Don't know what to do anymore (physical symptoms)

[Mumfie 4]

Hello everyone, 

This is the first time ever I am posting  on a forum, but, like the title suggests, I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have been struggling with health anxiety since I was a teenager.  However, this last year it has gotten very bad. Seemingly out of nowhere I started getting panic attacks almost every day. When the panic attacks just started happening I was convinced that there was something wrong with my heart and I went to the emergency room twice. The first time the doctor laughed and said I was way too young to have a heart disease (I was 25 at the time, 26 now). He did measure my blood pressure, which was fine. The second time another doctor said basically the same thing, but at my request he made an ECG, which was looking good. He also checked my left breast for lumps (breast cancer was my other fear) but said he didn't feel anything. 
(side note: my mother had a weird mole on her leg, went to the doctor who said it was nothing. They later found out it was melanoma, but it had already spread everywhere and she passed away. My grandfather also died because of a mistake a doctor made. This has not helped me trust a doctors opinion).

After the two emergency room visits I went to my own doctor to ask for therapy.  I was officially diagnosed with health anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder and am now doing CBT focused on health anxiety. The therapy is supposed to teach me to think more rational, but I feel like the therapy is not effective because I still just can not believe that some of my physical symptoms are caused by anxiety (even though on some level I know they probably are). 

Every single day I have pains in the left side of my body; chest pains, stinging or a dull pain in my left breast, pains in my left armpit, my left ribs and pressure on my sternum. I am still so scared that I have breast cancer, a heart disease or bone cancer. 
I also know that there is such a thing as 'hypersensitivity', and I do know that I focus way too much on all my physical symptoms and probably make them worse, but I keep thinking 'what if I am doing this therapy and learning to think more rational, while meanwhile some disease is growing and spreading inside of me?'. 

The physical symptoms are really the biggest problem, most times I feel like I am not even stressed but the constant physical symptoms are what's causing me stress and panic. 
The pains on the left side of my body are my biggest worry, but in the past two months I have also been convinced that I have bone cancer, a brain tumor, a neck tumor and cervical cancer.  
Meanwhile, the panic attacks are still happening. Every time I get a panic attack I am scared that this time I really am having a heart attack or a stroke (pressure on chest/in head), that the doctors have missed something important and that this time I am really going to die.. even though I've had them so often and it always turns out I was not dying after all. 
In the past I've also had CBT for social anxiety disorder and that worked really well, but this time the therapy just doesn't seem to work. I keep convincing myself that I have a serious illness, it is almost impossible for me to believe that I am not sick. I feel like this constant fear is paralyzing me and it is definitely affecting my relationships with other people and my career.  
The constant aches and pains are making me feel like I am on the verge of death (I know this sounds stupid) and very often I don't see the point of living anymore because I feel I am constantly battling myself. 

My therapist says I am looking for a 100% guarantee that I am not sick or that nothing bad is going to happen, but that (of course) no one can give me that. I understand that, but honestly I don't know how other people can live their lives and NOT constantly be paralyzed by fear or worry. 

I know everyone here is dealing with similar things, but does anyone have any advice or wise words for me? Or is there someone who recognizes the daily pains and aches, especially those in left breast/armpit/ribs/chest and sternum?  Can all these things really be caused by anxiety, even though to me it feels that the physical symptoms are causing the anxiety instead of the other way around? 

Thank you so much for reading. 

[DefinitelyDeadThisTime 12]

I get all the same pains you do and have the same heart disease fears. I’ve had more tests than you, though, and I’m about ten years older. I guarantee you i took worse care of myself in my twenties than you are taking of yourself now. (Unless you’ve got a heroin or coke habit, I can’t beat that) 

 

so I dont know how else to say it. Either we’re both dying of undiagnosed heart disease, or neither of us is. My chest hurts right now. Has most of the day. Shooting pains in my left arm and left leg. Fatigue. 

I dunno. I’m pretty tired of this. I’m sure you are too. I suspect we both have many many years of life left to live and should probably get a grip on this so we can have some fun in life. 

[Holls 1505]

1 hour ago, Mumfie said:

Hello everyone, 

This is the first time ever I am posting  on a forum, but, like the title suggests, I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have been struggling with health anxiety since I was a teenager.  However, this last year it has gotten very bad. Seemingly out of nowhere I started getting panic attacks almost every day. When the panic attacks just started happening I was convinced that there was something wrong with my heart and I went to the emergency room twice. The first time the doctor laughed and said I was way too young to have a heart disease (I was 25 at the time, 26 now). He did measure my blood pressure, which was fine. The second time another doctor said basically the same thing, but at my request he made an ECG, which was looking good. He also checked my left breast for lumps (breast cancer was my other fear) but said he didn't feel anything. 
(side note: my mother had a weird mole on her leg, went to the doctor who said it was nothing. They later found out it was melanoma, but it had already spread everywhere and she passed away. My grandfather also died because of a mistake a doctor made. This has not helped me trust a doctors opinion).

After the two emergency room visits I went to my own doctor to ask for therapy.  I was officially diagnosed with health anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder and am now doing CBT focused on health anxiety. The therapy is supposed to teach me to think more rational, but I feel like the therapy is not effective because I still just can not believe that some of my physical symptoms are caused by anxiety (even though on some level I know they probably are). 

Every single day I have pains in the left side of my body; chest pains, stinging or a dull pain in my left breast, pains in my left armpit, my left ribs and pressure on my sternum. I am still so scared that I have breast cancer, a heart disease or bone cancer. 
I also know that there is such a thing as 'hypersensitivity', and I do know that I focus way too much on all my physical symptoms and probably make them worse, but I keep thinking 'what if I am doing this therapy and learning to think more rational, while meanwhile some disease is growing and spreading inside of me?'. 

The physical symptoms are really the biggest problem, most times I feel like I am not even stressed but the constant physical symptoms are what's causing me stress and panic. 
The pains on the left side of my body are my biggest worry, but in the past two months I have also been convinced that I have bone cancer, a brain tumor, a neck tumor and cervical cancer.  
Meanwhile, the panic attacks are still happening. Every time I get a panic attack I am scared that this time I really am having a heart attack or a stroke (pressure on chest/in head), that the doctors have missed something important and that this time I am really going to die.. even though I've had them so often and it always turns out I was not dying after all. 
In the past I've also had CBT for social anxiety disorder and that worked really well, but this time the therapy just doesn't seem to work. I keep convincing myself that I have a serious illness, it is almost impossible for me to believe that I am not sick. I feel like this constant fear is paralyzing me and it is definitely affecting my relationships with other people and my career.  
The constant aches and pains are making me feel like I am on the verge of death (I know this sounds stupid) and very often I don't see the point of living anymore because I feel I am constantly battling myself. 

My therapist says I am looking for a 100% guarantee that I am not sick or that nothing bad is going to happen, but that (of course) no one can give me that. I understand that, but honestly I don't know how other people can live their lives and NOT constantly be paralyzed by fear or worry. 

I know everyone here is dealing with similar things, but does anyone have any advice or wise words for me? Or is there someone who recognizes the daily pains and aches, especially those in left breast/armpit/ribs/chest and sternum?  Can all these things really be caused by anxiety, even though to me it feels that the physical symptoms are causing the anxiety instead of the other way around? 

Thank you so much for reading. 

Hi.. I can relate but my symptoms are diff now. I also thought no way this is anxiety but I like you can not live with uncertainty. I also don't know how people do it. It's just how we are wired. It makes things a little harder Bec we over think everything including like you said our body sensations and over focusing. Your mom passing away has definitely effected you.  I'm so so sorry you lost your mom. I lost my best friend to cancer and it has completely changed me. I've always been a worry wart but now I panic when something feels even the slightest bit off. 

I went to the e.r. 2 yrs ago with the pains you describe.. the exact pains. They said it's probably a pulled muscle.. but I demanded a CT scan. Everything was clear, I walked out of that e.r. and never felt those pains again!!!!!! Just goes to show what over focusing really can do. 

Hugs. Continue with therapy it will help. 

[Worry2much 22]

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear about your mom and grandfather . Now about your health anxiety.. i also want to have 100 percent guarantee in life about my health and my families health and i really struggle at times about the “ what ifs”. 

I know how hard it is not to focus on all the aches and pains you have. You’ve been to the doctor and the ER so you’ve had more than one opinion. Try to keep yourself busy with things you like to do. 

 

[Ashleyspicer84 84]

First of all would just like to say sorry for your mother and grandfathers loss. I lost my dad 3 years back and it has REALLY ramped my anxiety back up. I also would love to get a 100 percent guarantee that I’m completely healthy (technically I have) but I know that even if i did it wouldn’t help for long. In a short time I would start to question the doctor and the results of tests. I do have the pains in my left breast. It drives me nuts. I have pains in my chest, neck, back, and left arm (sometimes shooting pains down my left arm to my fingers). I’ve just chalked it up to tension, sleeping wrong, or a nerve. Anxiety is hard and I hate it. This forum has helped me a great deal though. It offers reassurance to all my over dramatic fears which I really need a lot. Hope you feel better soon. 

[Iugrad91 501]

My doc has told me the same thing, there is no 100% guarantee of health. So you have to learn to live with uncertainty. Meditation has helped me live more in the moment than in the past or future. I talk to myself and say that everything is fine now and I can't tell the future so worrying about something that may never happen is not going to get me anywhere. Thoughts can't hurt you and they aren't trying to tell you some truth about your health, they are just thoughts and you can let them go and move on with the present. The more you practice this the easier it becomes to do. Recognize when you're going down that rabbit hole and snap yourself out of it. I know it's hard to believe that your symptoms can be anxiety, but read the list posted on this forum of the 100 symptoms of anxiety and you'll see all of them are on there. If you've been seen by a doctor and had tests done that have come back clear then what's left is anxiety. Yes, others have gotten misdiagnosed but that is rare and it doesn't mean it will also happen to you. This requires more accepting. Again hard but necessary if you want to move past your anxiety. If you can't accept are you going to keep going to the doctor until you get diagnosed with something other than anxiety? Because I don't see another way the cycle could end if you don't trust the doctors. 

[Eek 31]

Also want to say that I’m sorry for your losses. I can see how that triggered this health anxiety for you. And I wanted to say I’m right there with you—I’ll often feel okay anxiety-wise, then notice a sensation and fixate on it, then anxiety ramps it up to a whole different level. 

There are two things I try to do when this cycle starts (currently in the middle of a fright over dizziness, of all things). First, I ask myself if a reasonable person would rush to the doctor over this. Sometimes the answer really is yes (like when my kid had a raging fever and was super droopy), but it’s usually no. So then I try to wait it out. If the thing I’m worried about is still bothering me some distance in the future (a week, a month, whatever I can handle) I go to my pcp, because that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. 

Second, I try to remind myself that physical symptoms can have a million causes, not just Scary Diseases or anxiety. There may be a physical cause, but it might be as simple as not drinking enough water or getting enough sleep. (Breast pain, for instance, can be caused by caffeine!) And certainly anxiety heightens our awareness and assigns terror to what really may be no big deal, physically. 

Now, this is what I TRY to do—in practice, I often can’t manage it and try to do anything to escape the uncertainty (which is where the evil dr google comes in). But we’re all works in progress, right? Hugs to you!

[Bobnnat 496]

Hi, Mumfie

i totally understand how what happened in your family led to your ongoing HA. But, as others have said, serious misdiagnoses are very rare. Look at it this way; say your  sibling gives you a call tonight and lo and behold, she won Powerball! Aside from extreme joy for her, what are you thinking? Are you thinking hey, I'm running out and win me some big bucks, since it's so easy to do!

i didn't think so. You'd realize how incredibly rare such things are and likely not waste a lot of money seeking to also win the lottery. You're smart enough to know that the million to one odds are still the same against you.

Same here. Yes, what happened to your family was awful, but just as rare. There's nothing special about you that's going to cause you to suffer the same fate.

choose a pcp wisely. Find one you feel good about. Then be vigilant about your health, but not overly so. Easier said than done yes, but doing so will save you a life of mental agony.

Finally, any therapy including CBT takes a lot of time to master. There is no quick fix. Try hard to stick with it.

[Carwag 1]

Sorry for your loss of your mother and grandfather. I lost my dad 6 yrs ago and the pain is still very fresh. It’s so hard when your close to someone. I just wanted to let you hear my story because it sounds pretty close to what your going through. I have always had anxiety but handled it through exercising. As I became older and started having children my anxiety has sky rocketed. I had my second child 2 yrs ago I had had a hard time conceiving and ended up doing IVF which was very stressful, I then had a complicated pregnancy, and post partum complications that landed me back in the hospital in ICU. Prior to this I was otherwise very healthy. So now my husband was home with are then 5yrold and new baby. Thank god family stepped in to help. Mean while I was so sick in ICU and freaking out crying. It was horrible I was so scared I was going to die and never see my kids again. I was discharge home and that’s where it all started. Post partum Anxiety and depression. I had to be on bp Medication, and a list of other. Follow ups with specialist etc, and trying to adjust to being a mom of two now. It was to much to handle my body just shut down and I started developing physical symptoms. I was so sick. Vomiting, diarrhea, no appetite, rapid weight loss, weakness, heart palpations, fast heart rate, fatigue, headaches, dizziness, heart burn, the list went on. I was sure the doctors missed something and then started having my first ever panic attacks. I layed in bed all the time and would sleep. Not normal for me I am active. I was clearly depressed but didn’t believe it., I have never been depressed in my life. So for four months I went to different doctors and had multiple test which were all normal. They could not find anything. So finally a GI doctor saved my life. He said you have to get a grip anxiety is causing you to be so sick. Again I still din not believe him. He started me on a antidepressant. It fixed ALL of my symptoms after about 3 weeks of taking it. I stayed on it for about 18 months. Sometimes you just have to trust the doctors even though it is hard. Maybe a mild medication would help you greatly!! It is worth to talk about with your doctor. Hang in there. It will get better eventually. 

[Ellebel 67]

14 hours ago, Mumfie said:

 

My therapist says I am looking for a 100% guarantee that I am not sick or that nothing bad is going to happen, but that (of course) no one can give me that. I understand that, but honestly I don't know how other people can live their lives and NOT constantly be paralyzed by fear or worry. 

 

I was listening to an interesting podcast yesterday that suggested that exactly this would be the root of all our issues. For me at least, i think it is true. I want 100% certainty about my health and those around me. I cannot have it, so i panic about it and then the circle starts (symptoms--> worry--> focus on symptom --> worse symptom or more symptoms--> more panic--> more focus etc) So yeah... i KNOW this and still cannot let it go. I get your frustration. The not trusting doctors part, i get that too.. My grandma was told not to complain, she was just getting older.. Untill they found out she had cancer that was now everywhere.. And for myself also, i had excruiting stomach aches at age 16 (29 now) and went to the ER more then once.. They always sent me home with a OTC painkiller en hushed me.. i was too young for it to be anything serious, they all said.. 3 years i lived in pain, missed school, missed going out with friends etc etc, untill at one point i was again at the ER at 5 in the morning throwing up what we think was blood and finally one doctor decided to do a sonogram. Guess what? IT had been gall bladder stones all along. The whole gallbladder was taken out and i never had the pains again.. So yeah, when a doctor tells me im fine i DONT believe them.. i want proof.. i want scans and bloodwork and everything, because i will not believe them otherwise.. and you know what? for someone having anxiety those kind of experiences DO NOT HELP.. it makes it even harder to find reassurance and to calm down.. but we have to try, because you know what? if the dreaded were to happen (even though we hope and pray that it will not untill we are very old and lived a very full life) what would you want your last 'healthy' weeks/months/years to be like?  Crying in a corner scared to death about something that MIGHT be (and probably isnt) OR having fun, making memories and LIVING that full life we long for to look back on when we are old and wise...

Then again, even though this sounds totally logical I absolutely seem to fail my own advice as well haha.. we (the anxiety touched) are just NOT logical beiings I guess.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi Ellebel.  Distrusting the medics is understandable but what options do we have? They are trained, and trained well, but are human and like all of us do make mistakes. THEY are not infallible any more than WE are. But the statistics show that the chances of being misdiagnosed are slim. Every day in the UK thousands of operations are done with no comment from the media, but when one goes wrong it's all over the front pages. The old journalist saying is so true. "Good news is not news"! I don't distrust to that extent, but I know what you mean.

I still maintain that unless we get to the root of the problem we can't expect relief. If you had appendicitis would you just take pain killers for the pain and hope for the best? Of course not, it would have to come out. The symptoms we have in anxiety are the pain from something deep down that is the cause. It's not the symptoms that are important it's the cause. Medication and the like do but suppress the pain, they never 'cure' anxiety.  Psychotherapy was introduced at the beginning of the last century by such as Freud and Jung because they realised our troubles stem from the unconscious. In other words we are not consciously aware of the cause. It is not in our consciousness so can't be dealt with on that level. Finding the cause; looking at it in the cold light of day without its emotional content will help solve the fear, which is always at the root of anxiety.

What do you and many others fear? Health problems? Those close to us departing? Yes, but humans have faced this for hundreds of thousands of years. Modern man can reason. He/she can look objectively which our ancestors couldn't because they used the primitive part of the brain only. Instinct drove them not reason.  Anxiety suffers use that primitive part because it's so difficult to reason when in a fearful state. The primitive clicks in when fear comes in and 'triggers' the fight/flight mechanism which only leads to more fear and more anxiety.

I can't comment too deeply on individual circumstances on a forum. But knowing as I do from experience over many years that it's the things we don't say or talk about that are often the root cause, because facing ourselves is never a good experience.

 

[Ellebel 67]

1 hour ago, jonathan123 said:

Hi Ellebel.  Distrusting the medics is understandable but what options do we have? They are trained, and trained well, but are human and like all of us do make mistakes. THEY are not infallible any more than WE are. But the statistics show that the chances of being misdiagnosed are slim. Every day in the UK thousands of operations are done with no comment from the media, but when one goes wrong it's all over the front pages. The old journalist saying is so true. "Good news is not news"! I don't distrust to that extent, but I know what you mean.

I still maintain that unless we get to the root of the problem we can't expect relief. If you had appendicitis would you just take pain killers for the pain and hope for the best? Of course not, it would have to come out. The symptoms we have in anxiety are the pain from something deep down that is the cause. It's not the symptoms that are important it's the cause. Medication and the like do but suppress the pain, they never 'cure' anxiety.  Psychotherapy was introduced at the beginning of the last century by such as Freud and Jung because they realised our troubles stem from the unconscious. In other words we are not consciously aware of the cause. It is not in our consciousness so can't be dealt with on that level. Finding the cause; looking at it in the cold light of day without its emotional content will help solve the fear, which is always at the root of anxiety.

What do you and many others fear? Health problems? Those close to us departing? Yes, but humans have faced this for hundreds of thousands of years. Modern man can reason. He/she can look objectively which our ancestors couldn't because they used the primitive part of the brain only. Instinct drove them not reason.  Anxiety suffers use that primitive part because it's so difficult to reason when in a fearful state. The primitive clicks in when fear comes in and 'triggers' the fight/flight mechanism which only leads to more fear and more anxiety.

I can't comment too deeply on individual circumstances on a forum. But knowing as I do from experience over many years that it's the things we don't say or talk about that are often the root cause, because facing ourselves is never a good experience.

 

you are so right about the root problem! it is really hard to figure out what it is.. me and my therapist haven't found it yet.. Good thing we are making things more liveable in the meantime

[jonathan123 2368]

you are so right about the root problem! it is really hard to figure out what it is.. me and my therapist haven't found it yet..

Exactly! And that's the problem with any talking therapy. It takes time, sometimes a lot of it. Getting to root causes is never easy because you are delving into the unconscious mind and the patient often resists, unconsciously, any intrusion into that area.  Superficial therapies that deal with day to day events is NOT what I talked about. The conscious mind is not the problem, it is only doing its thing according to the dictates of the brain which receives instructions from its master, the Mind. There are, for all practical purposes, two parts to consciousness, the unconscious and the conscious. There are subdivisions like the personal unconscious and so on, but the two I mentioned are important and more relevant to anxiety. Dreams play an important part in such therapies and dream analysis is very necessary if causes are to be found. In psychotherapy you go deep down to find causes. This takes time and no limit can be put on it. But it's not for everyone.  To me, having been there and practised it there is no real alternative if recovery is expected. All behavioural therapies are based on psychotherapy. CBT and such are, to me, far too superficial to be of much use. But that's a personal opinion. Many have had a success with that kind of therapy, but it's mostly short lived.

[Torontogirl 73]

Mumfie, I can relate to you. I’m in my 50’s and have suffered various symptoms since my teens that have truly freaked me out, only to have them dissipate after a doctor would say i was fine. When I think back I can think of light-headedness, weird feelings in my feet, stomach pains, irritated bladder and more. This time around they aren’t as quick to leave. 

I think I do myself a disservice looking for people who have identical symptoms to me who have recovered. If the symptoms are a bit different than mine I discount them. I think I also let my prickly leg feelings temper my good times. I’m always a bit worried or feel some sort of despair because of them. All consuming. 

When I write this it stands out as pretty sad. Mumfie, maybe you can relate to what I’ve written. It sure sounds like therapy is in order for me and I’m glad you’re already seeing one. 

Mumfie I’ve done enough reading to know that all symptoms can be caused by anxiety. Our symptoms might be different but don’t make my mistake of looking for the individual out there who is experiencing exactly what you are. This is a bad trap, in my opinion. 

Jon, thanks for pointing out clearly your view of therapy and the need for getting to the root of the problem. 

Best wishes to everyone,

Debbie

 

[jonathan123 2368]

Our symptoms might be different but don’t make my mistake of looking for the individual out there who is experiencing exactly what you are. This is a bad trap, in my opinion.                     Thanks Debbie.

Yes indeed. That is one of those real truths that come up now and then. Making comparisons is never a good idea and generalisations is even worse. Everyone is different. YOU are a unique person and out of the billions who inhabit this earth there is only one you. That's why I am so against 'blanket' type therapies. A 'cover all' type of therapy that treats the anxiety and not the person. YOU have anxiety. Anxiety does NOT have you. This is the mistake we all make, that we feel taken over by some malevolent 'force' over which we have no control. That is not true at all. YOU have far more intelligence than 'IT', but you have to use that god given intelligence.

[zmichelle557 11]

Are we related??? Lol seriously have the exact same pain in the exact same places. I'm 30 and have been having them for over 3 or 4 years. Still no idea what caused it to start but I'm assuming tension from anxiety. I'm worried about something all the time. I can understand your fears about trusting doctors after what you have been through but I would suggest letting your Pcp know that way they can be mor3 detailed as to why they dont think you have a b or c wrong. (My Pcp is amazing and does this, it helps).