lonesailor14

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lonesailor14 last won the day on October 6 2019

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About lonesailor14

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    Global Moderator
  • Birthday 03/15/1984

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    Queensland, Australia
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    Fingerstyle guitar, neuroscience, fishing, boating, historical fiction, helping others.

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  1. Hi ZPV I get it. I've found that unless someone has had anxiety or panic themselves they are never going to understand. Some people can be sympathetic and try to understand but most have no clue and end up saying things that don't help at all. Like "pull your socks up and get on with it" or "just get over it" or "calm down". Haha yeah ok, why didn't I try that years ago? If I could tell myself "just calm down" or "get over it" I would. If any of that actually worked I wouldn't have this problem! I don't talk to these people. I don't harbour bad thoughts or Ill will towards them, I just don't discuss my disorder with them very deeply. I do however have friends that do get it because they suffer themselves and we talk to each other and try to help each other. I also come here to AC and talk to people who really get it and won't judge. Not talking to someone about it does not mean you should be ashamed or hide your illness. It's more of a protective thing. Those people can make you miserable without meaning to, but they do. So I choose not to go there and stick to talking with people who get it. With the internet you're never alone with a problem. You can easily find like minded people to chat with. You can also research and study what has helped other people. Here's a website that helped me a lot http://panicend.com/ . Also read, read, read Dr Claire Weekes work. Another really great book is DARE by Barry McDonagh. I got the audiobook and it really helped. Good luck ZPV😊
  2. I wrote the first post 5 years ago (it doesn't seem that long😉) and I still come back from time to time to read my own words of advice. Like an off switch refresher course. Sometimes I find myself a bit wound up and struggle and fight with anxiety. I recently reread this thread and was reminded to stop fighting and do nothing. It worked! I'm back into a good space.
  3. I do get this. It happens when I'm not feeling anxious but then it makes me anxious. Maybe TMI but it happens more often towards the end of my cycle. It really bugs me because I can't work out why it happens. I try to just accept it. If I need to take a deep breath or yawn, well I do and that's that. It's been going on for so long now that accepting it has become easier. While it feels a bit scary, I haven't had anything awful come of it so it isn't hurting me. I try to remind myself that whatever it is, it's harmless. To stop myself overbreathing or making things worse, I close my mouth and breathe through my nose, taking slow gentle breathes, not necessarily deep but just slow things down. I do this for a minute or so and then carry on. I don't dwell on it, I try to ignore it and focus my attention elsewhere. Otherwise I drive myself crazy controlling my breathing. If the breathlessness happens again later on, I take me few slow breaths and then carry on again. I really think sometimes it's just that I've been breathing in a lazy way. Or chest breathing when I should be belly breathing. Don't overthink it too much if you can.
  4. Why do you keep stopping and starting medication? If it helps you, why stop? Some people just need it and will for their whole life. As a diabetic does. I guess it's a personal choice though if I had something that made anxiety better, I'd just keep taking it. Unfortunately I think you might have to accept this girl is gone. Cheating is hard and rare to come back from. You're right that anxiety isn't an excuse for cheating. It's hard to hear but you stuffed up and that isn't anything to do with anxiety. There's never really a good excuse for cheating. Don't try to make one up. I'm sorry this sounds harsh. Breakups are hard, you just have to accept the hurt and live through it until it dulls down a bit. One day the hurt stops. Just give it time.
  5. Hi Mel, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've come to the right place. I know where you're at and how you feel. Panic attacks are just horrible. Here's what helped me... Learning. Learn everything you can about yourself and your attacks. I spent a lot of time just being afraid of the attacks, even if I wasn't having one. I spent most of the day anxious about when one was going to "get" me. I was anxious about anxiety and I'd panic if I panicked. If that makes sense😉 So one day I realised this pattern I was in and decided to not worry until the moment I was actually having an attack. Rather than spending all day waiting and worrying about an attack that might happen. I would save the worry until it did happen. This takes away a lot of anticipation and anxiety. Us anxious types are always living ahead of time in our minds, imagining what could happen. The thing is, none of it actually is happening at the time. We worry about scenarios that don't exist. Stay present, in this moment, don't let your thoughts wander ahead and worry about the panic attack that hasn't happened and isn't happening right now in this moment. Learn that panic attacks are scary but they will not harm you. You won't die. Panic attacks are a big burst of fight or flight mode kicking into gear. Your body is flooded with hormones and chemical signals that are trying to keep you alert and safe. This worked well when we were living in caveman times, war times or ancient times. But not so much now. This fight or flight reaction can make you feel weak, sick or like you need to run. It's nothing to fear. They make you tired. Also nothing to fear. Your heart will race, it's ok, our hearts are strong and can withstand much more when we exercise. We breathe too fast and get dizzy, just slow it down, breathe through your nose. You might shake. So what? Shaking isn't harmful. Panic attacks come from the fear of panic attacks themselves. You don't have to have some sort of horrible past or trauma in your life. Life can be just fine and you will still get a panic attack. We get them because we fear them. The best way to overcome a fear of anything is to turn and face it. Don't run or become alarmed just calmly accept that yes this is a panic attack, yes it is horrible, but just wait it out. Read up on Dr Claire Weekes and what she calls second fear. Second fear is panicking about panic. Being afraid when panic attacks. If you can teach yourself to not add second fear and calmly accept your attack, observe it, breathe and give it time to do it's thing, you will get a lot better. Have a good look around THIS website. It helped me a lot. Talk to your parents if you can. Therapy can help especially something called ACT therapy. Acceptance and commitment therapy. Or cognitive behaviour therapy. Panic attacks aren't usually about past trauma as I mentioned earlier. So you don't need a therapist who wants to talk about your life story. You want a therapist who can help you learn techniques that get you to think differently, question your thoughts and redirect them. Medication may also help. Myself I have found supplements like magnesium, Zinc and vitamin B help amazingly. The panic attacks strip these from your body and replacing them helps. Good quality supplements too, not cheap junk. I don't take them everyday, maybe every second or third day. A good diet and exercise does help. I've written a lot on panic attacks. Search for a post on here called "new to anxiety and panic, this is for you". Another book I got in audio form was Dare by Barry McDonagh. I recommend it. Keep learning. This can be overcome. It isn't easy and it won't happen overnight. It takes practice as with anything. Rather than fear an attack, look at it as a chance to learn something. Observe it and how you react to it. Try to figure out what you could do differently next time. Like an athlete who trains their body, you are training your brain. Your brain is a muscle. Muscles don't get strong after one workout. It takes time. In the meantime, AC is here when you need to talk to someone who gets it. I'm not on here often anymore but if you send a private message to me I'll see an alert and answer you when I can. Don't give up Mel, you can beat this thing. Just give it time.
  6. Hi Lamdeablo Welcome to AC, you'll find some great people here and some really good posts/articles if you search around. To answer your questions... 1. Stay preset. Anxiety is mostly "what if" thoughts. "What if this happens, what if that happens?" What if thoughts are lies. A story our brain makes up. Normally a horror story. When I have a what if thought, I try to remember to stop and ask myself "is any of this actually happening at this very moment?" The answer is most likely "no". What is really happening is that I am safe but having an intense daydream of what might happen, not what is happening. Fight or flight has been set off in my body and it is making me feel crazy, but it will pass. 2. I take Zinc. I've been experimenting with taking a Zinc supplement for the last few months and found it amazing. It stops the crazy thoughts, I become clear headed and focussed. I don't question everything. The anxiety goes away and I find I'm not searching for things to worry about. I don't take it everyday because it can make me feel yuck. I go really good for a few days but notice the thoughts kicking in and the searching for danger. Fight or flight begins and I know it's time to take half a tablet. I do and then I'm fine again for a few days. I have no idea if this works for everyone, I've only just started using it myself. Perhaps it's just me, maybe I'm Zinc deficient and that is why I have anxiety? No idea but it works. 3.I get quite dark because I have PMDD which is PMS on steroids. Once a month I can get super depressed and irritable. In this time I try to be mindful that it is just that time of the month and it will pass. The dark thoughts I have are untrue and I'm just lacking serotonin. I don't let the monster come out, I stay quiet and try to have alone time so as not to have a pointless argument with my man. If I can't stand it I vape CBD oil or take 5htp. Works everytime. I don't become a cheerleader or anything, but I calm down enough. Since taking Zinc it doesn't happen every month now. Or at least, not for as long. I also take magnesium and a B complex. 4. I'm at my best a lot more often these days. Probably when I'm at work. Now I'm not ruled constantly by anxiety and panic attacks, I'm able to be present and I've noticed I'm actually very good at my job. I get asked by bosses to do certain tasks all the time because I'm trustworthy. I get asked to train others because I know what I'm doing and am good at it. All of this makes me feel good and confident. Something I haven't felt in a long time😊
  7. Hang in there, it's a process with many factors. Things can and do get better. I guess the biggest thing that helped me is studying myself. Trying different things and noticing what helps and what doesn't. A lot of it is my mind, it takes over and exaggerates everything! I try hard to reason with myself and stay calm. Remember we're here if you need to vent.
  8. Hi Bella I feel for you so much and I've been where you're at. PCOS can really mess with your hormones and your hormones really mess with anxiety. Simple tasks become a big deal and even though in the back of your mind you know it's not a big deal, this anxiety overcomes you and amplifies the thing into something more than it is. In us anxious types we like to have routine or safe places, safe habits and change can be enormous. Things are changing for you and this will cause uncertainty. Many people like your Mother just don't get anxiety. I don't bother explaining myself to them anymore. Some people have good intentions and want to help but they just don't get it. Others are just plain old mean. The best place to talk is right here on AC where you won't be judged and people actually understand. That and a therapist, hopefully one that teaches you some cognitive behaviour therapy or mindfulness. I'd suggest you try to treat your hormones and your stress level will benefit from that. Also learning ways to deal with stress. Here's what I've done and had some success...read a lot of anxiety books. The best being "Dare" by Barry McDonagh and "Self help for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. Along with the starred articles on this website. These books help you learn how to not react to anxiety, how to live with it without it taking over your life. Now for hormones... This is an ongoing process. Some things work, some don't and everyone is different... Zinc! Zinc is the best thing I've ever found for anxiety and hormones. I have a 25mg supplement (a good one not a cheap one) and I take half a tablet every second day. I take magnesium every night. Fish oil morning and night and an activated B complex everyday. Another good product is called neurocalm by Metagenics which I take at night. I've been doing this for about 3 months now and it's made a huge difference. If you could only choose one supplement, get the Zinc! It calms my anxiety within five minutes. Zinc is important for ovary function. It's important for a lot of functions and gets depleted when we are anxious along with the B vitamins. When Zinc is low, we can't think properly and become anxious. Studies also show Zinc along with antidepressant tablets work well together. I have no idea if any of this will work for you but it has certainly improved my life lately. I hope it helps. In the meantime we're always here if you need to talk.
  9. Hi Sorry no one has replied to you so far. Your thoughts sound super scary. At least you have the mental ability to recognise these are only thoughts and don't need to be acted on. You do need professional help asap. You might need some medication to kick this in the butt. While we're normally a supportive group, there's just some things talking on the internet can't solve and you need a professional. Please find one soon. We're always here to listen when you need a friend, though time differences around the world mean replies can be slow. We can listen but we can't solve this one for you. Take care.
  10. I've tried CBD oil in a vape. It works very well. There is no THC so you don't get high or feel in the slightest way impaired. I never realised how noisy my mind is until one day I vaped some and everything in my head seemed to quiet down and I was able to relax and just be present and in the moment. I've found it hit and miss though. One day it works great, the next not so much. It also gave me a headache if I have too much. Still worth a try though. On the other hand, I can't smoke weed at all. I don't relax and hate feeling not in control. It makes me feel derealization which I get enough of that just from panic attacks so don't want to do it to myself on purpose. CBD=good, THC=bad.
  11. Just thought I'd share how much Zinc has helped me in the last 6 weeks. My god it's like night and day! I don't want to get anyone's hopes up but it really helped me. I've had panic attacks for so long now and the anxiety that comes with never knowing when one will occur or being anxious about the possibility of one occurring. I have done cognitive behaviour therapy. I am very, very good at acceptance. I know panic and anxiety inside and out. This knowledge has never completely cured me. Panic is always there ready to attack, it's been my mental athletics that has kept me functioning regardless. I "think" my way through the attacks. I "accept" my way through them. I read somewhere about copper overload and how if your copper is too high, your Zinc will deplete. Zinc is needed for heaps of bodily processes, including helping B vitamins to work properly. I've always taken a multi complex B tablet. I didn't think it did much. Then I added Zinc and wow!!!! I think so much clearer now. I'm calm. Not because I worked mentally hard to stay calm but calm because I just am. Anytime I feel on edge, doubtful or anxious, I nibble a little Zinc and feel great soon after. I've been dealing with this long enough to know that this is not a placebo. It really helps. I'm not sure if this will help everyone but I had to share. Google " copper overload" or "pyroluria" for more info. At first Zinc made me a bit sick, so don't go taking too much. My tablets are 25mg and I only need a third of that every other day. Any more than that and I'd feel nauseated. After a month though, I find I can tolerate more. I'm going to see a naturapath and doctor to find out exactly why Zinc is such a game changer for me. I'd be interested to know if Zinc helps anyone else. It's like a "brave" pill. Anytime I need courage, I take Zinc and the courage shows up.. I really hope this helps someone else as much as it has me. It's so good to feel level headed. I haven't missed a day at work for two months. That's amazing for me! Like antidepressants, I think Zinc works because I already have a good mental capacity to relax my anxiety because of previous therapy I've had, so Zinc by itself probably won't "cure" you. You actually have to do some mental work too. And have an understanding of the disorder. It can't hurt to try.
  12. Hi Hudsonbob You've found a great site on AC, we're a friendly bunch and we get it! My advice would be, stay in the present moment. Even if it means taking it a few seconds at a time. You're worried about something that hasn't happened yet, probably won't happen and most importantly, isn't happening right now. Right now, there is nothing to worry about. Right now, you aren't on vacation. What is happening right now? Stay present. Don't go fortune telling the future. For all you know, you might have a great time! You won't know until you are in that moment, but right now, you aren't. I hope this helps? We'll be here if you want to chat some more. Just allow for time differences, you might not get a reply straight away.
  13. Hi MsLLL I live on a yacht on an island? We move around the island depending on the wind direction and every six weeks or so we head to the mainland to resupply. It's Springtime at the moment but summer is approaching which is storm and cyclone season and that's always an interesting time. I still drive the monster trucks in coal mines, travelling back and forth by ferry and car. Mostly the mines I work at are about 4 to 5 hours inland from the coast. I also have another job testing coal from time to time. I work 7 days on 7 off so it fits my lifestyle though the 7 away gets a bit depressing. When I first joined AC I was in such a state with anxiety and panic I never imagined I could do anything like this. I owe Jonathan a lot for this, he has given me so much good advice, many, many times and it still is relevant today! I do wish him the best xoxo Also Gilly and the rest of the AC crew. It's been a life saver having people who actually get it!
  14. Awe Jon, that just sucks. My anxiety often isn't about my own welfare but that of loved ones. Sending my best wishes to you and your wife. Take care of yourself. I'm sure you must feel overwhelmed at times. Remember this...how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just take it one step at a time. One moment at a time. ❤️❤️❤️