JustLuca

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About JustLuca

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    New England

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  1. This might seem like a really silly topic, and maybe immature, but here goes. This has been keeping me up at night for a while now. I grew up in an urban area for most of my life. When I moved in with my aunt and uncle fairly recently, I was relocated to a small town. The house I currently live in is very old and not in the greatest condition. We live on a private road in the middle of the woods. I get extremely anxious at night because of how dark it is here. There are no streetlights and we don't have immediate neighbors. Every sound I hear at night makes my hair stand on end. I've tried a lot of things already, like sleeping with the lights on, sleeping with a white noise machine, and closing my blinds at night. Sleeping with lights on, even a night light or a candle, doesn't really help because the light keeps me awake. The white noise machine does a good job of drowning out the sounds of... what I hope is wildlife, and the weird sounds the house makes because of its age. But sleeping with the blinds shut doesn't really help because it just makes my room darker and makes it harder to wake up in the morning because I don't see the sunlight. I miss living in the city where I felt safe being out after dark. I wouldn't dare go anywhere in this town after 7pm. To clarify, I'm religious and I'm not really afraid of ghosts or spirits. What I'm more afraid of are ill-intentioned humans, and I know this probably sounds really silly, but creatures that are not already known to science. Something about the thought of that just really freaks me out. I just get a really bad vibe from this house... does anyone have any ideas about how to make it less scary or make it so I can sleep better? I hope me living with my aunt and uncle is temporary but I would at least like to feel more comfortable and able to sleep while I'm stuck here. Luca
  2. It's definitely still swollen and painful today, I was considering putting ice on it or just wrapping it... Another theory I thought of this morning though was that yesterday I was wearing very old sneakers. They're Vans (which are not exactly known for having a lot of grip or arch support) and they're pretty worn out. I wonder if maybe my foot got strained from wearing shoes that don't have a lot of support or traction. Sigh. I don't know. This has got me really stressed out because I'm worrying that I did something to aggravate the old fracture and I'm worried that I'm going to break my foot again and end up in the ER. I'm also worried that it could be something worse than a fracture, like a bone tumor. I also need to keep taking care of my dog and I would be pretty depressed if I couldn't play the drums for a while. I know the responsible thing to do would be to stay off of my foot until it feels better but I also don't like being stuck indoors and it's supposed to be about 60 degrees out for the next few days. My family won't walk my dog for me and it would also be kind of unfair to ask. I've broken a lot of bones from sports injuries and never experienced anything like the pain coming back and causing bruising and swelling years later. Does anyone know what I can do about this, or what may have caused it? I'm starting to worry that it's something really bad.
  3. I broke my right foot in 2012. The fracture was right at the top near my big toe. Since it healed, I have very rarely had any pain in that area. Today I took my dog for a pretty long walk and I noticed that I was starting to have a little bit of pain again. It wasn't too severe so I ignored it. A few hours later I noticed that my foot was in a lot more pain and was swollen and a little bit bruised. I had not exercised at all or really moved during that period of time, I was just sitting on the couch drawing. I'm freaking out because I have no idea what caused it. I'm a drummer so I use my right foot a lot, I'm wondering if maybe playing the drums a lot has aggravated my old injury or if it's from walking more? I've been doing a lot more of both of those things since the quarantine started about a month ago. I'm kind of scared because I don't know what happened and I really want to avoid a trip to the ER. Does anyone have any idea what this could be from?? Luca
  4. Here's hoping all is well!! I also have allergies, and sometimes that does make my mouth feel more dry. It's also that time of year.
  5. Your kind words mean a lot to me ❤️ Someday I'll find friends who mean more to me than my family ever could... I'm grateful for you and the other people on this site who have been so kind. All of my relationships have been with men, most of my family doesn't know that except for about the ex that I lived with. Unfortunately they were aware of that. As you can imagine, they're very disapproving. I just want to be with people who will love me for who I am and maybe get to know a little bit of my real personality. I think I could be very lovable in the right friend group! You're right, love is the most important thing. It doesn't matter what a person looks like or thinks like or what their race or sexuality or anything is. People are people, and all people deserve to be loved by someone and have friendship.
  6. I hope your test comes out with good results! I'm sure it will be a big relief. I've been worried about diabetes for a long time as well because I'm overweight and I have weird symptoms like craving salt and frequent urination... my tests keep coming back normal though. That just goes to show that anxiety can make you believe pretty much anything, and usually not good things.
  7. It could be because you're sleeping with your mouth open. That would make a lot of sense. It could also be from a medication. I completely understand being worried that it's a medical problem. The cycle is unreal, like you said. I worry about everything that happens to me too and always think it's a serious medical problem. The best thing you can do is keep asking questions 🙂 I'm sure many people here have had this happen to them and we're all here to help!
  8. Another thing I should mention about my family that will make everything make more sense is that they're from a country where gender stereotypes are still very much part of the culture, like they think guys should be super masculine and girls should be super feminine, and my parents thought the point of a marriage was to reproduce. I'm a guy and I'm very emotional, plus I'm an artist and a musician and I love animals. I also watch anime and listen to a lot of music that my family considers "girly." I have no intention of ever getting married or having children anyway. This has not helped the situation at all because my family sees me as "too soft" and thinks they need to make me act more masculine. I'm adopted from a different part of the world where these stereotypes are not as rampant and there's more of a variation in what guys look or act like. My family is very hard on me about my personality and interests because they think it makes me "less of a man." Ugh, I don't even know where to start with how wrong they are about a lot of stuff...
  9. I've had music on for the past hour or so and I've listened to a few good ones: Rita Ora- How To Be Lonely Dua Lipa- Break My Heart Gromee x Jesper Jenset- Sweet Emotions Cash Cash- Mean it feat. Wrabel Kodaline- Sometimes
  10. My meds give me constant dry mouth and I've found that chewing gum does help a lot. Drinking water doesn't seem to help too much but I've sometimes found that sports drinks are more hydrating. Being dehydrated or having too much caffeine are also possible causes. Sometimes people drink a lot of coffee or tea thinking it will hydrate them but it actually does the opposite! You could also try using a different toothpaste, there are some that will dry your mouth out more than others. The kinds that have flouride in them help a lot with dry mouth symptoms. I use a whitening toothpaste with flouride that does seem to help a lot.
  11. I'm sorry if I offended anyone... he brought up the fact that my parents "got rid of me" (his words) because I have "so many problems" and he said that I make life very difficult for everyone and he and my aunt are miserable because of me. It really hurt. I don't hate my aunt and uncle though, but can't say the same for my parents.
  12. Thank you Trudy, I will gladly be your friend too! 🙂 I'm very sorry that happened to you too.
  13. I was doing alright today until my uncle brought up something really triggering. Now I'm just thinking about how much I HATE my family. And hate is not a strong enough word. I'm not even the kind of person who would normally hate anyone or anything, but the years and years of abuse I've had to put up with have caused me to reach a breaking point. I don't know what to do. I want to get away from them and cut ties once and for all. I want a restraining order or an order of protection against every last one of them. All I can do right now is break down and cry. I hate them. I hate myself. I don't know what else to say.
  14. You're welcome. I understand how you feel, a few years ago my anxiety was under control, and now because of unfortunate life circumstances, it has come back full-force. I'm not handling anything well either at this point. I'm here if you need someone to talk to though, and that goes for anyone else here as well. I may not be the best at giving advice but I do try and it comes from the heart.
  15. I wish I wasn't so off-putting. When I meet people in real life, they always hang around until they see what I'm really like, and then they disappear. I don't get it. I'm a very nice person, I'm caring, I'm respectful, I'm a good listener, and I'm open-minded. I have a lot to offer a friendship if someone would just give me a chance. For whatever reason, I'm also an easy target for bullies. It doesn't matter where it is- school, work, a public place, a family gathering- someone always finds a way to throw in a mean remark or say something that lowers my self-esteem. I'm shocked by how cruel people are. I just want someone to give me a chance to open up to them without getting myself hurt again.