cbhaga01

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cbhaga01 last won the day on July 9 2021

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About cbhaga01

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  1. He was a complicated man and we had a similarly complicated relationship. He suffered from severe depression and anxiety which he self-medicated with for decades (he died from cirrhosis). I was always kind of kept at arm's length until I was quite a bit older. We still loved each other. We just didn't like each other while I was growing up. And I can't really say I believe the whole signals thing. I do believe he still here in some capacity. Everywhere, in fact. Like everyone we lose. My fingers on that same hand have been feeling weird today too. Still not weak, but off. I'm trying to tell myself it's just me being in my head. Interestingly enough, I haven't noticed the thumb all that much at all.
  2. He sounds awesome. I hope you're taking care of yourself as best you can. Things will change eventually. They may not get "better", but your hurt will evolve and you'll learn to carry it with you.Grief doesn't mean you're broken or that you have a problem that needs to be fixed. It's just love in its most raw form. Tests aren't a terrible idea IF you can walk away content with the results. I've done the MRI thing before and felt that relief when I've been told "all normal, no need to follow up". But paying out of pocket? Geesh, what would that even cost? My anxiety has been awful for months now. Dad had been sick for several years and it was an ugly decline. He took a real turn for the worse around Thanksgiving and we lost him January 4th. I was there all through the night before, when he was in a coma and his organs were starting to shut down. And then I saw him take his last breaths the next morning. It was fucked up, to be blunt. I've been spiraling ever since. That, along with whatever is going on with my thumb, cranked my neurodegenerative fears WAY up. I'm in a fairly bad place with depressive symptoms. All I want to do is sleep and eat junk food. I'm terrified to even let myself daydream about the future. But I'm going to therapy and putting in the work. I'll get back to good eventually. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.
  3. Hi holls. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. How are you doing with everything?
  4. Thanks. I honestly hadn't considered CT. The logical part of my brain suggested "gamer's thumb", but the descriptions of that I've encountered online make it sound way worse than what I'm dealing with.
  5. Hi everyone. Back around Christmas, I started to notice a tight sensation in the fat part below my thumb. No weakness, trembling, or loss of motion. Just, tight and "off". My other fingers all feel fine. I've been able to function almost entirely normal. The only thing I'm noticing is that when I spend a significant amount of time playing video games or guitar, I will have quite a bit of dull pain running through that part of my hand and down my wrist afterwards. It would probably also be beneficial to mention that all of this started after I had spent several days gaming way more than usual. It also started right around the time my dad passed from cirrhosis. So, stressed already? Hell yes. It's been a month now. I don't feel like it's gotten better, though there are better days than some. But it definitely hasn't gotten worse either. In my lizard brain, though, I have thoroughly convinced myself that it is something neurological and it's only a matter of time before my whole body starts to shut down. First it was Parkinson's, now ALS. Help?
  6. I had two MRI's this past spring. One for my brain and one spinal. Both came back clean. I was surprised by how pleasant the experience was, to be honest. I dozed off during the second one.
  7. Bruh. Your kidneys are fine. There could be a million different reasons for why your BUN levels are slightly off. Reasons so insignificant, they can vary from day to day. Kidney issues aren't subtle. When you have them, you know you have them. There's no second guessing it. And even if they are acting up (which they're not), remember that you have two. You can live with one. And if they're both being assholes, you get a transplant and you're golden. Hell, I'll hook you up with a kidney if you're really desperate. As long as you agree to pay off my student loans 🍻
  8. Hey folks. So, my wife and I are getting ready to sell our home. We've got an inspection lined up for next week. Way back before Christmas, we checked something up in our attic (where we never go) and noticed a large mound of hay way in the back. We knew we had to get that cleaned up, whatever the cause, before next week. Yesterday, I put on an N95 respirator mask, safety goggles, one of those full-body coverall suits with the hood (like you see painters use), two sets of thick gloves, and booties. I was in the attic for roughly 20 minutes. I ended up pulling two of those huge black contractors bags full of hay out of there. At no point did I see any bird droppings, nor signs that the nest was actively being used. But, in the midst of doing that, I had a full-blown panic attack. In the dark, with only my flashlight on to show me all the shit that was flying up off that nest, I had the terrible thought of, "What if I didn't get my mask sealed tightly enough?" Cue freakout. I got out of there and immediately took a super long, hot shower. Today I feel okay. I've got a slight tickle in my throat, but that could very well be allergies. The idea of something like histoplasmosis freaks me out a bit, but Dr. Google says it's usually pretty mild. I'm more concerned with getting some of the more obscure shit, like the stuff that causes brain swelling. If I get brain damage from cleaning out a bird's nest, I am going to be pissed. Do you guys think I have anything to worry about? Do you have experience with stuff like this? TIA!
  9. I'm three weeks out from my second Pfizer shot. So is my wife. Other than feeling like someone had taken a baseball bat to our arms for a day or so, we're absolutely fine.
  10. Final update: Got the results of my brain scan back today. Totally clear. I do not have MS. At this point, all signs indicate a vestibular issue, as I'd previously mentioned. I'm going to get back into my VRT exercises and try to start enjoying life again.
  11. The saga continues: Got a call from the neurologist's office today at work out of nowhere. They said they'd submitted an appeal to my insurance and got the brain scan approved after all. I go in next Tuesday afternoon. To be honest, I'm super anxious, super annoyed (because I feel like this should have happened already), but almost a bit relieved. Getting clear results from the spinal MRI helped calm me down, but I didn't get that definitive answer that I wanted. So, while I'm amped up quite a bit again, I'm not nearly as bad as I was the first time. I'll update this again next week. Fingers crossed, folks.
  12. I got it last Thursday. They hooked me up with the Pfizer shot. It was fine! The shot itself hurt less than a flu vaccine. My arm was pretty sore for a day or two, but again, less than the flu shot. I did feel a bit of fatigue for a few hours. Nothing extreme, however. You're gonna be fine. Get the shot 🍻
  13. UPDATE! Ended up having a spinal MRI and not a brain scan. My insurance denied it on grounds that it wasn't "medically necessary". I took that as a sign. Test results came back completely normal. Neurologist said there was no reason to follow-up. So, while I didn't get an ironclad answer to my worries, I feel much, much better. Also, my wisdom teeth surgery went great! I'm still on soft foods, but I'm 90% better. And I've lost 8 pounds in the past two weeks while still drinking milkshakes most night, so that's pretty awesome.
  14. MS. Multiple times. I'm just now coming down from a recent scare that had me in shambles for three weeks. Ended up getting a spinal MRI which came back completely normal (insurance denied a brain scan, saying it wasn't "medically necessary"; I took that as a sign).
  15. Isn't that the truth? I saw several dermatologists when I was younger who I can honestly say were in the room with me for less than an entire minute. They didn't even give me time to ask them questions.