First, I am very sorry for your loss. As for thinking of yourself...well, I have this theory that at least for me, I tend to worry and fret about health things as a way to not deal with other things in my life. It's like some weird and sadistic and useless coping mechanism. Would it be possible that thinking of yourself in this situation is a way of not dealing with the grief? In my case, many times, the answer to that question is "yes." That may not be the answer for you...but maybe then again, it might. Grief is a B*&tch and especially new grief like this. Again, I am so sorry. We're all here for you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.