becca

Holz I have a big fear of taking any type of tablet... when i put it in my mouth i dont even let myself swallow it .. its like my body wont let me im that afraid .... im also scared of side effects too.... the only thing I could think you could do is put a tablet in some food? maybe.... or i try to get melt on your tongue ones.. i can take them and i usually have them with my favourite drink afterwards....

thanks

So I'v just recently got my grade for finishing uni which im very happy with. However over the last week or so i'v been feeling very mixed, is how id best describe it. I feel like im all over the place on the inside, to others they say I look birghter and happy and more calm. But I don't feel like this on the inside. I don't no if its so much like my mood or changing or not, its differernt, like I get agitated and can't seem to sit still, I am but i'm like I just want to get out of here or like I dont no what i want but I jut feel like I want to scream.. weird I know.... like extremly frustrated where I want to pace and shout and just that I cant settle, even watching tv, i cant settle and I feel lonely. When im on my own its worse. I can be on my own during the say and keep myself busy most of the time but at night from 6/7 onwards its horrible. I start to get horrible thoughts and everything good just doesn't matter to me anymore, none of it. When my family is home its not so bad I guess. I feel on edge all the time. I should probly write this in my mood diary but I hate that stupid mood journal. I havn't seen my therapist for a while as I had to cancell the last appointment and I dont no if thats not helping. But im probly just trying to justify it with that. I hate the feeling of not being able to settle and when im agiattaed i wouldn't describe it as angry like my moods in the past. More frustrated but a different frustrated. I do know I feel very alone in my life and maybe thats it .... I have no clue.. I know i have people i can talk to on here and stuff but I feel alone generally. Anyways I just wanted to write this down to see if people know what im talking about.

you can still finish school Jord maybe you would of if they had been around or you never know something else may have stopped you complelting. You cant think about the past and what if this, what if that. It doesn't make you feel any better, all you can do is to do your best now and live in the present. I know that sounds ironic and all coming from me but its your future that matters. Everybody here beleives in you Jord...... and you said you might start writing again!!! So do it when you feel up to. Do a little each day, dont have to aim to write a book but just write when you can. I know everything seems out of reach, I feel like that too after finishing but I also feel determined. I know that changes at moments for me, one day im postive and determined and the next I'm just not. But then i think i have to hold on to them good days you no? Your going get better I just know it. You will start doing things you love again and it will get better I promise. Maybe writing is the first step, i know much you want to do that. Maybe you will feel good acheiving something each day. Always here for you xxx

Thanks for you reply

Hey Guys, Hoping you can help... Basically some of you may know already that I am making a book for teens as part of my final project at University. It is a story about a girl who is suffering with depression and through acceptance learns to understand depression and therefore learns steps towards recovery. As part of my research I was hoping to get some peoples perspectives and experiences who suffer with depression or have suffered before. I was wondering if anyone would want to help me out? All it would require is a few lines of how depression can feel, what its like, things you struggle to do maybe and how it effects your life. It does not have to be in depth, can just be a view or a summary of how depression feels. Its just to show Iv gained a wide perspective in the matter and see how other people view 'Depression'. I would be much appreciative of anyone wanting to share there thoughts with me. It will be entered in my research book but you can remain anonymous of course, I do not need to write your name or age, unless you felt comfortable with it. If anyone could let me know, Ill leave my email here too, so it remains personal of course. If it would be ok I may also like to ask you a few questions but that can also be done by email as well. One of the things I am curious of is if people feel judged? if you feel there is support out there? As my main aim of the book is to raise awareness. The book title I am currently working on is going to be named 'JUDGE ME NOT, Lucy's Story' as I do feel people still feel judged about suffering with this illness. My email is--- fosterbecca5@gmail.com Thanks Becca

i love this movie, especially when he gets frustrated with the book

Hey, Mmm I don't no if this helps at all, but when he says things like are we suitable for each other? Personally it could be the illness/anxiety talking. I myself will go through fazes, moments of blaming myself and question people around me. I will try and push people away, this could sometimes be a similar comment to are we suitable. I don't mean to do this, but I can come across as harsh. I sometimes think, they don't deserve this and also manily that I don't deserve anyone, they shouldn't be around me. This often builds until i push people away so i'm alone, because i feel thats what i deserve..... it sounds messed up. This often escualates too. I don't want to hurt the people around me and you feel like you dont deserve anyone. I think this is my depression mostly and mood changes and my frustration, alot of selfhate you no? maybe anxiety too. I don't no if this will make sense, may sound silly. Im just talking about myself here, but I no I don't mean to do this, I will say harsh things to push people away. But it might be part of the reason sometimes for your partner. It might be completly different too. When I feel like this I will not always no what i want and question it not always feeling like myself. It's so great that your supportive of him and try to understand it all, it must be sooo hard and a battle for you. Anyways I don't no if this helps in any way Becca

Hey George, I suffer with anxiety and depression too You said you like music, singing etc id say try and keep doing the things you enjoy and make time for them, anything that keeps you positive. Both anx and depression are hard to deal with it, when im feeling very low, i tend to try and do something relaxing, have a nice bubble bath or watch a movie or listen to upbeat music, it sometimes helps.. Also if you have like a journal(notebook) can help to get bad thoughts down, or how your feeling or if your worried. It sometimes makes me feel a little better when i write it all down and get it all out. Sometimes its good to vent on here in the chat room, you should check it out .... to no that you dont suffer alone and that other people get it and relate. I don't no if this helps at all. Becca

thanks, yeah i think its the whole newyear thing, i dont no

So I'm feeling so sad and all I want to do is cry this last 2 weeks or something, everything seems to make me sad and I'm just low I'm trying to stay postive but it's proving difficult to keep away from bad thoughts

yeah makes sense

yeah i guess so, he still struggles everyday though

I guess so and i didnt realise there was 6 pages, he had so much therapy, i'v just read the sickness bit....horrible visualizes in my mind

iv just read this... nothing worked!!!! I no he is trying to make people see they are not alone, but this means you just have to accept anxiety forever!!!