Bella P

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Bella P last won the day on April 12 2019

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About Bella P

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  • Birthday 09/14/1999

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    Reading, writing, singing, drawing, forensic science, science, anime, horror movies, etc.

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  1. Thank you both for responding and being so kind. Luckily, it’s gone now, and there isn’t any more pain. It scared the hell out of me.
  2. Blips of blood on paper are usually from, as you said wiping too hard, and hemorrhoids. The type of blood in stools that would be from cancer is black and tarry. Unmistakable. Colon cancer is highly unlikely at 38, but I understand your fear. Mucus in stool is also benign 9 times out of 10 and usually due to high stress, a virus, IBS or constipation. Another thing I have learned is pains on the left side are almost always indigestion, which unfortunately anxiety can cause. I do not believe you need a colonoscopy, especially not if colon cancer doesn’t run in your family, but if it would ease your mind I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. It would be unnecessary, but if it would ease your mind you could ask if you wish. It is your body and your health care. I assure you, though, you are okay. Anxiety can wreak havoc on your system.
  3. I am on a pill to regulate my period, I have to be or else I don’t stop, and yesterday was the day before I start the sugar pills for my cycle. I’ve also been having some pre-period cramping. Today the lump seems to be not as defined, but it’s still sore, and my mom ended up feeling it when I wouldn’t calm down. She said it could also be a lymph node, and I have been fighting some sort of virus, because of the location. I don’t know. That and your comment does help a bit, though. I’m just so anxious about everything and then this happened.
  4. I have no idea, but that’s a good idea I hadn’t thought of, thank you. I’m definitely going to look into it.
  5. I think I found a slightly painful lump (I give it a pain scale of 5 out of 10, also really only hurts when I move my arm a lot) on the side of my breast sort of near my arm pit, so I told my mom. She pointed out that sometimes your period makes those pop up and they go away after, that made me feel a little better, but I’m still very anxious because PCOS is hell. As is health anxiety in general. I started feeling to try and see if I had the same thing on the other side or not and she snapped at me. “Quit touching it!” I tried explaining what I was doing and she just told me to stop again. I feel like crying. I know breast cancer at my age is rare (I’m 20) and your period can cause temporary lumps as well as breast tenderness but I’m scared. My mom snapping at me helped absolutely nothing 😞
  6. I have to find another therapist. We are too far away from him, and we still will be if we go to my cousin’s house. I hope I can find another really good one. I also need a psychiatrist and to just need to get everything looked at. PCOS sucks. I’ll try to look into calling about disability, and everything with that. I hope this is where everything starts to finally improve. Thank you for being nice and taking the time to talk to me. I really appreciate it.
  7. I did get response when I reposted this to a more active place, but thank you. It got bad again and I wasn’t active online, but we are doing our best to get to a good place. We might be going to live with my cousin in a week or so. It’s still nowhere near perfect, but I’m hoping this is where things start looking up.
  8. I’m sorry for the late reply, things got extremely stressful and busy again. I’m currently in Pennsylvania, but my mom said in a week or so we may go live with my cousin. Also, do you have to be in the same state to get an appeal?
  9. My dad is extremely manipulative and a good liar, too. He’s made us look completely insane in the past when we tried to get help before we just up and left while he was on a work trip.
  10. I’ve tried applying for disability, but I don’t know what happened with that, and there aren’t any shelters near where I am right now. We are pretty much in the middle of nowhere. When we were staying with our friend Amy we were looking for housing aid and such, but then dad tricked us into coming back. We are stuck. Mom is trying to think of a way to fix it all, and she tells me not to worry, but I feel stuck and my nerves are shot... On top of all this she keeps trying to push me to try college courses. My therapist told her he didn’t think it was a good idea for me to start until I’m more stable, but she still started in on it yesterday. I know I need to at some point, and I want to, but I know I won’t be able to handle it. I’m a mess.
  11. Thank you both ring kind and replying. The issue is now I’m hours away from the therapist and psychiatrist I finally found, this house is in the middle of nowhere, and we weren’t able to find good doctors before we had to leave. No one would take me, and now even if they would, we have even less money than before. I also don’t know if we are staying here, and if we aren’t, where we will end up. There’s so much out of my control. I am 20, but I still live at home, I can’t function very well. I’ve been trying so hard but I just can’t. Sometimes I really don’t feel 20 at all.
  12. My issue doesn’t 100% fit here, but this seems to be the only active place, and I desperately need help or just someone to talk to. I’m just going to copy and paste what I said in another channel thing: “I have not been okay at all. Life blew up in my face. I don’t even know where to start... There are also a lot of holes because so much has happened it would take too long to explain. My dad ruined so much and we had to evacuate our home and go live with a family friend, we thought it was a safe haven, but it wasn’t. The friend’s husband had a bad temper and scared me. Another person living there kept smoking inside and giving me asthma attacks. Dad kept hacking and calling and saying horrible things and I kept having breakdown after breakdown. I’ve lost so much weight, I haven’t been able to eat because I’ve been afraid to get my own food because I didn’t feel comfortable in that house, and it scares me. I did finally see a therapist, though, and a psychiatrist. I was given two new diagnoses. Autism and body dysmorphic disorder. Along with those two I have anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, panic disorder and insomnia. I also have PCOS, separate, but relevant due to previous statements and as I said there are some holes. Anyway, mom took us back to the house we evacuated for Christmas because dad tricked her into thinking he changed... For the past few days it’s been on and off fighting. I’ve broken down and completely dissociated twice. I have no memory of either dissociative state but I know I did something because I was sore each time. At one point while they fought I screamed at the top of my lungs for them to stop. Mom tried... Dad just looked at me, and it was like he didn’t care, and I couldn’t see any emotion in his eyes. Just cold blankness. Dad kept provoking her even as I screamed, cried and begged. I am not okay. I’m not okay at all :’( I am sitting in my room crying unable to sleep. I just don’t know what to do and I’m sorry if this is bothering anyone but I just need someone, anyone, to listen. I can’t do this anymore! I really can’t!” There was no fighting today but I still feel like I constantly have to watch my back and all of my other issues are weighing so heavily on me. Especially PCOS. Because of the fact I haven’t been able to eat the best I’m scared to death my next blood test will be disastrous. I’ve started having numbness and tingling in my hands, logically I know it’s likely just psychosomatic diabetes symptoms like I’ve had before, but my anxiety likes to tell me otherwise. My stomach has also been hurting pretty bad for the past few days, again I know it’s likely anxiety, but my brain won’t stop giving me what-ifs 😞 I really, really need help. How am I supposed to get ready for college, for life period, when I’m a mess? Everything scares me, I’m not sleeping and I feel trapped and hurt and sad so often. I’m sorry if I’m coming off as attention seeking or being a bother, that’s not my intention, I just genuinely don’t know what to do and don’t really have anyone to talk to.
  13. I have ocular migraines and I can tell you that there are also miniature ones that cause little blips and things in vision without a full on episode, not all being pain or color storms, and sometimes your eyes just do odd things. Especially if you are tired and not getting enough sleep they do. I assure you this is nothing to be concerned about. I am so sorry you are going through all of this, though 😞
  14. I have not been okay at all. Life blew up in my face. I don’t even know where to start... There are also a lot of holes because so much has happened it would take too long to explain. My dad ruined so much and we had to evacuate our home and go live with a family friend, we thought it was a safe haven, but it wasn’t. The friend’s husband had a bad temper and scared me. Another person living there kept smoking inside and giving me asthma attacks. Dad kept hacking and calling and saying horrible things and I kept having breakdown after breakdown. I’ve lost so much weight, I haven’t been able to eat because I’ve been afraid to get my own food because I didn’t feel comfortable in that house, and it scares me. I did finally see a therapist, though, and a psychiatrist. I was given two new diagnoses. Autism and body dysmorphic disorder. Along with those two I have anxiety, depression, complex PTSD, panic disorder and insomnia. I also have PCOS, separate, but relevant due to previous statements and as I said there are some holes. Anyway, mom took us back to the house we evacuated for Christmas because dad tricked her into thinking he changed... For the past few days it’s been on and off fighting. I’ve broken down and completely dissociated twice. I have no memory of either dissociative state but I know I did something because I was sore each time. At one point while they fought I screamed at the top of my lungs for them to stop. Mom tried... Dad just looked at me, and it was like he didn’t care, and I couldn’t see any emotion in his eyes. Just cold blankness. Dad kept provoking her even as I screamed, cried and begged. I am not okay. I’m not okay at all :’( I am sitting in my room crying unable to sleep. I just don’t know what to do and I’m sorry if this is bothering anyone but I just need someone, anyone, to listen. I can’t do this anymore! I really can’t! Edit: I’m sorry if I seek attention seeking or if I’m bothering anyone, but I really need help. There was no fighting today but I still feel like I constantly have to watch my back and all of my other issues are weighing so heavily on me 😞 I really, really need help...
  15. I am, don’t worry, it’s just difficult. We are trying to find medicines that work for me since I have a bad reaction to almost everything. I also have PCOS so that factors in to what I can take. I found a therapist to go to, too, but I can’t get in for another few weeks. I’m sorry if I worried you.