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Found 81 results

  1. Hello everyone! I haven’t been on here for a while! Missed you all. Been struggling today. I have been on an RV trip with my husband and 3 young kids, going on day 7. I’ve hit a wall. I am so anxious being 17 hours away from home and it’s spiked my anxiety. Not to mention alcohol and dehydration playing a part in the summer heat. Anyway, I was sitting in the passenger seat of the RV, when all of a sudden my vision got really bright, and I almost got like an aura tunnel vision, with sparking lights. Only lasted about 10 seconds, and happened about 6 hours ago, but my body is still in panic mode wondering what the heck I just experienced. We are currently heading back towards home but won’t be there for at least another day. Does this require an ER investigation? I’m panicking pretty bad and I feel so bad for my kids cause I’m taking it out on them. Please help!
  2. So, let me start with the fact that I'm 23. All my life I have dealt with social anxiety. It use to not be as bad as it is now. When I turned 18 I went to college, a couple times actually. The courses I chose didnt work out because it was sort of what my mom wanted for me. Also the professor had some assignment where I had to speak in front of class so I would drop out. Anyway, I went on to try and have many jobs but I would always quit. Because it is so much easier to stay home then to face my anxiety and work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. He wants a life with me, marriage, babies... and he is the manager of a store. We are struggling for money right now so until things are fixed we can't have a future. I love him to pieces. He recently offered me a job. I want to take it but I don't know if I can ever get up the courage to work. I want to but I'm scared. I don't wanna fail him again. I was walking today and found this website. I don't really know if this is how you're even supposed to use this site but here I am, writing this here. Maybe I really want help this time. So, anyway, if anyone has any tips or anything... It would really be nice. Thanks to whoever reads this. (:
  3. My first post is on New Year's Day. I want to introduce myself because people might have a panic attack seeing a new moderator in their midst. I will probably edit it after a while since it is long has a lot of information, My name is John, username Ironman, and I am a carryover from anxiety-space.com. I have been a moderator on that site since almost the beginning, and was a moderator on another forum for over six years. A résumé in three sentences lol. My history with anxiety: My first real panic attack was January 28, 1989. I was in the eighth grade (13 1/2) and I was dealing with a mother who has mental illness and had just been hospitalized for 11 days during the previous Christmas. Her illness behaved much like an alcoholic only it was 24/7 with her behavior. That, in turn, had me put pressure on myself to succeed. In the beginning, I could count on two nights a month where I would not sleep well. It would shift into hypochondriasis and catastrophization (big words lol). I got through high school and college with periodic episodes. I ended up having acquaintances, but they never really go to know me. I wouldn't let them because I was teased about my mother. That mindset stuck. By 1999, I had finished college and attempted to start my own life - but depression set in. At that point, I decided to seek help. I started seeing a doctor who couldn't quite pinpoint what my issue was, just that I had anxiety. In 2000, I joined a church with the expectation that I could make friends who were decent. Little did I know that the more I tried to make friends, the worse I got. In 2002, the anxiety started getting worse after a weekend trip to Gatlinburg. The worry about what was going on flared up and got worse throughout 2003. On New Year's Eve 2003, I remember being the only person at the altar praying (this was one of those charismatic churches) and God told me that I would not be at the church at the end of 2004. In the midst of the anxiety, that was unsettling. This is where things get really weird and I have to use my hindsight and what I have learned. In January 2004, I know that I had anxiety that was bad enough that I was derealizing/depersonalizing ("zoning out"), and the choir was sitting behind the preacher/evangelist. At the end of one service the preacher's wife screamed "you are going through what you are because you didn't try out for the choir!" The choir knew I was interested in trying out - but when I did in 2000, we were handed a several-page document on rules, ending with a contract that we would support the leadership (preacher's daughter and son-in-law) 100 percent. I found that kind of odd and walked out before I auditioned (I play woodwind instruments). Taking things personally is a big thing with anxiety sufferers and that made it worse. To make a long story short, they tried to kick me out of the church twice, incorrectly using Scripture. Since the church was not part of a denomination, they could do what they wanted. The first time was Easter Sunday 2004, after I was so racked with anxiety that I felt unworthy to take Communion - BIG mistake in that church. The preacher's wife screamed out "if you're causing divisions, we'll kick you out!" I went to the altar and prayed for something unrelated like my anxiety - and the choir was cheering and pointing to me.....before shunning me altogether. I started withdrawing from people I thought were my friends - I was in with a group that were brown-nosers to the pastors. They had a TV show on a cable channel and thought they were something else. The anxiety exploded to the point I was rocking in a fetal position begging for the nerves to stop. In my mind, "looking at people" was my crime (derealization was something I didn't know anything about at the time) so I won't look at the preacher or the choir. That must have offended the ego of the pastor's wife because she tried to kick me out again in June 2004. It's a three step process to kick somebody out and June 6, 2004 was actually step two. I pulled a friend who I could trust, had him pray with me at the altar, and I left the church for good. I have to add that August 2002 to June 2004 was also a trying period in my life (I call it my Job trial). Job, in the Bible, was a man who lost everything and people around him told him to give up his faith and he wouldn't do it. In my case, I had become unemployed, lost my dog, my grandmother, faced having a root canal with no insurance, had boils like Job, lost my friends, and then my church, and almost what was left of my sanity.....in two years. Twelve days after I left the church, I landed a job (software engineer). But, the anxiety didn't go away! I got a new doctor in June 2004 and finally got diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder. That's another storyline in my soap opera lol. I have been at my current church since October 2006 - a HEALTHIER ONE. I would be able to help here with the issue of spiritual abuse. I am still working on social interaction, though - it's a process, but I have come a LONG way. ...oh and before I close, that "bad church" sent me a packet to rejoin in March 2005 - I keep it as a reminder of the pain I went through. The pastor's wife and that church have been through unbelievable stuff that only God can dish out! One example - June 14, 2010: God released me from the Church when the 62-foot tall fiberglass statue of Jesus ("Big Butter Touchdown Jesus" as people called it) was struck by lightning and disintegrated. Anyway, I wanted to provide a bit of background. Those at AnxietySpace know me, but AnxietyCentral would see me as an invader lol. I hope 2021 can bring some peace and knowledge that 2020 was actually an interesting experience. People were going through what we have for years!
  4. Hi, I'm very new to this forum, I've recently been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I have been having a lot of issues wondered if anyone had any advice. I was laid off three weeks ago, company said I wasn't performing well enough but there were 4 people let go at the same time so am I right to presume that I was part of a big cost cutting exercise? I keep replaying the whole thing over and over again and can't move forward from it. People around me say just let it go but its not easy to do that and I'm constantly thinking about it. I start a new job on Monday and I'm so nervous, completely lacking confidence and I don't know how to make myself feel more at ease about it. I know I can do the job but something in my head keeps saying I'll mess it up.
  5. About a month and a half ago I had probably the worst panic attack of my life. Was diagnosed at 13, now 39. The short story is I had travelled to Florida with my family and friends, and already hate flying. On the morning of the day we were leaving to head home, I lost it. I was in complete and utter turmoil. I was convinced I was dying. The fact that I was not home made it all the more worse for me. I contemplated going to the ER, but then all my friends would know and my family would miss their flights. I was so embarrassed, but so damn frightened. I typically take .5mg Xanax and feel better, but even after 2mg I was feeling no better. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old, and felt like a failure not being able to keep it together. It was utterly the worst day of my life and still feel traumatized by it. Needless to say, that next day back at home I had muscle twitches all over my body. I first assumed it was due to dehydration since I had just been in sunny Florida and not drinking enough water and drinking alcohol instead. But it’s now been a month and half and I still have the twitching on and off. Some days are better than others, but of course Google led me to ALS. It’s like I can’t catch a break and feel like I’m drowning in anxiety and depression. I just started CBT therapy, so hoping it helps some. Also hoping you guys can too!!! Has this happened to anyone?????? Thank you soooo much:)
  6. I started having strange chest pain around 4pm today, which of course led to a flight/fight response in the middle of Target, so I left my cart and booked it to my car. (I struggle with health anxiety like you wouldn’t believe.) I initially came on this forum for ALS fears, but now that has passed and I have moved onto a heart attack. Unfortunately I know offhand the symptoms of a heart attack, and naturally I have them all. Pain in my arms, back and jaw. Nausea, lightheaded, tight throat with pain radiating up to my ears. I am trying to convince myself I am manifesting this all, but a little voice inside my head keeps warning me that just maybe I have put too much stress on my heart with all my ALS fears, that it’s finally screaming for help?!! What should I do? Should I go to the ER just to make sure? I am so terrified. Help!
  7. About a month and a half ago I had probably the worst panic attack of my life. Was diagnosed at 13, now 39. The short story is I had travelled to Florida with my family and friends, and already hate flying. On the morning of the day we were leaving to head home, I lost it. I was in complete and utter turmoil. I was convinced I was dying. The fact that I was not home made it all the more worse for me. I contemplated going to the ER, but then all my friends would know and my family would miss their flights. I was so embarrassed, but so damn frightened. I typically take .5mg Xanax and feel better, but even after 2mg I was feeling no better. I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 2 year old, and felt like a failure not being able to keep it together. It was utterly the worst day of my life and still feel traumatized by it. Needless to say, that next day back at home I had muscle twitches all over my body. I first assumed it was due to dehydration since I had just been in sunny Florida and not drinking enough water and drinking alcohol instead. But it’s now been a month and half and I still have the twitching on and off. Some days are better than others, but of course Google led me to ALS. It’s like I can’t catch a break and feel like I’m drowning in anxiety and depression. I just started CBT therapy, so hoping it helps some. Also hoping you guys can too!!! Has this happened to anyone?????? Thank you soooo much:)
  8. Hi, my name is Noah I'm 17 and I am really confused to say the least as to why this is happening. Hormonally I've been the most normal teenager you could ask for, no outbursts no emotional problems but for some reason as soon as this past year started I got a panic attack in the middle of class. At the time I didn't know what it was it just felt like my heart stopped and the room started getting blurry and I got dizzy, the normal symptoms. After the first one they would come once a day and then the next week they would come twice a day and then etc. 3 months later they're constant throughout the day they just come in waves and I've tried Xanax it doesn't help too much, CBD. I don't know my triggers. Public places and places I'm not familiar with make me anxious but they often happen for no reason. I haven't tried a lot of methods of coping. I was wondering if you guys could give me some insight as to why these started happening and what I can do to help them. Thanks
  9. Hi, my name is Noah I'm 17 and I am really confused to say the least as to why this is happening. Hormonally I've been the most normal teenager you could ask for, no outbursts no emotional problems but for some reason as soon as this past year started I got a panic attack in the middle of class. At the time I didn't know what it was it just felt like my heart stopped and the room started getting blurry and I got dizzy, the normal symptoms. After the first one they would come once a day and then the next week they would come twice a day and then etc. 3 months later they're constant throughout the day they just come in waves and I've tried Xanax it doesn't help too much, CBD. I don't know my triggers. Public places and places I'm not familiar with make me anxious but they often happen for no reason. I haven't tried a lot of methods of coping. I was wondering if you guys could give me some insight as to why these started happening and what I can do to help them. Thanks :)
  10. I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine. Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works. Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health.
  11. Also hypothyroid, and hypertensive. Have only been to ER a couple of times, once for chest pains. Released 3 days later after stress test and angiogram where my heart was pronounced 'clean and green' and I was sent for a gall bladder scan. My digestive disease doc said that wasn't it. Still have symptoms but only in winter - was diagnosed with SAD about 4 years ago, too. I hope to find a way to come here in here when I'm having a panic attack, and at some point help others when they have them.
  12. Well my name is Matt and I’m from Burlington, Ontario. I’ve been agoraphobic for almost 20 years but, wasn’t diagnosed until 15 years ago. When I was diagnosed I was put on meds(Paxil) and within two weeks my life went from not being able to step outside my house to driving an hour and a half up north to visit friends, my life had done a complete 180 and I was able to live my life again. Five years later the drugs had started to not work as well until eventually they didn’t at all and I lost everything, my wife, my house, my job and my kid. My mistake was not trying to overcome the agoraphobia while it was under control and instead living with the band-aid. It took some time but, eventually after trying a few other meds I stabilized and was able to live my life but, only partially as I still can’t work or travel too far a distance. As im sure you can understand this has made many things in life difficult including my love life as no woman wants to be with a guy with my issues. I’ve been receiving help now from many doctors and counselors and I’ve made progress but it’s slow going and not having much money makes doing certain things like exposure therapy somewhat difficult. Ive recently decided to go back to school to be a counselor myself so that perhaps I can help people in the same predicament I’m in and help them get past the hurdles I have and the ones I know I still need to overcome myself. It will take me a little longer than someone without my issues but I’ll get there I’m sure. I guess it would just be nice too talk and maybe even meet people in the same situation or who understand what I’m dealing with as even my family doesn’t really understand the fear I live with. So yeah that’s me in a nut shell and I hope to hear from somebody or everyone lol.
  13. For a little over a year, I’ve been terrified of climate change. With Trump’s presidency, it’s gotten significantly worse. I’m terrified of losing my home, family, and things that are important to me. The news makes me so scared and so depressed that I become s*****al and feel absolutely hopeless. I’m only 18, and in 20 years there’ll be so many floods and disasters, I don’t even know what the point is anymore; I’m so young. I just want to live a long and happy life, and I’m enraged at Trump and how stupid he is. He doesn’t care about the future. I feel like it’s too late to do anything. I donate to Trump Forest and other nonprofits, but I’m worried that it isn’t enough. I’ve had severe anxiety and depression since I was little, so this stuff isn’t all that new to me. I feel like the world is becoming a dystopian nightmare, and that all my fears are coming true. I can’t escape.
  14. I hope everyone had a fantastic thanksgiving! Last night I was so bloated from food and 1 beer to the point I had a headache and could barely breathe. It was horrible! Around 3am I woke up in a literal PUDDLE of sweat from my lower abdomen to my knees. (Not urine). Of course my anxiety got the best of me and I was panicking...today my mind has been wandering, I’ve felt loopy and just not well. My heart seems to beat harder with everything I do, and I have no energy. Everyone around me has this bad head cold thing. I have just never sweat that much at night in my life! Im still just freaking out ):
  15. Hi! I am a 41 year old female who has been struggling with anxiety since 1999. My first ever panic attack happened when I was alone in my car one afternoon. My hands were sweaty and trembling, my top lip was paralyzed, I felt like I couldn't see to drive and had to pull over and call 911. Off the ER I went. My mom could look at me and see my top lip was paralyzed, but that was all that was different. At the ER they gave me typical neurological exams in the hallway of the ER..(It was the weekend of July 4th) and sent me on my way to follow up with my family doctor. Since my mom had a history of migraines, he said I may be having auras and sent me to a neurologist. The neurologist did bloodwork and scheduled me for a MRI. The MRI showed nothing, but the bloodwork showed hyperthyroidism. I was sent for more testing and was finally diagnosed with Graves Disease and had radioactive iodine treatment and began the long road of titration for the correct level of thyroid medication. During all this time I drove normally sometimes and other times I was scared to death. I was scared that it would happen again. I wasn't scared of going to the ER, it all boils down to having the panic attack and feeling like I am going to pass out and there is no one there to help...the fear of not being able to control what is going on. Then began social anxiety, generalized anxiety, anxiety over every different thing going on with my body...and the thyroid can cause many different issues! Over the years I have gotten better and I have back slid. I have finally gotten to the point that I can drive 17 miles each way to work, but not without effort. Over the past few weeks, things have gotten much worse. I do have a lot going on in my life. I am planning a wedding, I am having problems at work, my thyroid gets out of whack, life happens....but it has happened before. I went through some of the toughest things in my life and handled them way better than I could have ever imagined. I feel my anxiety taking over again and know that I need to fight it with all that I am, but most days it wins. I am hoping that by joining this community, you guys can give me advice on how to keep up the fight. What helps you? What medicine works best with the least amount of side effects? I am on Celexa and I will admit that I had missed some doses. I also take Klonopin and rely on that daily. I have been so exhausted, anxious, dizzy, all of the normal things that go along with anxiety and I am looking for any ideas that I or my doctors haven't thought about. I'm ready to take my life back! I have an appointment with my therapist and my psychiatrist week after next! Thanks for letting me take this time to vent and I welcome any and all suggestions while I peruse the past posts!
  16. Hello, I'm new here and i have just signed up as i am really struggling with anxiety. It started about 5 weeks ago when i started noticing this tingling in my hands and feet. I tried to ingnore it but when I didn't go away the panic set in as I started to think it could be MS. I also googled it which just seemed to confirm my fears. I went to the doctors who thought it could be b12 but had blood tests done and it came back all clear and the doctor said to come back in three weeks if the symptoms persist. At first this brought me comfort as I told her how worried I was and she said if she really thought it was bad they would refer me. I was also given diazepam by another doctor as I started to have panic attacks which I have found has had no effect when I did take them and I've been trying really hard not to. Since then I have been spiralling. I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep, constantly thinking I am developing ms. I've lost a lot of weight, feel nauseous and just generally extremely panicked. I'm also struggling to concentrate at work which is making me feel guilty and more worried. I am also developing more ms like symptoms including twitching, pain in my legs and intermittent pains in my hands and elbows which is making me worry even more, each of which are 'initial symptoms of ms'. I just can't stop thinking the worst. My parents are really supportive and I know I am such a worry for them. Ive struggled with two bouts of anxiety before, both of which were worse than this but only lasted a few weeks before they started to ease off. Because my symptoms are persistent it just continues to make me panic and constantly worry. I've honestly got it into my head that I am dying. Sorry for the essay.
  17. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  18. Hi Everyone, I am a person that has suffered with anxiety for many years now. I have always been an anxious/worried person, even as a child, but I didn't begin experiencing full-blown panic attacks until I was involved in a serious car accident. I guess it could be called PTSD, but the panic attacks continued for several years after the accident and still occasionally happen today. I am wondering if anyone has experienced a similar evolution in their mental-health and would be open to sharing their story. I am trying to learn more about my panic disorder/generalized anxiety by understanding my predisposition to these disorders, as a naturally anxious person. If anyone is willing to share, I have some more specific questions to provide guidance: 1. When did you begin experiencing anxiety/panic disorder? How old were you and were there any specific circumstances that impacted you? 2. Did you experience any events/circumstances that were particularly traumatic that you believe might have contributed to/triggered your anxiety/panic/PTSD? 3. Would you describe yourself as a naturally anxious person? Do you recall being more worried about things (sickness/health, irrational fears, bad things happening) prior to the onset of your anxiety/panic disorder? 4. Did either of your parents or close relatives experience similar anxiety problems/mental-health disorders? Do you think you were impacted by them at all? I apologize if any of these questions are too personal, of course this is just a forum and I expect that anyone that doesn't want to answer/isn't comfortable won't. I feel that learning as much as I can about my mental-health and the nature of my "problems" is very helpful in understanding why I am this way and how I can help myself and others. I hope that maybe this can help some of you as well. I appreciate any responses/contribution, and I hope that maybe we can spark an insightful conversation here. Thank you! Ally
  19. Hi guys, i'm new here... I'm starting to feel helpless about my condition... I have hypochondriac which induces panic attacks... sometimes i feel brain foggy, sometimes a sharp pain in my heart/lung, sometimes my heart starts beating fast, sometimes i have fear and the other symptoms without a high heart rate. It almost happens only when i'm at home, as i have some problems with my family and there is a lot of stress associated with this place... but even when i don't fight at home it happens... i just wanna cry.. sometimes i feel like i'm havind cardiac failure, stroke or something like that... i've treated myself between September 2015 to July 2016 with sertraline and valium or xanax... it helped me but i got really addicted to the benzodiazepines, and i dropped out of college because i had memory problems... since July i was trying to help myself without medications, i did selfhypnosis, meditation, then on October i started taking shrooms every friday and it gave me good anxiety relief that lasted for the week... on december i stopped taking everything and stopped meditating... then there was a day which i felt a bit breathless, and with a heart sensation.. i have gone to the PS [ER here in Brazil] and i got some x-rays and ECG... everything was good and i was put again in xanax, i've got a script for 120 pills for 2-4 months, but i abused it and it lasted only 11 days, i've quit cold turkey in 01/8 and i suffered a lot... the withdrawal symptoms has subsidized i think [or not?], but since then i'm getting some kind of sharp pain in my heart, that reaches middle back, and i'm getting a lot of panic... everyday i feel like this, and always at night is worse... the only day which i don't feel like this is at friday, that is when i hang out with some friends to smoke pot, take E or use ketamine [my drug use is very social. spaced, and i don't mix anything and i use small quantities for fear of feeling bad]... so basically i feel this only at my home, in the day is less worse than in the night... Do someone feels like this/ What should I do? I was thinkin of getting back to the benzodiazepines, but letting my brother or mother control the stock so i don't abuse it... sorry for my english, i'm not native to this language and i'm feeling really bad right now
  20. I'm a 28 year old male 6"1 177pds. My conditions are OCD/Contamination&Rumination, GAD, Panic Disorder, Depression, ADD, Social anxiety, Sleep changes I've tried Lexapro & Zoloft before, both at ineffective doses and I just didn't feel like the lexapro worked good enough at 10mg and the zoloft at 150mg made me much more anxious. I worked really hard with a different PCP bugging him and messaging back and forth, I had to get this right. I suggested Paxil 20-30-40 than 60 mg. I'm on 60 mg now for about 4 months and It's finally helping because I've been able to leave my house and go out more and not be so scared and think of my fears constantly. Even when someone does sneeze or is coughing for example or there's something that triggers OCD contamination I cringe for about 5 seconds but I cope and move on. Later on though I noticed I had no motivation for life and felt like a zombie. I researched my butt off and found Wellbutrin XL to be a good add on for this and it can also help with depression and ADD which I also have and which Paxil made worse because it only works on Serotonin and I have other issues as well (ADD/Depression). He prescribed 150mg XL Wellbutrin as a add on and I've been on it for about 5-6 weeks. I feel a bit happier and some more balance but I notice a difference if I don't take it for 2-3 days like I'm more lazy not very happy about life ect, I still have ADD symptoms on 150mg XL wellbutrin like I can't read and comprehend or pay attention to things (boring tasks). I lose focus easily and can be very impulsive at times out of no where. I just asked him if I can take 300 XL Wellbutrin to target the ADD better and he said OK I can do that but if it causes your anxiety to creep up and mess with the OCD let me know after 2 weeks so we can go back down to 150 XL immediately. Anyone know if Wellbutrin XL 300 MG worked well for them as far as ADD/ADHD goes? I mean it is a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor but that works mostly on depression which I do have. But it says It's also a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Wonder if it works on one more than the other. Stimulants like Adderall I've tried and just didn't like the crash or on edge feeling you know? It works but come on who wants to feel like that. I was on the Adderall for a short time around age 22 and was not taking a ssri so maybe the combination would work, I just don't feel like going through the pain of switching the med wellbutrin to adderall or vvyanse and having to go through the start up side effects or what ever. I'm also on klonopin 90 pills to with drawl from the benzo xanax after being on 1.50mg for a 16 months and that's going well. I stopped shaking as much and all that other good stuff.
  21. I shared this with a new friend and they encouraged me to share it with you all. This is what I do sometimes when I'm having a good moment: I write a note to myself in my phone as a reminder that whatever uncomfortable thoughts or feelings I am experiencing will pass. I write it in a style that speaks to my anxiety and panic...sort of answering its doubts. The next day if I'm feeling bad I open it up and read it over and over. It helps me get through my day. Here is the latest one... "Casey- Relief is possible. You are feeling anxiety free at this moment. And you have joy and happiness and peace and calm. You just need to push through the tough times to get to the good times. You can do it! Anxiety and depression are tricky monsters that LIE to you! They say you can't do it and life is not worth living and to be scared. But they're lying! It's 100% worth it. You will be okay! Don't forget it! BELIEVE IT! If you're crying now, know it will pass. You've got this Casey. You're a fighter and you're strong. You can beat it! Don't listen to the monster. You are too smart! It will pass. I promise it will pass!!! DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. IT'S LYING TO YOU! BELIEVE IT WILL PASS CASEY!!!" I may do a video on my phone next time...we will see! Let me know if this is useful for you! sending positive vibes your way
  22. Hello everyone. I recently started seeing a Psychiatrist for a fear of colon c****r. It is so bad that I am crying everyday and I am losing my appetite. Back in March I had a CT and MRI which only confirmed a fatty liver as well as a blood test in March and April which were fine other than elevated liver enzymes. The psychiatrist said he thinks I am medically fine but not mentally. I am hoping that someone can help. He prescribed me Lexapro and Klonopin to start out. He said to take the Klonopin throughout the day and with the Lexapro at night at first I had some diarrhea. Then he prescribed me seroquel. I haven't had a solid bowel movement in a few days. I had a short hard piece yesterday morning that had some mucus on it and now I am freaking out. I am so afraid its terrible. I am scared that I won't see my 1 year old baby girl grow up. I posted my whole story under Health Anxiety - IBS SCARED, if you care to read it in addition to this. I am constantly weighing myself, checking my eyelids to see if I am anemic, and looking at my stools for blood. Someone please help me I am so scared
  23. Good afternoon everyone, I hope everyone is doing okay. I wanted to share this with you all... I find myself constantly "flip-flopping"...in other words, I have a 5 min period where I'm optimistic and convinced I'm going to get through this and life will be good again and it's only anxiety it can't hurt me BLAHBLAHBLAH...and then 5 minutes later I feel the complete opposite ("how can i keep going on?" "this will never end" "I am pathetic", etc) Does anyone else experience this? How can I deflate the negative side of me and inflate the positive side? I was curious as to whether or not this was a sign of recovery...because I am having positive thoughts as opposed to consistently feeling awful, anxious, unreal, depressed, nauseous, etc. I'm working really hard towards recovery, (idk if you all know my story but it's too much to tell), seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist, reading self-help books, exercising, cutting out caffeine, practicing deep breathing exercises, etc. (Recovery is exhausting, am I right!?) Eventually I just have to get better again... I hope? So in summary...Do you guys "flip flop" and if so, any advice or insight on how you deal with it? -Thanks, Casey
  24. Hi everyone. I hope you're finding some joy in your day through all of the struggles. Just curious if anyone else experiences this... I was at my Cognitive Behavioral therapist today and I blurted out "WHAT DO I HAVE? WHAT IS MY DIAGNOSIS". I was first diagnosed when I was 14 but to be quite honest I'm 24 now and I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast! I don't see a psychiatrist anymore because he retired and I was feeling good at the time so my physician prescribes me my meds. Plus 10 years is a long time, what if my diagnosis changed? I asked if I should be "re-evaluated" and he sort of chuckled...(which I did not appreciate, but I could see his point)...He told me I have "panic disorder". I said that I don't think so because I don't show classic signs of panic disorder. I don't feel like I'm having a heart attack or that I'm going to die, my heart does not race, I don't sweat or feel faint... My symptoms are that I cry, feel very nauseous and have a nervous stomach. He told me that I have emotional panic attacks and that my panic has more of an emotional response than a physical one. Does anyone else experience this type of panic? To be honest I don't think I am "panicking" at all! I feel despair, nausea, choking/coughing/vomiting, hopeless, and lots of crying. Sometimes, I have chest pains like a big weight is on my chest. Let me know if you guys have a similar panic experience. Maybe we can help each other by sharing tips on how we manage our symptoms. Thanks! -Casey
  25. Hi there, first time poster here! My name's Sam and I'm an otherwise healthy 20 year old guy from the UK. About 2 weeks ago I noticed a swollen lymph node in my neck, in the middle on the left side. This has since spawned the most hellish, terrifying and currently ongoing experience of my life. The anxiety really began when I googled my symptom - I had recently had a horrendous virus that hospitalised me, and it swelled up then along with the other side, and when I was younger that gland very often came up, sometimes even when I wasn't ill. So it wasn't like this was anything new. I thought I was beginning to come down with something as I had a very mild sore throat and some other symptoms like a cough and runny nose that I had initially put down to allergies. It just looked a little ugly so I decided to see when it would likely go down. This is when I'm hit hard by the fist of Dr. Google. Apparently, lymph nodes that come up without symptoms and don't go down or coincide with some other illness are cause for concern. More specifically, concern of the c****r variety. So I ended up very panicked. About a week after first developing said lump I made my way to the minor injuries unit of my nearest hospital, and was examined by 2 nurses. They both agreed it was nothing to worry about and was either a normal functioning lymph node or some mild cyst, and that I should stop worrying about it but come back if anything changed. So I relaxed a bit and went home, but 4 hours later was worrying again. I googled more. In fact, I began googling compulsively and constantly feeling my neck. I rang my GP at home (I currently live at university which was why I hadn't gone to her in the first place) and she said she would probably have told me the same thing as the nurses and not to worry. By the Friday of that same week, 4 days after I first went to the emergency room and a little under 2 weeks of my little problem's first arrival, I was back in the MIU again, as I was getting pain on one side of my throat. The nurse this time said I appeared to have some redness in my throat and suspected a virus, again telling me the node was functioning exactly as it should. She told me to make an appointment with a GP to rule out any really nasty viruses and to just drink water and take ibuprofen. She seemed much more thorough with her investigation and I went home more relaxed - I now had a probable cause for the swelling. But the next day the soreness in my throat was gone and the panic returned. I cried, then rang the NHS's non-emergency number, explained my panic and my desire to have an actual test run on the gland, and I was given an out-of-ours GP appointment that same day. This time was much the same. She was more thorough than any before, said my throat definitely looked a little red even though I felt no soreness. She said I have an unusual amount of muscle on that side of my neck and couldn't find the lump until I stretched my neck out, so that the skin tautened over it, and pointed it out. She again said it felt normal and that she had no concerns but that I should go back to a GP in a week to review it, as then it would have been up for 3 weeks and they'd just want to check again to make sure it felt normal. That was on Saturday. My appointment to see another doctor is next Tuesday, at my usual surgery at home. I still have a lot of phlegm at the back of my throat, a slight cough in the mornings, and this raised gland. But beyond that I've been experiencing things that logically I know are a result of severe anxiety from googling, but which are still registering as worrying symptoms. I have a lack of appetite, I'm tired, I felt nauseous last night and for part of today, I'm slightly constipated, and I itch. When I put things in perspective, these things don't seem like they should worry me but they do anyway. The lack of appetite is very typical of me when I'm stressed, and I've had exams this week too. The constipation only kicked in when I really started worrying, and the nausea could easily be a result of stressed bowels too. The itching is noticeable at all the times I usually itch - when I've just got in bed or pulled on a pair of jeans, or got out of the shower, or noticed a change in temperature. And yet I can't. Stop. Worrying! I'm constantly touching the lump; it moves but it's pretty solid. Maybe a centimeter? I know things you can't see can always feel bigger to your fingers. And I'm religiously checking for other lumps or rashes, and stretching my neck to gaze at the damned thing in the mirror. I've been having horrible thoughts - how will my family cope if I have c****r and die. Will I go on my family holiday this summer or will I be in a hospital somewhere getting treatment? Will I see this christmas? What about all the things I've ever wanted to do? I'm on the verge of crying constantly and I've been skyping my family nearly every day. I've only managed to revise for one of my exams and am seeking special consideration for the other because I just haven't been able to focus at all. My current plan is to see this doctor and explain my situation too him and request some test even if he doesn't think there's anything wrong. I need certainty. But then, from more of Dr. Google's wonderful insights, the only way to be sure with that particular brand of c****r that I'm fearing most is to do an excisional biopsy and I don't know if I'll be able to get a referral for much more than a blood test and ultrasound. Will I be able to trust that if that's the case? I'm terrified of getting any such tests because of what the results might be, but at the same time I want nothing more right now than to get properly tested. This is all made worse by being away from home and having exams. I just want to be with my family and try to relax but I can't with this. I guess what I want to know is, how the hell am I supposed to cope with this weight until next Tuesday? It's less than a week but might as well be a year to my mind right now. Does anyone else have experience with stubborn lymph nodes? Especially ones that have gotten this big and persisted for ages? What do you think?