I am 26 years old from germany, (I hope my english is not too bad ).. To keep it short, I have a quite long anxiety story. It all started so to say ‘basic’ in summer 2014 , i came home from a stressful period of university (exams etc) for the holidays – we just sat together with my family and drunk coffee and suddently I got very dizzy and I couldnt hear anything. And I got a very BIG panic attack – by this time – I had no idea what anxiety/panic is or how It can affect our body/brain so I basically thought I am going to die.I became so obsessed whit the thought – what is wrong with you or are you sick etc – that the other days also depression flipped in. So I lived like this for about 1,5 year + DP/DR + 5-7 panic attacks a day + extreme health anxiety + 1 mio hospital visits and checks. But one day I came to the blog from an ex anxiety sufferer named Paul David and understood everything, what was going on , what anxiety is and so on. Paul explained everything so good.. I really felt that this guy knows what he is talking about and also found myself in his writings.. thought to myself ok I have nothing more to lose and started to implement everything Paul explained and bought the first of his book – At Last a Life.. it was really hard but after 5 month or so everything began to dissapear, EVERYTHING step by step. First I became panic attack free – then DP/DR free – then my hypochodria almost disappeared and in 2016 I was almost back to normal (just left with an extreme fatigue – but that was more or less ok for me) till Sep 2017. Thats the good news..Now in Sep 2017 it came again but it was weird tho. It was after a stressful work week. I had like 4-5 strong cups of black coffee that day. I came home and felt really bad – I had again extreme fatigue, I felt REALLY bad, and my mind just thought about : what is wrong with you?, why are you so tired?, why cant you concentrate? and so on.And in that moment my sister talked to me and I couldnt follow the concentration – I felt so distant and dr/dr and then I began to think like : You must be psycho, I must have depression or some other mental illness and I got again a big panic attack which lasted like 2 hours and during this attack it was like my brain ‘clicked’ and I became from one minutr to the next like really depressed and from that moment on I became obsessed with the feeling of depression , I became like emotionless/ listless,didnt feel fun for normal stuff I usually like, and just stucked with the thought : I must be depressed .. and began again to figure it all out and question everything in life, and I became anxious of maybe hurting myself it was really horrible at the begining.. And then again I remembered how I became anxiety free, and bought the second book of Paul - At Last a Life and Beyond , also I read the book of Claire Weekes and the story/letter of Chris - Nothing Works.. and now I am again trying to accept but its somehow different because I have no panic attacks ( just the one in september ,when it all began) and no fear of illnesses but fear of being depressed/ mentally ill (because I really feel depressed!!!)..I dont know what to write more.. – because my problem is I really feel this feeling of depression and this very feelings make me anxious. and also this what if thought – like what if I am really depressed and stay like this forever, or what if I kill myself because I have no more fun in life and so on.. Or that maybe Im bipolar and thats a chemical imbalance in my brain or even genetic probs.. Currently I am so in my head - I feel so foggy and dont enjoy stuff/ Im fatique/tired (chronically - all the time) and have concentration problems.. Just thinking about myself and my feelings of extreme listlessness. I am not really feeling myself. I am just like obsessed about my well being and future.
Today I also started to take medication - its called „Opipramol 100mg“ in germany.. although Im anxious about the withdrawals..
I feel very bad today, like im loosing my mind soon.. it is so hard.. 😞
Maybe someone can relate or give some advice. Maybe even lonesailor/jonathan (your posts were awsome and extremely helpful..) or other guys who came through something similar the other side/ recovered?? idk. Anyways thanks for ‘maybe’ reading my really long post. And again sorry for my ‘not so good’ english, but I wanted to post in the english thread because of the good advises given from the english community..