sharayahde

I find myself confused lately. Because of my agoraphobia, I find myself alone most of the time. This can obviously get really lonely after awhile. But when I invite someone over, the entire time they are here I'm thinking "I can't wait for them to leave." So, I'm like "WTF, I'm lonely right now. Why do I want them to leave?" I don't understand it. Usually, I want them to come back as soon as they walk out of the door. They are two very conflicting feelings. Does anyone else deal with something like this?

I have had a weird thing happen while anxious this past month, which I can only call a new anxiety symptom? Ugh...I feel it now. When I'm panicking or anxious in general, my veins will become very visible in my arms and hands and will throb with pain. This pain happens before my anxiety and can sometimes linger afterwards. The pain keeps me from sleeping, because I tend to have anxiety right before bed. Does anyone experience anxiety symptoms involving their veins? It's freaking me out. I'm trying not to start the downward spiral about it where I think I have a clot and I'm about to die.

Hi Jon, Thank you for the kind words. It can just be frustrating at times. I really want a life.

I walked my dog around my apartment complex today. It's the farthest I've ever gotten on foot. I'm glad I got through it without a meltdown, but I feel like I didn't accomplish enough at the same time. I keep thinking "if I were normal, I could have gone farther." I guess I don't know how to give myself a break and just be happy that I got as far as I did. Does anyone else experience feeling this way?

Hello HDBobbers, I used to gasp too. It almost always made me start to hyperventilate, so I had to teach myself to breathe through my nose. It helps to control your breathing so much better. If forces you to take in less air.

Does anyone have any safety behaviors that you use when your anxious or feel like your about to panic to try and ease your mind? I sometimes snap my fingers by my ear to make sure I still have my hearing. For some reason that can ease my thoughts of dying for me (irrational, i know) I cough to make sure my throat isn't closing up, etc If anyone has any please share. I feel like I'm the only one who does these things.

Hi Gizmo, Dear God yes. I feel like a bird who's too afraid to leave an open cage. It's extremely frustrating.

Hello everyone, My name is Sharayah. I've been diagnosed with depressive disorder, panic disorder w/ agoraphobia for about 6-7 years now. I've been in a sort of denial about my illness, not telling people, trying to pretend that I don't have it, etc. Who am I fooling. I don't hide it very well, even though I try really hard. I am unable to leave my home most days, hold down a job, see friends, and interact with the outside world in general. Of course this makes for a very lonely and isolating existence. I really want my life back, and I feel that the only way that's going to happen is if I come to terms with and accept my illness for what it is. The first step to recovery is to admit that you have a problem. Yes, it sucks, but my denial of it is not making it go away. If anything it's made it stronger. So there you have it. I have panic disorder. I've never just flat out said it. Thinking about how many people might read those words makes me cringe lol. Regardless, here I am.