Dating

[kjscrafts 1]

I really want to find a life partner, but dating seems to be impossible with my social anxiety. It just seems impossible to even meet potential partners to date. I have met two people from online dating sites in person, but they both ended up being uninterested in me with a big turn off being that I do not talk on the phone. I just do not get how people cannot give me a chance and be accepting of who I am, especially after I learned they both had their own mental health diagnosises.

[Twinks* 16]

Im sure with SA and dating that can put a damper on things...you know when I was growing up I dated a handful of guys and not because of SA just cause I was shy You are still young to find a life partner...try not to rush it!!! That person will come around...you will see!!! Just try as much as you can to put yourself out there ...little steps at a time.

[Gilly 1086]

I agree with twinks, you're young, don't lose hope. I know of so many people just like yourself and in fact I married a man with SA, we've been together 12 years now, yes I didn't date until I was 27, but it meant I met him, and now I wouldn't change that for anything.

[scotty 1]

You will get there! Don't loose hope! Up until last year I had such low self confidence I belived that any man who talked to me just wanted something, that there was no way he could actually want to spend time with me! I found ti so hard to get over this and date, as I trusted no one.

You want to know what I did? Just the same as you. I went online. I went to the site OKCupid.com . It is unlike other dating sites, and I found out of the people on that site, most of them were genunie great guys! I ended up dating one of them and I am still in a relationship now, and he is helping me to feel more confident, and i actually trust him!

I would try again online, it sounds like you found some bad guys! Me and my boyfriend never talk on the phone, and thats OK eventually you will find someone who suits, I think in your situation online is great, you just need to be patient and wait it out! Don't put yourself down saying they were uninterested in you and you turned them off..it is them who walked away! They are the ones at a loss! You are special and you need to find the perfect guy, he is out there, but he is probably loosing hope like you are!

You are not defined by your mental health diagnosis, keep on pluggin away online, and eventually you will find one who is worth your time. I promise. I met so many weirdos, but I did have 3 good dates, only one of them clicked, but I talked to about 50 people online before I go there, its all about feeling the connection before the meet up.

I hope this helps

[kjscrafts 1]

I met so many weirdos, but I did have 3 good dates, only one of them clicked, but I talked to about 50 people online before I go there, its all about feeling the connection before the meet up.

I hope this helps

Thanks, it does help to hear others experience and encouragement.

My problem is that after a year not only have I had dates with only two people, but only have been able to have communications from one other person. No one I have expressed interest in has ever contacted me back and the only three I have had communication or dates contacted me first.

I would be quite content if I could at least be exchanging messages and feel like there is potential to find a match. Anyone got any tips on conversation starters for online dating?

[daisiesndots 1]

It will happen for you when the time is right! I personally hate dating, sometimes I wonder if I married my husband just because I found someone that would marry me. Im not saying that I don't love my husband because I do, but I wonder if maybe I rushed into it because I hate dating so much. I hate meeting new people, trying to make new conversation with them. I get so nervous about the thought of it that I have cancelled many dates in my past! Keep your head up and relax. It will happen one day!

[dynasty 14]

This will help you increase your chances in online dating and it is Kenny Powers and Chuck Norris approved. Find someone you like that has common interests as you and then when you message her/him to break the ice talk about that common interest yall have like don't say something like “hey whats up" its boring and everyone hears it all the time you gotta set yourself apart from every other average Joe/Jane out there. An example of that is that your common interest with this person is something like say action movies for an example, message them asking stuff like what there favorite action movie is or something that has to do with action movies and it will create interest in the conversation and you will keep it going and if you can keep a conversation flowing then its obvious that she/he has some kind of interest in you.

[kjscrafts 1]

An example of that is that your common interest with this person is something like say action movies for an example, message them asking stuff like what there favorite action movie is or something that has to do with action movies and it will create interest in the conversation and you will keep it going and if you can keep a conversation flowing then its obvious that she/he has some kind of interest in you.

Thanks for the tip. That is kind of what I tried a few times, but the common interest is usually reading and asking what their favorite genre/book has not worked out. I think I need to look more at my interests and try something else. Maybe, video games would be a better common interest conversation starter.

[scotty 1]

Thanks, it does help to hear others experience and encouragement.

My problem is that after a year not only have I had dates with only two people, but only have been able to have communications from one other person. No one I have expressed interest in has ever contacted me back and the only three I have had communication or dates contacted me first.

I would be quite content if I could at least be exchanging messages and feel like there is potential to find a match. Anyone got any tips on conversation starters for online dating?

Ill give you some tips

On sites like OK Cupid, you can set public browsing. That means when you browse someones page, they will see you browsed. It also has a "quiver" which basically goes out and finds your top ten matches, every day. Now, if like me, you are not a fan of rejection. Leave the messaging to the other person!

Just browse onto their page often, or browse onto it when they are online. The more they see you, the more you will wear them down into messaging you. Then you are the one who gets to choose. It may sound silly, or manipulative. But I never instigated any conversations on that site, I let them come to me. I'll let you know I am not a pretty young skinny thing, but it is all about selling yourself.

I have so many tips I can share, so anything you wanna know let me know. I have seen it all!

[shaun 6]

I really want to find a life partner, but dating seems to be impossible with my social anxiety. It just seems impossible to even meet potential partners to date. I have met two people from online dating sites in person, but they both ended up being uninterested in me with a big turn off being that I do not talk on the phone. I just do not get how people cannot give me a chance and be accepting of who I am, especially after I learned they both had their own mental health diagnosises.

Social Anxiety can have a debilitating impact on all areas of our life, especially our relationships and our ability to build a new meaningful relationship. One point I would like to make is that people cannot give you a chance if you are not prepared to change your behaviour. If you will not speak to them on the phone or meet them in person, what can they do? Also, social anxiety is not who you are, social anxiety is a condition you have developed over time, it is a learn behaviour, and it can be unlearned.

I think the best strategy is to try and overcome your society anxiety before worrying about finding a partner. When you are moving forward you will be more willing to meet people and open up to them.

[kjscrafts 1]

Ill give you some tips

On sites like OK Cupid, you can set public browsing. That means when you browse someones page, they will see you browsed. It also has a "quiver" which basically goes out and finds your top ten matches, every day. Now, if like me, you are not a fan of rejection. Leave the messaging to the other person!

Just browse onto their page often, or browse onto it when they are online. The more they see you, the more you will wear them down into messaging you. Then you are the one who gets to choose. It may sound silly, or manipulative. But I never instigated any conversations on that site, I let them come to me. I'll let you know I am not a pretty young skinny thing, but it is all about selling yourself.

I have so many tips I can share, so anything you wanna know let me know. I have seen it all!

I have tried that kind of method on Plenty of Fish, but have yet to actually get any responses. I have also been on Chemistry.com for almost a year and I try clicking the I'm Interested and sending a Chemistry Starter game, but always get ignored, although two people did find me first and those conversations at least continued long enough for us to get to know each other and decide we were not ideal matches. Thus the waiting for them to contact me first does seem to end up the only effective way, but I do not like the waiting. I would rather be having conversations and finding I do not like the person and feel like I am making progress towards finding a match. I just joined Ok Cupid the other day, but have not had much time to browse around the site. Maybe, I will have more luck there. At least so far I like the site design much more than other sites I have used.

[Urban Legend 0]

Dating is one of the most difficult things to do even for people who do not suffer from social anxiety. For these people, I would recommend a date in a small cirlce of people. Something like a coffee shop or at their own house even would be ideal for those who do not like to get out in the public. This will make the dating environment seem peaceful and a little quiter as well.

[shaun 6]

Dating is one of the most difficult things to do even for people who do not suffer from social anxiety. For these people, I would recommend a date in a small cirlce of people. Something like a coffee shop or at their own house even would be ideal for those who do not like to get out in the public. This will make the dating environment seem peaceful and a little quiter as well.

These are safety behaviours, safety behaviours will reinforce the social anxiety and stop you from realising the fear of social interaction is irrational. By staying safe you stay anxious. Social Anxiety is not an inherent affliction, you can overcome it and live a normal life.

[SEA81 2]

I've found that it helps to be upfront with your potential partner about your hang-ups and issues. I met a guy online when my anxiety was at an all-time high, and while things didn't work out between us, he was very instrumental in helping me overcome some of my own social anxiety problems. He was very understanding and would talk me through some big things that scared me. Good luck and hang in there! It's hard!

[ivylaz 1]

Don't give up! You will find someone. I hate talking on the phone too so the internet is great - I find it so much easier to express myself in writing. I still write to my husband sometimes if I am finding it hard to say whet i mean

[shaun 6]

I've found that it helps to be upfront with your potential partner about your hang-ups and issues. I met a guy online when my anxiety was at an all-time high, and while things didn't work out between us, he was very instrumental in helping me overcome some of my own social anxiety problems. He was very understanding and would talk me through some big things that scared me. Good luck and hang in there! It's hard!

You need to be careful, though. Certain types of men WANT a girlfriend who is vulnerable and has issues because they are easy to control and manipulate. Some men online literally hunt out the fragile girls. Of course, not all men have sinister intentions, but you do need to be careful.

[char2011 1]

I totally understand where you are coming from with this sometimes I feel like I'll never meet anyone. I'm always here if you want to talk.

[Driven 0]

I think it's totally understandable that you want to find a life partner; that's only natural. Maybe now isn't the right time, or maybe it is. I think what's most important is taking care of yourself first. When you're healthy and happy, then I think relationships are easier to build and sustain.

[benleem 0]

Perhaps you should find a person who does not scare you. One who makes you feel good about yourself. I used to be scared of girls so much I used to sweat when one tried to talk to me. Years late that has changed tremendously. You can make it too.

[Mrs. Rogers 2]

I didn't used to have SA when my husband and I were dating. If I had to date now I'd have major issues and would probably just be an old maid.

[scotty 1]

I have tried that kind of method on Plenty of Fish, but have yet to actually get any responses. I have also been on Chemistry.com for almost a year and I try clicking the I'm Interested and sending a Chemistry Starter game, but always get ignored, although two people did find me first and those conversations at least continued long enough for us to get to know each other and decide we were not ideal matches. Thus the waiting for them to contact me first does seem to end up the only effective way, but I do not like the waiting. I would rather be having conversations and finding I do not like the person and feel like I am making progress towards finding a match. I just joined Ok Cupid the other day, but have not had much time to browse around the site. Maybe, I will have more luck there. At least so far I like the site design much more than other sites I have used.

I never had much luck on POF, I dunno why, too many fish maybe!? Ha! Its a nice site, very easy to use, I love it, I am still a member even though I am in a relationship now...hahaha! I feel so bad deleting my account since it is where I found my boyfriend!

[anxietyadventures 0]

I've found that it helps to be upfront with your potential partner about your hang-ups and issues. I met a guy online when my anxiety was at an all-time high, and while things didn't work out between us, he was very instrumental in helping me overcome some of my own social anxiety problems. He was very understanding and would talk me through some big things that scared me. Good luck and hang in there! It's hard!

Does anyone else reveal their anxiety while dating? Maybe a better question is how to you tell your partner that you have an anxiety disorder?

(PS - I'm with OP. I don't date either. It's just too much effort.)

[SadWitch 15]

I have used pof and flirtomatic and facebook 2 find a boyfriend!! Facebook is tge 1 4 me my now fiance added me and we spome 4 a few weeks I told him all about my social anxiety abd he was very understanding and supporting!! When the time came to meet he new how hard it was 4 me but he supported me through it!! I think its very important to be honest and tell people about your anxiety and if they dont accept it they are not good enough!! Good luck :-) xxx

[ElovepeaceE 0]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months now, we're 16. When we were just friends, I let him know about my social anxiety. It was SO difficult, but I trusted him the most. And he is still the only person out of my friends and family that I've told! It gets really really hard sometimes, dealing with it. He tries to understand and I respect that so much!!! I think he is a little disappointed though, our relationship is going very slow. I still can't eat in front of him!! At all!! And I still have trouble kissing him. :/ his parents really want me to come over and eat dinner with them, but I am ABSOLUTLY TERRIFIED! I hope I can eventually push myself enough to do it, but I doubt that will happen...

[ElovepeaceE 0]

Oh and also, I met him at my high school.

This coming year I am going to be homeschooled though, I AM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT!