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Hi all, my name is Dave and I am suffering from GAD and have been for a while and have had to very bad bouts of it in my 54 years. It always turns to Hypochondriasis. It's a shame that this occurs in folks like us and has the title reads..." The World Doesn't know We Exist ", oh they have heard the terms " anxiety " " Hypochondriac " and the latter term they would probably laugh at. We look in the mirror constantly, we look at our bodies constantly, we look at our urine and our excrement like never before. Did we really know our bodies and every square inch of them before we became anxiety sufferers, no ! Now we do and now we see every imperfection and we think " what the hell is that " technology allow us to go on Dr. Google, but even though it says these things that we believe are catastrophes waiting for the catastrophic diagnosis can many things or nothing at all. We pick the last one it says...the worst one, the one that will surely kill us. Are we doctors, no. Have we ran tests on ourselves, no., but do we make the diagnosis based on a web page, yes ! Why ? The average person would say to themselves " oh it's nothing " we are not the average folks. We will put ourselves through the mental hell of dying without cause. This is why I have always called anxiety " The Bastard " It wasn't the web page that told you that you have cancer it was you who told you. With a big helping hand of " The Bastard " Have you ever written down how many diseases you thought you have had over the course of any given time. I did and I filled a whole sheet of paper looked at it and I actually laughed and said " Nobody can have that many diseases, and would be walking this earth and have the time and energy to look these diseases up and to worry about them. Even though we say we are tired and weak. We are tired and weak because of looking up our symptoms and worrying in constant fear. There is no research for us, why ? Because it's not a terminal illness. Again the world doesn't know we exist, only in what their minds believe we are. " Just stop worrying " If it were only that easy, right ? I would love to say, " okay " on with life and it be over. No, it's not going to work. It breaks my heart and so many of the posts I read here and I am a sufferer right a long with you, but the only thing I can say is I will catch myself doing all the wrong things and realize it being a veteran of it, but I had many years in between bouts where I had no high anxiety worries. If you had told me in my 20's that it will come back later in life. I would have said " no f***ing way " well it did, I let my guard down with some close family passings. Not realizing it's life long management. We do exist and we are real and our symptoms are real and we break our own hearts day after day. What a shame and to see you young folks missing out and worrying and worrying wasting your youth. Just goes to show how debilitating this disorder can be. Put your seat belt on and do everything you can to get away from the " The Bastard " if you have to keep getting that reassurance, then do it. If you have to tell yourself constantly it's only anxiety it will not kill me, do it. Stay off the internet...it is not a replacement for a doctor, do it. If you have to get mad, do it. If you have to cry, do it. Recovery is little by little, it doesn't come quickly and we have to accept that and we have to believe that in order to get better, but you will. It starts with everything that is hard and everything that is avoided. Keep a journal of your symptoms so you know you have had them before. The anxious mind has no memory...everything is short term and when something you think you have never felt before happens well go back and look at your own symptoms and not the web symptoms. World we do exist and it is one big scary pain in the ass. David
*first post* So in September I was hospitalized for high internal cranial pressure with a diagnosis of p-acne menegitis. I lost my eyesight and had an EVD tube placed in my head for drainage while I waited in the neuroICU for 8 days. my eyesight came back except for blind spots and peripheral damage in my right eye. Keep in mind I had several tests done. Two spinal taps 4 CT scans, 3 MRIs bloodwork done everymorning. The works. Since then I have suffered severely from HA. It’s almost constant. I pray a lot and I give all my thanks to God for me being alive and well enough to be a stay at home mom to my 9, 2 and 4 year old. I’m 23 and I have my two kids to raise and a step daughter. The thought of not being able to care for them is devastating. It all started with being terrified of MS, my hands contract and when this happens my thumb and usually my pointer finger will bend into the palm of my hand while remaining moveable but it’s more labored, also my thumb pad will twitch vigorously. It doesn’t last for more than a couple hours but will happen 3-4 times a week. My eyes twitch almost constantly. I see a neuro ophthalmologist and he said it was stress and that my eyes don’t look like those of someone with MS. HOWEVER, with the muscle aches, muscle twitching and my hands being strange I couldn’t help but worry. I eventually moved on from that and stopped worrying about anything all together. But then I started googling and landed on the ALS speculation. That troubled me for about a week then after reading threads and learning more about it I stopped worrying about that. But while driving and watching tv with subtitles I started noticing “double vision” mildly and now I’m back on the MS kick. I can’t shake this stuff. It’s so hard to move on from fear off illnesses now. Help!!
Ok ladies get ready......... I got my period yesterday. In the middle of the night Aunt Flo decided to come on full force and my pad leaked. My husband and I cosleep with my daughter and she sleeps on my side. While I was cleaning up I'm afraid her foot may have hit the "wet spot" and now I'm afraid she's going to get sick. I wiped her feet down and threw a towel over the spot. I keep telling myself she's fine. I'm not sick or have any disease. I don't even know if she touched it while she started squirming. I think I'm going to barf.