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Anyone else when they go through high periods of anxiety have stomachs issues like not normal bowel movements and like sore solar plex area from tightening your stomache and chest is this normal or am I having some all new anxiety issue.
Hi everyone. In my 20s there was a bully in university who would call me 'gay', lame, stupid, all kinds of insults. Him and a group of others would talk behind my back all the time. I have always had low self-esteem, low self-confidence, depression, anxiety etc. One time I snapped and called this bully a 'f**got' in front of others, because I had enough of being put down. In all honesty, at the time, I didn't know the true meaning of the word, I always, for some reason, thought it meant a stupid, mean person, and not in any way a term related to someones's sexuality. I know, that is ignorant of me in a way, to use a word I didn't know the true meaning of. And ironically, I was calling that person by a similar name that him and others were calling me by (gay). I am not homosexual, so the reason they were calling me that was to be mean and demeaning, like I am weak, not manly enough etc. I always hated that word being used in that context, because I felt it was inappropriate for the obvious reasons. Once I learned the true meaning of the word 'f**got', I have felt so guilty for saying that, simply for using that word, because that person is not actually homosexual, but also because it's such a bad word to use. I feel so guilty because I would never say that to anyone, regardless of their orientation. I respect the LGBTQ community, and think of anyone the same way I think of any other human being, as being a good person of equal worth in the world. The reason I write this here is because I don't have any close friends from the LGBTQ community, who I can talk with about this. This post is not even a question, more like something I wanted to get off my mind and say in a forum that. I hope you understand, and thank you for reading.
Hello. I am new to the forum and I would like to express some feelings and regrets that I have experienced for many many years, and to see if anyone has any advice on how to cope, or if you have experienced something similar. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for more than a decade, and I am constantly worried and feel terrible guilt and regret for things I said and/or did in the past, even many years ago. A few examples are: - one time it was someone's birthday at my college (they were turning 25), and among a group of lab partners I said something along the lines of "well, they're lived a third of their life". Yes, I know it was a stupid joke, at the time I was just trying to say something funny, and I said that based on the life expectancy, bla bla, it would be a third. The friend who's birthday it was didn't hear it at the time. But someone else said that it the stupidest thing they've heard. Anyways, this is one thing that bugs me a lot when I remember it. - another time I I was with my partner and another friend, and whatever the conversation was, I said to my partner something like "you are bigger". I didn't mean it in a derogatory way, or in any bad way, I didn't think she was big, just not skinny. That was the first time when I realized how stupid it is to say that to a woman, from the moment I finished saying it, and she gave me the look. To this day I hate myself for being so stupid. This happened a second time when we were sitting and I tried to grab something, and I said that her bum was in the way. That was actually not even meant in a bad way, because I actually really like it, but of course being a stupid man, I said it without even thinking of how it would sound. On this topic, I also once said that my partner's cousin looked big in a photo, and that was also upsetting to my partner. - one guy I knew always said how marriage is a waste of time and money. One day when I heard through someone that he was getting married, I said something like "that's interesting coming from a guy who was against marriage". - years back, I knew this guy who couldn't stand me, and was a bit of a bully. Being around with some people, I made a joke that said "if you search f**got it comes up with his picture." I still hate myself for saying it. I know it is very offensive, and honestly I didn't mean it; I was tired of hearing the word thrown my way and to others in a group I was studying in during university. There were quite a few homophobic guys there who would call others "gay", "f**got" etc. just for being nice or shy, or a good person. I know it's counterproductive for me to call him the same, and it was stupid, but I was just done with the bullying going on towards me and others. My anxiety and irritability didn't help either. - I once saw a poster in a window shop of a model in an advertisement, and she looked beautiful, but I just didn't find her face that attractive so I said that. One of them said "you need to learn how to live with normal people, man." He was actually almost angry. I am not sure if that was because of his insecurity, or what was the deal, because I don't think poorly of other people, it was just a comment I made. - I was on a conference trip during university and a good friend of mine and my partner at the time were sharing a room. At one point I burped loudly, because I was so comfortable around my partner, but totally forgot that my friend was in the room. I apologized of course, and felt terrible, and still do to this day. - when I was younger (~12) I cut out photos of mostly partially nude (wearing bikinis) women from magazines and showed them to my cousin during our karate lessons. I guess I was exploring my sexuality as child, but I still feel guilty for that. - one time my partner cursed in public, at a somewhat semi-formal event, and I said something along the lines of "you shouldn't do that". Even though I didn't meant o say it like that, it came out wrong and was a stupid thing to say. I still regret it to this day. Things like this pop up in my mind so often, and they hinder my life and progress at work, etc. These are just some example I can think of. I think you see what I mean though. I always worry what people think of me, and have bad anxiety about that so often. I never intended to say anything stupid to anyone, and it honestly got to the point where I was even afraid of talking too much of fear that I would again say something stupid and that I would regret. Has anyone felt the same way, am I being too paranoid? too stupid to think of this? Thank you in advance.
Hello everyone its been a while but I have been trying to cope as best as I can. I have a pretty bad habit off constantly worrying about my heart and senses. I have a hypersensitivity to almost anything around me but I am especially sensitive to changes in my heart beat or senses. Sometimes I have a numbness or tingling that's most likely accociated with anxiety but it really scares me because it brings up one of my biggest fears....... A stroke or heart attack. So I am constantly worrieng my heart beat is to fast or my heart will stop and then if I feel numbness or tingling I start to panic thinking it could be a stroke and start going through a anxious checklist of trying to find a difference between the sides of my body in feeling and if I am weaker on the left than the right and if I have trouble smiling ect. I just start loosing self control and have a panic attack. Another thing is I have been having lots of bad vertigo spells and feeling weak and dizzy and light and that's been causing anxiety as well. I start to think I'm having a stroke or ate something that made me sick or maybe I'm dehydrated. But I'm just having lots of trouble lately. I have also been struggling with some depression. Last time I talked to my therapist we set up a safety plan in case I start to feel to s*****al and the thoughts become overwhelming and I feel I will act on them. Another thing I noticed is I have gotten "worse" sense my physiatrist dropped me off my 20mg a day citalopram. Definitely feel worse depression especially after being dropped off of it. Is this normal? I know its probably just me over thinking what being off the med is doing but it did seem to help now that i have been off it for a month or so. So anyways sorry for the ramble but is this more than just bad anxiety? The constant worrieng and this weird check out I have where I check my facial expressions and feeling thinking I maybe having a stroke? One. Things can at least say is even though I do have some feelings of depression and s*****e I am still terrified of death. I'll post in the depression forum about this and how its going as well. Thanks for any input in advance and hope your day has been good!