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About brit

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    Massachusetts, America

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  1. Hello everyone, I have not posted in here in quite some time. For the most part I think I have gotten my anxiety under control, but one thing that is still a big trigger is whenever I am sick. My boyfriend has been sick for a few days and I am starting to feel like I am coming down with what he has. We suspect covid, but are waiting for test results to come back. Regardless of what it is, being sick always make me pretty anxious and I feel like it's amplified now because of covid. One of my main problems is I can't sleep whenever I'm not feeling well. I'll feel relatively fine (anxiety wise) all day and then once it's time to go to sleep it comes on strongly. For some reason whenever I am about to fall asleep it suddenly feels like I can't breathe and I will jolt up panicking. Then it keeps happening every time I almost fall asleep until exhaustion takes over. It scares me because I'm not anxious during the day and most of the time I don't feel anxious when I'm about to go to sleep either, it's just when that starts to happen. Also that only occurs when I'm sick, I can sleep perfectly fine every other day. Has anyone else experienced this before and know why that might be happening and if it's something I should be worried about? Also any tips or advice on maybe some ways I could stop that from happening would be appreciated. Thank you so much.
  2. Hi Bob, that's true, I know I'm overthinking and anticipation is the worst part, I've been doing research on planes and it's made me feel a bit better and you explaining how the take off and landing are that's actually helped reassure me a lot, thank you!
  3. So this is the night before my trip and my anxiety has been so bad this week about the airplane. I've almost felt like this week was leading up to my doom, which I know isn't true, but my mind likes to keep those thoughts constantly in the back of my head. I decided not to take any sleeping aide as I feel more comfortable trying to fall asleep on my own. I have some ginger root capsules to take for motion sickness though, so hopefully those will help, but I just hope my anxiety isn't too bad while on the plane. I can feel the anxiety churning in my stomach, I'm so scared and I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to rationalize my thoughts and look at this situation as what it really is, but my anxious thoughts keep overpowering anything else. Also the thought of dying while in the plane isn't the only thing causing me anxiety, its also just the take off and landing. I don't even like rides at amusement parks, I've never even been on a roller coaster, so I can just imagine how scary it will feel to take off and come back down. Worst of all is my friends and I just found out we definitely can't sit next to each other on the plane, so I'll basically be by myself, possibly next to a stranger. I'm starting to freak out so much, I know I'm overthinking but I can't stop. I just don't know how to handle this.
  4. About three months ago my friends and I decided it would be fun to do some traveling. So we started to plan a trip to Europe, which was pretty easy because my friend's uncle is a traveling agent and we are going to go with him and some of her other family. We're going to London, Dublin, Paris, Rome, Amsterdam, and Barcelona, which I'm super excited for. The only problem is I am really anxious about the plane rides. I have only been in a plane once when I was nine years old and I remember I hated the feeling of taking off and landing. But now I know it's going to be so much worse because I already have thoughts like "what if the plane crashes" or "what if there's a terrorist". At first we were going to be taking plane rides to each place, but her uncle decided that we could rent a car and drive to some of the places, which I'm very thankful for because that means I'll only have to go on a plane four times rather than seven times. But, I am still very nervous about those times, especially because the flight there and back will be about six hours, and her uncle told us there's a chance we might not even be able to sit next to each other, so I'll be by myself probably next to a stranger having a massive panic attack. The flight there I'm going to try to take a sleeping aide like melatonin so I can sleep on the way there because our flight is set to leave later in the evening, but that also makes me a bit nervous because I've never taken a sleeping aide before. For some reason those types of medicines have always scared me, but I know I won't be able to fall asleep on the plane unless I do take something. I already paid for all the plane tickets so there's no turning back now, which I am glad for because I do not want my anxiety to keep me from experiencing a really fun trip. But I just keep having these thoughts about me dying. I saw this post on Facebook about these photos of people they took right before they died and a lot of them were people right before they boarded a plane that crashed. I know it probably wasn't a good idea to look at that, but now it just makes me think "how about if that's me". I'm so scared of getting into a crash and dying. Does anyone have any tips on how to handle this? Or things to do to make myself feel more comfortable/less anxious on the plane?
  5. Hello Topher, sorry for the late response I just saw this now!! Its been about a month since classes have started and things aren't much better. I had made some friends that actually hung out with me a few times and one of them actually would text me and invite me to go eat with her, she was actually the one who would invite me to almost everything and is the reason I started getting to go out with people. But, she just dropped out and moved back home so now she's gone and the other people do not invite me anymore and barely acknowledge I exist. Now, I'm back to square one. People will say hello to me in the hall, but everyone already has a friend group so no one invites me to do anything. I'm just so alone all the time, while everyone else is having fun with their friends and its honestly just making me really sad all the time and no one seems to understand.
  6. brit


    Thank you both for the advice! It's been pretty tough and the pneumonia still hasn't let up, so I'm thinking I'll take another trip to the doctor's. I just hope it goes away soon because it's starting to affect my academic performance and has taken a lot of energy from me. Unfortunately, at my school there can be no food taken out of the cafeteria so I have to walk there and up the stairs (which definitely has been tough). But I'm hoping it'll start to get better soon!
  7. brit


    It all started out with the normal stuffy nose and cough. I thought it was just allergies because the weather was starting to change. Then the next day I had horrible chest congestion that left me coughing all day, which lead me to go get checked out. I went to a minute clinic and they diagnosed me with a viral infection, not much they could do, except recommend over the counter medicine. I had been home for the weekend, and the next day I was going back to my college. When I went back I noticed that I was getting very exhausted easily and I was having period of feeling shortness of breath. I thought it was just anxiety and tried to wave it off. That night in my dorm I really felt I could not breathe. I was very light headed and I started panicking. I thought maybe it was a panic attack coming on, even though I haven't dealt with one in a while. I ended up calling my cousin and telling her what was going on and she proceeded to tell my aunt. Long story short, the next day brought my uncle coming to pick me up from my dorm and bringing me to an urgent care close by. At the urgent care place I told them what was going on and they gave me a chest X-Ray. Turns out I have pneumonia (exactly what I need when I can't afford to miss my classes and just got a new job). I ended up not going to class that day. I had to go to class today though since I had exams. It wasn't too bad, but I've noticed as the day goes by the harder it is for me to breathe. Right now, it is 1:30 in the morning and I am having the hardest time going to sleep. Tonight is definitely the worst it's been and when I lay down it gets so much worse. Also on top of actually having shortness of breath from the pneumonia, I am also having anxiety, making everything so much worse. I have no idea what to do, especially because I'm limited since I'm on my school's campus. I wish I could just be home, but I have to be stuck here in my dorm. I know pneumonia is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly, and rest is a very important step in recovering but I can't miss my classes. Also to even get my meals, I have to walk across campus and go up a flight of stairs to the cafeteria. I just don't know what to do or how to calm myself down, especially when I constantly feel I cannot breathe. I hate being here on campus and I'm terrified my pneumonia is going to get worse. My chest right now is so tight and it burns and I'm so dizzy. I have no idea what to do and I'm so scared and I'm all alone. Has anyone else had to go through this?
  8. Thank you both for replying. It's been about a week and a half since I've moved. The first few days were tough, I had severe homesickness and once my roommate would go to sleep I would cry until I finally would fall asleep. It's been a bit better now that I've started my classes and have made a routine. Although, I just feel lonely all the time. I haven't made any new friends. I've talked to maybe one or two other people outside from my roommate, but its only in class. After I always just spend my days and nights in my dorm. My roommate is also pretty socially anxious (sometimes I think even more than me!) but that means she's usually in the dorm all the time so I never get time to myself anymore and its so exhausting. I feel like she holds me back in a way because she never really wants to do anything and I'm always nervous to do things by myself. Also since I'm with her 24/7 I have found myself getting increasingly annoyed at her. The smallest thing she can do has the power to piss me off for the rest of the day. I find myself trying to avoid her as much as possible and usually eat my meals alone in the dining hall because I'd honestly rather eat alone than spend even more time with her. The other day she had met some guy over the internet and she had him come to our dorm and she told me they would be walking around campus, but they ended up just staying in the dorm the whole time so I had to go somewhere for an hour or two. Later I had found out she took one of my cups and let him use it (I had just done the dishes!) even though she has her own cups he could have used. I don't mind sharing things with her, but random guys from the internet, not so much. She also always makes comments about how I talk to my high school friends a lot and I admit I do, but right now they're all I have and I don't want to lose their friendship ever! She also talks on the phone super loudly when I'm trying to do my work and I can't focus at all. I know I should confront her about this, but I don't want to hurt her feelings and I don't want to cause any tension considering we have to live with each other for the next year. The whole atmosphere of college just feels different and I don't like it. It seems the only way to really make friends is to go to parties, but I'm not a party person, there's way too many people and just sounds unpleasant. Also if you get caught, theres grounds for you to get kicked out. But people obviously party anyway and it seems theres drunk people running around every night, but since I don't do that, its like theres no way to make any friends. Everyone already has a group of friends, while I just literally spend all my time alone (technically with my roommate). I just don't know how to cope, I'm thinking of maybe contacting the mental health care services my college offers, but I just feel like this feeling will never go away, while everyone else just seems like they're having the best time in their life.
  9. Tomorrow is my last day home before I go off to college and I'm terrified! Even though the college I'm attending is only about 45 minutes away from where I live I'm still so scared to be living away from home. I don't make friends easily and on top of that I'm an introvert. I like my roommate, but the thought of living with someone else in such a small space sounds so mentally exhausting. I feel like I won't have any time to myself. Also, I only kind of know my roommate and that's it. I know no one else at the school and I'm going to be leaving all my friends and family behind. I know I'm probably overreacting, especially because my school is so close to home, but I just keep thinking about how nothing is ever going to be the same once I leave. I know change is good, but I honestly hate change, it's one of the main things that causes me to have anxiety. Has anyone else gone through this? And is there anything that can help? Thank you.
  10. Thank you both for replying! I ended up realizing it might be my blood sugar being low (sometimes that happens to me), so I went looking for something to eat that had sugar in it, but my friend didn't have anything, so I ended up finding her sugar and taking two tablespoons, and after a minute I started to feel better. I don't know if it was actually my blood sugar being low and that helping or me being under a placebo that it would help and it did. I've been okay today, just really tired considering I had school and work
  11. My anxiety has been pretty good for a while now, here and there I will get it pretty bad, but for the most part it's good. Tonight I'm having a sleepover at my friends house and for some reason my anxiety is really bad, I'm on the point of freaking out. Everyone's asleep and I don't know what to do, I fell really dizzy and I feel like I'm going to faint. And it's not just the anxious feeling that's getting to me, it's the fact that I feel really sick and weak. I'm so tired I just want to be able to sleep, especially because I have to get up in 4 hours to go to school. I hate getting anxiety while I'm at other people's houses (especially when no one is awake) because I feel trapped, theres nothing I can really do and at the same time I have to be carful not to wake anyone up. I just don't understand why it comes back so randomly, when I was literally fine until I went to go lay down to go to sleep. I really feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm really scared, and nothing is working
  12. Thank you both so much for the advice! I presented this morning and it went way better than I expected! I got a 96 out of 100 on my presentation, which is definitely not what I expected in the least. I was so nervous and I could feel myself shaking and stuttering when presenting, but after when the judges were telling me my grades, one of the judges said "where you anxious when you were presenting?" And I say "Oh yeah" but then she was like "Well I just wanted to let you know it wasn't noticeable at all! You looked confident and knew what you were talking about!" So, I'm really happy with what I got. I tried to remember what you both had said and it helped me a lot, so thank you. I'm just glad it's over with and that I passed. Now all I have to worry about is graduation!
  13. I'm a senior in high school, and my school requires everyone to do a senior project. In junior year we start the project by writing an eight page paper on a topic. Then in senior year we have to make a product that goes with our topic and then make a powerpoint. The final thing we have to do is present it in front of three judges. The presentation has to be between 10-20 minutes long and they judge you on how fluently you speak and how professional you are. Also someone is filming the whole thing. I did my project on anxiety disorders because obviously I know a lot about it and it's a familiar topic. I made a model of the brain outlining the different parts of the brain activated while having a panic attack and I also put together a sensory basket with adult coloring books, stress balls, relaxation music, and lotions inside of it. On Wednesday I am presenting in the morning and I'm so scared. I can't even stand to think about it for more than 5 minutes without throwing myself into a panic attack. If we fail this we do not get to graduate and we have to stay back. I am so scared that the other day I was realizing how close it was to the presentation and I had a full on mental breakdown. I was crying and I couldn't breathe, it went on for a good 20 minutes. I've been trying to practice presenting infront of my friends but I keep saying "um" and stuttering a lot. I also forget what I'm saying and can't collect my thoughts either, plus when I'm actually presenting I'll be in front of three judges and someone will be filming me so it will be a hundred times worse than just doing it with my friend. They take point off if you stutter and say "um" and if I forget what I'm saying they"ll take even more points off. I stutter even when I'm just talking normally with people. I am going to freak out, I can't do this at all. I've already been accepted to a college and am going to be going there and I can't afford to not graduate. I am feeling so sick about this. I'm probably going to get up in front of everyone and just start crying or throw up. I feel myself getting nasous just thinking about it now. I can't even do regular presentations infront of my class, so how do they expect me to be able to do this? I have no idea what to do and I have never been more anxious about something. I've been anxiously waiting for this day for almost 2 years and now it's finally here. I've tried to tell myself that they're just people and that a lot more scarier thing could be happening to me instead of just talking in front of people, but it's not working. I have no idea what to do and how to handle this situation.
  14. Thank you for your advice, I agree with all of it! But it's just so hard sometimes because even they're mean, they are also good friends at times too and it gets so confusing. Also it's hard to drop them because I want to be their friend, it's almost like I have this attachment to them, I feel like I'm nothing without having them as friends.
  15. Two of my friends have never exactly treated me right. For instance they always tease me about everything and act like I'm stupid. It's so bad that even other people outside of my group of friends have noticed and said something. I know it's my fault for letting it keep going and not really sticking up for myself. But every time I try to tell them to stop they just think I'm being too sensitive and act like it's stupid. I understand I do tend to overthink things too much, but when a lot of other people notice, I know it's not just me. Usually I can deal with it, but lately they've been really mean. Both of them have gone through depression and panic attacks, and I've always been the one they come to for help and support. I one time ran for an hour in the dark to get tinny friends house because she was having a panic attack. I don't mind doing these things because they're my friends and I like to help them and be there for them, and I don't expect anything in return. But lately they've been really hostile towards me having anxiety. I'd just think after all the time I've helped them over the past two years they might try to do the same. I have really bad social anxiety, I've had it ever since I was little. I've made some progress, but a lot of things are still hard for me to do. So a couple weeks ago one of my friends was walking with me in the hallway on our way to class and she was saying "I always talk for you, you never talk for yourself." And I said "well, it's not my fault I have social anxiety" and then all of a sudden she starts getting all angry and she yells "shut up Britney! I don't want to talk about it!" And this caught me totally off guard, I had no idea why she got so mad. So I was like "what's wrong? Why are you mad?" And she just kept yelling "shut up! Stop talking about it!" So obviously I got angry and I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day. Then a couple days ago my friends and I were standing outside the bathroom during lunch and I actually had to go so I went in, but there was a lot of people in the bathroom so I came back out and told them that. And one of my friends was like "well are there people in the stalls?" And I said "I think so, it looks like there's a line." And my other friend then said "well did you ask them?" And I said "no" so she was like "we'll go in there and ask them." And I said "eh, it doesn't matter" and then my other friend's face gets really red and she yells" Oh my God, Britney!" And she grabbed her hair and started to stomp her feet. And I was like "whoa why are you so mad?" And she was like "shut up! Stop talking!" And then her and my other friend stormed off and of course I followed them and asked again why they were mad. And then I realized it's because I brought up my social anxiety. Usually I don't stick up for myself, but I was done with them getting mad at me for something I can't control. So I said "you know I was always there for you both when you had depression and I never got angry at either of you for it. So why are you getting mad at me for my problem?" And my friend was like "it's not even a problem" and I was like "yes it is, it's called social anxiety disorder and it's an actual mental illness" and she yelled at me again and was like "stop talking!" So at this point I was already emotional from getting the courage to say something so I started crying and had to go to the school counselor. Later one of my friends texts me and says she's sorry for making me cry. We started to talk about it and she said the reason she gets mad is because I always whine about my anxiety and I do nothing to help myself. She said she had social anxiety and she got over it. That made me really mad because I make an effort not to talk about my problems with my friends. The only thing I've said to them about my anxiety has been "I'm scared" before a presentation. I also pointed out to her, both times she got mad at me, I wasn't "whining" about my anxiety. Also I told her I go to counseling to try to help myself and maybe having supportive friends would help me even more. Then she changes what she was saying and says that I actually whine about everything and when I asked what she said we'd all talk about it soon. I'm just so hurt by this because I've stuck by them through their depression and have helped as much as I possibly can, but then they just get angry when I have a problem? One of them is still not talking to me and it's just making me really upset and I feel like I have no one. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to rant!