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JOYCICLE

Let's kick its' A$$$$$$$!

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hahaha ok then maybe not, it's well worn though, if only you got clubcard points on it :p

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You know Jon, my very first therapist appointment he asked me if I was angry at the Crohns, I looked at him puzzled and said no? I didn't think I was, why would I be, it was just part of me and I had taken everything it could throw at me and kicked its butt. he said I had every right to be angry but I just couldn't see why. Over the past few years I'm making new discoveries about how I really feel, things kept hidden and deep in my psyche, and yes I am starting to find I am angry, very angry indeed. I just haven't even realised until something sparks it and makes me think.

 

When I finally come to terms with it I think I will feel a lot better..

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Why wouldn't you be angry?  Who wouldn't be? In your other post about Chrones you sum it up. BE angry. Kick and scream at the bastard. It deserves no consideration or respect and is a no thing, a bloody menace. If you feel angry after all these years then it could be a blessing. Getting the anger out and in the open is therapuetic.  Set up a punchbag. Mark it 'Chrones' and kick the hell out of it. And when you get tired don't give up go on kicking the bastard until you drop. You will feel better for it.    Jon.

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It's OK Jon, it was more in response to Joys video, I feel for the kid, it's a bit of a sore point to me, from the outside you see a brave strong kid and I know from my own experience you can be as strong and as brave but it is still a horrible thing to live with. My surgeon used to call me his star patient, and tell the other kids on the ward they should be more like me, I didn't complain, I was brave, you never saw Gill crying blah blah, my parents friends used to say aww shes so brave and I'm not keen on people drawing attention to it, I just wanted to be normal and for them to leave me alone. And look what happened to me, my brave card ran out. I hate that kids get sick.

Interesting! What if that holding in all the pain manifested in the anx of today ? Cuz I think we all know we usually stuff our emotions down when we should not and supposing that is the answer to the 64k question. Hmmm, what do you think?  

Because it's natural to show emotion, especially pain and grief and sorrow and fear and if we do not, we've set up an irregular emotional state.  

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I know Jon, I have a real issue expressing anger and I am trying to address it. We came to the conclusion in therapy that I shy away from confrontation, lack assertiveness and don't express my anger and have a hard time accepting and justifying it.

 

I'm working on it!:)

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Interesting! What if that holding in all the pain manifested in the anx of today ? Cuz I think we all know we usually stuff our emotions down when we should not and supposing that is the answer to the 64k question. Hmmm, what do you think?  

Because it's natural to show emotion, especially pain and grief and sorrow and fear and if we do not, we've set up an irregular emotional state.  

 

Oh I'm 100% certain it is a big part of it joy *nods*

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Mouthwatering Gilly. My favourites too. When you talk about physical illness you speak from first hand experience. I am out of my depth on that one as I have not had ongoing physical problems but I can imagine from the short term ones that it must be a real strain mentally. However, what I was saying is that as with that boy he didn't give up. Neither have you although I can imagine you must have been tempted at times. I have seen so many people with mental problems give up in despair when no physical problem is there. But I have also seen those with severe physical problems soldier on regardless. It's our individual makeup that dictates how we behave in certain circumstances.

I was not for one moment playing down physical suffering but you are right, it is the fighting spirit that gets us through but even that, at least with me,  wears a bit thin at times. Best wishes.   Jon.

AHA ! I have it. The boy in the video, Justin, has a physical ailment, but as far as we know not a mental one. When Gilly was younger she had physical ailments but as far as we know no mental ailment ( until later, correct me if im wrong gill). So given a PHYSICAL handicap, might it be ' easier' for them to say ' mind over matter' because their MENTAL capacity is 100% ? Am I making sense?  With overcoming a physical challenge and with the brain firing on all cylinders, the brain can say " WE CAN DO THIS" without anxiety or depression interfering, so they can face the challenge 'easier' than with a mental disorder?  I say easier and I don't in any way mean it's easy at all, but that making decision and being positive does obviously come easier to someone with a healthy mind!   BOOM! 

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And its a real effing hard habit to break, now my gut is screaming ignore this, do something daft, crack a dumb joke just don't open the flood gates...... argh

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AHA ! I have it. The boy in the video, Justin, has a physical ailment, but as far as we know not a mental one. When Gilly was younger she had physical ailments but as far as we know no mental ailment ( until later, correct me if im wrong gill). So given a PHYSICAL handicap, might it be ' easier' for them to say ' mind over matter' because their MENTAL capacity is 100% ? Am I making sense?  With overcoming a physical challenge and with the brain firing on all cylinders, the brain can say " WE CAN DO THIS" without anxiety or depression interfering, so they can face the challenge 'easier' than with a mental disorder?  I say easier and I don't in any way mean it's easy at all, but that making decision and being positive does obviously come easier to someone with a healthy mind!   BOOM! 

 

Yes, exactly how it is joy, and yes the anxiety came later, AFTER I got well. You must have heard me say before, the crohns felt easier to deal with, because mentally I didn't doubt, I didn't fear, I KNEW I would get better, if I got real sick, they operated and I was OK again.. for a while anyway.  anxiety is a whole different ball game.

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Boom. I should write a book entitled  a non professional, non educated, non experienced , haphazard guess as to why we are anxious ! 

I bet it'd sell like hotcakes ! 

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Oh yes, Joy. Children repress emotion if they find it too painful. Adults do too if it is too painful to bear. Delayed grief is a good example. Whatever you do it will usually pop up somewhere along the line but by then we may have forgotten the original cause and wonder what the hell is going on. And of course it could manifest as todays anxiety. You see ANYTHING unresolved creates a problem psychologically. The whole basis of any good therapy is to come to terms with this delayed response. When confronted with something that frightened us as children as adults we can bear it better because we have more understanding. Bad memories hate being brought out into the light of day and examined. Lurking in the shadow of the unconscious they can do their nasty work uninterrupted but in the open they lose their power to disturb us. It is still often possible to  find it traumatic to confront our demons but once seen for what they are they diminish.  Good memories we remember easily because they do not need repressing as there is no pain involved. People often say "But I had a happy childhood; my parents were good to me so why am I like this?". But do you rememeber the bad things that may have happened to you. Something your mother or father did that upset you badly at the time and that you repressed? Unlikely. So the illusion of a happy childhood goes on. This is not to say that everyone has repressed bad memeories. Some do actually have a happy childhood. Even if not it is sometimes best to leave well alone unless it begins to affect our adult life and that is when it needs attention.  Jon.

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''Bad memories hate being brought out into the light of day and examined. Lurking in the shadow of the unconscious they can do their nasty work uninterrupted but in the open they lose their power to disturb us. It is still often possible to  find it traumatic to confront our demons but once seen for what they are they diminish. ''''

 

 

This is me now ^^^^^^^^^^^

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Joy. Without going into too much detail perhaps we could regard demons as bad memories. In some religions they are something to be 'cast out' as in Chritianity. But, to me, the 'casting out' is done by what we have just discussed. Bringing them into the open. How? First of all your dreams will help as the unconscious speaks to us in the only way possible. Freed from conscious thought it speaks to us in metaphors.  The interpretation of these can help. It can also help to understand 'waking dreams'. (Day  dreams) This is in the form of a kind of drifting off whi;le in the middle of doing something and then thinking something totally unrelated to what you are doing. "Now why did I think that"? There is always a reason. Can you imagine a lake.  The surface is your conscious mind going about it's day to day business. But below, in the depths are all the things that have happened before. Not just in your life but in the lives of generations long past but that still have an influence on us. When the mud is stirred at the bottom thoughts come up in the form of bubbles. Sometimes worrying thoughts that we can't undersatnd and that can bring on anxiety and are fearful. Now you can go through life, and a lot do, without the mud being stirred and good for them. But often, when confronted with the thoughts, we can enhance our lives in lots of ways and be better people if we understand what is going on. I appreciate this is a rather deep subject and perhaps we should leave it there but I really feel that the fear of memory is greatly exaggerated and that dealt with properly can enhance our lives rather than diminish them.   Jon. 

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I am confronting and facing as we speak. I got a little spooked and almost quit but I'm forging ahead and it's getting easier every day. 

I dont know why when things are bad and I'm having a really bad time with stuff, I feel the need then to PILE ON more. Does anyone else get that? I've got issues at home and issues with my parents and what do I do ? As if they arent' enough to dwell on? I dig up some extra. Is that I think I'll just force it all out in the open at once, instead of several small bad times, jsut have a tsunami of it and get it over with ? 

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Actually I think I'm going to drop that search for now. I already knew all of the stuff. Going back and looking again has given me this " it is OK to be the way I am because that shit was a NIGHTMARE for any child "" and that is what I wanted right? Somewhat a permission to be anxious today which does not help get through it or does it?  I wanted/ needed validation that yes it was crazy stuff and yes it was abuse and yes my mind was tormented into what I see today. So my historical journey is over now my future journey can continue ! 
ALL ABOARD !!!!!!!!!!!! 

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A bit at a time Joy. No Tsunami. Not good! We haven't the strength to do it all in one go. After all, it has taken a long time to get there and a little more time won't hurt. I don't think its a case of 'piling on more' rather that when some traumatic experience comes up they all tend to.

 If you think of a member of the family the rest usually pop into the mind. Relationships, no matter who with, can be a blessing or a curse and with family matters usually a curse.  My wife never got on with my mother. My mother told me she was no good for me. They were poles apart in every way. My guilt was something to behold!! Torn between the two. Finally resolved as I moved out of the parental home. My mother was totally wrong. We have been married many years and a better wife I could never wish for. But we don't know that at the time, do we? Sorry to hear you are going through a bad patch Joy. If I can help you know where to find me.    Jon.

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AHA ! I have it. The boy in the video, Justin, has a physical ailment, but as far as we know not a mental one. When Gilly was younger she had physical ailments but as far as we know no mental ailment ( until later, correct me if im wrong gill). So given a PHYSICAL handicap, might it be ' easier' for them to say ' mind over matter' because their MENTAL capacity is 100% ? Am I making sense?  With overcoming a physical challenge and with the brain firing on all cylinders, the brain can say " WE CAN DO THIS" without anxiety or depression interfering, so they can face the challenge 'easier' than with a mental disorder?  I say easier and I don't in any way mean it's easy at all, but that making decision and being positive does obviously come easier to someone with a healthy mind!   BOOM! 

 

That's it Joy. Absolutely right. If he had a mental disability AND a physical one I doubt he could do it. Anxiety is a disability so it prevents us doing what we want but in lots of ways is more debilitating than a physical illness. (Debateable!).

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I'm in the process of kicking the ass of a nasty cold that tried to take me down yesterday. 

It tried to beat me up and tell me I'd die in a hospital , with tubes breathing for me.

Well guess what? It did not. Two onions , two garlic cloves, 1/3 head of cabbage and 139 gallons 

of water later and I'm the VICTOR. I'm still quite cruddy but I'm alive !  

So which ass is in your cross hairs today? Work, shops, the dr, the family, an assignment due

in school, going out the front door???? KICK IT ! 

 

 

:super1:  :super1:  :super1:

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Such motivation! Good job on all your accomplishments today. Mine,and I know it seems small, was staying home alone today. Normally I have about 1 hr. a day alone, between my husband leaving for work and my daughter getting home from work. Today my husband changed his shift to go in early so he could be off earlier tonight, then my daughter was asked to work late. So, I've spent the whole afternoon alone, I did fine, got a lot of stuff done and actually enjoyed it. I normally hate being alone and will talk myself straight in to a panic attack. As small as it is, it's kind of big to me. :D

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Every thing counts !   I had an almost failure today but I turned it into a partial win! LOL hahahahaha,,,,,, ie: fail........but not really ;)

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Hi There HMW. I told you you were improving. :lol:   It's a gradual process but you can and will win. When you look back I bet you never thought you would get this far. And it is NOT a small achievement. ANY move forward is a success because we never forget what we have learned. Even in setbacks we can learn a lot.   Well done. Keep at it.   Jon.

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I'm going to go to a surfshop. I'm going to take back the wetsuit I bought online. I'm going to try on suits. I'm going to find one that fits. I'm going to buy a board if they have one I like.

 

I have a phobia of surfshops. They're notoriously chippy,(a guy who owns a surfshop where I live once told me he was going to punch me in the face-lol) but I'm going to get what I came for regardless of the attitudes of the workers!

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