Re-occuring Thoughts and fears how to treat them?

[James417 4]

Hello everyone again I really hope I am not being to annoying by posting lots of topics but I'm trying to narrow down my anxiety. Throughout the day I have several thoughts and ideas (fears mainly I'm thinking about) that cause anxiety and make my day miserable. I have been having some physical symptoms that are making the process a bit harder to say the least. I have some bad palpitations like PVCs as well as racing heartbeats and sometimes irregular rythms. This coupled with virtigo (dizziness) spells that come and go as well as headaches,  migraines, and other things of the sort my anxiety is always being set off one way or another. Right now I have been having some very DEEP thoughts that get me really thinking what is life? Am I living it to my full potential? These thoughts cause really bad anxiety and ruin my day usually. I'm gonna list some of these thoughts but I hope they don't make you think I am insane because I almost truly believe I am myself. So I have been thinking a lot about getting a job and growing up. How much is sucks to be am adult now. I keep thinking that I wasted my childhood and that I have wasted my teens and now with this anxiety and stuff I am wasting my adult life and life doesn't matter anymore. Also I have been having some serious brain fogging and having trouble remembering things and its been scaring me. Every day I'm having some sort of trouble recalling things and I am always worrieng its because I have Alzheimer's or a stroke or something is not balanced with my diet (I am a vegetarian) and I'm doing irreversible damage and now my life is ruined. I have also been thinking about how fast my past childhood and past life has went by and keep thinking that what's going on now doesn't matter because before I know it in a flash I will be an old man who wasted his life away if that makes sense. To put it better I imagine it's like I'm going to "warp" forward in time and skip this part of my life because my memory is "bad" (or at least I think) and anything I do now doesn't matter. It's like because I don't have full control of my life I think nothing matters. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I'm thinking like a philosopher sometimes. Like I questions every single little thing throughout my day and a lot of it scares me because I realize things like I haven't gotten a job yet and I am 19. So that makes me feel like a failure even thought its because of my anxiety and I am working on that now and hoping to get amjob very soon. The of course I think about the short life and life has no meaning because it will be over before I even live itmssort of thought and it sends me into a bad anxiety attack. Then of course depression plays part in these deep thought trains at times. I feel so afraid of life. And afraid of judgement from others. I'm afraid of death and being alone. And my newest fear is loosing my memory. I am petrified of not having a good memory. I'm so scared I'm gonna loose my memory and its gonna make my life feel like dreams. Have you ever heard of how you always dream while sleeping but you don't remember them alot of the times? Well imagine over thinking about dreams before going to bed. Imagine right before you go to sleep you think I'm gonna dream tonight and it will be like it never happened tommorow. I'm going to experience This dream but at the same time I'm not. Now imagine that's my mindset. Thinking of what if I experience life like those dreams we never remember? What if I'm 19 now and trying to enjoy life get a nice job and car and friends and best my life on track but worrieng its all gonna be gone and done like I will loose my perception of time and I won't live life to the fullest and I will be dead before I know it. My whole life flashed before my eyes in real time. All of these horrifying what ifs cashing bad anxiety andi know most of these thoughts and what ifs are extremely irrational but they are there and my ocd looping thought process wont let me release them. I know mindfulness is my best friend but I have to know does anyone else experience such deep scary what ifs like this? If so how do you handle it? Should I fight this or just try to better understand and accept? I am so confused i feel like I am literally insane now. Anyways thanks for any insight in advanced. 

[Antman15 17]

I'm in the same boat man. I'm 19 and I don't have a job. When I'm anxious my heart will race and do all kinds of crazy things. I get a feelimg like i cant breathe and im gonna throw up. All this while my heart is racing. Its super scary. When I'm tired I get extreme deja vu and everything feels like a dream and I've done it all before. I always have the what ifs and very deep thoughts. I worry about stuff that I know sounds crazy but I convince myself it's so real!! I feel like I'm losing it at times myself. It's a scary cycle. Try meditation and listening to Dr. Claire Weekes. It's hard to accept it's all in your head. Your mind is very powerful and can create syptoms of all kinds. I'm still having a hard time accepting it but I'm trying. Don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. But be careful who you ask for help cause some people won't understand what it's like to go threw anxiety.

[James417 4]

I'm sorry to hear your dealing with this too but we are not alone. Lots of people seem to have this same feeling of dread and feeling like their life is ruined now with anxiety. But my therapist is starting to teach me good mindfulness techniques and to control these horrible thoughts. I will definitely check out Clair Weekes information. Thanks for the reply though it always feels really good to talk to others. I guess I'm not insane just in a tough position and not understand how to accept that this is all just in my head and not real. It's so scary sometimes though.

[rainbow 333]

Hi James your not insane I am older than you but believe me I have had all those deep scary thoughts in the past . Your only 19  you have your whole life ahead of you. Trust me it won't always feel like this. It's just the anxiety exaggerating the fears. 

It's good your seeing a therapist they can help you get your thoughts back on track 

take care 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2015 by rainbow

[jonathan123 2363]

No fighting or struggling or battling. That's all out. If you turn your anxiety into a battleground then you will finish up a casualty not a survivor. Anxiety thrives on fear, In a battle a soldier is pumped up with adrenaline or he/she would not be able to fight. The very last thing you want is more adrenaline. You have had more that a lifetime's dose already!! So fighting and struggle has to stop. Replace it with calm acceptance. For the moment ACCEPT how you feel without emotion or comment. No 'Oh my goodness, what's that'. Or 'maybe what if's'. Acceptance takes time to work but it does if you keep at it. Deep breaths and acceptance when you get a bad spell of the OMG's.

Look under GAD and the teachings of Dr. Weekes and all the recent articles.

 

[Mark G 1177]

First thing James, never fight anxiety, very important.  That will make matters worse as fighting anxiety, STRENGTHENS anxiety.  Reading your post, i can relate to a lot of what you're saying.  When i was your age (i'm 34 now), i used to fear loosing my memory, i used to try and talk but all the wrong words would come out, i then struggles to form words.  I was petrified that something was going wrong in my brain.  I was also concerned about how fast life flies by (everyone does, right) but with an anxious mind, that thought is multiplied by 1000%.  Now what i learnt and realize now is that the feeling of loosing your memory and the physical symptoms ie, word slurring etc, actually occurs due to introspection, inward thinking and scanning of the problem you fear.   This is the pattern anxiety takes, it finds a normal thought/sensation, catastrophizes it, multiplies the sensation/thought by 10 and presents you with an end of your life scenario.  Like Jon says above, accept that this is happening willingly KNOWING that it is anxiety and nothing else.  Accept that the fear of loosing your memory is only that, a fear, not a reality. It's an irrational thought made real by an anxious, tired mind. 

And i +1 for Dr Weekes, an amazing women who has helped me understand anxiety and how to help myself.  

[James417 4]

Thank you so much for the reply. I know I probably sound like a broken record but it feels so good to hear from other people experiencing this and that I'm not going insane. I guess technically I am the complete opposite of insane because of how aware I am of my different behaviors and thoughts and feelings. But lately I have just been feeling like a dead beat. Like I'm 19 with no job only a few friends never had a girlfriend and I feel like anxietynhas taken over and its not worth going on at times. Even though I know that's the wrong answer I just keep thinking of how a week or so ago I felt pretty good. Although not perfect I was getting through my day without feeling like giving up or numb and rubbery and weak and just downright tired like I could just fall asleep all day and just waste my days away. And these awful thoughts. I know the trick is to just accept that they are just thoughts and let them pass instead of letting them scare me and fighting them but it is very hard. I can't help but keep thinking maybe I should be doing this or that. Or maybe I am doing something wrong. I can't believe I feel like this. I keep looking back to when I was kid and even though I was petrified of social situations I would be outside working on my projects and always doing something constantly had something to do I was so out going and wanted to go out places. But now I'm scared of everything. I want to go out but then I get the anxiety and it basically makes me think I'll just have a horrible time feel like crap and panic and its never going to change. Like earlier I was thinking about going to the store just to get out of the house but then I thought what if my anxiety gets bad? What if it gets so bad I start to think about s*****e and panic more and have the worst time? I'm just feel like I'm back at square one. And I really can't tell if it's me or partially or mainly because they dropped me off my anti depressant and anxiety medicine but I don't know any more. I just can't get the give up thought out of my head. I'm also afraid that getting a job will cause worse anxiety and then I will be afraid to work. Man anxiety if hard. Why did this suddenly come up though? I was OK not that long ago but a few months ago after I had a stressful day and was home alone I read about someone taking their own life and now I'm caught up on the s*****e thoughts. Damn my ocd. The other thought I'm caught up on is my parents when they will pass away. This is as hard of a subject for me to touch on as thinking about myself passing away. I always think what will happen when they do? What if happens really soon? Will I be able to handle it? Am I gonna completely loose my self esteem and not want to go on? Will I take my life? All of these thoughts. And the biggest one is how will I go one without them? I would be lost. I know its a really close to home subject but its stuck in my head now. My stupid self won't let ideas and thoughts go once they are in. I hate it. It's like I'm keeping these horrible thoughts hostage in my memory so I can constantly torcher myself. I don't get it. Is this all anxiety still? I'm so sorry to be annoying and write huge explanations but I'm so confused and scared that I don't really know any other way.

[Mark G 1177]

What ifs,  your post is full of them.   That's anxiety talk,  it's catchphrase.  Just to touch on your going out but fearing you may have anxiety or go crazy etc.   This is nervous anticipation,  it feeds anxiety with adrenalin and is a sure fire way to create it.   I realise how tough it is and I know how these thoughts make you feel, it's horrid isn't it?  You already have an idea about acceptance which is good.   So when you want to go out,  to the shop for instance,  your mind,  through anticipation and memory,  starts to catastrophise possible scenario's.   This is where the 'what if's' are born and where you set yourself up for further anxiety/panic.  Even with the anticipation,  GO OUT,  get your coat and go regardless of what your mind is telling you.   Walk to the shops.   As you have already set yourself up,  anxiety or panic may well arrive, but instead of fearing it and turning tail,  confront it,  say "come on then,  do your worst".. I know you may recoil at that but it is so important to stand up to anxiety.   Not through gritted teeth as that's anticipatory,  waiting for it to end,  but willingly,  with no fear,  it cannot hurt you it can only make you think that it can.  Don't confront it in an aggressive way as that will also create adrenalin,  but calmly or as calmly as you can.  Keep walking to that shop,  if your stomach churns,  LET IT CHURN,  don't fear it,  don't fear the symptoms,  no fear.   Do you know what happens?  Anxiety does the opposite of what you think it will do,  it actually backs off, it fades a bit.  This takes practice and time but it is ENTIRELY possible.  You can apply these methods to all the other things you touched on as well.  Fearing anxiety creates anxiety,  it's how it works.  

I know that if or when you try this and you remember what I or anyone else on this site said,  in the moment of anxiety,  it will feel impossible and the fear/symotoms will be too strong and you may despair,  but don't,  keep at it,  keep trying.   These things take time,  practice and setback but it IS possible.   Baby steps lead to massive strides.  Be confident in yourself,  you have it in you,  deep breath and carry on. 

Edited November 17, 2015 by Mark G

[jonathan123 2363]

THAT'S IT MARK. Read and learn James. He's said it all!.

[James417 4]

What ifs,  your post is full of them.   That's anxiety talk,  it's catchphrase.  Just to touch on your going out but fearing you may have anxiety or go crazy etc.   This is nervous anticipation,  it feeds anxiety with adrenalin and is a sure fire way to create it.   I realise how tough it is and I know how these thoughts make you feel, it's horrid isn't it?  You already have an idea about acceptance which is good.   So when you want to go out,  to the shop for instance,  your mind,  through anticipation and memory,  starts to catastrophise possible scenario's.   This is where the 'what if's' are born and where you set yourself up for further anxiety/panic.  Even with the anticipation,  GO OUT,  get your coat and go regardless of what your mind is telling you.   Walk to the shops.   As you have already set yourself up,  anxiety or panic may well arrive, but instead of fearing it and turning tail,  confront it,  say "come on then,  do your worst".. I know you may recoil at that but it is so important to stand up to anxiety.   Not through gritted teeth as that's anticipatory,  waiting for it to end,  but willingly,  with no fear,  it cannot hurt you it can only make you think that it can.  Don't confront it in an aggressive way as that will also create adrenalin,  but calmly or as calmly as you can.  Keep walking to that shop,  if your stomach churns,  LET IT CHURN,  don't fear it,  don't fear the symptoms,  no fear.   Do you know what happens?  Anxiety does the opposite of what you think it will do,  it actually backs off, it fades a bit.  This takes practice and time but it is ENTIRELY possible.  You can apply these methods to all the other things you touched on as well.  Fearing anxiety creates anxiety,  it's how it works.  

I know that if or when you try this and you remember what I or anyone else on this site said,  in the moment of anxiety,  it will feel impossible and the fear/symotoms will be too strong and you may despair,  but don't,  keep at it,  keep trying.   These things take time,  practice and setback but it IS possible.   Baby steps lead to massive strides.  Be confident in yourself,  you have it in you,  deep breath and carry on. 

THAT'S IT MARK. Read and learn James. He's said it all!.

Thank you so much for being so supportive. I love being able to come on here after a bad day of anxiety and just talk and let it will out. I just seem to get stuck on things I guess. All part of the ocd and autism. I can't get these few very irrational thoughts to completely go away and its hard to believe I will ever overcome them but I know I will I have done it with other thoughts I have gotten stuck on. It's the thought that I will eventually pass on like everyone else so why try and enjoy life if it's all in vain? The other though it about my parents and how they are aging and how I'm scared of loosing a proper sense of time and  won't live life like I should and life will just kind of pass by on the sidelines without me sort to speak? I know these thoughts are very irrational but they are in my ocd head pretty well programed. Past few months I have been kind of a close in again like in the beginning of the summer and I haven't really visited with my father too much or my only friendtfriend in my father's nieghbor hood and I used to stay at my dads longer than my mom's alot but now its the opposite because he's not around alot he is usually working trying to support the house and taxes they have which is yet another thing that bothers me I hate watching my dad work non stop and I'm sitting on the sidelines struggling with anxiety with no job feeling like a deadbeat to be honest and keep feeling like I'm gonna regret it in the future. Now another thing I'm stuck on with my looping thought habits I have notice an almost auditory hallucination every once in a blue moon. This all started when I began to take notice of a noise I experience while falling asleep sometimes called exploding head syndrome. Now I hear several different things from thumps to bangs to almost like gunshot explosions but I have been noticing a extreme sensitivity to sound. If I hear a noise usually louder noise it almost bugs me out like it did when I was a child. I used to have severe auditory sensory issues and couldn't stand loud noises but now that I'm super sensitive with the anxiety I feel like I'm almost hearing things at times because I am so sensitive to noise. I don't hear voices but I do hear sometimes like a yell or scream or if I hear a loud noise like a slamming door or something I almost can hear it echoeing or going on in my head via memory but its extremely vivid. Almost so vivid that I get the feeling in my ears like someone just screamed in them. You know that feeling after a loud noise right in your ears how they feel raw? That kind of feeling and it makes me almost feel like I am actually hearing something when I am not. But I also have tinitus or ringing in my ears that originally started out being from fluid buildup as a kid to now worse because of kick on loud car audio for a while. So sometimes I almsot even feel like my tinitus gets more sensitive or louder when I hear loud noises or get super anxious thinking about this and that where this is coming from. I'm so anxious about actually hearing things that somethings really wrong with me that I'm making myself so on edge I'm thinking my tinitus is hallucinations. I don't what do you think? If this was to confusing let me know. Also again I am sorry for the novel. I have a really bad habit of making these things so dragged out. 

[Mark G 1177]

Well exploding head syndrome and hyperacousis are stress based. I too get hyperacousis at times and also tensor tympani syndrome when you hear thudding in your ear, again, due to stress.  Anxiety messes around with the wiring so to speak, it shorts nerves out and sensitizes others.   The gaze at them, inward thinking is what feeds 'it' with the fuel as you become fearful over the symptoms.  If i habituate and remove the fear my tinnitus used to cause, the hyperacousis recovers and the thudding stops. It works the same in everyone, remove the fear and the anxiety related symptom stops.  You say that your fears are irrational, you don't FEEL that though do you, they feel too real, otherwise the symptoms they create would not be in existence.  'My OCD head is well programmed' This may well be the case, but if it was programmed this way by anxiety, it can be reprogrammed without anxiety.  No need to be sorry, get it off your chest, it helps.

[James417 4]

Well exploding head syndrome and hyperacousis are stress based. I too get hyperacousis at times and also tensor tympani syndrome when you hear thudding in your ear, again, due to stress.  Anxiety messes around with the wiring so to speak, it shorts nerves out and sensitizes others.   The gaze at them, inward thinking is what feeds 'it' with the fuel as you become fearful over the symptoms.  If i habituate and remove the fear my tinnitus used to cause, the hyperacousis recovers and the thudding stops. It works the same in everyone, remove the fear and the anxiety related symptom stops.  You say that your fears are irrational, you don't FEEL that though do you, they feel too real, otherwise the symptoms they create would not be in existence.  'My OCD head is well programmed' This may well be the case, but if it was programmed this way by anxiety, it can be reprogrammed without anxiety.  No need to be sorry, get it off your chest, it helps.

Thanks for the awesome response. That actually makes a lot of sense. I just have to work through not feeding into these thought cycles and just kind of let them pass and go on with life. I mean they are very scary and hard to overcome but I know I can do it. It does feel very good to let it out though and I am so glad your understanding and willing to listen to my rants lol. 

[Mark G 1177]

You got it.  Calm,  willing acceptance of the anxiety,  your tinnitus and all other symptoms.   Stop the cycle so recovery can start.