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jlmwz316 last won the day on July 13 2018

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  1. For me personally I don’t feel it until the darkness arrives on Christmas Eve. We light candles in front of our house on Christmas Eve that reminds us of light coming into a dark world. God coming to be with us. For those who have faith, this night is set aside to consider the arrival of God himself into our world and to remind us to be ready for His return. The light of this world, is the light coming on in our own souls. It’s the feeling of wonder He reignites in us that is far more than what commercial interests make it to be, because it is deeply personal. We live in a dark world that needs a divine light shining into it. This occurs when each person reignites that light within them. I prepare my heart during advent for this time, trying to look back at all the ways I emptied peoples buckets rather than filling them throughout the year and once again ask God sincerely to keep me close to Him, and not let me become part of the darkness. I try to take that with me through the year, though it ebbs and flows and trickles and wanes suppressed by materialism, desire and lusts, distrust, skepticism, anxiety, and temptation to becoming oblivious or worse agnostic and yet He remains patiently waiting for me to return again . And we may do that again and again, because his love and mercy has no limits paid for with His own blood. Yay for Christmas if only that it is an opportunity to stand amazed in His presence, each time I return back from my endless journeys into the darkness that sometimes feels so good, and return to the light. Push all other stuff out, and reflect upon His light on Christmas, symbolic though it may be, on an arbitrary day commerating as it may be, commercialized, and taken advantage of, it remains still an opportunity for a personal encounter with Him, as every day can be.
  2. Dan, I totally agree with Jon’s answer,, fear in anxiety is fear of something inside you that inflicted a wound. To overcome it, you have to face it, you have to get on the plane and ride it out. To ride it out, you have to accept what your fears will bring on. You can do this by realizing that however uncomfortable they will be, the symptoms you will experience while on the plane are nothing more than feelings. There is nothing physically wrong with you. Your feelings however can trigger much physical discomfort, enough to shake you, and terrify you, make your hands sweat, and chest tremble, throat close up, stomach churn, head spin, and list goes on. So what can you do, be brave, accept these things as being nothing more than they appear to be, true acceptance entails having no reaction at all to them. You can do this by acknowledging you are afraid, and pondering on the impact of what you are afraid of. Discover the outcome and compare it to your expectations, did what you were expecting happen? Do you ever know what you were expecting. Most of the time, we don’t, or cannot verbalize what we were expecting. I rarely can. I am afraid of some unknown thing , which one could,call fear of fear itself, but as Jon related, it is fear of some wound inside you that unconsciously torments you. The good news it can be overcome and ended by facing it head on as being nothing more than what it superficially appears to be, and that being conjured up by your own brain, is something you have every power to eliminate, by facing it head on, accepting it, and riding it out, take no action other than to confront it with your presence,get on that plane with no fear, taking solice in that you are in control. The circumstances you are in do not control you, so they should not matter, it makes no difference if you are sitting in your favorite chair at home, than sitting on that plane, you can extend your comfort zone to be everywhere because your comfort zone is within. Put on some headphones and play music you enjoy, close your eyes and imagine yourself to be home, because where you are physically makes no difference. Your physical surroundings do not inflict discomfort on you, you alone do that, and you Alone can turn it off, by not reacting to it.
  3. I am constantly relearning it. It means having patience most of all. Waiting it out without rushing into something. For example don’t flee where you are stay there and ignore it. If you can’t ignore it rationalize. Ask yourself if it makes sense. Finally avoid thinking this one is it. The others were fake this one is real. That’s the biggest trap. Not easy. But you keep working at it and don’t cave.
  4. I needed to think about this one very carefully to make sure it was true. It appears I never or very rarely experience more than one bothersome symptom at the same time. If my back hurts my stomach doesn’t. If I have acid reflux my colon feels fine, if the pain is on the way into my stomach it’s not on the way out,. If I am dizzy nothing else hurts. It’s always one thing at a time, I am wondering why and whether this is another clue to various symptoms being just a nerves thing. Anyone else notice that their symptoms tend to come one at a time?
  5. Hi Jeff, first know you have friends here who also suffer anxiety. It feels terrible but really it’s just a feeling, it’s nothing more than that, our feelings that is symptoms tend to trick us, and cause us to focus on worst case scenarios but the reality is the worst case scenario is the exception not the rule. From what you describe and the fact that you’ve had medical care to check things out, I am convinced you are stressed from the everyday things we all deal with. I am also a parent with young children, with a demanding job, and know that sometimes things get to me, mentally that’s is Usualy when I overdo it physically. My panic attacks began after I tried to replace an 8 foot stockcade fence myself, I definitely pulled something and felt pain deep in my chest and shoulders and thought it was my heart, the panic led me to feel dizzy and it raised my normally low bp to crazy numbers, I went to the er, multiple times, went to the cardiologist and had all kinds of tests done and a stress test and the end result was that my symptoms were muscular. They took months to,resolve and I took tons of Advil per the doctors, well guess what, I got gastritis from all,the Advil. It ate away my stomach lining and I had new pains. Causing new panic attacks, I went for an endoscopy and they confirmed what we thought, but said th inside of my stomach was just red and not an ulser so they put me on Prilosec for a month and it’s fixed me up. In between all this I went on meds , Xanax, lexapro, Zoloft, buspar, mirtazapine, amitrypline, and I went to therapy for months while they helped somewhat, in the end this was my problem to solve in my own head, and I did, I take no meds anymore, Except for really low dose amitrypline to help me sleep . I tackled this through this site and my own reading, which helped me to realize that it was all due to stress physically and mentally and that I had nothing wrong with me. A few ailments which were explained and treated , but nothing serious. I call them ailments , things which are bothersome, but not dangerous, just annoying stuff, that I no longer let get into my head which means I don’t react I just accept and know there is a cause and effect, I have to take care of myself not overdo it physically or mentally and guard myself against the trick which anxiety is, when it comes I float through episodes by remembering how it ended up before, nothing happened , literally nothing, everything was fine every single time I worried . I remember that now and it helps me when I am being tricked again by my own brain , it’s all suggestion, it feels real but it’s just a feeling an annoyance at worst, You have to just roll with it, it’s the only way, the meds will calm you down but to solve it you just have to get your head around it, face it, accept it, and float through it, and be patient with it, it does end . It did for me, take solace in that and don’t stress over this, take care of your thoughts that’s all this is. You are fine, Jimmy
  6. Hi and welcome. I believe you are fine, I think you are just falling right into what is called the anxiety trick. Your brain is running haywire by falling for the power of suggestion. This is something that happens to all of us anxiety sufferers, and yes I do think you have anxiety based on what you wrote, but guess what - most people do to some degree or another, For example, the other day I got stung by a bee. It was up my sleeve and when i rolled up shirt it stung me in the wrist just as a good bye present. I plucked the stinger out and felt the pain and had a little welt,which I put ice on. The next morning, it was really ichey and started to swell up. I panicked and thought i should go to the er, instead however I waited it out , not for too long, but for a little while, an hour icing it and putting cream on it. It didn’t get worse in fact while still ichey the swelling stopped and I was fine, The moral of the story is I resisted the power of suggestion and did not react, the other night, I had chest pain, but not near my heart, it was kind of near my shoulder, it woke me up in the middle of the night and once again I panicked. I took my BP and it was sky high which is what usually happens during a panic attack, and I thought oh no, this is it, at 3 AM thinking you aren’t going to be around the next morning is a horrible feeling, but I decided again not to react, I waited it out, again not too long, but enough time to see if anything else happened. It didn’t . I feel asleep and woke up to a bright sunny day the next morning and had a great day, moral of the story is don’t let yourself be tricked, we do it to ourselves, It’s the power of suggestion, a mighty power indeed, advertising fortunes were built upon it, the internet is funded by it, and we succumb to it whenever we speculate and react . Just face your symptoms as not being harmful. Our bodies are noisy, they creak and moan even at your age, especially when we stress over the unknown, face them as being real but just an annoyance, a transient discomfort, and ignore them , let them alone and don’t react to them, this is called acceptance and is the solution. Just float through what you are feeling . Don’t react, don’t do a thing, just wait then out, if you don’t they will snowball and you will get caught up in it. You can and have the power to stop it since it’s all coming from inside your own thoughts. What you described is totally real but they have no consequences other than that they feel bad, as you get older lots of things hurt, and doctors will just say welcome to the club, it’s part of being human, and most of the time amount to nothing, just wait them out, I know that’s not easy, so practice it, not reacting gets easier each time and soon your anxiety just fades on its own kind of like falling asleep, it just happens when we stop trying to.
  7. Hi Bunny, Posting here was a courageous step. Take credit for that step by saying to yourself that your journey back is beginning. . Try to continue by making tiny changes to help yourself. Start small, really small, like just sitting outside and saying hello to people, maybe take a walk. When I was going through this a few years ago I was always relaxed around nature, a park, or better yet a wooded path, or a walk in a garden . Even a visit to the beach on a fall day. With the wind blowing and sun shining, and surf still warm enough to put your feet in and feel the water against your feet. Think about those things, even if you can’t go there, just picture it in your mind, a sunny day, or maybe a rainy day with soft piano music playing. Make those pictures in your head, and imagine them as being part of your comfort place. Your comfort place needs to be expanded. This is worth repeating. Expand your comfort place, or should we say space. Because your comfort place is not really a place, it’s a space. Someplace where you know you are safe. Truly this is not a place because in your mind your comfort space can be anywhere. You can make it be anywhere, by expanding the physical places where you feel safe. You do this by testing the waters, by trying things out. You do something, and see how it goes. How it feels, and then remember how it felt and if you feel anxious go back to that beach in your mind, or the wooded path and imagine yourself there . You can be there,even if you are physically far from it’s because of how it made you feel. Make tiny journeys to that place, and imagine it to be anywhere you are. Expanding your comfort zone is called exposure, which means you try things, and keep moving . Small things. It does not have to be hard, but the harder it is, the better for you, Work up to harder things, and go easy of yourself. But don’t stop keep moving slowly. It’s ok to crawl back. It’s totally ok. We always crawl before we walk and then run. But look forward not back and keep your small successes always in mind. Move forward by making every place you go a tranquil place . The reality is this is all in your mind,it’s yours to,control,not what you fear, what you fear has to be decreased by neutralizing it’s power over you which is totally conjured up by you , It’s all within your power, you are not powerless, in fact, the solution is already in you but finding it has to be done slowly. On your own pace, but with a pace, you have to,begin and move however slowly towards making everywhere your happy place, everywhere can be, because the place is a space within you. It does not depend on anything outside of you.
  8. I live near nyc , so yes there is a lot of practices. I would think a family doctor or internist in general practice exists all over. But perhaps not. Even so I still adjusted my expectations because of the realities of the health care system. While my doctor does look out for me. He doesn’t and I know he can’t spend a ton of time with me, so I prepare ahead of time with my list of questions, to optimize our time together. I know he sees a lot of patients. What is kind of nice is he has a patient portal online where I can directly email him. When I was really struggling I did that a lot and kind of abused it. He let me know by only responding after several days and then said to me, i am glad you worked it out. It sounds like not caring but the reality is what it is. He sees a lot of patients and doesn’t charge me much, so how much of his time can I have. Still he does respond to my emails and offers advice as he is able. we have to be part of the solution. We have to read up on anxiety and go to therapy. For me for than anything, reading two books in particular were major parts of the solution. The first was the late Dr Claire Weekes book Hope and Help for your nerves. This book sits by my bedside and is my comfort place whenever I need a reminder of the fundamentals of what anxiety is. She explains it all very clearly in a compassionate way. Highly recommend it. The second book was Dr David Carbonel Panic Attacks Workbook, Very very helpful book because it is an interactive workbook, it has homework. I would say the panic attacks workbook helped me more than any medication I took and made me realize that I did not need medication for anxiety. I would recommend reading those two books which greatly helped me personally.
  9. Silas, you did the right thing getting it checked out. the first step is ruling out something legit. However you have been to the er twice now. So it’s time to believe inside that it isn’t not something legit. We remember our first one like this and relive it every time we have another. It is a sudden physical sensation that seems so real because it feels real . This is how it tricks us. It’s confusing and makes us afraid, It is important to remember that your brain is just playing tricks on you by telling your nerves to react which causes the issues. Anxiety can be brought upon by stress, or a stressful life, that is a life that is not balanced physically and mentally or even guilt over something , or many other things. Many many people have it, I would even think millions of people have it these days to some degree. There is no shame in it, nor is there in reaching out for help. We all need help with this, even those who help others, are themselves coping with their own anxiety. Verbalizing and going over again and again how we feel and convincing ourselves of the truth that we are not sick. We are well, it is just our nerves, conjuring up symptoms inside us. Believe it Or not, the fix is entirely under your control. But we still have to let the anxiety get fixed by realizing this and not falling for the trick . This begins with Calling it what it is, when we call anxiety by it’s name it does not like it and begins to fade away. This the place to begin, call it what it is, , it decieves us so it first and foremost needs us to think it’s something else and not just anxiety, It is truly just a trick , if you face this and believes it, then you can accept your symptoms and literally float through them when the panic attack comes, we have to float through it which means ignore it and do nothing to react to it, we also have be patient with it and know it will soon pass . And it will if you face, accept, and float and patiently wait without reacting for it to pass. Feel free to share how you feel, and know you have friends you have never met with anxiety as well who will help you through it . Just don’t fall for the trick, you are not sick.
  10. I know it’s expensive, but seeing a doctor will reassure you, Most of the time we go just to get an explanation for how we feel. You are getting an expert opinion which is worth something to anxiety sufferers. It helps us face what we have. They can look you over, listen to you and offer advice, medication, or just an answer to the unknown. I go twice a year, my regular physical is in the spring And is covered by insurance. I also go at my doctor’s advice again in the fall. He calls it my medical visit to discuss any issues I have, I’ve been seeing him for years and he knows me well. Well enough to say oh stop it, you are doing this to yourself. I bring my list to the fall visit and he spends the time offering me an explanation. He is willing to prescribe me something but we discuss the pros and cons, and side effects and expectations. He isn’t pushing the drugs on me but just saying what they can do. We also discuss prices, some are much less expensive. I am saying all this to help you decide about going. It’s going to cost something. You have to assess the value of an answer to you, how much is it worth to have an explanation ?? This affects you daily. What cost is that? Blood tests will be run, an ekg to get a benchmark , he or she will listen to your body and assess your symptoms. I am not talking about walking in to a clinic, but rather having a relationship with a doctor who gets to know your state physically and mentally and will take of and look out for you. Armed with information you can cope with the anxiety much more easily because then you know and are not speculating and worrying over worst case scenarios which are highly exceptional. Your worrying about the unknown Is fueling your attacks. Stressing causes physical symptoms that seem real because they feel real but are really just your nerves telling your body to react. You have to get control over your nerves and you can, I know you can, and information helps because then you have proof that you are fine, You truly are fine, think on that, you are fine,
  11. Hi. First, Thanks for your service. This is a good place to share what you are going through coming off a drug and how you feel. . I was put on Xanax after my first panic attacks, it is a similar type of drug. I made up my mind to get off it after backing out my garage before the door was fully open while on it. thankfully it was just a garage door. These drugs have a place but if you can get off them , it’s worth a trying. During this time the anxiety will come roaring back and make you feel terrible. The best advice I can give is to convince yourself that is just discomfort. I went through this, and this site helped me deal with how I felt, to talk it out and reason it out, We often react to discomfort by speculating and self diagnosing ourselves, and convincing ourselves even unconsciously that we have a serious illness and this brings in the component of fear. The fear is entirely unfounded but we still feel it because the symptoms have us by the throat. But Fear tends to amplify how we are feeling and makes us more sensitive to how we feel and it feels worse than it is, the stomach churns more, the agitation increases, the muscle pain, throat closing up, dizziness, etc etc. It’s like it turns up the volume on our nerves. If you can deal with this discomfort and ride it out , it will pass if you disrupt the cycle that makes it continue by not reacting to it. If you see it coming back as a result of weaning down meds, Just let it roll off you. Go about your life dispite it. It will fade if you recognize small victories, a few minutes of feeling better grows into hours and days of feeling better allowing you to know it’s just a feeling that can pass if you let it. Poor sleep doesn’t help though, It sucks, and makes it harder. For this you might try another medicine that is milder in the interim to just take the edge off and help you sleep. Maybe an antidepressant. Not saying you should just saying if you want extra help getting off a benzo. In some ways it’s robbing Peter to pay Paul. But it may be the pragmatic thing so you sleep better. As a good nights rest really makes our days better. I went from Xanax to several antidepressants for a short time. I tried lexapro, Zoloft, buspar, mirtazapine, amitrypline. I couldn’t find a med that made me feel totally better, though I was on mirtazapine for a few years and it was great for helping me sleep. When I got off it, I tried a few things and am still working with my doc to find the right med. we are the point where taking an over the counter antihistamine instead of staying awake is my doctor’s advice now, I do that frequently and it knocks me out and my doctor approves, You might try Benadryl for a time, I personally like the sleep aid Costco sells. A whole pill knocks me out. I cut in half and take half and it still works and don’t feel drowsy the next day.
  12. hi JCC, I started to write this reply a few times since your post. I have felt the way you are feeling many times, and usually when I feel alone. By posting you are reaching out which is great because reaching out will help with how you feel. First it allows others to know how you are feeling and be able to relate and give you a virtual hug. It’s what we can do online and perhaps it will help. A good long hug means a lot because it conveys that we all have these feelings from time to time, even those who appear to have it all together are inside crying out for real things that give us a sense of well being, Don’t feel discouraged, And know you are definitely not alone. Keep reaching out and continue to let yourself express how you feel. There is a difference between loneliness and solitude yet they both occupy the same space in our lives. Loneliness is a gut reaction to emptiness, whereas solitude is using the empty space in our lives to contemplate and take stock of our inner soul and in fact take a deep breathe again. When people are very busy working a lot, involved in socializing, esepecially online, but also at the local tavern or on the phone or in front of the tv where millions of us soak away our emptiness, we are reacting to emptiness by seeking noise. Sometimes though if you turn all that off and let yourself be empty, you can step back and become refreshed by contemplating what and who you value most and considering how the choices you make affect things. Emptiness can be a time to reflect and edify. One thing that comes out of my empty times is the ability to write down my thoughts and take stock of them. I could not write this earlier in the week because it’s been a busy few days. There was no space. But when space does come, instead of reacting with feelings of loneliness or clicking on the tv or retiring to social media I find my quiet place and think and sometimes write, sometimes read, and consider the course of my life. Solitude actually helps us to have a stable center during those times when there is no space to breathe. It helps us to keep our life in perspective, and value what matters most to us, and consider as well if what we love is not loving us back. I love my work and immerse myself in it, but it cannot love me back. These are things to,consider when space does come in our busy lives. I hope you will post again and talk out how you feel but also consider your time alone as a time to become refreshed.
  13. Those are stinky thoughts. Being worried about things that might happen is a stinky thought. They polute your inner sense of happiness and balance with speculations that have no basis. Where do they come, and why do they occur. It’s hard to say. How late did you have the pizza? When I eat too close to bed, I sometimes get weird dreams that wake me up and fill me with dread. I still remember my dream last night, I was driving in the middle of nowhere, when I found myself struggling to keep my car on the road. Suddenly the steering wheel felt so loose that it didn’t seem to be moving the car anymore. It was just moving on it’s own and I lost control of it, I panicked in my dream and realized as I was panicking that the end of steeering wheel had come out of its socket, and I was holding it freely in my hand. It was no longer connected to the car. Some kind of plastic bolt that held it on was crumbling in my hand. I managed to stop the car, but finding myself in the middle of no where, there was no help available. My cell phone had no signal, I began walking along the road and came into an ordinary neighborhood of identical homes in the middle of nowhere. I started knocking on doors but no one would answer,. I continued walking back to my car,and I woke up ..in a complete panic wondering whether it was real, I felt sick, dizzy, and a sense of doom, but I convinced myself over and over again that this was a nightmare, I looked out my window at the calm forest behind our house, it was around 3:30am and all was silent, no wind, no night creatures chirping, no birds. No noises in the distance just complete silence, and felt like I was still in my dream, then I went back to bed and feel back asleep. I woke again when both of our cats cuddled next to me, each purring loudly, one of which never purrs around people. He was a feral loner who we rescued . But this night next to me he felt safe and was purring loudly. I realized cats have their sense of calm, happiness and balance. when I got up a few hours later I realized it was all ok, nothing bad happened and I began my day. I shared this because we both woke up,last night probably around the same time, and felt this sense of dread, of losing control, of ultimate consequences and we are both here now completely fine,. They were stinky thoughts conjured up spontsnouesly by the inner core of our minds, deep within us, what do they mean and why do they come? it’s just the anxiety, that for all of us is not something we can turn off or control but have to just let it be, It’s a thing that has to be left alone. That’s the only way to deal with it. We can’t engage it, or over analyze it or react to it. It just has to be neutralized by letting it be.
  14. Fuzzy heart your post about your Dad is beautiful and inspiring. Faith tells us that this life here is exponently short compared to eternity, we could fit our days in this life on the head of pin when compared to our eternal destiny. This for me is the only answer I could have for suffering we have here. that it is infinitely shorter than our true home. Your dad knows something now that we can’t know until we ourselves are there. he is in better place where there is no suffering, no pain, no anxiety, nothing but Gods love for all eternity. I think your Dad knew that and now he is experiencing it. I am sorry you will miss him for a time until you see each other again. Faith tells us this is not a loss but rather an absence for a time.
  15. I am very happy to hear this. I am certain your anxiety calmed down because you are now calling it anxiety, That’s huge. When you were calling it something else is when anxiety came, anxiety does not like being called by its name. When we do it quickly flees, remember that, it can only fool us when we think it is something else. And thinking you now know for a fact it is anxiety Makes it controllable and it got better. Anxiety gets better when we call it by name, and say yes it is anxiety,, and accept it by riding it out, it does not like that so it goes away,, Again very happy for you, you are on the road to recovery. I call it a road because it has some bumps. Don’t let the bump trick you again, when it comes back on. When you again have a bad day remember this day and use the information from now to help you ride it out then by calling by name, you can say oh you again ! I know you can’t hurt me, and we ignore that pest that it is, and it does go away,,