MotherOfMaya

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MotherOfMaya last won the day on February 2

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  1. I agree it's probably a ganglion. Fun fact: Theyused to call them Bible cysts because they would whack them with a heavy book to get them to rupture. 😄
  2. Hi everyone.... I am going through a particularly trying time in my life and I cannot help but think that my anxiety surrounding everything is being subconsciously diverted into health anxiety...but I digress... I had to begrudgingly make an appointment for a physical so that I could have my refills for my Effexor that I take for anxiety. The appointment was today. Last night I noticed that I had a tender bump next to my spine below my hairline and I shrugged it off as a swollen lymph node, probably because I scratched myself behind my ear or something.... This morning I woke up and while showering I noticed that my shoulder/neck area was slightly puffier on one side than the other...the same side that I have the swollen lymph node. I went to the doctor and showed her the lymph node and she said she wants to get an ultrasound of it. She assured me she is not worried but she likes to get ultrasounds on lymph nodes that aren't under the jaw unless there is a very obvious reason for it being swollen. She then felt where I thought it was puffy and she did not feel anything. I am soooo terrified I have lymphoma or something! Why would she order a test if she is not concerned. This seems contradictory to me. I feel like I cannot catch a break from this health anxiety and it's driving me absolutely crazy. I was here a few weeks ago thinking I had ALS, then I was worried about ovarian cancer...and now this.... I have been poking at myself all day and logging in repeatedly to check my Patient Portal account to see if my blood work has been posted. Someone please talk me off this ledge! Any advice or comforting thoughts would be so appreciated!
  3. I have also had HA for the better part of my life. I am 38 now and I think my first go-round with health anxiety was when I was about 10 years old. I have had other anxieties as well though, like being afraid of amputees and ufos as a child. The last straw for me was when I was convinced I had diabetes due to ridges in my fingernails....I finally gave in and went on Zoloft, an SSRI and it helped me so very much I was so mad at myself for not doing it earlier. There was a stigma that I carried with me for so long that prevented me from even admitting to my PCP that I had severe anxiety but I was so glad I finally did it. I have been on meds now for close to ten years and it was one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I do still have flare-ups of health anxiety that even focuses on my children at times, but it happens when I have a lot of other external stressors going on. I have been in an HA spiral for the last few months but I have a lot of huge, life-changing things going on and I think that it's an unconscious way for my anxiety to have a singular focus. I have been in therapy on and off for years but funny enough, I rarely talk about my HA but I find that it helps me weed through all the other BS in my life and therefore helps the HA. I also try to watch funny, engaging television, get outside with my kids, drink wine on occasion, and talk to my friends. I also have a stupid Paint by Number app on my phone which provides mindless distraction a lot of the time!
  4. I have a chronic anal fissure, I THINK caused by over-wiping over the years and I pretty frequently have blood on the TP or on my BM. I also believe after having babies I have a hemorrhoid that acts up here and there. I had that checked out by a doctor and this was her conclusion. The things we talk about when we have HA amirite?? Anyway, I think red pooh would be a food thing unless it is the outside of the pooh and then I think about the above mentioned situations. If you have blood coming from higher up in your digestive tract it tends to be black-ish by the time it exits your body. You could always ask your doctor for a fecal occult test if you're that worried but to me it sounds like food.
  5. Maybe I am thick but what is the worry with different colored BMs? We eat food and drink liquids throughout the day and they pass through our intestines at different times and then gather at the end waiting to be expelled...so you would think things would vary. This common sense is rich coming from someone who has definitely analyzed BMs before, haha, but the different colors does not worry me at all (our minds are interesting, aren't they?) I have a chronic anal fissure so I do not worry AT ALL about blood on my stool or toilet paper anymore, but I definitely have in the past. If you have had testing by your doctor and have had nothing found you really do need to try and believe them but I know from experience how hard that is! Are there any specific coping skills that you use to get your mind off of these things?
  6. I do this too! I recently had an ALS fixation and now I am very worried about Melanoma on my six year old. I think when I have a lot going on in my life I get anxious about health as a way to centralize all my worries. This is just a theory. I have also had HA my entire life beginning when I had some scar tissue from a wound on my side from falling out of a tree. At ten years old I was convinced it was a tumor and told no one about it until years later.
  7. An easier question would be what I haven't been worried about having. Lol, but anyway, here goes: Brain tumor, ALS (repeatedly), Parkinson's, melanoma, diabetes, leukemia, colon cancer, ovarian cancer, esophageal cancer, breast cancer, oral cancer, COPD, lymphoma, cervical cancer. I am sure there are more that I cannot remember right now. Now that I have kids I worry about their health too. It's exhausting!
  8. I booked two appointments and canceled both. I was part of Phase 1 in my state because of my profession. I am 38. I have done a lot (probably too much) of research on these shots and I am really nervous about them. If I do get one, I am likely to wait for the Johnson and Johnson shot.
  9. Thanks Zen....I am teetering there on the edge of the abyss. I was feeling pretty good this morning but then I inhaled coffee when I took a sip and then went to speak and now I am spiraling. I'm sitting here freaking out when I should be working. I seriously feel like when I swallow my spit is going up into my upper throat/sinus area. I'm seriously freaked out. Can anyone talk me off the ledge??
  10. It's been so hard to keep busy with all the covid crap going on. I am going on 11 months working from home full time and I have a 6 and 3 year old. The 6 year old is thankfully in school in-person full time but my three year old is home with me most days. I send him to daycare twice a week just to get some quiet time to work. I would love to be getting out and doing stuff with the kids but with winter and covid that's all on hold. I guess I will try and remind myself that "this too shall pass." I can ALWAYS find something to clean, which definitely helps clear my mind. I did just find a very old thread with a link to a great stickied thread on NoMorePanic which has been super helpful and I will probably read it every day. 🙂 Thanks again for your posts!
  11. This all sounds so much like me when I'm not having other worries (see my post from an hour ago). On Christmas day I had this major gut punch feeling right under the center of my rib cage. It was crazy feeling and it would come and go as I moved, etc. I have been taking Pepcid every day since and that has gotten better. I do hate to diagnose myself but I do think I have a hiatal hernia going on. That would account for many of your symptoms TBH. Another thing I thought of when I read your first post was costochondritis, which is pain and inflammation in your rib cage and sternum. I had this simultaneously as the center under my ribs pain. I also get the fluttering/skipped heartbeat. This can be caused by anxiety AND hiatal hernia. It's worth talking to your doctor about to see if they recommend seeing a GI doc. Maybe the acid reflux meds you are taking aren't right for you. Hope you get it figured out!
  12. Thank you for replying so quickly! I see that you are a mom too. I feel like being the mom of small children makes everything feel even more desperate! Like, I can't leave my kids.... It's so hard to see that getting in a car every day is a gamble and life is never certain. I know you're totally right about thinking too much about these things that we don't normally think about...it makes everything feel wrong! I am totally pissed at myself for letting myself start down this road again. What have you found to be most useful to "forget" to to focus on things like swallowing?
  13. Hey all, I haven't had to be here for so long and I am quite mad at myself for being back. Ten years ago what started with an eye twitch and a trip to Dr. Google ended up as body wide twitches for months on end and a terrible rabbit hole of anxiety so bad that I am not sure how I kept it together for work. I used to post on AnxietyZone before it went into the ether of internet obscurity. Anyway, I am back here because for some dumb reason on Saturday I started to think that I was salivating more than usual and I head to the reliable old Dr. Google (no, I NEVER learn my lesson!) and it said ALS can cause this. Now I am sure that food is going up into my sinuses when I eat. I haven't sneezed out any food or blown out any food, but my mind is telling me that I can feel food pushing up past my palate. I am now seeking reassurance from several of my friends and family and I swore I would never go down this road again! Of course everyone says I am fine but my anxiety mind says that they are just saying that to make me feel better. I have started doing the age old checking behaviors like drinking water, eating, looking at my tongue in the mirror, talking randomly to hear how I sound, etc. Someone please talk me off this ledge before I jump into the deep end! Thanks so much!
  14. Oh my gosh! I am here because I just read that SAME story! Shame on us! I have never been a skin worrier but that story has sent me into overdrive. I am also pregnant and found a new, dark, round, little spot on the side of my foot that's got me going crazy! I have worried about everything from ALS to colon cancer, but never my skin. I guess I should not be surprised at how one thing on the internet can send me into a tailspin. I am 35 and have always had a lot of "beauty marks" and have never had a skin check. Now I am so worried it may be too late. I made my poor husband compare this new spot to like 10 others on my body. Oh, the things we do to ourselves!!