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I hear them. Where I go, no matter where I am. I hear the voices. Voices of people speaking about me, not in the best way possible. I hear mostly about the same things over and over again. I hear about them mocking me, ostracising me, patronizing me and putting me to shame. I am struggling with it for 1½ years now and I'm slowly losing myself in the process. I don't know what to do about it, or maybe I don't want to, I'm not quite sure. I have anxiety in public places and I have trouble keeping myself calm and having a good time with my family members. Sometimes it causes a misunderstanding between us when our insecurities blind our sight. I wanted to be free from what I thought the environment that was poisoning me. I was out from it but I guess it's all in my head. I've been thinking about s****de but I read somewhere that it only eliminates the possibility of getting better. I hear voices again. It feels like being haunted by a ghost. Even when I'm listening to music, I could hear it insulting me. All of my flaws, out of the box. Sometimes it plays the voices of people who had humiliated me over and over again. It's.like a recording tape. Automatically playing pause and play whenever it wanted. I had no control. Right now I'm unable to see the possibility of it getting better. I don't have the strength to move my feet and walk in these public places; it's like walking on thorns for a thousand miles, unable to find another way to go through it. I feel alienated, like I shouldn't be who I am, for the sake of society, for what people want me to be. I'm aware that I'm different, I mean, everyone is different. But somehow they managed to live with each other in peace and harmony. I seem to be unable to do that, because I can't bear to sacrifice myself to do such a thing. It pains me inside, the agony, frustration and confusion. I let people define me sometimes because I'm unable to see the worth of defending myself. A waste of time and a waste of breath. I'd rather get hurt. I mean all wounds heal right? Except for the annoying voices that I keep hearing inside my head, that's another story. I hear things. I tried to ignore them, I tried. I wonder if there are people who's experiencing the same thing as I do. Let's support each other in any way we can?

Hi I'm Catherine new here I have PTSD social anxiety and panic attacks no one in my life understands what is going with me reaching out for people who can relate

Hello all. I know I'm usually talking about anxiety or panic attacks but as of lately I've been worrying myself back into a depression. I have so many things I worry about such as what am I going do as a career? Will I be happy with the job I choose? What am I going to do when my parents pass? How long am I going to live? Am I living life to the full potential? And that's just the surface. At times I've been feeling like I have no way out and sometimes the s****dal thoughts pop in. Even though I know its not right and I'm not going to do it I just feel lonely and backed into a corner. Like ive lost my bright outlook on life. Is this depression creeping its way back? I haven't been saying much about it lately as I usually overcome it but sense I'm 18 going on 19 its like the whole world of responsibilities have come crashing down on me and i feel like it will be impossible to enjoy life like I did through childhood. I guess maybe I'm just dealing with normal adult life and kind of throwing daily stresses out of proportion? Anyways any input is greatly appreciated. Just not a great day I guess.

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost in life, I have no Idea what I'm Doing or where I'm going. I think my main problem is my anxiety which keeps me from experiencing opportunities, meeting new people and just getting on with my life. The other thing would have to just be the lack of knowing the things that interest me, I mean the only thing that I get enjoyment out of is hanging out with my mate and even too much of that gets boring, I'm really hoping that all of this is the result of my anxiety making my life seem sour when I know It's not there are people out there way worse then me. I've had my anxiety from around the age of six and its always stopped me from doing things like school trips, socializing and anything that I wanted to do that I know would make me anxious. I didn't really get drawn to any particular subjects, making friends was more important to me because I knew it would make me happy, I would hang out with friends rather then doing my homework which is why I didn't do so well in school. And to this day I would still probably hang out with friends then do work and I hate that way of thinking. So after school I got a part time job that isn't bad if you like the type of work but It's not for me. I'm now 20 and I'm pretty much going round in circles as far as careers go. It'll pretty much go like this, research a career, read up about it and get exited, anxiety kicks in a throws some worrisome thoughts and scenarios at me, I get the thought "am I really interested in this to want to do it as a career" and I can't answer this because I don't know what the career is really like because every time I look up doing volunteering I get the anxious thoughts and scenarios that hold me back. I mean I'm interested in health and helping people so I looked up physiotherapy and I seemed interested in it, but then came the thoughts of "what if I accidentally injured or killed someone, I might get sent to prison" how could I do a job with this thought in my mind every day, I'd probably drive myself crazy worrying if what I did to a patient would injure or kill them. or "what if when I volunteer I can't think of anything to say and I just sit there in awkward silence" or "What if the place has lifts and I have to either go in one or say I don't like them which would make it awkward" or what If I try all of the careers that seem interesting and I turns out that actually none of them interest me, then I'll just be stuck at some job I don't even like. And these things terrify me enough to make just make me retreat and not pursue it further. I know that all of these things probably stem from the anxiety but I just feel like my whole perception of life is off. I somehow feel that everything needs to be perfect for me to be happy, perfect job, perfect friends and I know that this will not happen and I know that I could be happy in the situation I'm in now, yeah sure it's not ideal but it's no where near as bad as other peoples situations so why can't I just do that why can't I just pick a career and go for it, why can't I go out and socialize and make more friends instead of sitting at home and wishing I had more, why can't I be someone who would do their homework instead of going out with mates. Is it that I truly have nothing that interests me outside of socializing because I can't make money from that. Why am I so awkward why can't I be like a normal person and find a career that interests me do the training needed, meet people along the way and live a decent life with a job that interest's me enough to want to do it everyday and friends that I can have a laugh with. I just relay don't know. Please if anyone has gone through this please tell me how you did it because at the moment I just don't know if this is going to end. Also any advice on what my next steps could be because I really don't know what to do. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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