belly Imagine an infant sleeping soundly in front of you. Do you notice that the child does not actually breathe with their chest and shoulders?. Babies automatically breathe using a muscle called the diaphragm. We humans instinctually use this same muscle while we are sleeping or unconsciously breathing. The problem is that when we are conscious about our breathing and with the knowledge of the lungs as we age, we lift our chest and shoulders to take a deep breath. This doesn’t mean we never belly breath, it just means that when we are consciously aware of our breath we tend to trick ourselves. Not to mention that after some time of being consciously aware of the ability to control our breath, we tend to use shallow breathing more than belly breathing. Unfortunately, when you are having a panic attack, you are very conscious of your breath, which leads to hyperventilation. Not to worry though because this easy exercise can get you back on track to breathing correctly. Taking a Deep Breath To take a truly deep breath and be consciously aware of it, the first thing you must do is just be aware of your posture. You can do this exercise in one of three recommended positions: 1. Standing straight up in a relaxed position trying to keep the chest out slightly and shoulders back. 2. Sitting straight up in a relaxed position trying to keep the chest out slightly and shoulders back. 3. The easiest way is to simply lay on the hard floor. Note: This can be used during a panic attack, and I would suggest the floor because it is the most restrictive to your movements. I would not recommend lying on a soft bed for this exercise because your body will sink down causing your shoulders to squeeze your chest area. So, now that you have your position, take one hand and place it over your chest, and then place the other hand right below the ribcage so the thumb is touching the curve of the lower part of the sternum. Now, take a soft breath and then exhale, but when you exhale pull your abdomen in as much as you can. You will notice that this helps empty the lungs. Start to inhale, but as you do focus on your stomach and push it out. You will notice that even when pushing your stomach out your body automatically inhales as this is using your diaphragm. Now, upon exhaling make sure it is slow and extended. Your hands are merely there to help you be consciously aware of which part of the body to move while breathing. Try to take large, but short, comfortable inhales, followed by long slow exhales. This allows your body to relax and your heart to slow. Exhaling gives your body a natural relaxation response. I cannot stress enough that it is ideal to go slow and steady, but comfortable. Counting for Comfort Now that you understand the breathing technique, it is best to make sure not to overdo the process. I cannot tell you how many times I have been focusing on my breath, and suddenly noticed I began to hyperventilate because I was literally overly worried about how much air I actually needed. I have come up with a little counting exercise to use during those exact moments. That way I will always know how to calm myself without inducing hyperventilation. After your first inhale hold your breath for 5 to 7 seconds. Exhale slowly as previously instructed, but DO NOT inhale immediately. Pause for 3-5 seconds before you pull in your next breath. Once you figure out a good and comfortable rhythm try to add counts to your inhale and exhale. Inhale slowly for 3 to 5 seconds, Hold for 10 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds and wait to inhale for 3 to 5 more seconds. Practice Makes Perfect Once you have the technique pretty well memorized I would suggest putting in some practice and making it habitual. Giving any skill practice will cultivate it over time and belly breathing is no different. I suggest taking five minutes per day to really focus on this great technique. After a while, you will notice that during the day you will automatically belly breath to relax. Wrapping It Up There are so many great things that can come from belly breathing beside a quick panic attack helper. But the greatest thing it increases for someone like us who suffers from anxiety is the increased relaxation. Every time you belly breath to fill your lungs completely and then follow with a slow exhale your body gets love from your brain telling it to calm down. While this is not a cure for anxiety, it is a really great tool for you to use anywhere at any time. Not to mention, when it becomes habitual you will find it helps to lessen a number of panic attacks you will have. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose except an incorrect way to breath.
  5. Today was a very bad day. Let me preface this by saying I'm having a very unsuccessful time quitting smoking. I've done it before but I picked it up again about six months ago and it's been hard to quit. I did a stupid thing and I fished a pack I'd tossed out of the trash can (gross, I know) and smoked a few. Now I've got a sore throat and I'm convinced I've basically killed my self. Whether that's what kicked off today's panic attack, my first in years, I don't know, but I had a BAD one. Totally convinced I was having a heart attack. Had to drive home from work in a state I can't even describe but I just KNEW I was gonna get in a wreck or just stop in the middle of the highway or do something crazy or something terrible was going to happen. I don't even know. Well, now that my heart attack fears have calmed down I'm now certain I put salmonella in my lungs and throat and will be dead soon. I dont even even know how to chill this one out. Also: long time reader, first time poster. Hi!
  6. Hello fellow anxiety and panic attack sufferers, I suffer from anxiety attacks and have built a new app to help myself and others track attacks. Follow this link www.limbical.com/?invite_code=acenteral and enter your details to join the beta program for the app. The app’s goal is to make it very easy to record your anxiety attacks in real-time, as they happen. Once you start tracking your attacks on the app, the app will detect patterns in your attacks and uncover insights. I've been suffering from anxiety attacks at varying frequencies since 2008. In the first few years, each attack was so debilitating I would struggle to leave my house for the next week. Thankfully, these days I'm doing much better. My attacks are less frequent, and the aftermath is dramatically less severe, something I can even recover from in a few minutes. But still, in many ways, my fear of an attack dramatically affects my choices. I've taken a few months off my full time job to build this app because I'm hoping it can help me and help others. I'm also hoping that together with the app’s users we will build an unparalleled body of data about anxiety attacks that can be used to significantly advance research and build more help for people suffering from anxiety attack. The app is currently in beta testing phase and is not available on the App Store. I invite all of you to join the beta, try out the app, use it if you have an attack, and share your feedback so I can make it better. To sign up for the beta use this link www.limbical.com/?invite_code=acenteral and enter your name and email. While the app does NOT collect any personal information, your name and email are required for Apple Beta Testing program. Please send your feedback, either through the app, or on this thread. Thanks!
  7. I'm wondering if anyone else experiences the mental attacks. I know that's where the attacks usually start, from different thoughts, but my panic usually begins with obsessing over a physical symptom. Now, terror goes through my mind without physical symptoms. It's like panic is tied to my every thought, good or bad. A thought of joy or excitement is immediately met my panic. It's as if a dark cloud traps every one of my thoughts. If I think about doing anything, this dark cloud of panic immediately grabs my thought. Every thought leads to panic, fear, or terror. It feels like every time I reach my hand out of this dark cloud, I'm immediately pulled back in. So even when I'm not feeling physical symptoms, I'm still trapped. This is very discouraging and debilitating.
  8. I'm wondering if anyone else experiences the mental attacks. I know that's where the attacks usually start, from different thoughts, but my panic usually begins with obsessing over a physical symptom. Now, terror goes through my mind without physical symptoms. It's like panic is tied to my every thought, good or bad. A thought of joy or excitement is immediately met my panic. It's as if a dark cloud traps every one of my thoughts. If I think about doing anything, this dark cloud of panic immediately grabs my thought. Every thought leads to panic, fear, or terror. It feels like every time I reach my hand out of this dark cloud, I'm immediately pulled back in. So even when I'm not feeling physical symptoms, I'm still trapped. This is very discouraging and debilitating.
  9. Hello, this is my first post here. I'm looking for some input from others that may have been or may be in the same situation that I'm finding myself in now. Sorry if I ramble, but I'm a mess right now. I've had Gen. Anxiety and dermatillomania my whole life, tried many meds in the past but was off all meds for years until this past summer when some postpartum depression crept in and made my anxiety spike. I have been back on Prozac since July and it makes me feel so great. I feel "normal".....until night time arrives. My main source of anxiety (even on the Prozac) comes at night when it's time for bed (even with my husband home and in ebd with me), or if I'm alone in the house at night for any reason. I have a crippling fear of someone breaking into my home and either hurting my baby, stealing her, or killing me. The Prozac has actually made that time of the day WORSE for me, to the point where I get little to no sleep. Also, since starting the Prozac, my dermatillomania has gotten worse, I have basically destroyed my fingers, toes and scalp. And, on top of that, I find myself BITING, clenching down on my tongue until it feels like its going to fall off, I don't even realize I'm doing it until its hurting A LOT. 2 weeks ago I started taking .5 mg of Xanax at night in hopes that it would help. Sure enough, it did. I was having NO anxiety, NO panic attacks at night, I was sleeping and my dermatillomania went away. But, I noticed a few days ago that it was starting to make me feel like a zombie during the day, it was also giving me extremely vivid, terrifying dreams with a few episodes of sleep paralysis. I realized I was less interested in daily activities and had almost no emotions at all. I didn't take a Xanax last night and I had an awful night, head aches and panic attacks all night, barely slept. BUT, today I felt amazing, "normal" again. I had all my energy back, wanted to clean and play with my baby and cook and all that jazz. But, the tongue biting and dermatillomania are already in full swing again and its night time once again and I'm basically constantly on the verge of another panic attack and am DREADING bed time. What am I to do? Without the Xanax, I'm in a fabulous mood all day, active and happy but my dermatillomania is awful and then I can't sleep and have panic attacks all night. But on the other hand, WITH the Xanax, I can sleep at night, no anxiety or panic attacks, no dermatillomania BUT I'm basically an emotionless zombie with no energy or motivation/ambition all day. Isn't there some sort of happy medium in all of this?!
  10. A person can experience a panic attack when they least expect it. This can cause a great deal of fear and anxiety for the person. Many people do not know what they should do when dealing with a panic attack. As a result, here are 6 quick steps a person can follow when a panic attack strikes unexpectedly. 1. Stop What You Are Doing The first thing a person must do when experiencing a panic attack is to stop whatever they are doing. A panic attack can be very uncomfortable and can affect a person's everyday thinking. This can cause a person to have trouble focusing which can be dangerous. Be safe and stop whatever you are doing at the time. 2. Take Deep Breaths Secondly, a person should take some deep breaths to help feel better and to get rid of some of the excessive fear and anxiety. There are also many kinds of breathing exercises a person can learn to follow with the help of a mental health counselor. Taking some deep breaths can help a person relax right away. 3. Distract Yourself Next, a person should try to distract themselves from the panic they are experiencing. A person could get some fresh air, listen to some music, take a brisk walk, read the newspaper, or do something relaxing that will give them a fresh perspective on things. This is a great way to get your mind off of your current anxiety. 4. Get The Facts Of Your Situation Many people feel like they are going to die when they experience a panic attack for the first time. The fact is that you will be ok and that it takes a few minutes for the anxiety to go away. Talk to a counselor and get the facts of what a panic attack is and what you can do when a panic attack occurs. 5. Don't Dwell on Your Thoughts A person must not dwell or focus on their thoughts during a panic attack. The more a person tries to reason out their thoughts the longer a panic attack lasts. Try to keep your mind blank and free of any negative thoughts during a panic attack. Read some positive statements from your favorite self-help book to help overcome your negative thoughts during a panic attack. 6. Get Help It is important to talk to a qualified professional in order to learn how to survive a panic attack. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with any panic attacks that may occur in the future. Talk to your doctor or go on the internet to get a list of mental health counselors in your area.
  11. I am SO frustrated! I thought I was OVER this. My last "panic/anxiety attack" prior to the one I experienced two weeks ago, was nearly SIX YEARS AGO! I thought I was OVER this... But then it hit again earlier this month. The nausea was so intense and horrifying, I could not walk and had to call an ambulance. (I also have Crohn's Disease... so, I was unsure if the nausea was from the Crohn's or anxiety... it turns out that anxiety was the cause.) Is there anyone else here who ONLY gets that one symptom - devastating, debilitating nausea - when in a panic/anxiety attack? I have done talk therapy for years... EMDR... CBT... read countless self-help books... tried many, many antidepressants. I am currently taking Cymbalta and Klonopin (as needed - which is rarely). In the past, I have tried... Prozac, Celexa, Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Paxil, and others. I've listened to Lucinda Bassett tapes, ordered other online programs. NOTHING IS WORKING! Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks!
  12. Hello, I'm new to the site, and like most people here, I suffer from anxiety. I had the first anxiety attack almost a year ago. Very scary, as you all know. It was hard wrapping my mind around the fact that I have some type of anxiety disorder, because I was far from being an anxious person. People usually came to me to get calm. I guess stress over time equals anxiety, whoever you are. I've been battling for the last year, and when I think it's under control, it reminds me that it's still there. Nowadays, I'm feeling some of the worst symptoms I've felt mentally. A few days ago, I was feeling pretty good physically. Then, all of a sudden, I felt like I was fainting. I was just sitting in the car, and it felt like blood started to drain from my head, and my arms and legs felt tingly. This was particularly different because I wasn't feeling anxiety. It just hit me in the middle of feeling well. So this episode is having lingering mental affects such as fear and depression. I went to the ER after this episode, and they did an EKG, blood work, and chest Xrays. They didn't find anything. I've been to the ER 5 times in the last year. Echo, EKG, CAT Scans, stress test, nuclear imaging of my circulatory system, endocrinologist, gastrointestinal doc, and a cardiologist later, and it seems like I'm back at square one with this episode. Of course it doesn't help that I ruptured my achilles tendon a few weeks ago, so now I'm laid up. Has anyone ever experienced this fainting like episode out of the blue?... Which was different than the usual vision narrowing fainting like episode. It felt like blood draining from my head, vision started going dark, arms and legs were tingly, and it felt like I was passing out. This all came on at once, and subsided a few seconds later, then the typical panic attack symptoms came.
  13. So i seen an article on a man who didnt leave his house for 20 years or so and after a few sessions of hypnotherapy he was cured, i only skimmed this article however its actually something ive thought about doing before, anyone had any experience with hypnotherapy? what does it involve, did it have any effect ect. if not what are your opinions on it ? Thanks! x
  14. Hello everyone, Has anyone awoken with blurry vision in one eye? Yesterday when I awoke I noticed that my right eye was blurry, it went away after rubbing it a couple times and blinking. However it scared the heck out of me, in which I ended up in the ER as I could not calm down. When I got to the ER they did a vision test which was fine, the MD did a field vision test and it was fine, No other tests. I asked if I needed a CT scan and he said no as the blurry vision did not linger and was gone. He did give me some Ativan in which calm my nerves. I do have an appointment to have an MRI on Saturday and then a follow-up with my neurologist to go over my test results. Thanks in advance
  15. Sara95x

    Get to know me

    Hey im not really sure what im doing here, i have never wrote down my experience with anxiety, in the hopes it mmight clear out my head here it goes! so i guess i will start from what i can remember, in primary was the time my dad left i remeber sitting on his knee and he told me he wouldnt be there in the morning, apart from waking up with panic attacks i cant remember how it effected me at the time. as i grew up i was used to it, id see my dad at weekends. at home my older sibling with aspergers was always hostile towards me to the point it would often become physical. i was always quiet throughout primary and around the time of starting high school my mother had seemed to start taking her anger out on me, also often in a physical way, by the time i was 14 i had started smoking and drinking alcohol at the weekend with friends, i often would use sex as a way of escape, maybe to feel wanted for a short time, i had gotten myself into stupid and dangerous situations, like going off alone with older men to drink and smoke weed, resulting in sex that i hated myself for in the morning. My attitude to school wasnt the best, i am too proud for my own good back then and i just lived for the weekends of alcohol and friends. throughout all this i was still seeing my dad at the weekend, he has never wronged me and has always been there to help and be a best friend which is how i see him. My mum on the other hand was still violent and kicked me out a few times, the first time i ever experienced anxiety was as soon as i heard my mums footsteps coming upstairs as i knew something would happen. so my life continued this way until i was 16, i had started feeling deppressed and gaining weight, as it got harder and harder to leave my home, after lying to family about going to school sometimes (im not proud of that) i decided to drop out altogether, i cant remember what happened at the time although this brought distance between my friends immediately, i started going out less and less and spent most my time with my older sibling who had stopped being violent but still incredibly hostile, or by myself. One day before going into the shower i caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, to my horror i could see stretch marks on my stomach, that is when i realized that i had been indoors for nearly a year. One day when i was 17 i had been online and met someone, it was instant attraction (probably the accent) we ended up speaking and as soon as i knew my mum would be away for a while i invited him to scotland to come and stay, we connected instantly and it was amazing, i finally felt happy for the first time in a long time, till this day i have no idea how i hid my anxiety and agoraphobia, i could go out with someone i trust with me and be fine, he eventually met my mum and would come to stay regularly, he was 7 years older than me, although i had always had a older head on my shoulders, during this time i had felt strong and i applied for college, i got in no problem and it was amazing. i felt like my life had come together apart from i was still miserable at home. months went by and the exact same as before happened, i felt i could go out less and less, i resorted to lying than admitting my shame, i eventually had to leave as i was failing. months passed again and my long distance relationship was over, i was heartbroken to say the least. my best and only friend decided she would cheer me up, she took me to a bar which is so unlike me at this point to be out in town, i had been speaking to a friend of hers over the phone near the end of my relationship, i had never met him before. So the short version is i took him home that night, and from there suddenly i was in another relationship, he was amazing in every way, i had been worrying abut telling him abut my anxiety and agoraphobia but he was so understanding and supportive. after a matter of months we were engaged and he moved in with me in my family home (yes weird i know lol) i fell so hard what can i say!. i still have no idea how he wanted me as i was overweight, miserable, didnt have a thing going for me, but hey ho!. so anyway, things were good, apart from my mum would still sometimes be physical towards me, i would do nothing in return but every time i pushed me down this dark hole, she would make comments for as long as i can remember on how i look and how i do things. i felt guilty for being nothing i applied for college knowing i could not go there by myself, luckily my partner had been made redundant at his job, i say luckily as i could keep up appearances and get a lift to college every day, i loved it there, i know i do well. i thought i would just get better and be able to be independent, this was not the case, a friend of my mums who had been like a second mother to me took her own life, this was a horrifically low time for everyone, then after time passed and another outburst from my mum, yet again i started going to college less and less, my heart breaking as i wanted it so bad but i was unable to go without someone there. After dropping out again i decided i NEED this time for ME i cant take being a failure, i hated myself for it. I went to the doctors to sort myself out, i was given sertraline and since then my dose has been made higher. My mums outbursts became more regular again id say once a fortnight, every time it was breaking me and pushing me further into a rut. after months of struggling with money, wanting to better myself for my partner i decided to try out becoming a cam model (yes i know) keeping in mind im 19, overweight, feeling ugly constantly, i have no idea how i feel so ok to do that but no confidence in general but anyway, my partner agreed to it and so i put my all into it , to my surprise it worked! i had extra money and could be at home working on myself. so me and my partner decided on moving out as he had gotten a well paying job, i thought of it as if i dont move out i am going to be hurt in my own home again and i wont have that, i am a young woman. So we move out i thought brilliant i will be better in no time! i was very wrong, i am still to this day houseboound 97% of the time, my anxiety drives me up the wall. and over the time i guess it feels to me that my partner has become more unsupportive. i have noone to talk to when things are hard and often feels like he is mad at me for being this way, the guilt i feel for my condition is unbelievable. i am distant from family as my mum only brings me down and i am not close with my siblings. i often have thoughts of not being here, and giving up, what could i possibly have to offer anyone? the hatred i feel for myself has gotten me stuck in a rut. i know i dont make the best choices, i probably dont try as hard as i should, when you are so tired of feeling this way it is so incredibly hard to even get up in the morning. i just want a life! so that brings us to right now its 3am i refused to lay in bed thinking so i am up putting it onto here. this is the short version of my story, believe it or not lol, if you read this far, thanks, im happy for any comments or advice ect :). x
  16. Hello all again its been quite a while. Been busy with lots of things and trying to get myself back on track with depression and anxiety standing right in my way. For the last few months I've been doing really good actually with lots of progress and interacting more socially and having a higher self esteem. But I have had my problems. I have a habit (which I have read comes with autism) where I persevere on thoughts. I loop thoughts and ideas in my head repeatedly. Sometimes for a few minutes sometimes for months on and off. I'll hear or see something and then can't get my mind off of it. A great example was today. The last few days have been alright except the extra stress of a few things. One being my car needed some work and I have been working my butt off getting that done sense Friday and two my phsycologist doctor completely dropped me from my 20mg citalopram and I have been getting the typical tingling shooting pins and needles sensations and other side effects that accompanies withdrawal. I think dropping from 20mg a day to nothing made this alot worse then usual. Also my anxiety and depression have definitely been worse sense Thursday when I stopped taking the med. Well between having a bad nights sleep last night working on and stressing over my car and dealing with paint fumes i stupidly breathed in that definitely did not help matters with the anti depressant citalapram being dropped I felt like crap. On top of all this I still have my bad looping of thoughts with my health and derealization and thinking something's medically wrong with my heart of something and looping that. Anyways A few a hours ago I was watching YouTube. Felt OK for the moment. Then I found some videos on depression and anxiety and other people coping with it. Then out of nowhere seeing these comments about how you have to fight and get through and how bad it can be my anxiety flared up thinking about it. That then became a viscous cycle for the last few hours between depression related thoughts and ideas and then my anxiety flaring thinking about them just kept escalating the situation. Eventually I saw a comment that was about a friend of theirs that committed s*****e. I hate that word because the moment I read that comment something broke me down. I started thinking about what if I get in the same situation. Am I loosing control? Will I do the same thing? Then the panic attacks and derealization got really bad and (I am mad at myself for letting this even cross my mind) I think what if its the only way to make this stop? What if I give up? Maybe I should. The even scarier part was I started to picture myself doing it in my mind. One thing though is my mind runs almost uncontrollably sometimes and these horrible thoughts I want to block out just come though uncontrollably. I think I have ADHD and or ADD which makes of worse. These thoughts drove me into a full panic state of mind because I do not want that. I love life and know I can live it happily without having to do such a horrible thing. Its just when I let a thought break through that mental barrier I can't help but let it get to me and loop it in my head over and over. And as I loop it I get worse and worse anxiety like a horrible cycle one feeds on the other. I am a very sensitive person. I have a lot of trouble processing things like this. Now for the next several days I'll be feeling better and ready to enjoy life then I'll have the looped depression driven thought from this experience come racing around again and flare this up. I also have a hypersensitivity to my feelings and thoughts and surroundings. When I was younger I could not stand anything loud. And i had crazy bad sensory issues with shirts which i still have. This hypersensitivity has turned into an extreme sensitivity to changes in my body chemistry. Which is why I can not get high without panic attacks. I feel even the smallest bit of anything. The other day I walked up on my freind who smokes weed and inhaled a tiny bit of a cloud of smoke he exhaled. A bit later I started to actually feel high. Whether it was because I actually had such a hypersensitivity I was a tiny bit high or my anxiety made me think that it almost caused panic attacks. I had to leave him and go home. Gonna get ahold of my phsycologist doctor tommorow and see what she recommends. Anyways I hope this want too long but i guess I'm doing OK now just tired and ready to head to bed but it felt really good to get that off of my mind. I have been an emotional wreck lately and lots of thoughts on top of the looping thing just really get to me. Anyways thanks for reading my massive novel of a post and hope all is well with everyone. BTW could this be related to the rapid withdrawal of the anti depressant citalopram hydrobormide I have been on for 3+ years?
  17. I have no idea why I am here?!?! every bad thing that has ever happened to me HAPPENS!! this week I was in car wreck dude fled the scene. my truck is still driveable it just looks bad! then today either the u joints or the wheel bearing is going out! horrible noise while I am driving!!! just fucking sucks all the way around! and I try to talk to my better half about who is serving time in prison and he gets all mad saying im not strong enough? because I cry! like FUCKING REALLY DUDE!!?? so what are you saying I cant fucking cry! suck it up buttercup things are gonna get better!?? man FUCK YOU!!! so maybe im not strong enough or youy just cant see just how strong I am or your intimidated by it!!!! I am so mad right now! damn good thing these assholes that work here stole my pain pills because I would probably be downing them bitches right about now! FUCK EVERYTHING SORRY FOR THE CURSING! ADMIN EDIT IF YOU WISH! I JUST NEEDED SOME PLACE TO VENT...:'(
  18. I'm scouring the internet looking for some help. 3 years ago I had a major panic attack that lasted 2 weeks, then it took the whole summer to get over. This morning when I woke up, the air felt the same and it reminded me of that time. So I'm freaking out, thinking of that horrible time and I don't want that to happen to me again. I'm not sure if this is the proper forum, but I'm just looking for some help. I'm trying to get through the work day and I don't want to go home and just sleep because it will be worse. My fiance tried to help but I don't want to associate these feelings with him and our home life again, he was very supportive last time, but it took a lot out of us. I just don't understand why this is happening again, the anxiety is bringing back so many feelings I have worked so hard to get past. I just don't know what to do right now.
  19. Hello, my name is Caroline. I'm new to both this website, and panic attacks. I haven't really been diagnosed or anything, but my father and mother have had panic attacks before, and my symptoms match up. I was even hospitalized not too long ago. (About a day or so ago. My days feel so mixed up now.) They prescribed me some medication for these panic attacks as well. I had my first one about a week ago, after smoking marijuana. After that terrible day, I have had non stop panic attacks. It felt so weird.. I felt as though I could not control my body. I felt like I lost control. The first thing I said to my mother was I am dying, and that sensation of dying has left me completely terrified of when I actually am dying. I now have an intense fear of death. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I was being choked. I could feel my blood pumping through my body, as my arms and legs began to get numb. There is a strong pain in my chest, mixed with a burning. I start crying, hyperventilating.. but what I loathe even more than the actual panic attack itself, is thinking all day about when I am getting it again.. It doesn't hinder me going outside and enjoying life, as of now. I am afraid that it might get worse later.. It does hinder my sleep though, I always wake up scared. Scared of what exactly? I honestly couldn't tell anyone. I don't have insomnia, but I might get it soon. I don't think I can sleep without my mother rubbing my back, telling me all will be alright. Today is one of those nights where she wasn't rubbing my back, which explains why I am still wide eyed at about 6 am. I always been a very stress filled person, and I suffered depression for quite some time now. I am going to go out on a limb and assume that maybe these all correlate with each other. I could be incorrect though. I may not be having a panic attack at this very moment, but I did just wake up from one of my night terrors again. I only managed to get only an hour of sleep. I don't know if this is normal, if this is something anyone else feels. This inability to sleep. I guess someone could say I am slightly questioning my reality. All feels unreal. It feels like I am in a constant dream, and will wake up laughing at this whole thing. It's felt like this for years now.. It would be nice to associate with someone, anyone, singular or plural, who also deals with this. It would definitely calm my nerves, when no one else is around to help me. I don't have many friends anymore, so making some new ones who will help me with this new condition will surely make me a very happy girl. Bless you all so much, and thank you.
  20. I know I've posted a lot today, but I've been it under so much stress. So I have an electronic baby to take care of, I'm sick and recently my dog fell on the floor crying bd couldn't get up and I just for back from the vet (by the way he's okay) on the way back I started getting bad anxiety and then I started feeling trapped in my car and I needed to get out, so when I got home I ran out of the car. It was feeling so hard to breathe and I've been coughing up clear mucus all day, and it ties out tomorrow I'm going to the doctors to get checked for pneumonia but when I got inside I was hyperventilating and I was coughing a lot and I went to the sink and there was what looked like brown/red spots in my mucus, but it was barely at all. I think I might have made myself cough so hard that it bled. But at that point I didn't have any self control and I had a full blown panic attack and I was on the floor crying and my parents were yelling at me to knock it off, so that made me feel worse. I know they didn't mean to get mad at me but they had a stressful day too, but it made me feel so stupid. I can't get over thinking that I have pneumonia and I can't stop coughing.
  21. I'm sorry I've been posting a lot, in the past two days I've had about 4 panic attacks. I went to the doctors and they said I just have a common cold, but all the congestion is making my chest feel tight and it's causing me so much anxiety. Right now it's 2 in the morning and I woke up with another panic attack. Me chest feels really tight and I keep coughing because I feel like the congestion is just sitting there and I feel like I need to get it out. I've been coughing so hard I coughed up some blood twice. This cold is really beating me up anxiety wise, it's so bad. I don't know if it's because I haven't gotten enough sleep because of my school project with the electronic baby or something else. This weekend has been really stressful and my dog has dropped on the ground twice because he has fatty tissue near his arm pit and when he jumped yesterday it got lodged into his joint and he gets into extreme pain and my parents are saying that if this doesn't get better and they don't get enough money to pay to get it removed they're thinking of getting him put down so he doesn't have to suffer. There's just been so much stress this weekend and that could be why but my anxiety is worse than it's ever been and it's taking a huge toll on me and I'm scared about later today when I have to go to school because I'm always afraid I'm going to get a panic attack at school. I've gone down to the nurse for one before but she really doesn't do anything and she just has you lay down on this cot but it has no privacy and usually the nurses room is full so everyone can just see you so it doesn't help at all. I just don't know what to do, I've tried everything.
  22. Right now where I live it's two o'clock in the morning and I'm having an anxiety attack. It feels so hard to breathe and my chest and throat feel tight, I can also feel acid that wants to come up. I also feel really weak and I don't know what to do to be able to sleep again and I really need to because I have to get up at 5:00 for school, most of the time I'm falling a asleep during school because of a lack of sleep and I end up missing important things, I just need this feeling to go away
  23. I'm having a really bad panic attack. I feel really dizzy, my heart feels weird, and my vision seems to be off. Also I feel really exhausted and weak, and my hands just started to buzz a little. I'm getting really tired of having this and I don't know what to do. I just started going to therapy last week, so it obviously hasn't had any effect yet. But I really need to know how to cope with this. It's gotten so bad that just a week ago I had such a bad panic attack I ended up on my floor crying and yelling for my cousin to come help me. It's starting to physically drain me and I just want it to stop. Also something I noticed is when I'm having a panic attack my heart will almost feel too slow, but then when it gets really bad it starts beating really fast. I had an EKG done for this, but my results came back normal and that's when my doctor gave me a list of therapists to help the anxiety. But does anyone have any advice? I really need it right now, thank you.
  24. I was diagnosed with strep throat this week and given two antibiotics, Amoxicillin and Ciprofloxacn. I've had severe panic attacks the past two nights since starting the meds, and in trying to work out a cause, I checked the possible side effects. Anxiety seems to be a possibility with Ciprofloxacn. Just knowing that helped calm me down, but now I'm wondering if I should continue the meds or talk to my doctor (I would talk to someone before discontinuing them). Has anyone had this kind of problem before? I haven't, so any advice is appreciated.
  25. Just a couple hours ago, I had the worse panic attack I've ever had. I was at my friend's house with 5 of my friends and we were all watching tv and no one was home. I was laying down on the couch when suddenly my throat started burning a lot, like I've never felt that sensation before. So I asked one of my friends to look in my throat with a flashlight and she said my toncils were kind of swollen. For some reason that triggered something and suddenly my throat closed up and I it really felt like I couldn't breathe. I don't remember this, but according to my friends when that happened I fell on the floor, but then after like a second I got back up and I was dizzy and shaking. Then I clutched onto one of my friends shirts and I started screaming at the top of my lungs that I couldn't breathe and that they needed to call the hospital. I then started crying and my friends were hugging me and trying to comfort me. One of my friends called her mom and her mom told them to bring me outside and when we got outside I felt a lot better, but I was shaking violently. I then got picked up and I took a hot shower and I feel a lot better now and tomorrow I'm going to go to the doctors to make sure it's not something more than just a panic attack. It just really freaked me out, that's the worse it's ever gotten and that's the first time I've had one in front of my friends