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  1. Hello everyone- where do I even begin? It's 3:30am- I've maybe slept 30 minutes tonight because a tongue twitch woke me up- after a week of having new twitches all over my body and going down the ALS rabbit hole. i know I have anxiety- have been on Wellbutrin since April, dose upped in July. I am 34 year old mom of 2 and the thought of any symptom I have being ALS have put me in a bad spiral! Ugh! history- I had a DVT a few years ago during my pregnancy- healed fine. The leg that had that has recently been having some mild aches. I attributed this to some circulation issues post clot & went down the rabbit hole there- trigger anxiety to a level I didn't even know was possible. The next day- I noticed a few twitches here & there in my calf muscle occasionally.. now I'm HYPER SENSITIVE to every little thing my body is doing.. I now notice every little twitch... throughout the day- 1 in my calf, 1 in my thigh, 1 in my arm, shoulder, other calf, foot, hand... just a quick little twitch- that's it. Google symptoms- convinced this is ALS & go down that rabbit hole. the anxiety has been unreal since- I am losing sleep, I've lost weight due to no appetite, am checked out from my kids & husband because I'm so consumed with every little symptom & the twitches are happening more frequently & I notice every single one... tonight I got somewhat calm- then my jaw twitches (1st time) sends me in a panic.. can't sleep. Doze off finally- and wake up to a tongue twitch/spasm. Everything I've read says that is almost always associated with ALS & here we are- 3.30am, unable to sleep. i am seeing my doctor in 2 days- to discuss overall symptoms & anxiety. i have no pain (just that dull ache in the calf) no weakness that's at least noticeable or new (I'm out of shape so yea.. lol) no speech issues or falling... but the rabbit hole.. i would appreciate hearing similar experiences, symptoms... also reading so much that most twitches are caused by stress/anxiety. Seems crazy an emotion can trigger physical symptoms but wow... thank you all.
  2. Hi, I'm a 66 y.o. female co-dependent married 30 years to a toxic narcissist, but I am in recovery mode thank God. I would like to leave him as recommended but am no where near ready. I had a nervous breakdown when 22 that lasted 12 years. I lost my faith in God that had carried me, but it came back when a loving Christian gave me unconditional love that encouraged me to trust God again. I went back to church and learned things I never knew and met joyful people who accepted me. My faith and Bible is my source of life and truth. I am on Klonopin and Baclofen for panic attacks, social anxiety, and migraines. I have ADD and take Dexedrine. They all help tremendously. I have been in EMDR for 7 years, the only therapy that changed my thinking and stopped repeating memories of failure or stupidity. Especially after my breakdown I was paranoid and analyzed myself to death but got no answers. I knew my childhood was destructive but couldn't accept it as the reason I felt outcast. My older sister loved to hurt me and parents said "shut up" if I complained. I believed nobody liked me even if they said they did. I was the scapegoat growing up, had no alternative, and told it was my fault. I was told my thoughts were wrong. I am still afraid of people and feel I don't deserve to be paid what my work is worth. My ADD causes more mistakes and more time to finish a task. I can't handle criticism or speak for myself. I had to please people so they wouldn't punish me but was still ignored, no praise or thanks. I feel I am a burden on others to exist. I have left the family due to constant hurtful rejection. I still have agoraphobia, I only go out for doctor appts., therapy, or church and am always late. I break speed limits and drive dangerously. The thought of hurting others doesn't stop me. It would reinforce how terrible I am. My retired husband is either gone or on the computer, lies, gaslights me, tries to make me feel unworthy and stupid unless I threaten to leave, scream, cry non-stop, tell others what he does to me, or treat him like he treats me - demeaning him. I never did those things before him. In the healing process, rage and impatience are close to the surface and I snap and turn on others. Few people relate to me. I have talents and do favors so I am not alone and people don't criticize free work, but often it is taken for granted. Abusers recognize my victim mentality and bully me but now I fight more or leave. I never learned to act normal or deal with controversy productively. I am either completely passive or a troublemaker. I copied my husband and learned to be vicious to him to protect myself. I am learning about the characteristics of co-dependency and narcissism from SPARTANLIFECOACH on YouTube and it has changed me so I have hope and knowledge and confidence but it is a long process. I've had agoraphobia since age ten and wish I understood it. Just getting out doesn't make it better as some say. It would be a miracle if I got over it.