BirdieS

This made me cry. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for the reply. You’re right, I am punishing myself and I don’t know how to stop. I am a runner. I went for a run because that usually helps, but lately nothing is helping. I really wonder if I’m a lost cause.

How are you holding up? Unfortunately I can’t tell the difference between anxiety and healthy anxiety 😞

I’m so sorry. No advice as I’ve been in a constant state of panic for over a week now, but following this thread as I’m curious as well.

I went to the ER last night. I developed a lump on my forearm and convinced myself it was a blood clot. A massive panic attack ensued. They gave me an ultrasound of my arm and my neck and my veins were clear. Well the panic never really went away, and now I’m having weird sensations in my legs. It feels like a burning in my veins and now I can’t breathe. I went for a run just to blow off some steam and now I feel like vomiting. I just don’t know how to feel better and I’m really really struggling. I can’t stop crying. My first appointment with my first therapist ever is on Wednesday but I’m really thinking I should check myself into a psych ward until then. Please help.

Thank you for the replies, Ironman & Marc. I’m working through a massive anxiety attack today, I *think* - shortness of breath, a dull pain in the left side of my chest behind my ribs when I breathe in and out, dizziness and leg cramps. I am trying to reassure myself that I am fine, but the pain when breathing is making it worse. The good news today is that the therapist I have been trying to see finally has an opening, and I’m hopeful that some therapy might be helpful.

I can relate to this 100%

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way and can completely relate. Every symptom you’ve mentioned I have experienced as a symptom of anxiety. Tingles, headaches, loss of sensation, and stiffness. It’s awful! I am on a low dose of Lexapro which also does little for my obsessive thoughts. My HA was present when I was a teen, after I discovered I had a severe allergy to aspirin and went into anaphylactic shock. I survived obviously, but it was so traumatizing that I could never really shake the fear. My anxiety went into remission for the most part and came back with a vengeance in 2020, I really believe that the pandemic is a contributing factor for its return. In April 2020, I began spotting in between periods, which is extremely unusual for me. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, worried that I had cervical cancer. The obgyn was closed due to Covid, so I couldn’t be seen. Turns out, I was pregnant with what what have been my fourth baby (I miscarried, most likely due to the enormous amount of stress I was putting my body through with all of the panic). In November 2020, I unexpectedly experienced a thunderclap headache. The pain started at the base of the back of my neck, shot up, and engulfed my entire head. It only lasted 45 seconds or so but it was terrifying. A virtual visit with my doc resulted in an appointment for a MRI of my neck and brain - scheduled for one week from that day. For seven days I cried, hyperventilated, had shooting pains throughout my entire body, numbness, palpitations, you name it. Every night I begged my husband to take me to the hospital because I just “knew” I was dying. I took bathroom breaks at work to hysterically cry in the bathroom. My kids were so worried and I felt like I was losing my mind. I had the MRI and everything came back normal. Symptoms subsided almost immediately. My doc thought that maybe I should have my eyes checked just to be sure the headache wasn’t vision related, so in mid-November I went to see an ophthalmologist. I was expecting to get glasses for vision. To my shock and horror, on that day I was diagnosed with a rare, degenerative and genetic eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. For weeks I cried and cried, and sincd then I’m at the point of no return. Every minor ache pain, bump, etc has me completely spiraling out of control. Worse is that the fear is now spreading onto my loved ones. Anything I would’ve written off as a minor bump or bruise in my children is now another call to the doctors office. I can’t read the news, or magazines, watch movies, or anything where death, illness or cause of death might be mentioned without it triggering me. Last night my husband said he was feeling a little anxious; I immediately burst into tears and started suggesting he might be having a heart attack. He is very kind and supportive, but I can’t forget the deeply concerned look on his face when he witnessed my reaction. I went to the ER a few weeks ago for what I thought was a heart attack. I mentioned that I was also concerned about blood clots. Well, it was a panic attack. They ran so many tests and I even had an ultrasound on my heart and left lung, all of which turned up completely normal. The physicians assistant even complimented me on how healthy I am. I’m in my 30’s, a vegetarian, exercise regularly, don’t smoke and have a glass of red wine every other night. It’s still not enough. The list of supplements that I’m taking keeps growing - Ginko Biloba (for breaking up blood clots), Garlic (blood clots), Coq-10 (heart health), turmeric/ginger (general health and also may help prevent early onset Alzheimer’s)...the list goes on. I honestly don’t know how to feel better, but reading these posts from others really really helps. Also, sorry for the long reply. This has been my HA experience and you are not alone.

Thank you for the replies! I’m still fearful because I’m getting weird aches and sensations in my legs, but I know the power of my anxiety and I know it could very well be the cause of what I’m feeling. I tend to have a couple really good weeks and then I fall into this frantic state again. I’m hoping to make it through this soon.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way - sometimes we need to vent to others who have HA and understand the struggle. Sometimes I wish I married a doctor so I’d have around the clock medical reassurance that I’m healthy (haha). Sending virtual hugs.

I know I’m being irrational but I can’t shake the fear. Anytime there’s a slight cramp, fatigue or discomfort in my legs I start spiraling. I had blood work done a few weeks ago (I went to the ER because I thought I was having a heart attack and it was just a panic attack) and the doctor told me that I’m very low risk for blood clots. I just want to be happy and feel normal.

I wasn’t sure if this would be helpful, but I wanted to leave it just in case. My knees click and it has happened my whole life, even in childhood. When I was in sports in high school, and even now when running, I always wear knee braces that I purchased on my own. I’ve never mentioned it to my doctor or given it a second thought (I have HA, but consistently my fears have been heart attacks, pulmonary hypertension or embolism, blood clots, or an undetectable form of cancer). Anyway, leaving this here because the consistent clicking has never materialized into any kind of diagnosis. I hope this gives you comfort.

Thanks for the replies!

Thanks everyone. It’s still there and I’m trying not to dwell on it.

I can’t sleep due to a leg cramp in my right leg. I hope to be alive by morning.