cutecat25

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About cutecat25

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  1. Last year my male co worker started showing interest in me. I didn't have any feelings for him at this point (and had never had feelings for a guy at all in my 27yrs of living.) But after a while of him texting me and showing me attention at work, I had a dream about him. It was nothing weird, he simply lived next door to my mum (in the dream) and that was it. But for some strange reason that changed everything for me and my feelings for him became extremely overwhelming and unlike nothing I had ever experienced before. He continued to text and call me, despite me never making the effort to reach out to him first. I also would often ignore his calls on purpose and then txt him later to apologise for missing his calls. I also cancelled plans with him a few times. Anyway because of the covid lockdown we couldnt really go anywhere, so our first two meetups were at his house. The 2nd meet up we slept together, and it was after that, that things changed between us. He called me once after we slept together and that was it. He was never the 1st one to reach out again after that. Funny enough I accidentely called him twice while scrolling through old messages and he tried calling back both times. I also messaged him asking him for an explanation, and he said he was sorry that i felt that he took advantage of me and it was too serious of a conversation to have over text and he wanted to meet in person to talk about it. Anyway the day of the meet up came and he text me to say he slept in and that he would call me after I finished work. He never called. When i see him at work he always tries to make conversation with me, and tries to be kind to me. He even asked me if I was angry with him, which seemed like a stupidly obvious answer. When he tries to talk to me at work I act so dead and cold towards him, even though my heart is absolutely shattering inside my chest. I have tried moving on, I keep busy by going on trips, going to the gym, working etc I've even started online dating, but keep finding myself meeting up with guys that look like him. I truly feel like I love him with my whole heart and soul. I regret not putting in as much effort as he did. I regret ignoring his calls and cancelling plans. I regret never messaging or calling first. But I also regret ever falling for him in the first place because he has caused me the most unbearable pain and I honestly dont know if I will ever recover. Funny thing is he has no idea I feel this way about him. Even though we had a "relationship" i never told him I liked him, and never expressed my true feelings to him, and at work I act so cold and disinterested that he probably think I hate him. When im on dates with other guys, all I think about is him, when im at work all I think about is him, hes the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about as I fall asleep at night. I have tried everything in my power to get over him. What am I meant to do? I am so depressed. How do you learn to unlove someone? Especially when you have to see them every week at work.
  2. Hey cutecat, you probably don't remember me. We use to talk on the chat on anxietyzone before they deleted it. We both suffered with dp/dr. Just wanted to see how everything was going

    1. cutecat25

      cutecat25

      Hey!  What was your username on az?

      Hope ur well!

    2. cutecat25

      cutecat25

      I do remember talking to someone with dp, but your username doesnt look familar?

    3. Jooerh

      Jooerh

      I'm not sure what my username was then. I remember we talked about your mom and sister. We had alot of convos, it was so long ago though haha. All is well?

  3. Thankyou John! I will reach out to him, and hopefully he can give me an explanation. Appreciate your response!
  4. I've had anxiety surrounding relationships and commitment my whole life, and as a result never allowed myself to get into a relationship. This year at work, one of my co workers started showing interest in me, by asking for my number, talking to me a lot at work, texting and calling me and suggesting we hang out outside of work. At first I didn't have feelings for him, but then I had a dream about him and that changed everything. After that dream I became obsessed with him. We hung out at his house twice recently, and sorry if this is tmi, the second time I went to his, we were intimate with eachother. Now since that day he's only called me once. I don't know if he's lost interest as over the last couple of months he's usually been the one to make the effort my calling and texting first and when he would call i would usually not answer due to anxiety, and call back later. There were also a couple of times I cancelled/rescheduled us hanging out. So maybe he feels i'm not interested? I saw him at work yesterday and it was so awkward. He didn't really say much, but I guess I dont blame him as there were other staff members around, but if wouldve been nice for him to call or text me to explain why hes been so silent lately. Our last interactions together were fine, we never fought or argued and he seemed to be enjoying his time with me. Now i'm doubting that. I feel so anxious and depressed. My life has been unbearable lately with health and financial problems, and having him show interest in me bought me a glimmer of hope during a really dark time. Now instead of helping me through this painful time in my life (he has no idea of my personal struggles) he's just added to the pain, making it almost impossible for me to get through the day, because my anxiety is so intense. My obsessive thoughts have been hell. I can't stop doubting he ever liked me. Re reading old messages, replaying memories of him in my mind. My mind tells me that all our positive interactions with eachother never happened at that I made it all up. 😞 I can't believe I finally open myself up to love for the first time in my 27 years of life, and end up getting hurt like this. I truly like him, and I hate that i've invested so much time and emotional energy into someone that obviously doesnt like me back. Everyone else I know are in happy, stable relationships, I finally get a taste test of what that's like and it doesnt even last more than a few months. It's so cruel. Im not like other girls where I can easily develop feelings for a guy. It takes a lot for me to feel something, and I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else again. 😞 I'm not sure what to do. The fact that there's no genuine reason for his loss of interest, and how our last experience together was a positive one, is what kills me the most. If something happened to make him loose interest, then I could be a little more accepting of the whole situation, yet, there's something inside of me that still hopes that things will work out between us, which I know is wrong. 😞 Friends have told me I should call him and ask him for an explanation, but I've always had trouble being the first one to reach out. Sigh....sorry for the long post. Just not sure where to go from here.
  5. Ive had one at the back of my right shoulder for almost two years. When i first found it, i got three ultrasounds, blood work and got a specialist to look at it, and they said it was okay. But it sometimes feels bigger/smaller, and i havent had it tested for years. Has anyone else had a swollen lymph node that never went down?
  6. So for the past year i’ve been living with a friend of mine and it’s been perfect, but now the lease has ended and we have to leave. I’ve been looking for apartments for months now, and it’s been extremely difficult. Living with a stranger, although it would be cheaper, it would be too much for my anxiety. Everyone i’ve spoken to about it just cannot understand why I can’t suck it up and live with people I don’t know. But to me the idea itself causes me to go into a panic attack. Is it normal to feel that way about living with strangers? Or am I just being high maintenence? My second (and only other option) is to live alone, and even that causes me great anxiety. I love being myself for periods at a time but the thought of being alone 24/7 particularly at night makes me super anxious too. This whole situation has made me feel so down and depressed. A majority of people these days lives with strangers, it’s such a normal part of our society, so why can’t I get it together and find a shared house to live in, instead of stretching my finances to live alone, and become isolated and lonely. 😞
  7. So I recently got a second job as a casual aged care lifestyle assistant. I start in two weeks but am already having severe anxiety over it. Not so much because i’m nervous, but because the manager told me that I have to be available until 3.30 pm and my other job starts at 3.00pm. In the interview she suggested that she could make the shifts more flexible and allow me to finish at 2.30, at least in the beginning. But now she’s saying that after the first two weeks I have to be available until 3.30, which would mean having to delete some shifts from my current job which I do not want to do. I’m so torn. Even though my current job (kitchen assistant in an aged care home) isn’t the the most respectable or highly qualified job, it’s familiar to me, and the everyday routine of going there, working with people i’ve known for years brings me comfort. And you all know how important that is for an anxiety sufferer. Do you feel that I could try and negotiate with the manager at my new job? I’m hoping that after the first two weeks of trial shifts she might like me enough to be a little more flexible, but i’m worried she won’t and then I might have to give up a majority of shifts at my old job. :( Any advice would be appreciated!
  8. I have had these two lymph nodes for a few months now. I’ve had three ultrasounds on one of them and a full blood workup, but haven’t had the other checked yet. I’m seeing a specialist next week and i’m absolutely terrified. Has anyone else had swollen lymph nodes for a long period of time and it was nothing serious?
  9. I’ve had two ultrasounds and a full blood work up and everything came back normal. They even said in the second ultrasound it had gone down a little bit. I’m terrified to get a biopsy, but i’m also terrified just to leave it. Has anyone else had one that lasted a long time, but it ended up being nothing?
  10. I got another ultrasound on the shoulder lymph node as well as one on my neck (because i could feel a lump there) the ultrasound came back saying the lymph node in my shoulder has gotten smaller and that my neck appears normal with no swollen lymph nodes(even though i can still feel a lump when i touch it). The dr also did extensive blood work and said everything was normal. He said come back in a month for a review but everything looks fine. Should I accept this?
  11. Three weeks ago I noticed a small lymph node on the back of my right shoulder. I got an ultrasound and they said it just looked like a reactive lymph node. At the time I had a ear piercing infection, but it's been three weeks now and the ear piercing infection is better, while the lymph node is still there. I'm terrified of having to get a biopsy as I know that's the only way to determine if it's benign or not. Has anyone else had a swollen lymph node and it turned out to be nothing?
  12. Hello Cutecat.......I believe I talked with you on another anxiety forum awhile back. How are you? I am exactly the same nothing has changed with me. I do have some relief but it never lasts too long. So sick of taking pills that dont work. I never want to go anywhere because I feel so awful!!!!!  Hope you respond would love to hear from you. 

                                         Gale

  13. Dr said its not ms, but is sending me to a Neurologist just to be sure. I seriously can't take any of this anymore. I've been dealing with so many health symptoms over the years, it just seems to be never ending. And i'm only 25, and lead a very healthy lifestyle. Has anyone else had white spots found on their brain before? And it been nothing serious?
  14. Dr said its not ms, but is sending me to a Neurologist just to be sure. I seriously can't take any of this anymore. I've been dealing with so many health symptoms over the years, it just seems to be never ending. And i'm only 25, and lead a very healthy lifestyle. Has anyone else had white spots found on their brain before? And it been nothing serious?