Joeetaku

I always listen to white noise at night to help me sleep. I've actually reached the point where I find it hard to sleep without it! If you Google 'free white noise downloads' you should find some MP3s. Doing jigsaws is supposed to be a good activity to do if you can't sleep. I sometimes do this before going to bed and find it very relaxing because I'm applying my mind to something constructive that isn't stressful. Reading for a while helps too, though ideally not something difficult! Avoid looking at any clocks if you can't sleep. Worrying about the number of hours will only make it worse. Point your alarm clock to the wall. Put your watch in a drawer. Whatever it takes to reduce the temptation to look! Personally I find it helps me to do a few press-ups if I can't sleep. Often if I'm anxious there's tension in my body, so a tiny bit of exercise helps me to spend that energy that's built up inside. Don't too too much though, as it can have the opposite effect and wake you up. I do about 10 to 20; whatever is the 'breaking point' after which I can't do any more! . I hope some or all of these help. Good luck

Words can have a tremendous effect on the way we think. Any of you who speak second languages may have noticed how languages reflect the cultures they come from, and anybody who’s read 1984 will be aware of the idea that language can be used to control thought (for better or worse!) When I took an online CBT course a while ago, I was taught how this idea can be useful in managing anxious or depressed thoughts. I was also later reminded of this in one-to-one counselling. We often ascribe unhelpful labels for ourselves (‘I’m such an idiot!’), other people, or situations (‘this is hopeless!!!’). We often build ‘word prisons’ around ourselves (‘I have to do this! I shouldn’t have done that!’). But ‘black and white’ such words as these often encourage further negative thought and can be extremely destructive. The solution, both when we think or speak, is to use ‘word swaps’; i.e. replace these highly polarised words with softer words that, while still somewhat negative, nonetheless leave us more open to alternative possibilities and/or silver linings in the situations that provoke our anxiety/depression. For example (in each case [squared brackets] provide an example of a slightly more positive thought that more flexible wording might provoke): Replace ‘what if’ with ‘could’. Consider ‘What if I fail?!?!’ versus ‘I could fail [but it’s unlikely]’. Avoid using the words ‘always’ or ‘never’ and replace them with words like ‘often [but not always]’ and ‘rarely [but sometimes]’. Replace words like ‘catastrophe’ and ‘disaster’ with words like ‘nuisance’, ‘inconvenience’ and ‘annoyance’. Consider ‘This is hopeless!’ versus ‘This is very difficult [but there may still be a way out]’ Replace ‘should’, ‘must’ and ‘have to’ with e.g. ’prefer’, ‘wish’ or ‘would be nice’; ‘I have to make it early or traffic will be a nightmare!’ versus ‘It would be nice if I can get away early for a less stressful commute’. Can you think of any other words or examples of how to use them? N.B. Credit to the NHS ‘Talking Therapies’ course from which I took most of these examples.

Yes, learning! I know that the questions that bring up negative things are scary, but in my opinion the key to any interview is to find something positive from every negative. Yes, if you were fired they'll want to know why. But what did you learn from being fired? Did you see and understand what lead to you being fired? Does that understanding help you change your approach and/or attitude to work? Perhaps it was a sign that that particular type of job isn't for you, and so now you are seeking what is. If you make clear to every interviewer what you've learned from any negative experience and how you intend to improve yourself as a result, they will be much more interested in hiring you than the guy who walks in a pretends to be perfect. In one interview I had, the vice-president picked up on a mistake in my CV/resume... my anxiety really went to town on that one. But actually, I got that job, I'm still doing that job, and recently I've become one of the people interviewing potential staff members! And even if you aren't successful with an interview, look back on that interview and see what you can improve for next time. I remember my first phone interview. I likewise thought it would be easy; I expected it to be an informal chat and did zero preparation for it. Big mistake... I completely failed that one. But the next phone interview I had, I knew what to expect. I knew that I had to do my homework and prepare. I nailed it, went through to the face-to-face stage and nailed that too. Good luck my friend

Hi Brit, yes, it's good to hear that you're getting into a routine and that that's helping. I would like to echo what MsLLL said about helping with the student paper or similar; i.e. joining one of the clubs or societies. A lot of people at university make friends through such groups (for me it was through the Christian Union and The Japanese Society). And yes, I was anxious through the early days of attending both, but in the end, I made some really close friends who I'm still in touch with today. Also, I strongly encourage you to receive the mental health support services offered by your college. I cannot stress this enough. My anxiety really spiked during my PhD, but it wasn't until my third year that I sought the free help my university offered. It really helped me, and I honestly wish I'd done it sooner!

Hi Mary, I'm sorry nobody has offered a solution yet; I wonder if you might have more luck in the 'Health Anxiety' forum http://www.anxiety-central.com/index.php?/forum/9-health-anxiety/ If you're taking medication I assume you have spoken to a doctor about this. If so, have they suggested anything else?

Hi Brit, I remember this feeling very well. I too was terrified on my first day, especially when my parents left me in my new room all by myself. Initiating conversation on the first day was tricky, but the ball really started to roll on the second, and within the week I was making loads of friends! Maybe you've heard this a lot already, but remember that everybody there is 'in the same boat'. Sure, there will be some for whom making new friends is not a challenge, but there will be many others also scared of the challenge of doing so. But you'll also find that as a whole, the student body is more tolerant of different people types, which makes it easier to talk to people for the first time. I also remember in the first week, at least in my university, nobody had a problem with a complete stranger coming over to say hello! But I also want to say well done for taking this brave step doing something that is often so difficult for us socially anxious people. It's a perfect example of how we can stick up our middle finger at the fear inside us and not let it stand in the way of our progress in life. I wish you all the best. Enjoy it!

My last counselor taught me an interesting trick with respect to 'whats ifs'. Every time you hear yourself thinking 'what if', replace the 'what if' with 'could' or something similar. I can't quite put my finger on why, but somehow it reduces the weight of the possibility, as if rather than fearing the uncertainty you are accepting the possibility.... and as we hear often on these forums, acceptance is key "What if she's angry with me?!" becomes "She could be angry with me [but then, she could not]." "What if I don't get paid on time to pay the bills?" becomes: "I may not get paid in time to pay the bills [but that's life]." Try it There are other examples of such 'word swaps'... but I can't remember them off the top of my head. I'll look into it.

Hello everyone, long time no see.... I'm sorry I dropped off the radar somewhat! Things generally have been better for me the past year or so, though there's still a long way to go! I keep telling myself to come back and share and try to help people, but either because I'm busy or because I'm feeling lazy when I'm not busy I don't get round to it! Anyway, I've taken to writing a lot more, including when a thought about anxiety comes to me. I was looking over some things I wrote before, stumbled across a paragraph I called 'The Wall' and decided to share it. It doesn't provide a solution to anxiety, but I hope that some of you may find it useful in explaining your anxiety to others: ---- Whenever I have to do something that makes me extremely anxious, it feels like I'm trying to push hard against a wall in hopes that I can push right through it. It feels so tangible, as if the wall were real. When I need to open up, or be honest, or confess a mistake or confront somebody, sometimes I just can't do it because it's just as impossible to do as it is to pass through solid objects. Pushing hard against a physical wall takes physical energy, but I get the same feeling trying to push through a metaphorical mental wall. It's just as tiring, just as exhausting, and if I push too hard I have no energy left for anything else afterwards. The wall is not metaphorical. It is real and it's there, stopping me from moving forward, fighting back and resisting every effort I make to pass through it. ----- I wonder how many of you can identify with this?

Welcome to AC, and thank you for sharing. Indeed, it helps to know we aren't alone. I've also found that as well as reading other peoples' stories, it helps me to help others too. Knowing that others find it helpful to know they aren't alone, it feels good to share and help them in such a way

Hi Jim, welcome to AC. Sorry to hear you've come over with anxiety all of a sudden. Although the causes and symptoms can be different for all of us, we're all facing the same beast that is anxiety, so you are not alone. Especially since you're new to this, I encourage you to look over other peoples' stories and advice shared across these boards to get an idea of how we can successfully manage and live with our anxieties. Remember that anxiety is like quicksand: the more you fight it, the worse it can get. This is not to say we should give up hope, only that the best way to 'fight' it is first to accept it, let it have its moment from time to time, and move on when it goes. Fighting too hard releases adrenaline and makes it worse. Look into counselling, meditation/mindfulness, sharing with others (as you have done here!), and give anything you try time to work. And once again, welcome aboard

Hi Kaikea, sorry it took so long for anybody to reply. You certainly aren't alone in anxiety. You certainly aren't alone in struggling to deal with life's curveballs. I seem to find lately that just while you're dealing with one curveballs, another rears its ugly head, and I just can't cope. But knowing I'm not alone and that I can post on these forums when things get tough keeps me going. Counselling, therapy and drugs can only go so far, and they can't stop the problems that make us anxious, but sharing out problems with others who understand can be a real relief. I find that helping others with their problems can also be a real relief! Welcome to AC

Hi Ladylu, sorry nobody has replied sooner! I don't have experience with medication for anxiety, but I do have experience with anxiety! And so do many others here. As you say, these forums are a good place to go when others in your life don't understand. We totally do understand, so we're here to help

This is something I've been struggling with a lot recently. I'm facing a lot of difficulties and getting very confused. There are decisions to be made that need to be made sooner rather than later, but I can't recognise what is right and what is wrong under the pressure of anxiety, so I freeze, and I do nothing. Anxiety comes in waves which I can't always control, which I accept. But knowing my state of mind is in flux like this makes it difficult to know when I can trust my own decisions and my own feelings. One minute one option seems completely rational. The next minute the other seems completely rational. One minute I'm calm, the next I'm anxious. What is constant? Anxiety is essentially a physical state, but therefore so is calmness. If my feelings and decisions both depend on my physical state, how can I really know what is right? What appears true when I'm anxious may be false, but I fear that by the same token what appears true when I'm calm could equally be false. What is right must be what is constant regardless of physical state, but I feel like I can no longer see what is constant. If my physical state is confused, how do I recognise what is constant?

Amazing post. This needs some kind of award! Like you say, anxiety has its moments when it will be there and there's nothing we can do about it. One CBT technique is 'worry time'. A dedicated time of the day for worry. If you have worry time when you are in an anxious state, you can let the anxiety take over, have its moment, and move on. But interestingly if you do worry time when you're not anxious, it's really hard to worry! It's proof of what you said: anxiety has times when it's there and when it's not there, which in itself is a reminder that anxiety is just a physical thing and that our problems are not always as bad we think they are.

The first thing you need to do is accept her condition, and accept that she cannot be easily convinced. Us anxious people, unfortunately, are just not rational. So when we're anxious, we can't be reasoned with so easily. If you want to reason with her, you've got to help her through her anxiety first. You can do that by showing sympathy to her condition. I know this is hard, especially if you don't have anxiety. But you don't need to understand it, just accept what she's going through. My girlfriend doesn't understand my anxiety all the time, but she accepts that it is there and loves me regardless. This is a huge encouragement to me, and takes away the fear of my own condition, which would only make me worse otherwise. A lack of acceptance towards an anxious person is going to encourage fear in that person, which can only make them worse. Show her love by accepting her difficulties. Learn what you can about anxiety and give her space to be anxious when she needs to. Encourage her to get help and be by her side when she seeks it and when she finds it.