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  1. I haven't been active for a few weeks on here because I have been doing so well. I kind of just snapped out of it one day and started to feel great! This week I started to feel my anxiety coming on. I was trying to do my best and use all my coping mechanisms to combat the problem. However, yesterday I just succumbed to my feelings and had a panic attack! I was able to calm myself down enough to not be freaking out but I was emotional the whole night. I had to suck it up and go to a family party. Luckily everyone in my family is aware of my disorder and is very non-judgmental so I didn't feel I needed to hide my emotions. Today I am feeling weepy and terrible and anxious. I have an hour and 45 min left of work and I'm pushing through. I'm so frustrated this came back. I don't like setbacks. I get terrified of feeling like this everyday. I try to remind myself that I will snap out of it and feel better. It's such a hard battle. I hate it and I resent it and I know I'm supposed to accept it but I can't. I need some help. Who else has experienced set backs?
  2. Hi, I am Casey and I am new to this site but not to anxiety. I am 24 years old and had my first experience with panic attacks, anxiety, and depression at age 14. I have a flare up every couple of years. The last time I had a flare up was when I was 20 and I went four years generally anxiety free, sincerely believing it would never return. Well, I was wrong, and about a month ago it returned out of nowhere. I've had lots of potential triggers. About two years ago my father passed away from stage 4 c****r. Then my mother and I moved from my childhood home into a new condo. I graduated college and purchased a business which has had a very successful first year. Now that I look back at it...the whole time I encountered all of these events I was sort of unemotional and numb...I guess it was a disaster waiting to happen... The summer is when my business slows down. I have a lot of down time and not half as many responsibilities. Recently I started dating my amazing boyfriend. I actually began to feel genuinely happy and excited about life for the first time in a long time. But about a month ago, I was sick with a horrible cold for the week and was bedridden. I started feeling better on the weekend so I decided to try to go out to dinner with my mom and boyfriend. The whole day I was feeling anxious but I usually can manage those feelings so I thought nothing of it. But on the way to dinner I had a panic attack and after driving 1 minute away from home we had to return. It's like all of my emotions spilled out at once. And here I was, back as the anxious girl who cries all day and feels hopeless. Something switched in my brain and I kind of went "off the deep end". My boyfriend has been 100% supportive of me even though he has no experience with anxiety/panic/depression. I feel in awe of his patience with me. But deep down I fear he will get frustrated and want to leave. I began seeing my old therapist again and he told me it was delayed onset grief that triggered me. The feelings of grief just started to sink in which adds an extra layer of depression to the anxiety. When I have my anxiety, I have feelings of depersonalization and derealization. They used to be much worse when I was younger but those feelings have began to lessen as the years go by. I seem to have anxiety about nothing. I feel worried about how I can fill the days until I can get into my pajamas and hang out with my boyfriend. I feel like I can't enjoy the moment because I'm worried about something I can't even put my finger on...I feel like no one can understand this and I don't even understand it. I'm afraid my professional life is suffering because I am going through this rough patch. I wish I could shut off the switch in my brain that consumes me. I feel like I have been dropped into a world that I am not a part of. I'm confused on how I got here or why I am here. I know lots of people have it worse than me. I am still able to do my job, go shopping, go to the gym, attend social events, take care of my dog and even help my mom and my boyfriend when they need me. But the depression of the loss of my father added to my anxiety disorder is just really hard to manage. My therapist does help. I have been taking effexor XR since age 14 and I just started to take .5MG of klonopin to help with the nervous stomach and take the edge off. I'm trying to use this "relapse" for lack of a better term to come out a stronger and better person. Can anyone give me some insight if they can relate? I don't even know what I am anxious or upset about. I have anxiety about having anxiety. It's SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Does anyone feel like I am feeling? I need some encouragement right now because my self esteem has been pretty low since this started. I'm mad at myself for being weak. But I just can't help it... -Thank you.
  3. So I'v just recently got my grade for finishing uni which im very happy with. However over the last week or so i'v been feeling very mixed, is how id best describe it. I feel like im all over the place on the inside, to others they say I look birghter and happy and more calm. But I don't feel like this on the inside. I don't no if its so much like my mood or changing or not, its differernt, like I get agitated and can't seem to sit still, I am but i'm like I just want to get out of here or like I dont no what i want but I jut feel like I want to scream.. weird I know.... like extremly frustrated where I want to pace and shout and just that I cant settle, even watching tv, i cant settle and I feel lonely. When im on my own its worse. I can be on my own during the say and keep myself busy most of the time but at night from 6/7 onwards its horrible. I start to get horrible thoughts and everything good just doesn't matter to me anymore, none of it. When my family is home its not so bad I guess. I feel on edge all the time. I should probly write this in my mood diary but I hate that stupid mood journal. I havn't seen my therapist for a while as I had to cancell the last appointment and I dont no if thats not helping. But im probly just trying to justify it with that. I hate the feeling of not being able to settle and when im agiattaed i wouldn't describe it as angry like my moods in the past. More frustrated but a different frustrated. I do know I feel very alone in my life and maybe thats it .... I have no clue.. I know i have people i can talk to on here and stuff but I feel alone generally. Anyways I just wanted to write this down to see if people know what im talking about.