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I am stuck.Every day. It's like I don't know how to live normally anymore.I don't want to say I suffer from, because I know there's people in the world going through so much. But every day, I fear that I'm dying. From what changes all the time, but it's to a point where it's so overwhelming. I wake up with panic and shivering and feeling cold. And almost every day I feel on edge and cry and cry because I want to live a long life. I'm 29.I've struggled with the thought of turning the big 30 for awhile now. Last October I had an advanced case of Covid and didn't know if I was going to make it through. I did, and immediately I was so happy to be alive. I had this new appreciation on life. I quit taking Lexapro, I was simply enjoying existing. After covid I was diagnosed with tachycardia because my average resting heart rate was around 100. It never bothered me. Until this last month. At the end of August I was at my office and I had a huge dose of derealization hit me where it felt like nothing is real. The only thing I did that day was drink a shit ton of caffeine and I'm attributing it to that. Since then though It's like I've been stuck in panic. I let myself go after covid, I was weighing 405lbs (I'm 385 now) I went to the doctor and he ran an an ekg and blood panel (he said my heart was fine, just beating fast) and I found out I have high blood pressure, during my panic attack at the doctor it was 172/124 and he put me on beta blockers. The same day my psychiatrist put me on Prozac 20mg. I went home and cried because of my blood pressure, I was convinced my lifestyle of junk food and no exercise the last 10 years had damaged my heart. Why else would I need beta blockers? My panic was at an all time high, so much I went to the ER convinced I was having a heart attack. They did an ekg, another full blood panel and a chest x-ray, which again told me I was fine and had a young healthy heart. I went home that night and promptly fell asleep relieved, until I woke up in the morning twice with more palpitations. The next 3 days I barely slept and freaked out worse than I ever have. I was convinced I was dying.So much that I checked myself into the psychiatric ward aka behavioral health for 5 days. I still cried everyday and felt like my skin was going to jump off my arms. They gave me Ativan? but it didn't make me feel better. They adjusted my beta blocker to propranolol and raised my prozac to 40mg. and aslo gave me 50mg of hydroxizine to take every 6 hours (Idk if it helps, I think it does) Last Thursday marked week 3 of being on prozac since then I have convinced myself that I'm dying again, but this time from CJD (Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease ) It's like my brain picked out the worst disease it could find when I was looking up symptoms. I'm convinced that my sudden anxiety and depression spike is why I have it. I pulled away from my friends, I don't enjoy gaming or listening to music. Every day I wake up scared I'm going to forget something and that will be the dementia taking over from the CJD. I wake up and instantly start trying to recall the prior days memories. I start balancing on each leg trying to make sure I have balance. I've looked up almost every case of CJD I can find just to see what the presenting features were. (which btw I found out I have problems balancing with my eyes closed, aka postive Rombergs test and that freaks me out too) It feels like I'm a ticking time bomb, and wondering what day I'm going to wake up to more symptoms, but not just for CJD, but for anything, wondering if I'll have a heart attack, a stroke, a seizure or something much worse and I can't enjoy anything because I just worry about what day in life will be my last. I also don't know what's what anymore as far as how I'm feeling.Since upping my prozac to 40 and starting propranolol, I've tracked these symptoms:- Jaw clenching which sometimes causes my jaw to shake and a headache- Heat sensitivity (Feeling hot)- Sweating a lot. On and off most of the day in fact.- Waking up in the morning cold sometimes and shaking- Hands shaky and fingers twitching- Muscle twitches in my legs and toes- Visual Snow (I only notice this when I look for it or I'm super stressed)- Tinnitus (ear ringing), which again I think is from the jaw clenching.- Feeling my anxiety spike like I'm going to jump out of my skin.- Hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations (seeing things upon waking or going to bed)- Tried having sex and after climax I got nauseous and sweaty- Crying more than usual- Not being able to calm down, having panic for hours- Tension in different parts of my bodyMy psychiatrist said to go to 60mg of Prozac and since then some of it has seemed even worse so I came back down to 40mg.I never felt this way when I was taking Lexapro. I've never felt this way in my life before.I don't understand how it can get this bad just by having anxiety and depression which is why I keep thinking I have something wrong with me.The though of dying terrifies me, I was raised Christian and believe in heaven, but I made the mistake of reading NDE on reddit one night where so many people that supposedly died and came back just saw nothing or blackness. My whole life I've believed that my relatives who have passed are on the other side waiting, and I'm scared to die.I don't know what to do anymore.

So, let me start with the fact that I'm 23. All my life I have dealt with social anxiety. It use to not be as bad as it is now. When I turned 18 I went to college, a couple times actually. The courses I chose didnt work out because it was sort of what my mom wanted for me. Also the professor had some assignment where I had to speak in front of class so I would drop out. Anyway, I went on to try and have many jobs but I would always quit. Because it is so much easier to stay home then to face my anxiety and work 8 hours a day 5 days a week. So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. He wants a life with me, marriage, babies... and he is the manager of a store. We are struggling for money right now so until things are fixed we can't have a future. I love him to pieces. He recently offered me a job. I want to take it but I don't know if I can ever get up the courage to work. I want to but I'm scared. I don't wanna fail him again. I was walking today and found this website. I don't really know if this is how you're even supposed to use this site but here I am, writing this here. Maybe I really want help this time. So, anyway, if anyone has any tips or anything... It would really be nice. Thanks to whoever reads this. (:

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness. Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and friday's worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness. Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Greetings from pharmaceutical products online pharmacy. We are based in Richmond virginia USA, and retail and whole sale of drugs to other pharmacy worldwide and Individuals in needs of prescribed drugs. We do descreate delivery to 4 continents namely: Europe, Australia, Asia and America. We do consult patients with #depressions #anxiety #weight loss #insomnia Our deliveries are done on mondays, wednesdays and fridays worldwide. We also take people for sport lessons those interested in weight loss and fitness. Pharmaceutical products online is waiting to warmly recieve and assist you in your health issues. Stay bless!!! Email: contact@pharmaceuticalproducts.org Contact : (804) 223 2741

Hi, I'm 30years old and happily married to the love of my life . 4 years ago I took a job that was way out of my comfort zone, and I triggered BIG TIME! Fear. I didnt want to go to work I was crying all the time etc. My husband finally took me to the dr. Cause he knew I needed help and I did, as fearful as I was I did agree to go and that's when they diagnosed me with GAD. I have had it tough in life before I fell in love with my husband, my family have always put me down and drove me to tears my whole life, same with past ex relationships (mentally abusive) my whole life . My dad was barly there for me and most of my life he was cheating on my mom. My older brother was also hard on me. To this day my brother barely calls my husband and I or ever plan to come and visit cause we live out of town. 2years ago my husband and I got married 🙂 happiest day of my life! My dad wasnt there to walk me dow the aisle cause he passed away of lung cancer in 2014. My aunt who I was close to for the longest time gave us a hard time cause we weren't getting married how she wanted us to. My grandma doesn't treat us with respect either. My anxiety will cause me to have images or conversations in my head rumminating over past events , my anxiety acts like I dont know what love is, my first relationship was in high school on and off, I was close to him and his parents we ended permanently 11 years ago it was a horrible relationship. 8 years ago I fell in love with my husband at first sight , hes always been my best friend , my soulmate I never stopped loving him and I never will. Hes my everything, for 5 years I lost him and my heart called for him. Finally fate brought us back together and we were still crazy in love I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm always fearful of losing him even though I know I'm not and hes never gonna lose me. My anxiety makes my mind have unwanted unfaithful thoughts like , my aunt always loved my high School BF and when my husband and I were moving into our own place when we got back together and I'm so happy she didnt care how happy I was she thought after so long that we were gonna end up together . So during an anxiety episode I heard that conversation and I went into a panic attack , numbness and it makes it seem like I dont know what love is because of numbness and like "you wont be able to get over the past" so that's what made it unfaithful. My husband is the love of my life and I tell him that every second of the day. Litterly! And so he never forgets. This anxiety is making me sick everyday , then after I come out of fearful mode I go into guilt mode from the episode. It's like it's trying to prevent me from being happy. I know all of this is silly it is, it's just scary too. I cry at the thought of losing the most precious and amazing thing in my life 😢 I've never been happy in life until I fell in love with my husband and he changed my whole world he has been so supportive though all this with me, he took me to get help in the beginning when I needed it, I still do talk to a counselor when I can cause we live out of town and hes right there by my side holding my hand at every appointment. This man is what I live for! My anxiety makes me feel like I'm losing myself and makes me feel crazy.

Hello everybody, this post will be quite long, but I just need to get this off my chest. My name is Paul (20 yrs old) and I am from Germany. For the last 6 months I have been suffering from severe health anxiety which also lead to depression. Health anxiety is not new to me (typical hypochondriac). I had several episodes of health anxiety during my early teenage years because I'm a very sensitive and anxious person when it comes to health. Some examples are: fear of catching HIV at 13 (without any reason), obsessively washed my hands so much that they started bleeding because I wanted to kill all the germs and I also had a time where I was afraid of cancer. The reason why I got these fears in the first place was because of googling my symptoms (Dr. Google). All these fears were only temporarily (never lasted more than 3 months) and didn't require any kind of treatment. Since then, I lived pretty much without any anxiety and OCD behaviours. A little bit about myself: I am very ambitious and always set high goals for myself. Next to high school, I would spend all my time with my passion which is coding. I wouldn't say that I am nerdy or socially akward, but I am the type of guy that would choose working and reading over going out for drinks. I am also a bit obsessive/OCD in everything that I do. Very often, I would work up to 14 hours a day during vacations and enjoy every second of it. Overall I would say that I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Besides of keeping a healthy diet, I also lift weights up to 5 times a week in the gym and try to avoid unhealthy habits like excessive drinking or regular smoking. Now onto what's bothering me: Almost two years ago I had this stupid habit of smoking hookah with my friends in these so-called hookah lounges which are very common here (they have become very popular here and the majority of teens have already tried it). It was a thing that I "only" did two or three times a month on the weekends to chill out with friends. However, I never thought of it as a big deal health-wise since I never became addicted to it and didn't do it every day. So one night in December 2016 me and 3 other friends wanted to try out a new bar. We ordered two hookahs...nothing unusual so far. I can remember that I was taking very deep hits because I was trying to do O's with the smoke for the first time (Yes, very stupid, I know...). Only 20 minutes or so passed by and all of a sudden after taking a deep hit I got pretty bad stomach aches (This had already happened to me once because I was also trying to do O's and took deep hits about two months prior but it went away after 30 seconds after I stopped smoking). I thought I had diarrhea so I quickly stood up and rushed to the bathroom. On the way, I was a bit dizzy, so when I got in the bathroom I passed out. When I woke up again, I felt PERFECTLY FINE, no stomache aches, no dizzines... NOTHING, I just felt great. I don't know how long I passed out but probably not that long, otherwise my friends or somebody else would have noticed. When I fell, I slightly hit my head on a piece of furniture so I got a small scratch which was bleeding and cleaned it up with some water but nothing too crazy. During that time, my friends were still smoking, as if nothing had happened, they were all fine. Since I was feeling so great again (no more symptoms), I just called it a night and decided not to go to the hospital. I hadn't smoked in a few weeks so I thought this was just a reaction of my body because of the deep hits, but nothing too crazy. I also was a bit scared because my mother would find out that I smoked. After that I went home and did a bit of googling, just to make sure everything is okay (very typical of me). I didn't find anything too crazy and I was more concerned about my wound than me blacking out. The next day was a sunday but since I always want to make sure that everything is okay, I went to the doctor to check the scratch. He said everything was fine and I told him that I slipped and bumped my head on the ground because I didn't want him to tell my mother that I smoked. After that incident, I lived perfectly fine...I never noticed anything being weird with my body, I lived just like I did before. As a fact, the times after that incident were one of the best times of my life. I started a small coding business in my junior year of high school (2016/2017) which I put my whole energy into and loved it. Then senior year came (2017/2018) and I did my best to get the best possible grades (while running that small business) so that I could get accepted to my dream university. This was by far the most stressful period of my life. Two months before the final exams I already noticed that the stress was taking a huge toll on my body. I spent many nights sleepless because I had obsessive thoughts like "What if you don't get the required grades?". It got so bad that I had to go to my doctor to get sleeping pills and something to calm me down during the day. This is where my anxiety began: During the peak of my exam studies in april, I came across an article on facebook that you can get carbon monoxyde poisoning from smoking hookah. These were a series of articles that were published at that time. At first, I didn't think much of it, because I had lived perfectly fine since that incident. But then I started googling (MY BIGGEST MISTAKE) and read all these articles which were written in a very dramatic way (things like: you can get parkinson, irreparable brain damage, and concentration difficulties if you don't get immediate treatment after such a poisoning). I never noticed anything being wrong with me, never had any concentration issues (some days I would study up to 12 hours without any problems), got straight A's in the tests prior to my final exams... no signs of anything being wrong. I got very severe health anxiety at that time and even experienced my first panic attack ever (thought I was going to have a heart attack) because I also started reading more generally about carbon monoxide poisoning (not just from smoking hookah). During the day I was always anxious, my heart was beating so fast because I had obsessive thoughts like "There is now something wrong with you and you will not reach your goals because of it". It was by far the worst I have ever felt. The fact that I had my final exams coming up in a month, didn't help... I could only study after taking a tranquilizer because my anxiety was horrible. I then decided to go visit my GP to ask her for advice. She said that I had nothing to worry about and that I was fine. I felt a bit of relief but the obsessive thoughts wouldn't stop. After the second visit, she prescribed me antidepressants (she probably thought I was a crazy hypochondriac). I then visited two more GP's and they told me the same. They said that even if it was such a poisoning, it would have been a minor one without any consequences for my health. I got a blood test done and everything was perfect "just don't worry" I heard from them. The anxiety wouldn't stop but I did my best to distract myself with studying for my upcoming finals. I got straight A's in my final exams, got a much higher grade than the required one for my dream university and was ranked among the best in my school. I had decided in winter that I would take a gap year after high school, so that I could focus on building my business. After high school, my anxiety became even worse. I was laying in bed all day (very unusual of me), crying and hopeless about my future because I thought that I had ruined my health and therefore my life. Weeks passed by and the antidepressants started working slowly. I went on vacation with my family to try to clear my mind. The only thing that saved me from going insane, was the gym. I was lifting weights up to 6 times a week to release my anger. I haven't worked on my business since the day I read that article because I had obsessive thoughts like "you're not good enough anymore". I became very depressed because I was laying in bed all day doing nothing. I also told my mother and sister about how I was feeling, they also told me that I had nothing to worry about, since my GP said everything was fine and it had happened over 1 year ago. 2 months had passed by and I decided to go visit a psychiatrist. I talked to him for 1 hour and he could't understand why I was worried. He said that I should spend my time doing something productive to distract myself from the negative thoughts. After that I even visited went to the hospital to get the opinion from a specialist of the hyperbaric chamber department. He really wasn't taking me very seriously and told me that I had nothing to worry about and that I was fine. One month has now passed since that hospital visit. My anxiety has lowered a lot but my life is just pure chaos right now. I don't know how I should feel about myself and about my future. My business is still running, but I haven't followed a productive daily routine for 5 months now. Most of the day I watch youtube videos, sleep and go to the gym, to distract myself from negative thoughts. Before I had read that article, my future looked very promising. If I had never come across that stupid article, my life would be a lot different right now. I feel like a failure but I know that I can't continue living like this. I don't want to waste this gap year and don't want to disappoint my parents. I even visited my dream university for the open day but with all that anxiety it just didn't feel right... Sorry for the length of this post but I really don't know what I should do now or how I should feel about all of this. I really want to get back to building my business and living life. It is really difficult to just "not worry"... I never thouht that this small incident would have such a huge effect on my life because I was feeling fine back then. It didn't seem like a big deal to me. I also didn't have any headaches (which are a common symptom for poisoning). I really don't now... I regret it so much that I didn't go immediately to the hospital. Even if I don't notice anything being wrong with my health, this uncertainty of not knowing 100% is just killing me... I'm kind of angry at myself for having put my health at risk like that.

Hi guys, so I'm almost done my first year of college and to be honest it has not been that great of a year. I'm doing fine academically but really bad socially. I don't know why but my anxiety is horrible. I am always second guessing myself in social situations, thinking "what will they think if i say this" or "why aren't they talking to me, there must be something wrong with me". I've read up on social anxiety and being vulnerable enough that I know that I should not trust my thoughts and that they are irrational. But at the same time, I'm so used to being in my head all the time. I used to think that I was just introspective but now I hate being so anxious all the time. I think my social anxiety has led me to feel depressed. Mostly I feel hopeless about my future because I know how much my anxiety holds me back. I really want to make friends but even though I'm desperate, my anxiety still pulls me back. Whenever I try to initiate a conversation or join one, my mind goes black and i just become so insecure and dont know what the "right thing to say" is. I think I should probably be seeking professional help but the mental health services at my school is really bad and I can't afford to get a therapist somewhere else. I wanted to know if anyone has some strategies that have helped them when feeling socially anxious while talking to others. I've tried to deconstruct my thoughts and such but I still freeze up and I want to feel more relaxed and less anxious so that I can grow and feel less stuck. Thank you!! 😊

I am in a mental tug of war. My doctor put me on Abilify 10mg. She claims it is the cleanest drug that is in the anti-psychotic category, she told me that my anxiety and depression are atypical because they are resistent to treatment, hard to treat. She told me that the Abilify would be for my depression and clonidine 0.1mg for my panic attacks at night. I am wondering if these are even remotly safe? I have read reviews about the Abilify... I think it is dangerous to even touch it with a 10 foot stick. Some people were projectile vomiting on it, others going into psychotic episodes, others having permanent and uncontrolable twitching of the face, legs, fingers, etc. I am just so scared that going on it will ruin my life, I have GERD and IBS so it just does not seem stomach safe. I am scared to take the clonidine also because I have a slow heartrate from my low thyroid. Really the only pill she gave me that I will happily take is my thyroid pill. I really do not know what to do. I told me therapist and he laughed, I am seriously thinking these two stupid pills that they want me on can kill me. Should I tell my doctor to forget about it and give me a differant prescription? Or just take these pills that I do not find safe at all?

A few months ago I was in a pretty serious relationship. The girl and I did everything together and I felt we had something special. Yeah there were times we argued like crazy and she made me feel like I wasn't good enough or just a bad person and this sparked my attacks daily or at least every time we would have a small argument. I would tell her what she was doing to me mentally and she talked to me like I was crazy. Her promises she made me and things she told made me believe she cared for me so I stayed. Some things had happened causing us to put a hold on the relationship...or so I thought. After we stopped talking for about a moth I found out through a third party she was with someone else and not just anyone her ex she always talked shit about. I tried so hard not to let it get to me but it hurts so bad. The last few days I've been at work she's walked in with her family and each time she has I have an extreme attack and I get afraid and I wish I could stop, love myself, and move on already and not let her hold me back.....

Hi! I'm a college student who has been dealing with ADHD, anxiety, and depression for many years. In the last couple years, I began to exhibit symptoms of excessive daytime sleepiness, in a way that is very characteristic of narcolepsy without cataplexy. However, getting any answers in finding a diagnosis of what is causing my sleep issues has been difficult, and it may be a year or more before I am able to even try again to get answers. I'm currently feeling quite a bit alone in my struggles with sleep issues, and this is exacerbated by my anxiety. Hoping to find some common ground among others here!

Hello. I need help with my anxiety. I don't want to take any medications anymore. I don't know how many times I've been to the doctors and hospitals for the last 15 years and it's getting worse. I've already thrown out all medications except 1 that I will use once or twice a week but I don't want to anymore. It's becoming almost impossible for me to stop having anxiety and panic attacks. I get so sick that I can't even leave my room or allot of times I don't want to even leave my own bed. Going out to go grocery shopping or other simple tasks as this are a nightmare to me. And then I become so paranoid & fear kicks in, then my anxiety becomes very high spiked within 2-3 seconds and takes hours or days to yet and stop workout medication. I'm throwing away the rest of the medication. I want to do this on my own. Please help me? I wasn't raised to be like this. There is allot I have to deal with that are major changes from my past, present and future that are hugely effecting me. I'm freaking out about all of it to where my entire body, internal senses and everything else just freeze, cramp up, I can't breathe, I can't think to breathe because I'm freaking out bad at not knowing what's going to happen next in that moment or the future. Does anyone have an good advice that I can try. I've never asked for help like this before. Thank you so much. ?Behealthy ❤️

Hi, Everyone! Just discovered this place. Looking forward to chatting and supporting other members. I have had mental illness for most of my life and am on disability because of it. Between emotional and physical pain (not to mention "horrormones"), I have quite the challenge of navigating through life. I have figured out a lot, however, through the help of my psychiatrist, my therapist, and my medications. I feel I take too many medications, however and would like to talk about that, as well as other issues. I am an artist working in all kinds of media, and when I am working I am in my happy place. Art and crafting has literally saved my life. Looking forward to meeting you!

i'm felt so exhausted lately. i'm stressed from university, i'm anxious because i live with my overbearing gaslighting mother, and feel like my life is getting more and more dull. i had a really good friend for a while, let's call her M, and M and i were really close. we would hang out all the time, go get lunch, send memes and texts everyday when we were bored in our classes and were always hanging out. M is the first friend i've had in my life who was a real friend, not just someone who played nice with me because i was lonely enough to do whatever they said as long as i could sit with them at lunch. for the first time, in a really long time, i felt good. i had a job i liked, i was finally going back to school after taking a semester off for personal reasons, i was getting better after seven long years of not being ok. a few months ago M got a boyfriend. nothing really changed at first, M and i still hung out all the time and texted. but over the past three weeks M and i have barely spoken. it'll be days before she responds to a message and when she does it's with one word answers, and we haven't hung out in over two months. is it clingy and stupid of me to feel hurt by this? because M and i have stopped hanging out less, i've been forced to spend more time at my own house and it's taking it's toll on me. i don't know if it's a fact or not but i feel like a kid can always tell when their parent has given up on them. even from a young age. when you find your drawings in the trash instead of on the fridge next to your sibling's, when you ideas and wants are brushed off like dirt, when they stop saying i love you because they mean it and instead because they don't want to be a parent that doesn't say it. it's easy to tell for me. when i'm four miles from home on campus at 6 pm and i ask for a ride on her way home from work and the response i get is 'i love you but your problems aren't my problems and i'm focusing on other things right now.' it's easy to tell because when i bring things up, "hey let's watch this new movie that's coming out next week together! i think you'll like it and it's been a while since we've done anything!" it's easy to tell how little you mean when you get home and ask where she is and get a text that says 'decided to go see this new movie, figure out dinner yourself.' it's in the little things, like re-ordering food you've been allergic to your whole life and saying 'since when?' and the dismissive hand wave when you tell them you accomplished something you're proud of. every time it happens it hurts just a little more until you feel like a stranger to your own mother who still forces you into hugs and saying 'i love you' back when you know she doesn't give a damn about anything other than herself. and the one day you wake up and you hear her talking in the background to your step father who you've never been close to and you're standing in the kitchen and staring out the window and realize how unimportant you are in your own life and you suddenly feel so so lonely you feel so fucking lonely that you want to cry but youre too tired to cry and youre tired of crying and youre tired of being tired but you're so lonely that you cant even sleep and youre so touch starved that you would probably cry if anyone hugged you and you have no one to talk to because you know no one really cares so you end up typing out the way you feel online to a website of people with better things to do than read your pitiful cry for help and attention because god youre just so fucking lonely and stupid and you want to cry and you dont want to die- you know you don't because you know what that feels like- you've felt it before- and that's not how you feel now. right now you want to live. you want to live so fucking bad it hurts because the more you look at it the more you realize you're not even living you're just going through the motions of breathing, eating, going to class...and it feels like its never going to end

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Hello Everyone! I have been dealing with anxiety for as long as I can remember, although I did not know what it was. I am almost 33 years old and it is worse than ever. I am confined to my house and the only time I get out is to go grocery shopping, doctors appts, ect. I have a constant need for my husband to be with me. It is terrible and extremely unhealthy. I go to school online to get my masters degree in social work. That seems to be the main reason for my stress. I used to love writing papers but now homework makes me so anxious. Last week I had to write three. Needless to say, I felt an onset of worse anxiety than normal. I haven't been hospitalized in three years and I would say that I was relatively okay. I deal with anxiety as a part of life. Some days are better than others. Now the anxiety is not stopping. I am having really bad "ear worms" where I have a group of lyrics from a song stuck in my head. It is maddening. I also am hypersensitive to sounds and feel hyper vigilant. I am sleeping poorly. I wake up every hour on the hour and am greeted by the ear worms every time I wake up. I am on the verge of going inpatient but I am fearful that I will miss school and I can't. I know that is a poor way to think about it, as my health should come first. I found this website and I am hoping that I can find people that relate to my situation.

Hello All! I've been missing in action for some months now, but I have returned with wonderfully magical news to share with each and every person here! I'll start off by telling you my diagnoses: Major Depressive Disorder, Treatment Resistant, Moderate Degree, Recurring Episodes; Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia; Anxiety Disorder, and Trichotillomania. I have tried about 85% of the SSRIs on the market, various Antipsychotics, Benzos, Mood Stabilizers, and Homeopathic remedies; EMDR Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Hypnotherapy, Meditation, Breathing Techniques, Visualization, Self Talk, Self Hypnosis, Soul Retrieval Ceremony (a Shamanic Ceremony), Massage Therapy, Exercise, Heliotherapy, Adjusting my Diet, and Reiki Therapy...I think that covers it. Last month, I was preparing to elect Electroconvulsive Therapy as a treatment resort to help with my disorders. In the nick of time, my Psychiatrist mentioned Ketamine. I'd never heard of it, and so I did research on the method of this treatment. Ketamine is FDA approved for Anesthesia in surgical procedures. There are also studies on Ketamine being a successful treatment for Chronic Pain. In addition, Ketamine is a street drug, Special K, that has a hallucinogenic quality. Finally, as of recent years, there are studies for using low doses of Ketamine to treat Major Depression (although it is not FDA approved to treat MDD). It wasn't long before I felt the strongest sense of hope and desire to undergo this treatment; just thinking to myself, "This sounds too good to be true!" To make my hope grow even brighter, there just happened to be a Psychiatrist about 60 miles away that offered the treatment! The following week, I told my Psychiatrist about my findings, and he gave me the thumbs up to contact the Psychiatrist that offered Ketamine Infusion Treatments. My first consultation was set, I ended up being a suitable candidate, and had my appointment for my first Infusion scheduled!! BAM! I don't have the words to share with you to express adequately how I've responded to this treatment that is available. My very first Infusion..I was freed from the weight, that heavy, dark, lonely, cloud that followed me for so long. I could breath!! And it only continued to get better as the days passed. Thus far, I have had 4 Infusions, and I have one remaining. I found myself again, because of Ketamine; I feel again, because of Ketamine; I laugh now, because of Ketamine; I have more understanding of what I've been struggling with, because of Ketamine; I see things I've never seen before, because of Ketamine; I hear things that I've never heard in my life, because of Ketamine; I'm as goofy as ever (and not afraid to show it), because of Ketamine; I want to LIVE, because of Ketamine Infusion Treatments!! In closing, I must stress that I am NOT recommending anyone to make any attempt, whatsoever, to treat themselves with Ketamine in an uncontrolled, unmonitored environment!!! You want to live, not die!!! Also, there is not such thing as a "Silver Bullet" in treating everyone. I just wanted to share my success story, because if this story help even a single person, then I would be so, so happy!

Hey there, I'm Topher and I'm 32 years old. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety when I was 18, which lead to me not wanting to leave the house for a long time. As the years went on it didn't get much better. I did end up leaving the house but only for things like work, or doctors appointments. It's odd the way we feel when there is an obligation to do something. That's in the past for me now. I've changed my life completely. Today, I don't want to stay inside. In fact, I get a bit sad when I have nothing to do. My social life is hectic with a new friend every month, at least. I've turned my life around. I want to say this is not an advertisement or any kind. Why would a no longer agoraphobic want to join an agoraphobia forum? Because I know how you feel. I know the anxiety, the depression, the loneliness. I really want to help in any way I can, and this is the best way I know how. By giving advice, encouragement, and general information on what our sickness is. I am a survivor and I want to give hope to people who think there is no hope. I look forward to talking with as many people as I can talk to. See you around.

Hello Over the last two years I have developed anxiety. Some days it is so bad it feels like panic attacks. After they go away my heart muscle literally hurts. I take .1mg of Ativan and it barely takes them away. I just recently started Lamotragine and have now triated up to 75mg. I take 25mg in the am and 50mg p.m.. I was taking Cipralex 10mg but felt it caused more anxiety. I now take Luvox 100mg in the am. I feel so depressed and anxious that I literally feel like I am beside myself. Just wondering if there is anyone out there that has suffered same side effects of the Lamotragine and if it eventually level out.

Hi guys, I'm Kai. I'm 21 & from CA, found this place on google & it seemed like a good idea to find people who understand the struggle. Just here to make friends & find things that distract me from how bad I feel, I guess. A little more about me: I have serve depression & general anxiety, plus some other things. I've never gotten any help for my condition, but I've been living in it & have experienced it progressively since childhood. For the past months, my depression has been relentless, prolly cause of a recent ankle injury & cause I caught the feels for this girl ?. I've been very bitter at my circumstances, I've pushed all my friends/family away even tho I get super lonely & have guilt for continually dodging people. My family is very conservative & mental illness isn't real in my house, so I have no idea where to start to look for help. Sometimes, I don't want to be helped tbh.