MrsRoryFromRunrig

The Vent Your Anger Thread

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This thread is perfect for me lol.  I'm just gonna rant about how incredibly exhausted I am from the last few depressive relapses I've had.  It really is a monster of it's own, I have a lot of sh*t I need to get done rn, but my ankle injury and my lack of drive/energy keep me from dealing with everything/everyone.  My family loves to emphasize everyone's successful careers & serve as a huge roadblock for me otw to recovery.  The church I grew up in still demands a lot from me, cause I have to volunteer as payment for living w mom.  I need to bring my car to the shop after payday, because it  wont start anymore, butI heard tows are pricey.  I have missed so many deadlines for taxes/insurance, etc....  Self-neglect is my bestfriend, I've made sure that my friends think i dislike them or that I feel like I'm better.  Add some homosexuality & a very christian household & you get the hot mess that is me.  I still get angry at myself for letting these things really get to me, I know I should stop, but I've been raised to take responsibility for everything that happens in my life & I can't just stop wanting to be a different more better person.  I'm terrified of going back to school, but people have been stressing the importance of being in a class.  I've failed myself by catching feelings for my friend, I told myself not to get too close, I remember how bad my last heartbreak was, & yet I kept romanticizing every smile & friendly gesture.  Now, I'm regretting being so involved w/ her & this has added so much more stress.  The thing that bothers me so much about my circumstances is that most of the problems that I deal with could've been avoided.  My 'friend' told girl A about how I felt w/o my permission & this made it a thing, when it could've been something that passed quietly.  As for my injury, it was my fault for walking into the crowd, but I was literally just in line to use the restroom when these drunks dude's fight carried into the restroom.  I could place the blame anywhere rly, I'm just over it all.  I'm super annoyed & exhausted.

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Hi. TE. Thanks for the clip, but it does raise a multitude of questions.  'Who am I' has been asked throughout the centuries. Plato said 'Man. know thyself'. Do we? Know ourselves? Carl Jung talked about the Persona. The masks we wear when we are in different situations. I talk to the mail man in one way, but put on, metaphorically, another mask or face for someone else. So we are many faceted people, fragmented. Like a fragmented hard drive on a computer. All over the place. 'Pull yourself together' may seem hard when said by ignorant people, but there is some truth in it. The word 'whole' has it's root in 'holy' and 'holistic'. Jung talked of the process of 'individuation', pulling all the fragments together to become a whole person.

There is so much that could be said about the words on your clip. It's so often true that no one does take the time to find out. We seem to exist in a bubble of our own. It's not until adversity strikes that we begin to communicate with each other, as on this site. That's sad! It so often takes time for a person to open up and talk to someone about their problems. In counselling I found it's often weeks before the real problems emerge.

I don't know who the young lady in the clip is. But she does need help.  Kind regards.    

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I wish I wasn't so off-putting. When I meet people in real life, they always hang around until they see what I'm really like, and then they disappear.

I don't get it. I'm a very nice person, I'm caring, I'm respectful, I'm a good listener, and I'm open-minded. I have a lot to offer a friendship if someone would just give me a chance.

For whatever reason, I'm also an easy target for bullies. It doesn't matter where it is- school, work, a public place, a family gathering- someone always finds a way to throw in a mean remark or say something that lowers my self-esteem. I'm shocked by how cruel people are.

I just want someone to give me a chance to open up to them without getting myself hurt again.

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I swear we are twins separated at birth bullied when I was younger allllll through school, abused, ridiculed by family, you name it it happened homeless in my 20's I will gladly be your friend. No judgement here my friend.  

17 hours ago, JustLuca said:

I wish I wasn't so off-putting. When I meet people in real life, they always hang around until they see what I'm really like, and then they disappear.

I don't get it. I'm a very nice person, I'm caring, I'm respectful, I'm a good listener, and I'm open-minded. I have a lot to offer a friendship if someone would just give me a chance.

For whatever reason, I'm also an easy target for bullies. It doesn't matter where it is- school, work, a public place, a family gathering- someone always finds a way to throw in a mean remark or say something that lowers my self-esteem. I'm shocked by how cruel people are.

I just want someone to give me a chance to open up to them without getting myself hurt again.

 

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5 hours ago, Trudy said:

I swear we are twins separated at birth bullied when I was younger allllll through school, abused, ridiculed by family, you name it it happened homeless in my 20's I will gladly be your friend. No judgement here my friend.  

 

Thank you Trudy, I will gladly be your friend too! 🙂 I'm very sorry that happened to you too.

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I know how we all feel about having anxiety. It is one of the conditions we all have. I feel sorry for us for crying to sleep every night. That is physically and emotionally exhausting. My question to all of you is, have you ever been to see a mental health professional? If not, would you consider seeing one? I was seeing a psychiatrist for meds as well as a social worker. And I am now seeing a psychologist. At first, it was difficult letting my guard down. I see the social worker once a week and I am thankful I do. I'm not sure what your insurance situation is. My therapist gave me some amazing tips to cope up with my anxiety.  https://mangoclinic.com/anxiety-management-guide-2020/ . It have helped me alot. 

Therapy is still a process, and the amount of time it takes to change is individual and shouldn't matter. But for my individual circumstances, meds would have helped me.I think taking meds for depression and anxiety was no different than taking insulin for Diabetes. Perhaps!

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I have been seeing psychiatrists for years.  At this point, I am well enough that I talk to the doc every 4-5 months.  I just get refills of meds.

The goal is for me to actively test out what makes me anxious to learn to react differently - like the link Jessica James provided. 

How we think determines how we feel.

There is no shame in seeing a doctor.  In fact, here in the United States with the Corona, it is being actively advertised. 

People who have faced depression and anxiety are speaking out about how important it is to open up.

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