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Found 14 results

  1. I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine. Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works. Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health.
  2. I'm beginning to really freak out about having a possible brain tumor or something similar. Lately I've noticed that I've had trouble forming a cohesive thought or remembering anything. When I talk to people I immediately forget what they've said. Same thing goes with doing tasks, I'll walk in a room and completely forget what I was doing. I've always been fatigued and sleepy alot lately. I don't know if I should go see a doctor or nuerologist. I feel like I've been under this fog for like 3 weeks.
  3. Hi everyone! I'm new to this anxiety forum, and I'm hoping I can relieve some stress by chatting with people that have similar issues. I can't remember exactly when it started, but I've developed extreme health anxiety. I never used to be this scared of anything! I'm only 23 years old, and know that I am way too young to be going through this self-inflicted emotional trauma. Even though I don't remember when it began, I'm pretty sure I know where it comes from. Unfortunately, I've been to many funerals, and have had many of my loved ones die. Ever since my grandmother passed away of ovarian c****r in 2003, it seems as if my small, dwindling family has suffered at least 1 death per year. My aunt passed away of uterus c****r in 2009, and though I wasn't close to her, I was there to witness her decline. Though it seemed as if it didn't bother me as much back then, I'm totally freaking out about it now! I spend my days suppressing, or trying to suppress this unbearable c****r/death phobia. I've been to the doctor more times than anyone I know this year alone, and I'm still not convinced that I'm totally fine. I've recently been experiencing pain in my back, lower left, and upper left abdomen. I'm seeing a urologist on the 31st to address an issue I've had since a child, which is frequent urination. I've had a sonogram done of my bladder and kidney's twice, the last time being exactly 1 year ago in October of 2015 - and I recently had a sonogram of my ovaries in April (all normal). Even still, I'm horrified at the things I read online, from kidney failure to bladder c****r, and I'm driving myself and loved ones insane! I'm nervous about this random onset of pain and have almost reduced myself to hysteria on more than one occasion. I can't stop googling, crying, and over-thinking. Even sitting at the computer right now isn't enough to distract myself from constantly thinking about what this pain could be, or how scared I am to go to the doctor and find out, even though I'm more frightened of not going! Someone, anyone, please reach out with any reassuring words of advice.
  4. I was talking to someone from here yesterday over chat and my fear abated while I was talking to him (thank you joe17 - hope you got what we were talking about regarding things on your end sorted out). But of course today is another day and it's all flooding back. So here I am writing another post and hoping that someone can offer me anything. You see I hate this because I KNOW it's all in my head but I still can't help the anxiety. It sucks when you're in the throes of it. Anyway, I started becoming anxious recently because sometime after Valentine's a former office mate of mine died of dengue fever. I live in Southeast Asia so this is a very real disease we deal with. The vaccine was just recently approved and the first batches is only being ordered now. My son and I will definitely getting ourselves that vaccine. But in the meantime, I get scared that I've already been infected. Why? Well yesterday I came upon an article where Steve Zahn, an American actor wrote about his dengue fever experience in Puerto Rico. Part of his symptoms were when he woke up at one point, his feet were hurting - like it was on fire. Yesterday, I tried to see if I could still carry my son - who is probably near 70 lbs now. Stupid of me I know but I wanted to try. And I probably hurt my ankle then because a couple of hours after that my left ankle started hurting. Till now my left ankle is still hurting. Part of the symptoms of dengue include a HIGH fever( 39C), rashes and raging headaches - none of which I have but I still cannot get the fear out of my system because of my darn ankle pain. Worse, I also came across an article yesterday where a newlywed died because a doctor misdiagnosed her shoulder pain which turned out to be melanoma! Now I'm looking at my ankle and thinking what if this pain is not dengue but melanoma! But the newlywed had a history of it and had a mole removed because of that. I have no such history. So again, farfetched but I can't help but think what if what if and I'm too scared to go to the doctor. Plus they usually say you know if something is truly wrong. And logically, I know that there is nothing wrong except maybe for the usual aches and pains of aging (I'm no spring chicken) but the nagging what if what if persists? ARRRRGH!! Help please. God I wish the dengue vaccine that my doctor ordered is already here but it won't be till a week or two from now! UGH! So all I can do right now is sit tight and pray this anxiety attack passes soon. I do not have anti-anxiety meds but right now I am so wishing that I do. Help anyone please. I HATE THIS. :-(
  5. Hello everyone again I really hope I am not being to annoying by posting lots of topics but I'm trying to narrow down my anxiety. Throughout the day I have several thoughts and ideas (fears mainly I'm thinking about) that cause anxiety and make my day miserable. I have been having some physical symptoms that are making the process a bit harder to say the least. I have some bad palpitations like PVCs as well as racing heartbeats and sometimes irregular rythms. This coupled with virtigo (dizziness) spells that come and go as well as headaches, migraines, and other things of the sort my anxiety is always being set off one way or another. Right now I have been having some very DEEP thoughts that get me really thinking what is life? Am I living it to my full potential? These thoughts cause really bad anxiety and ruin my day usually. I'm gonna list some of these thoughts but I hope they don't make you think I am insane because I almost truly believe I am myself. So I have been thinking a lot about getting a job and growing up. How much is sucks to be am adult now. I keep thinking that I wasted my childhood and that I have wasted my teens and now with this anxiety and stuff I am wasting my adult life and life doesn't matter anymore. Also I have been having some serious brain fogging and having trouble remembering things and its been scaring me. Every day I'm having some sort of trouble recalling things and I am always worrieng its because I have Alzheimer's or a stroke or something is not balanced with my diet (I am a vegetarian) and I'm doing irreversible damage and now my life is ruined. I have also been thinking about how fast my past childhood and past life has went by and keep thinking that what's going on now doesn't matter because before I know it in a flash I will be an old man who wasted his life away if that makes sense. To put it better I imagine it's like I'm going to "warp" forward in time and skip this part of my life because my memory is "bad" (or at least I think) and anything I do now doesn't matter. It's like because I don't have full control of my life I think nothing matters. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm thinking like a philosopher sometimes. Like I questions every single little thing throughout my day and a lot of it scares me because I realize things like I haven't gotten a job yet and I am 19. So that makes me feel like a failure even thought its because of my anxiety and I am working on that now and hoping to get amjob very soon. The of course I think about the short life and life has no meaning because it will be over before I even live itmssort of thought and it sends me into a bad anxiety attack. Then of course depression plays part in these deep thought trains at times. I feel so afraid of life. And afraid of judgement from others. I'm afraid of death and being alone. And my newest fear is loosing my memory. I am petrified of not having a good memory. I'm so scared I'm gonna loose my memory and its gonna make my life feel like dreams. Have you ever heard of how you always dream while sleeping but you don't remember them alot of the times? Well imagine over thinking about dreams before going to bed. Imagine right before you go to sleep you think I'm gonna dream tonight and it will be like it never happened tommorow. I'm going to experience This dream but at the same time I'm not. Now imagine that's my mindset. Thinking of what if I experience life like those dreams we never remember? What if I'm 19 now and trying to enjoy life get a nice job and car and friends and best my life on track but worrieng its all gonna be gone and done like I will loose my perception of time and I won't live life to the fullest and I will be dead before I know it. My whole life flashed before my eyes in real time. All of these horrifying what ifs cashing bad anxiety andi know most of these thoughts and what ifs are extremely irrational but they are there and my ocd looping thought process wont let me release them. I know mindfulness is my best friend but I have to know does anyone else experience such deep scary what ifs like this? If so how do you handle it? Should I fight this or just try to better understand and accept? I am so confused i feel like I am literally insane now. Anyways thanks for any insight in advanced.
  6. Hello again I am in the middle of a very rough time right now. I'm about to go to bed and I am thinking about lots of things. Stress of bills and trying to get a job and such as well as if you read in previous posts I was dropped off of my anti depressant medication. My anxiety and depression have been absolutely at their worst ever since the bad experience with weed in January. And since I was dropped off of my medicine I have had constant questioning of everything. Like constantly asking what could be wrong with me. If that little bit of numbness or pain could be a sign of a huge problem like a heart attack or stroke. My last several nights have been a horrible experience with bad sleep. So because of this horrible sleep I have had groggy slow anxiety filled days with dizziness (probably caused in part by other things) just always horrible and scary. I do find some happy times while watching TV or playing a game and my mind is off of it but then I will get the my life is ruined there is no point in going on thoughts and it causes worse anxiety and then that backs up that thought of my life being a constant anxious mess and it will never get better. I'm thinking I can't enjoy the simple things in life anymore like riding a motorcycle or driving without bad anxiety and depression knocking me down and making me feel like I would be best off doing you know what since I can't enjoy life. I know this isn't true. It's just depression getting the best off me but I am having more and more trouble every day not taking the s*****e thing to heart and thinking what if I do it? And than my anxiety gets even worse and so do the thoughts then I feel I actually may do it instead of what ifs and images flash of me just ending it. This is so hard for me to handle.how should I be handling this situation? Should I be fighting and thinking its not the right thing to do and you are not that bad off and if will get better and relax you aren't gonna do it? Even though that approach causes and internal clash of what ifs and its to late and stuff. I just say my therapist w few days ago and she was explaining about how it sounds like I have add and ocd and get trapped on these thought loops and can't get out. So I end up kind of playing into them and thinking this is it. And everyone is gonna miss me is guess. But my anxiety just gets worse thinking about it because I don't want this! What should I do I am literally petrified Im gonna do it. I am calling my phyc doc tomorrow to hopefully set up an appointment to get a new med started or something because coming off of that anti depressant has made me hit rock bottom. This is a horrible time for me. Pease let me know when these thoughts occur should one feed into them? If so how by accepting them or fighting and saying its the wrong thing to do? Or should they be ignored and try to out my mind somewhere else? I guess mindfulness is my best friends. Thanks for any input in advance.
  7. I've always been a deep thinker ever since I could remember. I started college last year on April 21st. I was having the best time of my life. Met new people was lifting weights and getting good grades. Second semester came and it started off good but towards the end I started drinking a lot to deal with stress cause all my friends from home left school and classes were getting me down. When the semester was over I came home. I promised i wouldnt drink or do anything bad to my body. Was having an awesome time being around my friends and family. Playing sports going to the gym. Everything was great. One day we were at the football field playing and this guy ran into someone else then dropped and started gasping for air. We did cpr on him for a while had him breathing for a while. Ambulance took to long and when they got to the scene they walked. His cause of death was ruled "Natural Unknown". I didn't know his medical history or if he smoked or drank so I don't know if any of that played a role in what happened. But I do know he wasn't very physically active and only played football once in a while when he was in town. For the next week and a half I couldn't sleep. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped working out cause I was afraid. I'm not going to school and I don't have a job. So I went from being busy all the time to complete down town. I have heart palps nervous stomach tingling headaches and anything else you can think of. And when I think about it I never had this worry of my health or this nervousness before the incident at the field. No symptoms none of it. I don't go out much and I'm not living my life anymore. I've had test for my blood and heart done a couple times and I've been good. But then I used Dr.Google and read people had all these test done then months later had a Ha. I guess that fear is still in my head. Im only 19 and i used to be the most active person. I guess I should trust my doc and test and try to set myself up for success. Like setting little goals to do everyday. Would love feed back and thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me and I would love to know what you guys think. PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU ALL!!!
  8. I've always been a deep thinker ever since I could remember.I'm 19, I started college last year on April 21st. I was having the best time of my life. Met new people was lifting weights and getting good grades. Second semester came and it started off good but towards the end I started drinking a lot to deal with stress cause all my friends from home left school and classes were getting me down. When the semester was over I came home. I promised i wouldnt drink or do anything bad to my body. Was having an awesome time being around my friends and family. Playing sports going to the gym. Everything was great. One day we were at the football field playing and this guy ran into someone else then dropped and started gasping for air. We did cpr on him for a while had him breathing for a while. Ambulance took to long and when they got to the scene they walked. His cause of death was ruled "Natural Unknown". I didn't know his medical history or if he smoked or drank so I don't know if any of that played a role in what happened. But I do know he wasn't very physically active and only played football once in a while when he was in town. For the next week and a half I couldn't sleep. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped working out cause I was afraid. I'm not going to school and I don't have a job. So I went from being busy all the time to complete down town. I have heart palps nervous stomach tingling headaches and anything else you can think of. And when I think about it I never had this worry of my health or this nervousness before the incident at the field. No symptoms none of it. I don't go out much and I'm not living my life anymore. I've had test for my blood and heart done a couple times and I've been good. But then I used Dr.Google and read people had all these test done then months later had a Ha. I guess that fear is still in my head.I guess I should trust my doc and test and try to set myself up for success. Like setting little goals to do everyday. Would love feed back and thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me and I would love to know what you guys think. PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU ALL!!!
  9. I've always been a deep thinker ever since I could remember. I'm 19, I started college last year on April 21st. I was having the best time of my life. Met new people was lifting weights and getting good grades. Second semester came and it started off good but towards the end I started drinking a lot to deal with stress cause all my friends from home left school and classes were getting me down. When the semester was over I came home. I promised i wouldnt drink or do anything bad to my body. Was having an awesome time being around my friends and family. Playing sports going to the gym. Everything was great. One day we were at the football field playing and this guy ran into someone else then dropped and started gasping for air. We did cpr on him for a while had him breathing for a while. Ambulance took to long and when they got to the scene they walked. His cause of death was ruled "Natural Unknown". I didn't know his medical history or if he smoked or drank so I don't know if any of that played a role in what happened. But I do know he wasn't very physically active and only played football once in a while when he was in town. For the next week and a half I couldn't sleep. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I stopped working out cause I was afraid. I'm not going to school and I don't have a job. So I went from being busy all the time to complete down town. I have heart palps nervous stomach tingling headaches and anything else you can think of. And when I think about it I never had this worry of my health or this nervousness before the incident at the field. No symptoms none of it. I don't go out much and I'm not living my life anymore. I've had test for my blood and heart done a couple times and I've been good. But then I used Dr.Google and read people had all these test done then months later had a Ha. I guess that fear is still in my head.I guess I should trust my doc and test and try to set myself up for success. Like setting little goals to do everyday. Would love feed back and thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot to me and I would love to know what you guys think. PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO YOU ALL!!!
  10. Hello everyone its been a while but I have been trying to cope as best as I can. I have a pretty bad habit off constantly worrying about my heart and senses. I have a hypersensitivity to almost anything around me but I am especially sensitive to changes in my heart beat or senses. Sometimes I have a numbness or tingling that's most likely accociated with anxiety but it really scares me because it brings up one of my biggest fears....... A stroke or heart attack. So I am constantly worrieng my heart beat is to fast or my heart will stop and then if I feel numbness or tingling I start to panic thinking it could be a stroke and start going through a anxious checklist of trying to find a difference between the sides of my body in feeling and if I am weaker on the left than the right and if I have trouble smiling ect. I just start loosing self control and have a panic attack. Another thing is I have been having lots of bad vertigo spells and feeling weak and dizzy and light and that's been causing anxiety as well. I start to think I'm having a stroke or ate something that made me sick or maybe I'm dehydrated. But I'm just having lots of trouble lately. I have also been struggling with some depression. Last time I talked to my therapist we set up a safety plan in case I start to feel to s*****al and the thoughts become overwhelming and I feel I will act on them. Another thing I noticed is I have gotten "worse" sense my physiatrist dropped me off my 20mg a day citalopram. Definitely feel worse depression especially after being dropped off of it. Is this normal? I know its probably just me over thinking what being off the med is doing but it did seem to help now that i have been off it for a month or so. So anyways sorry for the ramble but is this more than just bad anxiety? The constant worrieng and this weird check out I have where I check my facial expressions and feeling thinking I maybe having a stroke? One. Things can at least say is even though I do have some feelings of depression and s*****e I am still terrified of death. I'll post in the depression forum about this and how its going as well. Thanks for any input in advance and hope your day has been good!
  11. I'm not sure if this is the exact spot to reach for help, but I've been experiencing a significant amount of anxiety over the issue. I've never been officially diagnosed, but I have dealt with anxiety of different levels of the past few years, usually managing to handle it on my own. I've been in a very healthy and loving relationship over for the last four months or so, sure that could be considered the 'honeymoon period'. But regardless, over the weekend my boyfriend revealed to me a few secrets that he had been keeping from me. He cross-dressed Feels like he may want to be a woman (undecided yet) After the initial shock wore off we spent hours and hours talking about it, crying about it.. everything. I've been through such a wide range of emotions... sadness, heart-break, even anger- even though I know I shouldn't be. I understand, accept and support any decisions he makes- though I'm not sure if I can continue a romantic relationship if he decides to transition. And that's one of those things, where I can see myself with him for a very long time, and marriage in the equation as well. He discussed with me what he preferred me to use, and male pronouns are preferred at this point in time. But besides the life altering announcement the weekend with him was rather good, in a safe place. Until Monday. I was forced back out into the world of school and work- I'm both a full time student and working 30/32 hours a week. By the end of my one and only 1 hour class I was trembling, having an incredibly hard time breathing and needed to escape. Unfortunately I had to go straight into work for roughly 6 hours. It was a long day- a good 7/8 hours of straight raised anxiety. Talking, hearing, breathing and general motor skills of using my hands was incredibly difficult. Later after work I joined my boyfriend- who's being quite supportive and feeling guilty that, he feels he caused this. I tried posting as a significant other on a forum site geared towards the situation, where I found few supportive things, but mainly that I need to suck it up and I should welcome any pending changes whole heartedly. But here's the deal, I grew up in a fairly traditional/ religious household, I may not be religious myself anymore - I still want to please my parents. If my partner transitions and I remained with them that would most likely cut the ties between me and my family. A large, fairly close family whom I love dearly. I never envisioned my life with a woman, though I understand, accept and support homosexual, transgender relationships... I've just never seen myself in one- not seriously at least. Further more, I love my partner just the way he is. Both inside and out, and his physical appearance is important to me- trying so hard not to come across as shallow right now. I had always pictured myself in a fairly traditional family setup... a husband a few kids, you know the good ol "american dream". Anyways, with all of this happening I've been freaking right now.. trying to come up with coping mechanisms, being supportive to my partner as much as I can. If anyone has been through anything like this or maybe has some kind words of encouragement I could really use it at this point in my life. TLDR: Boyfriend came out with gender issues, I'm freaking right out. Help please.
  12. I'm trying to get to sleep but I can't. My heart is pounding and I feel like I can't breathe and I'm also slightly dizzy. I don't even know why this is happening because I just payed down to go to sleep and suddenly I started having a panic attack. I've tried meditating, but it's not working and I can't seem to calm down. I'm so tired and I want to go to sleep, but my body is so anxious that it's making me feel awake at the same time. Also I'm not really sure but it sounds like I'm wheezing a bit when I breathe. Also my body feels like it's almost buzzing and my stomach feels weird. I feel like I'm dying and I've tried everything to try to calm down, but nothing's working. Can someone please help?
  13. Hi My name is Jonna and I'm currently 16 years old. I suffer from mental depression and anxiety and have been since I was about 13. I grew up in Sweden with my parents and two sisters, my family is basically normal and I love them, although I don't really have a connection with my father. I don't know why, we just don't understand each other at all. My family is aware about my condition but they refuse to accept it, they kind of ignore me and think it might go away if they do. They are not very supportive but I don't blame them. I don't like me either. My anxiety started because of self hatred I suppose, I started to realise a few things that I didn't like about myself and then they grew stronger and now I can barely look at myself without the urge of crying or screaming. I don't know why but I detest everything, my appearance, the way I thing and the way I act. When I was 14 I started self harming, I feel joy when I feel pain and see the blood from my wrists. I know it's stupid but yeah. A few months after I started I tried to kill myself, or I didn't try but I almost did and I'm not sure if it was an accident or not. The sad thing is that my parents still don't seem to care, or they do care, I know they do. But they don't know what to do so they just stay quiet, but they care. I really wan't to believe so anyway. Today I feel worse, my parents told me about a week ago that they're getting a divorce, it makes me kind of sad because my father doesn't really have a steady job and I'm worried that he wont be able to take care of himself while living alone. My parents decided that me and my sisters should only live at her place and just visit my father sometimes. As I mentioned before my bond to my father is really weak and sadly I'm afraid it will become even thinner when he moves. I'm messed up, I know I am but I think I've had enough of this. I wan't to get better and I guess that's why I'm here, to start my way up. Bye