Sage12

Heya Yotsubasan, reading over what you wrote I can say that I definitely feel terrible about what happened. There shouldn't be any reason as to why you cannot seek guidance and counseling. Unfortunately, a lot of parents and guardians seem to have a mentality that discourages expressing or discussing personal emotions or refrains from the thought of their child discussing it with others. I can say this from personal experience. My father never allowed me to receive counseling, and it was quite a hectic conversation when he found out I spoke with the school counselor. When you stare too long into the abyss, the abyss will stare back at you. This is perhaps one of my favorite quotes from the German Philosopher Fredrich Nietzsche. You appeared to be quite troubled, and it can be extremely difficult to distract yourself when you have so many things plaguing your mind. The first step I would take is understanding your own humanity; humility, and limitations. The fact that we are human means that we are not perfect, and that life will present us with scenarios that will be difficult and challenging. Some things may be out of our control, but what the most important determining factor for the future is our decision and response to a given moment and scenario. It is very important to understand that our capacity to change and alter the decisions we make is what will help create a more pleasant and stable outcome. Once we are hooked on things such as panic and fear, our mind is no longer capable of thinking ahead in multiple scenarios, or at least ones with a different prevailing theme. We become stuck in a constant loop that somehow, disaster will emerge; regardless of what form it takes. What I could suggest for you to do is to find a way to take your eyes off of this abyss. There is a wide variety of activities and hobbies that can be done in your home alone. Learning to allow things pass along and focus on developing a certain skill, reading a good book, or just taking the time to admire the beauty and nature in our world, will allow your mind to consider the more positive options. If you feel like you would discuss anything with me, feel free to message. Also, nice profile picture!

First, let me start by saying that I live in a low income family. Finding a job is near impossible since there isn't a vehicle for me to drive. I'm a male, six feet, 148 pounds. I have had very infrequent attacks in the abdomen after eating. three to be exact. The first one occurred sometime during the summer, and the latest occurring during the end of November. After dinner, I experienced extreme pain that spread out through my entire abdomen. The very next day later, I was met with constipation, hyperactive stomach growling, and abdominal pain. I would be presented with chronic bowel issues. Narrow stool, constipation, and once, even anal cramping. I decided to drink protein shakes that my father gets from his work, which is a manufacturing specializing in peanut products. (Ugh, this stuff might sound gross but it's honestly concerning.) They contain probiotics, which for a while, eased my symptoms, but they became less and less effective. Once I stopped drinking them in the beginning of January, I was struck with what appears to be malabsorption. Large, bulky stools that floated, light in color. Left me feeling exhausted afterwards with chills. This would only occur three times. After trying to take over-the-counter digestive enzymes, seeing that it was an issue with my enzyme function, my stool became shaped like warped balls. A few days later, I am struck with twitching the right portion of my face near the nose. I stopped taking the enzymes seeing that they might be the cause. Fast forward a few days, twitching occurring all across my body, sometimes rapid in one area, but wide spread, occurring in my legs, shoulders, chest, glutes, face, and eyelid. A little over a week later my symptoms became painful. Cramping in the hands, pain in the upper thighs, feet, as well as random pricks, wet, or stinging sensations on skin that aren't continuous. They are brief, last for only a moment. I do not have insurance, I have no access to a job because no one will hire me due to not having a vehicle. My father doesn't exactly see Medicaid and health insurance as priority. I'm honestly scared, frightened, and desperate. My body is clearly telling me that something is not right, and I fear that one day I'll wake up and one of my limbs aren't functioning anymore due to some sporadic Neuron Disease. I don't want to wait until something terrible happens. Please, if anyone has had similar symptoms, I would like your input.