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Found 8 results

  1. Sometimes I weep. Sometimes I just cry my eyes out, thinking of a million different things, not knowing the real cause except whatever it is, is making me cry, silent hot droplets down my face. Weeping. Most of the time I’ll be thinking about my nephew who passed away. Other popular mind topics are dying. My health. My family and friends. My future. Did I mention dying? Recuring topics that will always be there, they will never go away and sometimes. When the stars aline, the thought of them makes me weep. Weep with fear, alone in a dark room. Waiting to be both completely alone and completely surround all at once. Weeping feels like a release though. It’s not hysterical, panic driven or causes small screams that I stifle with a pillow. I will sit or lay down and the tears will just fall down my face. The heat of them always surprising me. It is a release, it doesn’t necessarily make me feel better but something is open and shared when I weep to myself. Today i weep...I think because I started to think about my nephew but then I started to think about my future and what I want to do. And I’ve been worried about my stomach the last few days too, it’s not felt so great. So im making a promise to myself, this week I’m going to eat healthy, cry if I want to about it haha but I’m going to do it. I’m going to try and make a doctors appointment to take about anxiety medication and I’m going to keep my future creative. Aim for happiness and you can’t go wrong, someone very smart said that to me once. I’llbefineintheend
  2. Hello, Newbie here. just trying to share my pain and worries. Does anyone worry excessively about their parents? I mean, I worry constantly to the point If : 1. they call/ text me in a weird hour My heart races 2. their last seen on whatsapp is not recent, I will panic I mean, It's really tiring and I guess there have been several trigger. one big one was my Dad's Emergency Heart bypass a few years ago. We were so lucky that we found it before anything bad happen. He did not have any symptom and was just randomly checking. We were so grateful that it was found without any heart damage and that now he is taking medicines to control his risks. The thing is, he was always super healthy even before the surgery: normal blood pressure, exercise 5 days a week, eats healthily, etc. he just had slightly (10%) high cholesterol . this really threw me off and I've always been super worried about him ever since. I always dread his bi-yearly check up. and am sick with worries if the time has come for him to do check up. I am grateful that his check up has always come out great but I still cannot stop worrying. 2 years after that, My mom has developed piriformis syndrome which prevented her to sit too much. she is now so much better but it comes and goes. I know this is normal and she just needs some lifestyle changes. and again, I should be grateful. I just cannot shake the memory when Dad has called in the morning a few months back saying that mom is really hurting and needed to go to the Emergency room for this. This has come to a point where I cannot concentrate at work, I obsessed over every little "pain" they have and just overly worried about them all the time. I check on them all the time and I know this can be annoying for them as well. Furthermore, I am terrified if they decide to go the doctor for something, and this prevents me from reminding them it's time for their checkup!! this is horrible. it is a good thing they want a check up. but I tremble every time and this is exhausting. just sharing my thoughts. it would be great if anyone would chip in on how to overcome this and/or has the same experience. I'm quite exhausted.
  3. Hello. I need help with my anxiety. I don't want to take any medications anymore. I don't know how many times I've been to the doctors and hospitals for the last 15 years and it's getting worse. I've already thrown out all medications except 1 that I will use once or twice a week but I don't want to anymore. It's becoming almost impossible for me to stop having anxiety and panic attacks. I get so sick that I can't even leave my room or allot of times I don't want to even leave my own bed. Going out to go grocery shopping or other simple tasks as this are a nightmare to me. And then I become so paranoid & fear kicks in, then my anxiety becomes very high spiked within 2-3 seconds and takes hours or days to yet and stop workout medication. I'm throwing away the rest of the medication. I want to do this on my own. Please help me? I wasn't raised to be like this. There is allot I have to deal with that are major changes from my past, present and future that are hugely effecting me. I'm freaking out about all of it to where my entire body, internal senses and everything else just freeze, cramp up, I can't breathe, I can't think to breathe because I'm freaking out bad at not knowing what's going to happen next in that moment or the future. Does anyone have an good advice that I can try. I've never asked for help like this before. Thank you so much. ?Behealthy ❤️
  4. I can feel myself fraying again. And it is to do with my boyfriend. I know he would never do anything to hurt me. On purpose. I am a sensitive person, hyper sensitive so the smallest of things can get to me and I have to remember that constantly. For example, last night I finished a show and it was the end of a 4 week long process and I was tired and I wanted to get home because I wanted to get in bed and I hoped there would be a chance that my boyfriend would be back from work and would want to come over. There were no buses home for ages so I decided to walk the half an hour home, which I normally would do but it was midnight on a Saturday and I like to be safe but nethertheless I walked. I was feeling a bit sad and nervy because the rest of my friends were going out partying but I had lots of bags and I wasn’t dressed right and I dunno, things have to line up right for me to feel like going out. So feeling a bit blue and walking home alone, I called my boyfriend. He didn’t pick up. I got half way home and after feeling like I was being followed I was feeling quite on edge. Of course, it was only another person on the other side of the road and someone behind me just going their own way home possibly but it elevated my state of mind immediately. Then I get a message from my boyfriend saying he’s out in a club (next to the theatre I had just left) with some friends. 5 minutes from home I start hysterically crying, I feel alone, very alone. Now I realise, I’m tired from a long week let alone a long day but I felt very alone I started talking to myself, telling myself that I’ll always end up alone because no one is screwed up in the way I’m screwed up and I began wishing that I was normal and wishing that I was like everyone else, without a brain that doesn’t switch off, without nerves that are so easily damaged and a body that reacts to everything. I continued to cry when I got home, I managed to calm down but I forced myself to stay awake. Like I am now, writing this. Because I didn’t want to try to sleep whilst feeling like I did. And I wanted to see, if I stayed up long enough, would he come to me. And I waited and at 3am he asked if I wanted him to come round and I said yes and he arrived. We got in bed and feel straight asleep. I had him in my arms and I got what I wanted. Right now he is with friends drinking again, like he has every right too. And I am sat in bed writing this because I want him here. I don’t know if I’m protesting, if I’m being a crazy woman? I want him to have a life, of course, I want him to do everything that he wants in life but not being a priority scares me. And he shows me I am when it really matters. If I said I needed him right now, he would come running. We are going to live with each other in a few months and that should be enough. But I can’t shake this feeling that he’s going to love his life and I’m not going to live mine because I sometimes only feel alive when he is here. I don’t want to smother him. I don’t want to be left behind. I don’t want to be a ball and chain. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want him to run away. I don’t want him to find out. I don’t want to be a second thought. I don’t want to be the first. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly pining for him when he doesn’t pine for me. I’m afraid I love him, want him and need him more then he does me. I’m afraid I want more then he does, that I need more then he does. These are just some of rambles in my head. I’m sure you can imagine how they go on and twist and get deeper and darker. I’m not sure what action I want to take. I just keep telling myself to breathe, that I love him and rationally thinking will come back to me soon. Like it always does, calming me and making me feel like a fool. I’llbefineintheend
  5. I haven't been active for a few weeks on here because I have been doing so well. I kind of just snapped out of it one day and started to feel great! This week I started to feel my anxiety coming on. I was trying to do my best and use all my coping mechanisms to combat the problem. However, yesterday I just succumbed to my feelings and had a panic attack! I was able to calm myself down enough to not be freaking out but I was emotional the whole night. I had to suck it up and go to a family party. Luckily everyone in my family is aware of my disorder and is very non-judgmental so I didn't feel I needed to hide my emotions. Today I am feeling weepy and terrible and anxious. I have an hour and 45 min left of work and I'm pushing through. I'm so frustrated this came back. I don't like setbacks. I get terrified of feeling like this everyday. I try to remind myself that I will snap out of it and feel better. It's such a hard battle. I hate it and I resent it and I know I'm supposed to accept it but I can't. I need some help. Who else has experienced set backs?
  6. Hi everyone. I hope you're finding some joy in your day through all of the struggles. Just curious if anyone else experiences this... I was at my Cognitive Behavioral therapist today and I blurted out "WHAT DO I HAVE? WHAT IS MY DIAGNOSIS". I was first diagnosed when I was 14 but to be quite honest I'm 24 now and I can't even remember what I ate for breakfast! I don't see a psychiatrist anymore because he retired and I was feeling good at the time so my physician prescribes me my meds. Plus 10 years is a long time, what if my diagnosis changed? I asked if I should be "re-evaluated" and he sort of chuckled...(which I did not appreciate, but I could see his point)...He told me I have "panic disorder". I said that I don't think so because I don't show classic signs of panic disorder. I don't feel like I'm having a heart attack or that I'm going to die, my heart does not race, I don't sweat or feel faint... My symptoms are that I cry, feel very nauseous and have a nervous stomach. He told me that I have emotional panic attacks and that my panic has more of an emotional response than a physical one. Does anyone else experience this type of panic? To be honest I don't think I am "panicking" at all! I feel despair, nausea, choking/coughing/vomiting, hopeless, and lots of crying. Sometimes, I have chest pains like a big weight is on my chest. Let me know if you guys have a similar panic experience. Maybe we can help each other by sharing tips on how we manage our symptoms. Thanks! -Casey
  7. I just failed my drivers test. Here in Denmark those things are expensive. I drove the car the way there flawlessly with my instructor, but as soon as the test started and another guy sat next to me, my nerves took over. I made too many small mistakes, and he had to fail me. I don't do failure very well. Cried all the way home and now I'm terrified of doing it again.
  8. Hi. Tomorrow I have to face up to something that happened a few weeks ago, something that has haunted me ever since. I have been traumatised by it since it happened. I did something I never thought I would do and I made a terrible decision which has now had big consequences. I don't want to say what it was because if I do I will cry and feel even worse. But anyway, tomorrow I find out what is going to happen to me and I am bloody terrified. I am so afraid and so worried right now I can barely function. I don't remember being this scared for a while and I am so panicky. I hate what I did and I hate what is happening but I have no choice but to face it and deal with it. What I did was so out of character for me and something I wish with every bone in my body that I could go back in time and change. But I can't. I don't really know what is going to happen and I don't know how I will react to it but I have to do it. My family and my friends are being so amazing and supportive so that makes me feel a tiny bit better. I felt like crying all day today and I did for most of it. I'm scared. I am so scared and I'm afraid of tomorrow. Tomorrow will come whether I like it or not and so I have to deal with it. There's no choice for me in the matter, I have to deal with it and I can't avoid it. I'm afraid. So incredibly afraid. But I'm trying to be strong, its just not working right now. - Georgia xo