Stones345

I absolutely can relate to this. It can hit whether I am home or just sitting at work. I try to figure out what set it off and can't come up with anything. If I am out in public I start thinking that I am the only one in the world with this feeling and that no one else goes through this... why me? I too feel the need to run like you... but to where? Is that going to calm me down? No, just draw attention to me and people will think what the heck is wrong with you. I suffer in silence so many times and it scares me.

I had CBT therapy for 2.5 years and it helped me immensely. I think that it might not work for some because they are resistant to it from the start. With CBT you learn to follow your "what if" thoughts with answers such as, well, I can do this if that were to happen or I can do that, and that is the key to CBT being effective. It is the process of rethinking your fears with answers. Definitely give it a shot and stay with it to truly give yourself enough time to be able to experience the benefit of it. It has been 5 years since my CBT ended and I still use it to this day. I really don't know what would have happened with me if I wasn't introduced to it. Let us know how it goes or if you have any other questions...

HD I am so happy for you that an alternative has been found. What a relief to say the least. I am glad that you were able to be upfront about that whole situation and that your manager and the school were so understanding. Do not beat yourself up over the fact that you just couldn't go through with it. There are certain things in life that we are capable of doing and other things that we just can't. That's why each and every one of us is a unique individual. Good for you HD... now relax and get some food in you... it's over with...whew...

That last line sums up ... I truly understand your thought process in what you fear. And yes being halfway around the world away from your comfort zone is indeed terrifying. Speak with management about this and have them try to understand the gravity of what this venture is doing to you. I would push more the fear of flying with panic anxiety as a 2nd issue.

HD, are you the only one that is being requested to go to Japan? No other staff?

I totally agree with Jon's post. You have to approach your employers and explain the situation. The physical aspects of this panic will leave you not being able to function at all and that is not where you want to be. Besides those of us whose panic anxiety peaks with a situation such as this, there are millions of people who just have a fear of flying that don't suffer from panic anxiety. It is not uncommon. Your employers should be very understanding of this. Did you know anything about the possibility of having to fly when you took the job? If not, you have an even stronger case of this because it was not disclosed at your hire. Let us know what happens...

I totally understand about coming off the meds and the reaction that you had. The fact that you were able to come off them is a wonderful thing!! Now, about that woman at the bar... that is just absolutely horrible. People can be so insensitive at times and to literally make fun of an issue that you are struggling with is so not right. I am so sorry that happened to you. Take it from where it comes.... she clearly is not a nice human being and you surely don't need someone like that in your life. The thing is that you didn't know she would do that and it may inhibit you in wanting to be social and confide in someone again. Don't let it... not everyone is like that. Just go slowly with opening yourself up and take small steps in being social. I know it may be difficult but keep on trying... we're all here to support you as you go....

HD... the doctors are just trying to get a feel for who you are and what triggers the anxiety attacks. I know it can seem quite daunting the amount of information that they are trying to collect but it really is for your benefit. Meds are a personal decision I agree. I, for one, have been on them since 2008 and they help me function on a day to day basis. I don't focus on how I don't want to be on meds the rest of life... I focus on the fact that they are giving me a life. I hope that you will be able to follow through with the CBT program. I took it for 2.5 years and it truly changed my way of thinking in anxiety situations. It does not erase the thoughts or what "if's" but it will help you to work through the situations when these things arise. And finally... it can be hard not having in your life the relationships you mentioned .... remember though, that what you think others have that you don't, many times is not what it appears to be. Stay with your interests and do what makes you happy in life. If you have that, anything extra that comes along is a bonus.

Not surprising since you hadn't done that in a while. If the shoulder is still bothering you, maybe the bench is too much for it yet. Have you been surfing lately?

3600 steps to 4100 is a big jump... no wonder your joints limited you. How's the healing of the rib coming along, all better?

all in moderation artist, all in moderation... pace yourself

oh my ... 20 years old and not sure of what to do in life... you are so young yet... how can you possibly know? Do NOT beat yourself up over that. As Joe above said, there are 40 year olds still asking themselves the same question. Not many of us are born into this world having a straight career path to the wonderland. Far from it... I am 59 and starting from 19 had 2 different careers for a total of 26 years with an additional 7 yrs at home with 2 kids before I went back to work. For the past 10 years now I hold 3 different jobs all at once ( the timing just works for all of them) and they are nothing that I did before and the 3 of them all have different elements to them. So you see... I still never completely settled on a single career and I am 59 !!! I also noticed that you continually used the biggest anxiety word in the world that we are all too familiar with "IF" ... "IF" may never exist... "IF" may never happen..." IF" is the deadliest enemy in the world to us... try not to think in those terms or let "IF" into your life.... it robs you of everything.... and should it somehow sneak in there, use the tool of CBT to combat it. "IF' this happens I can (fill in the blank). Always think in terms of what you can do should that "IF" situation occur. It lessens the anxiety level because it presents a plan. Keep us posted and check back here often ... a lot of good advice and good people who understand...

Great progress artist ... remember when you achieved 2000 Steps? Up an additional 1600 is something to feel really good about...

HD... I was in CBT for 2.5 years and never was I forced into a state of panic. Jon has described the treatment perfectly in the post above and it really may want to be something that you consider. Because of CBT I am here today. The tools that I learned from the therapy are always with me and help me to function daily. Don't rule it out ....

River.... the future is way too far off to be thinking about this. She is 9 months old and won't remember parties until she is at least 4. By that time she will probably be in pre-school. I was a pre-school teacher for 17 years and can tell you that on her birthday you bring the cupcakes to school and the class sings happy birthday to her. There... done. I had 3 kids and my youngest, who is now 19, didn't even ask for a party with friends until he was 7. So no need to go giving yourself anxiety over something that is years and years away.... For now, just celebrate with her and your close family. That's what makes it special...