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Hi Hope you remember me, Now I'm healthy and even happy. But I've had exams lately and was really nervous, that's the reason IT came back for a while... I don't even have any disturbing symptom. Even when I have, I know it's HA. But still I attach emotions and feel scared of the setback. It is still telling me "What if you're just ignoring anything really important? How dare you?"'. I tell myself - what evidence do I have that it's anything relevant? But what evidence do I have that it isn't. I carry on, but still have anxiety sometimes.

Hi everyone, I'm a 38 year old female with severe health anxiety, which has been a problem for at least 10 years, probably more. I have been diagnosed with GAD but I am not on medication and haven't been for several years for a couple of reasons. Recently and in the past, my biggest fears have been aneurysm, heart attack, blood clot, stroke. I feel like I have valid fears, my grandfather died of a stroke after an aneurysm and had several heart attacks during his life. I've had past trauma, a serious car accident in 2012 that left me with a collapsed lung and dissected iliac artery. I fear that that past trauma will cause future problems. I smoked for over 20 years, I worry about that, too even though I quit very recently. I worry because I saw a news story about people with GAD being way more likely to die from heart attacks and the like. I worry because about a month ago, I was involved in an altercation (that's all I really want to say about that I am not comfortable really discussing the altercation, I am safe as far as that situation is concerned) where I was grabbed by the throat forcefully and choked. I did not seek medical attention and dealt with pain and swelling for at least two weeks. I read an article afterwards that people who've been choked/strangled can die from stroke days, weeks, months or even years after the incident. Well of course, that scared me so bad. I feel like a walking time bomb, like I'm just walking around waiting to drop dead. But no one seems to take me seriously or even care. I saw my doctor a few days ago and she basically told me that I am too young to have my neck arteries screened, that they don't even start checking cholesterol until age 45. I mentioned that the area was injured and I was afraid of stroke and she just blew me off. Told me I need to see a psychiatrist, which I cannot afford, I have an assistance plan that helps me see my doc. I asked for Klonopin as I have used it in the past and she refused to prescribe any kind of benzos to calm me. I am terrified of SSRIS because I've tried them before and I cannot take the side effects. I just want to know that I'm "ok" but since she won't check, the emergency room treats me like a joke, my husband is so tired of hearing about my anxiety...he has told me that it affects him too, that he cannot stand it anymore, that he wishes he could work 7 days a week to get away from it. He has asked me not to verbalize it every day. How do I know I'm ok? After my doctors appointment, I just felt this resigned sense of..."well, no one is going to help me, that's it. There is no help." Truly defeated, but accepting. That seemed to help me for a few days. But boom...I see a headline about "beauty parlor stroke" and the panic comes roaring back. Mostly right now, the acute issue for me is stroke fears due to the injury but all the other health fears are in the background, too. I feel debilitated. I'm scared all of the time. I feel that there is no help for me and I have come here hoping to talk to someone, anyone, who understands or who can reassure me even a little. I have done all the DBT worksheets out there, journalled, deep breathing...As much as I'd like to have spiritual faith, I have too many doubts and have an extreme fear of death. I don't know why, because health anxiety is no way to live! I also worry about others but mostly, I'm terrified that I am going to have a health crisis. My husband is getting ready to come home from work and I had to get all this off my chest as not to burden him any further. I don't know what to do, or how to cope...all I do know is that I can't get the tests and screening I want so I'm scared all the time. Thanks for having me here!

I am new here and thought I would post what I have been dealing with my whole life. Background about me: I am 36 yrs old , married and have 3 kids and as long as I can recall I have had anxiety. I remember being as young as 5 crying my eyes out cause my mom had left and I was scared I would never see her again because something would happen to her while she was out..( car accident , etc..). I had this never ending fear that whenever she would leave.. I would never see her again. I My mother would often be out late cause she was a bingo addict and I could never sleep until she walked through that door. When I was in 6th grade I was eating lunch and noticed I had all these little bubbles on me..I freaked out and LEFT SCHOOL. I walked home crying convinced that this was some awful disease .My poor father was overwhelmed but informed me that it was nothing but chicken pox. sigh So fast forward to today. I live in fear everyday. I am convinced something is wrong with me. it has consumed my life and I honestly don't know what to do. My youngest daughter is 5 and I haven't been to the Dr. since she was born. I have extreme health anxiety..I cant even lay my head on my pillow without my fan being on cause I do not want to hear my own heartbeat cause I am convinced I will catch it beating abnormal. Most of the time my heart races during the day, because of my anxiety and then when it starts to race it makes me more anxious and then it turns into a full blown panic attack. When that happens I feel like I gotta leave the room, walk, drink water to help me calm down. Most people with Hypochondria go to the Dr for every little thing and I am the opposite, I do not want to go near one. I am scared that I will receive bad news and I do not know how I can deal with that. I do have a few issues plaguing me right now. My biggest one is my back, since the summer its been bothering me. When I stand or walk is when I get the pain most of the time. Pain is felt in my lower back, hips and in front of both legs. I am so afraid this is some type of disease that I will not go to the Dr, I would rather suffer than go. People closest to me know I have this fear and of coarse people don't get it. They just say go to the dr it will be ok. However I am always thinking otherwise. I know the only way to rid this fear is to go but I haven't gotten enough strength to go yet. There are other issues I have too- headaches all the time - sharp pains in my head they feel like electric shocks. Of coarse I think its a tumor or some other awful disease it doesn't make sense why I would get these-- After I had my daughter I wouldn't look in the mirror for 2 years.. because I could have sworn I saw one pupil bigger than the other. The issues I have don't make me look different from anyone else, I still laugh and I still cry, no one would even be able to tell I suffer from this unless I am open about it. However I am constantly thinking about this all day everyday. I'm in tune to everything that's going on with my body.. I live in impending doom every second of every day. I have even woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack its never ending. I recently stopped caffeine cause im hoping that helps a bit but who knows. I have never met anyone else who has health anxiety and WONT go to the DR, usually they go all the time. I am just really down about this lately and my anxiety is taking over my life. I just wanted to post cause who knows maybe there is another person out there like me. I wish I could go to the Dr, because maybe they could give me something that could help ease my anxiety. Anyways thanks for listening. Kelly

I was talking to someone from here yesterday over chat and my fear abated while I was talking to him (thank you joe17 - hope you got what we were talking about regarding things on your end sorted out). But of course today is another day and it's all flooding back. So here I am writing another post and hoping that someone can offer me anything. You see I hate this because I KNOW it's all in my head but I still can't help the anxiety. It sucks when you're in the throes of it. Anyway, I started becoming anxious recently because sometime after Valentine's a former office mate of mine died of dengue fever. I live in Southeast Asia so this is a very real disease we deal with. The vaccine was just recently approved and the first batches is only being ordered now. My son and I will definitely getting ourselves that vaccine. But in the meantime, I get scared that I've already been infected. Why? Well yesterday I came upon an article where Steve Zahn, an American actor wrote about his dengue fever experience in Puerto Rico. Part of his symptoms were when he woke up at one point, his feet were hurting - like it was on fire. Yesterday, I tried to see if I could still carry my son - who is probably near 70 lbs now. Stupid of me I know but I wanted to try. And I probably hurt my ankle then because a couple of hours after that my left ankle started hurting. Till now my left ankle is still hurting. Part of the symptoms of dengue include a HIGH fever( 39C), rashes and raging headaches - none of which I have but I still cannot get the fear out of my system because of my darn ankle pain. Worse, I also came across an article yesterday where a newlywed died because a doctor misdiagnosed her shoulder pain which turned out to be melanoma! Now I'm looking at my ankle and thinking what if this pain is not dengue but melanoma! But the newlywed had a history of it and had a mole removed because of that. I have no such history. So again, farfetched but I can't help but think what if what if and I'm too scared to go to the doctor. Plus they usually say you know if something is truly wrong. And logically, I know that there is nothing wrong except maybe for the usual aches and pains of aging (I'm no spring chicken) but the nagging what if what if persists? ARRRRGH!! Help please. God I wish the dengue vaccine that my doctor ordered is already here but it won't be till a week or two from now! UGH! So all I can do right now is sit tight and pray this anxiety attack passes soon. I do not have anti-anxiety meds but right now I am so wishing that I do. Help anyone please. I HATE THIS. :-(

I was just sitting, accepting and suddenly I panicked - what if I'm doing everything wrong? I'm using Claire Weekes' approach now, because it has helped me in overcoming ocd and gad. Am I doing it right for hypochondria? Yes, I'm visiting doctors too. So my physical health is under control. But what is with mental? What helped you? What is the way to recovery?

Hi, AC! I have the fear of c****r (now it is connected with intestines, previously - with lungs and brain). It is so tricky, because it has vague symptoms. Are there anybody like me? How do you deal with it?

Hello, people.. I know you may be bored with me. I tried to manage it by myself. But I failed. Almost a week I have a subfebrile temperature and night sweats. And it drives me crazy. One time I was scared of these symptoms and i wasn't wrong - they discovered I had pneumonia. And what if I got anything now? One day I've just accepted every possible illness that it can mean - and I spent a wonderful day. Acceptance helps really. But today it all returned. The thoughts "oh it must be c****r you will suffer a lot soon" are with me always. Like a switch has been flicked in my brain. Maybe I'm not accepting it. Claire Weekes wrote: "How can you accept when you are still complaining about it?" Maybe I'm making the mistake of not letting the time pass. I'll visit GP in 2 days. And all over again - tests, queues. I'm looking for some support - my life is turning into hell.

When you're obsessing about yourself or a loved one having some horrible disease, you get stuck in horrible loops of seeking assurance. When we ask friends, family or doctors, the response is often that 'it seems highly unlikely that it would be something like that, it is all in your head'. At this point we you feel relived, for a second. Then comes the addition 'Of course there are no guarantees...". That addition is quite undramatic to those saying it, who are not stuck in the obsessive loop. But for me, it always sends me back to square one. So horrible. I realize that in life there *are* no guarantees, but still it makes it impossible to get reassurance. The loop just keeps spinning. Anyone else thought of this?

Hello everyone, Does anyone experience hands that are shaky almost all the time? It does not interfer with anything and sometimes I do not notice it; however am trying to distract myself from it as it causes me panic. Thanks in advance

These last couple of days have been awful..full blown anxiety or so I think that's what it is. I had an MRI (brain) today and I was nervous about it and worked up. After the appointment I was doing all right, then I had to go to work. I was anxious on the way to work and felt very anxious when I was sitting at my computer. I have these strange sensations in my face and legs. I have has these before, however it still freaks me out every time it happens and it seems to last longer and longer, goes away and then comes back. Am nervously awaiting my MRI results as I can not help but think that I have MS....THIS CRAP SUCKS!!! It is happening as we speak. Does this happen to anyone else and does it last almost all day long???

Has it occurred to anyone that when we get HA we always have some well known disease? Now I know the big 'C' word predominates because there is so much discussion and talk on TV and so on, but why do we concentrate on that when there are so many other, thousands, of diseases we could talk about? Suggestion is the answer. We are open and vulnerable to suggestion and that's why Dr. Google is a big NO, NO in anxiety. If someone, one day comes on site and says "I think I have Mongolian Swamp Fever", or "Joe blogs syndrome" then I would worry. But every disease discussed is well known. Every day on the news in the UK we get some medical advice or some new revelation about illness. I believe that if you talk about something often enough it will stick in your mind and, if anxious, cause problems. There is a religious sect that believe we cause our own illnesses by getting their symptoms firmly in our minds and thus getting ill. They won't have a nurse in a sick room who 'believes' in sickness. Now I can't go along with that in general but they have point. How many who suffer from HA have it in their minds 24/7? It's with them all the time and so the symptoms, (especially if they Google), become a reality. So much so that even the doctors believe them and subject them to all the known tests with, so often, negative results. But the IDEA is so firmly planted that they don't believe the medics and are constantly looking for reassurance. One of the reasons for this is that the symptoms are so real. The IDEA has become a reality. NOT the disease, the IDEA of it. The witchdoctor says you will be cursed on a certain day. He is powerful magic because you BELIEVE IN HIM. And so it happens. We think we are above that mumbo jumbo but are we? Do we not do the same thing to ourselves by believing that charlatan Dr. Google? Getting an idea out of the mind is impossible so we have to go with it there but take away its importance. Now this is not easy as we know. Don't try and ignore or forget it. The best way to remember is to try and forget. Have the thought but realise it's only a thought and has no substance in reality. Once you have been told you are OK you have to believe the medics. Five years in medical school, three years internship and many years of practise entitles them to be heard, and it's almost insulting to disbelieve them. How would you feel if you work and someone questions your decisions all the time? Anxiety is capable of being able to mimic any known disease. KNOWN DISEASE! You won't have any symptoms of unknown ones because you have no knowledge of them and can't IMAGINE the symptoms. The ones you THINK you have have been planted in your unconscious and come up when in an anxious state. SELF DIAGNOSIS IN ANXIETY IS DANGEROUS! You can frighten yourself and make your anxiety much worse. Rely on your doctor for advice and BELIEVE them. Jon.

Hello everyone, Has anyone awoken with blurry vision in one eye? Yesterday when I awoke I noticed that my right eye was blurry, it went away after rubbing it a couple times and blinking. However it scared the heck out of me, in which I ended up in the ER as I could not calm down. When I got to the ER they did a vision test which was fine, the MD did a field vision test and it was fine, No other tests. I asked if I needed a CT scan and he said no as the blurry vision did not linger and was gone. He did give me some Ativan in which calm my nerves. I do have an appointment to have an MRI on Saturday and then a follow-up with my neurologist to go over my test results. Thanks in advance

I have had health anxiety that comes in huge, horrifying waves for almost 4 years now, but ivehad a general fear of dying since i was a little girl. It has been extremely difficult living with this lately. Its put a strain on my relationship with my family, my boyfriend, myself. People dont really relate, so I feel alone. I slacked in school work, and I started a new job that Im not even excited about because all I do, it feels like, is wait for death. I am usually fun and happy and I adore living. Im just hyperaware of my mortality, and it scares me so much. any little pain or tweak or anything in my body and I immediately spiral down into this big crazy meltdown. I try to get through this every day, and lately it is a struggle.

Hello all. I just really need to talk about all these physical symptoms of anxiety. When I first started going through anxiety several years ago, I thought, "It can't get any worse than this." With the constant worry, I didn't think my anxiety could get worse. As of some months ago, I began having panic attacks, which led to some pretty bad physical symptoms. I could accept that they were due to my anxiety and panic, but recently the physical sensations have gotten so terrible that it's impossible for me to believe it's all from anxiety! Constant chest pains, random numbness in parts of my body, lightheadedness, unexplainable and strange sensations, heart beating so fast it feels as if it's going to stop... Even when I'm not feeling anxious or worried, the physical symptoms persist! It's so hard for me to believe these could be from anxiety, and I can't stop stressing that something might be wrong with me. It just feels like I'm constantly close to death's door. I can't even sleep anymore. As I write this, all I want to do is fall asleep. Can anxiety symptoms actually feel this real and severe? I can't stop worrying about the physical symptoms. I would have never thought they'd be worse than the mental symptoms, but they really are. I just wish my body felt fine again.

Hello all, I'd like to hear some second thoughts on some of the things I have been experiencing lately.As of around six months ago, I began having severe panic attacks daily, sometimes several times a day. After a particularly terrible day of panic, I started researching online what could have been wrong. Of course, what came up was a plethora of heart-related subjects. Since then, I haven't stopped worrying about my health and the possibility of illness, cardiovascular ones in particular.I haven't had as many panic attacks, but each day I get symptoms on their own such as heart palpitations, chest pain/funny feeling in chest, derealization, shortness of breath or hyperventilation, tightness in my throat, shakiness, dizziness, weird sensations in my tongue, hot flashes, or various other physical symptoms. Yesterday I was laying in bed (not feelings anxious), and suddenly the right side of my body went numb, and seconds later my heart beat increased; it's never been so fast and pounding before. Today, I awoke with a twinning feeling in my chest and a numb mouth. I've never felt numbness due to panic attacks before, so you can imagine how much I panicked when that happened.I have been to my doctor once or twice as well as a pulmanologist (before these last few 'stranger' panic attacks), but none could find anything wrong. I haven't been to a cardiologist due to a lack of money, time, and frankly I'm embarrassed of the possibility of it all being in my head. My doctor said she doesn't believe it's heart related (I'm only eighteen as well). I just can't stop this fear that I'm dying though. It seems all I do is obsess over my physical symptoms and look up possibilities on the Internet (Which is a terrible idea, I know.)Are these physical symptoms a sign of illness, or do they relate to hypochondria? Could these actually be panic attacks? Is it hypersensitivity? I'm just terrified that I'm dying all the time.

Hi my name is debs, I'm 53 and suffer from anxiety. My main anxiety is health related and I worry mainly about serious illness. For the past 8 weeks ive had a one sided headache which goes from the bottom of my head to the top rright Han side of my head. I do clinch my teeth a lot when I'm anxious and i was wondering if this could be causing the headache. My jaw is tender, my eyes hurt, and i have temple pain. I'm beginning to really think I've got something serous. My Dr thinks it might be cerviogenic coming from my neck. Any advice would b appreciated.

Hello to everybody out there, my name is Nikki and I have been suffering with health anxiety since I was around 10 years old. I am 30 and now and over the years I had managed to contain it but in 2007 after I gave birth to my second child (and having an awful experience with labour) I experienced my first panic attack. I then experienced multiple panic attacks daily for about a year until I saw a therapist and we did CBT. It worked and I thought I was cured. I went anxiety and panic free for 5 years until 2013 when my Dad passed away in front of me (luckily the ambulance was quick to get here and bring him back) - turned out his kidneys were not functioning properly and the tablets he was taking pooled in his kidneys which resulted in him dying. He is now doing great and is on home haemodialysis in which I care for him and help him. Me on the other hand I am not doing so well, I started experiencing panic and anxiety symptoms again. I came good again until most recently when my Effexor XR medicine stopped working and I had to wean off it to start Paxil (the withdrawal symptoms when coming off Effexor XR was the worst imaginable). Now I have only started taking Paxil (my second week) and I still feel scared and anxious - i have all types of symptoms ranging from Chest pain, headaches/confusion, blurry vision, shortness of breath, aching muscles, sore arm etc, and all I seem to worry about it heart attacks and strokes. I keep visiting my doctor for reassurance which only lasts a short while and then I start freaking out all over again, I also see a new therapist who is really nice and wonderful, I'm just hoping that I can start to learn again how to rationalise my fears and stop adding more fuel to the fire. Thanks for taking the time to read a little about myself. I hope we can all be able to manage this anxiety and very soon.

Hey guys, I'm new here. I am so surprised to see how similar a lot of symptoms we all share.. does make you make the correlation with anxiety eh?! Anyway, a quick background! I'm a 19 year old Canadian university student studying (lol how funny, kinesiology! Study of human movement) I developed emetaphobia when I was 10, which lead to me even avoiding sleeping in my room for an entire year assuming I'd get sick again along with other weird behavior for a 10 year old. This left me when I got to a drinking age, but the fears of being trapped somewhere and couldn't relieve myself if I had to have since stayed. (Especially airplanes or concerts not being in the row seat-anyone else?) Throughout the years school, friends, dance have all been the forefront and little blips of hypochondria have come and go. I burst into tears at age 12 when I heard Dr.Oz mention ovarian c****r. So irrational but felt so real. Boy oh boy, now comes this year. This summer I had 2 crippling bouts of fear over blood clots. I was at the point of asking the universe to "heal me" from an ectopic pregnancy when in reality I was having ovulation pain. I felt so desolate though. You make your self so sure of these things. Now here is the grand, turning point kicker that has brought me to seek help- it all started a few weeks ago. I was having a routine bath when I felt a sharp sting in my nostril. Oh lord, yes, it was time to make the fateful Google search we all know of "brain tumor." This changed my life. I continued to feel a one-sided headache and these occasional quick "stings" for a few days but I was driven MAD. Full blown anxiety attacks trying to sleep. Complete dissociation with my university life. I HAD to see my doctor. She shrugged it off as sinus issues! And gave me a nasal spray. This was NOT the answer. I say when I got home that day, I weeped into my bed for hours I thought this was the end. I've never been so distraught. I didn't really find relief, just survived each day. Until I checked in my mouth one day and saw a wisdom tooth was partially erupted-so a bit sticking into my gums/cheek. HALLELUJAH! A reason for headaches and pain! Does anyone else get mini relief? This to me meant I would not worry about it anymore. This was not the case. I even went to the dentist and he was like oh ouch! Did x-rays, two infected teeth. Relief. 10 days antibiotics and painkillers? Relief! Until it wasn't. I convinced myself into a spiraling mess that the infection was spreading. I began having difficulty swallowing. Jaw pain, constant ringing in ears, vision that felt a little out of focus. I went to the ER at 2am and they had to do an EKG on me because my heart rate was sky rocketed. 26 beats over normal. All for a doctor to tell me at 4am to go to bed. Sleep, hydrate. That my "swollen" neck was muscular tension. I again felt relief... But the swallowing did not go away! The shaky vision didn't either! These symptoms prevailed. I went to ANOTHER er doctor for him to be even more frank with me and give me a strong painkiller and told me there isn't significant signs of infection or swelling. As I sit here, it's 2 weeks until my teeth are removed. I think all my symptoms point towards having problems with TMJ, the tinnitus and fullness in ears with limited opening of mouth. Apparently it can even cause swallowing issued and eye pressure. Either way it has completely stolen my motivation and happiness in life, and worry has become my main activity. My family is stressed out over me, my friends are sick of talking about it, it's made me a lonely, alone, shell of a person. My studies ARE being affected too. Help?

I am a 20 year old female and my period was two weeks late last month. I had extreme stress and panic those two weeks thinking I was pregnant and since then I don't know if I triggered something but i have been non stop worrying about every ache and pain I have and find myself constantly on Google. every time I hear a story about c****r I have a full blown anxiety attack and cannot get it off my mind. I have a fear of a tumor on my spine. These are my symptoms and was wondering if anyone else experiences them: Very Stiff neck, back aches and pains, fear of being home alone, heart palpitations, stomachs gurgling, frequent urination, loss of appetite, muscle tension, muscle weakness, joint aches, random sharp pains all over, irritability, trouble falling asleep. thank you all for any help!!

have always struggled with anxiety but 2015 has been thee worst year of my life. So far this year ive convinced myself i have throat, lip, mouth, and pancreatic c****r. I have worried about brain tumors colon c****r, fibromyalgia, menengitis and the newest luekemia. Im am scared to death of blood tests. (Im having my tonsils out next week) and i am terrified of the pre surgery blood work. It will ruin everyday of my life from the second they stick the needle in me till ten seconds after the results are out. I had a cyst removed from my neck and i could not stand the anticipation stress worry anxiety depression i felt waiting for the biopsy results and now i have to do it again. I had a blood test in march when i was vomitting uncontrollably and my blood cells were a little high and ever since then ive had more and more symptoms on the L word. I self check my entire body my husbands body and my kids bodies im always comparing. My husband thinks im going crazy i think im going crazy i feel so hopeless and helpless it just seems that when symptoms go away and i see some light new ones start and there we go again. I just feel sooo different like not me anymore. And whats so crazy is when i finally find my voice of reason that tells me that its my anxiety just like all the other things there is this other little nagging thats like well what if this time it isnt your anxiety what if this time you really do have this and you are going to die. At one point this year i had come to terms with it that this was it. It is crazy to always be thinking youre gonna die. It has taken over my life. There is not one second of the day that it isnt on my mind even if im at the lake with my family or the park or whatever itin the back of my head and i never forget. I know im crazy. Ive gotta be. Ive like lost all control over my thoughts and my life.

I've been having chest pains and pain in my arm. At first my wife was supportive about this but as more tests come back negative she is losing patience with me. It's got to the point where I can't talk to her about it. I'm feeling very isolated and depressed. How can I explain to her the extreme anxiety I feel? She doesn't grasp how I can feel something she says isn't there.

I was a man with no health issues till the age of 23 but from last year November I first hit by WBC increase along with Depression but WBC got treated with in 15 days and after this i am in a worry that there's something wrong. after that i have many episodes of anxiety after several intervals sometimes i feel absolutely fine but after couple of weeks i again start feeling down. I am worried because of my physical symptoms fatigued lightheaded unusual feelings and backpain restless legs. Now i am diagnosed with low haemoglobin. I am in a dread doom i can't get of my physical symptoms. Please Help What to do. Age 24 height 6ft weight 58-60. i am in fear of having something very serious because of 6 months back i felt odd pressure feeling on top of head. now it's back. i have changing pain allover body.

Hi everyone, This will be a long post, so feel free to skip it if you want to. But somewhere on the site I read a reply from Jonathan in which he wrote something about finding the underlying cause of health anxiety. I have one symptom after the other and cannot seem to get to the other side......but the underlying cause is starting to be pretty clear to me, and I have never told it to anyone other than my husband and my parents, and I think I need to put it into words, get it out there - so this is my story. I have suffered from depression for more than 15 years, actually when I think back it has always been a part of me, I just never knew what it was. For 15 years I have gone through these long depressive periods. I would be good for a while, able to work and then it hit me, and I could not do anything. It still goes up and down like that, and right now I am down, can't work or do anything else. I have been medicated for 15 years, every now and then my meds have to be changed, because they just stop working. So I have struggled with side effects, withdrawal syndrome, you name it. Right now I am on a med that gives me so many side effects and does not seem to help my depression or my anxiety, so I am facing a new med once again. In the early spring of 2012 I found out that I was pregnant. I was 40 at the time and felt really well and my husband and I felt blessed. We already had 2 children, but decided to welcome this third child with open arms. My doctor sent me for an early scan because of my medication. A few days before the scan I started spotting. Went to the hospital and was greeted by an elderly, male doctor who said that the spotting was probably a miscarriage due to my age. He scanned me anyway and right away said: There is no baby, just some tissue. He sent me home with what they call a medicinal abortion. I had to take 2 pills the next morning and wait to start bleeding. I was heartbroken! On my birthday when the children had left for school and my husband for work, I took the pills and waited.......nothing happened. In the afternoon a nurse from the hospital called me to hear if I had started bleeding. At that time I was in a lot of pain with cramps and she said it would be over soon. I started bleeding a little, and thought that that was it. A month later I went for a scan to see that all the tissue was gone. My husband and my daughter were there aswell, in the waiting room. A young doctor scanned me and got very quiet. Then she said: How long ago did you take the pills? I answered her and she said: I don't understand because I am looking at a foetus, app. 10 weeks old and with a heartbeat. I started crying and shaking and did not understand anything. She got my husband from the waiting room and said that she had to consult with an older colleague. She came back a few minutes later and said that I could continue the pregnancy and come back for a scan of the baby's neck a few weeks later to check for Downs etc. No explanation, nothing.... Came back for the scan. It showed that there was an increased risk of Downs syndrome and they advised me to have a biopsy of the placenta. Came back for that - the doctor said: Before we do this, have you been told that the abortion medication can cause different birth defects? I said that we had been told that we could continue the pregnancy without any problems. She told me that there could be numerous defects and that I might want to reconsider the biopsy and have an abortion instead......I said no and had the biopsy. The results came back the next day: everything was fine and we were expecting a boy. We were so happy! A week later the phone rang. It was the hospital and they said that something had showed up in the biopsy anyway: an inversion on chromosome 14. Noone knew what it meant - and we had to have further tests done and sent to the genetic lab. They also sent us papers to apply for a late abortion (at that time I was 18 weeks along). Everything was so surreal and I just felt totally lost. After a week the genetic lab called me and said that it was good news. The inversion would mean absolutely nothing for my baby. Everything was fine, but they advised me to go for specialised scans to check for any birth defects from the medication. I had scans every 2 weeks for the rest of the pregnancy, it was horrible. My blood pressure was way to high and I was admitted to hospital twice because of it. I just could not believe that things would end well. I finally went into labour 6 weeks too early. When the baby came I closed my eyes and asked the midwife to take a good look at him and tell me if anything was horribly wrong. I was too afraid to look for myself. She said: he is beautiful! And she put him in my arms and he looked at me and I just broke down. I was so happy. An hour after birth he got really quiet and all of sudden a doctor from the NICU came running and said that because of my antidepressants the baby's blood sugar was too low and that he had to take him right away. My husband went with them and all I could do was lay there. I begged the midwife to let me get dressed a go to the NICU and she finally said yes. I walked along the long, dark halls of the hospital crying my eyes out. At the NICU 4 people were standing around my baby sticking needles in him and putting a tube in his nose for milk. They allowed me to stay the night in a chair. The next day he was better and I could take him out and hold him and feed him. The day after we were able to leave the NICU and 3 days later we went home, so happy. But after a couple of days it was clear to us that something was wrong. My son slept all the time and did not wake up for his feedings. We were sent back to the hospital and were there for a week until he fed better and put on weight. We finally had a break and I allowed myself to relax and enjoy him. When he was little under 3 months old he got very sick. I was sure that it was the genetic defect that made him sick. He would not eat, coughed and could not breathe. We were admitted to the hospital with what the called a RS virus (a respitory virus). He was so ill and barely ate anything. We were there for 10 days. When the day came for us to go home the doctor examined him and said that there was an abnormal sound on his heart and that we had to have it checked out. I was sure again that it had to be the genetic defect. We had his heart scanned be a specialist - nothing was wrong, it was just the virus that had that effect on the heart. In that period my best friend was also battling breast c****r (today she is fine) and we lost my father in law to c****r. After that every little thing about him scared me and I just could not give up the thought that something was wrong with him. But everything turned out to be fine and he grew into the most beautiful little boy. But for me it went downhill. I could not relax, had panic attacks and got a serious depression. They put me on new meds......did not help and then this health anxiety started. The psychologist I am now seing says that when everything was finally fine about the baby I had gotten so used to being on guard all the time, and be prepared for the worst, that I referred the fear to myself. It makes so much sense to me. Because that is exactly what I am feeling: that if I relax and believe that everything is fine, something terrible is going to happen. I just cannot get out of that mindset!! My mind is totally focused on c****r, although I have had so much blood work done, that my doctor says it is impossible!!! It is as if my mind is just totally locked on it and I just don't know how to rewire it, but I think that telling this story is a step in the right direction, and I am going to work very hard in cognitive therapy to get over this. I just have so much to live for, and I am terrified of being taken away from my children and my husband. I hope it is ok that I posted my story here! Lots of love, Camilla

2 months ago i started feeling kinda foggy and felt like my short term memory wasnt at its best. So i started scheduling docotors appts with both my GP and Nuerologist. During the weeks leading up to my nuero appt. I starting googling my symptoms and Oh Boy we all know what road that lead down. I had my Neuro appt and they ruled out brain tumor, MS, ALS and all my othee blood work came back fine. During this time however i developed this fine, throbbing, continuous twitch, tremor, spasms in my right arm and neck and head. I had a major break down for almost 2 weeks staright thinking i have PARKINSONS. I mean, what else could it be. So i went i Cymbalta and Klonopin and my panic attacks went away and started feeling better over the next 3 weeks. hOWEVER the throbbing, pulsing, twitching ,tremor, internal shaking or whatever it is . it is still there!! I am having such a hard time with my doctors telling me it is anxiety. Can my spasms, twitching, internal shaking,tremors in my forearms up in my arms be caused by anxiety? As a side note it has gotten a little better since ive been on medication, but not by a ton. Please please some one help me with feedback. Can anxiety symptoms last weeks, months after my very first panic attack. Also want to the shaking feels internal. Nobody can see it us i leave my arm resting for a few minutes

So its 3 days since I've did this I have well water instead of city water i know your not suppose to use either but did it not realizing the seriousness in it until after then I googled it and it has since them terrified me into thinking I'm going to die I went to the dr and asked but she didn't act or seem to worry about it or talk about it very long like it was just nothing but then I've read all this stuff online and they make it a huge deal I really don't want to die I'm 19 and I know the Naegleria fowleri forms when it's warm and I live in Tennessee and there's snow on the ground right now but still it makes me worry should I be worried I haven't heard of any cases in Tennessee but still I'm really worried and counting day by day and I convince myself I have it by constant worrying like if I think I have a headache I get a headache and just so on and so on should I be worried