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Zazz last won the day on November 5

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  1. That's really rough, and I can understand where you're coming from. I guess that's why mine comes from the angle it does, which is generally not trusting my doctors to do their jobs effectively and suffering needlessly while they twiddle their thumbs. I have some great docs now, so you'd think I'd get over that... but my brain, I guess more than my body, remembers strongly the misdiagnosises that led to a lot of suffering as well as having practitioners that didn't listen to me and prescribed drugs that landed me in the ER (mostly that's psych meds but my brain apparently doesn't differentiate those things). Can you discuss these concerns with your doc? They probably have a lot more info from other patients and the likes that... while we could get some of that, I'm not sure going down the rabbit hole about it is ideal and might just fuel the anxiety.
  2. The only way to really move forward is have a doc look at it and tell you what they think, impo. I do worry sometimes that this is like... a seeking reassurance compulsion, but I think sitting around and obsessing is legitimately worse. Try to trust your doctor, and maybe in the meantime distract yourself. Something like Seb K they can probably DX with a look, and I'll bet you're right since you already have some. Wishing you the best.
  3. I NEED to learn to trust my doctors. I NEED to just leave well enough alone and be like a NORMAL person who isn't putting HLA-DQ7 into a Google search. I'm not a doctor, and OBVIOUSLY even if it IS something destructive and progressive I'M NEVER GONNA KNOW. It's almost enlightening that way. And IDK, have any of you ever figured out some self-talk for this? That's usually what I do about other obsessions with my OCD... find the right words to calm myself down and just... sit with it. And I need strategies, everybody. Cus I'm sick of my brain doing this. Any thoughts or advise on keeping my brain in line?
  4. I got Moderna which is the same technology as Pfizer (MRA) and I have absolutely no concerns about the vaccine honestly. My rheumatologist offered me a booster before they were even approved (idek if they've started roll-out for Moderna yet), so I likely got a full dose for my 3rd (my guess is they had an open vial and wanted to get it in arms before it expired). It wasn't any worse than the first two. I'd say the first was the worst, but some of that may be that I picked up some tricks along the way. I had a fair amount of swelling with each shot and icing it the day of and day after helped A LOT with that, along with doing circles with my arms to get the blood flowing. The only other side effect I had was nausea - I chalked that up to nerves because it was worst with the first shot, but I guess that's a known side-effect these days. All-in-all though... getting COVID would likely be worse than anything the vaccines can dish out, so I feel pretty confident at this point that the booster was the right choice and that I'm likely pretty protected now.
  5. Zazz

    Ignore this 🙃

    I hope so. I honestly have no idea. Thank you for your concern though.
  6. I'm having second thoughts. Ignore me.
  7. That is accurate though. They call it a woods lamp in literature, took it's own rabbit hole to figure out that's just a black light. 😅
  8. I got it removed today! Doc said it's probably something like an angioma or a pyogenic granuloma - gave me options of watch and wait or removal. I of course "I'd love to get rid of it" Showed him the recent flare of my foot and he suggested antifungals as I might have an infection over the top of my psoriasis. I neglected to mention I've pointed a black light at it and it glows red (points to bacterial, not fungal) but that's kinda whatever I guess. I'll try the antifungals... for the thousandth time of course, but tempted to just bathe tf out of the area with something like hydrogen peroxide or I guess ozonated olive oil has had a good tract record thus far with skin infections. EITHER WAY, now I wait on the biopsy which will probably show blood and blood vessels. I feel a bit embarrassed to go in about something like that but I'm glad he was willing to take the damn thing off. I feel like I was getting kinda dysphoric about it. Had considered a wide variety of ways to get rid of it. Provided it's just blood vessels, he said they usually don't come back. That is a load off! I don't want to have to think about the damn thing ever again. Dude was straight up with me which I appreciated, universe knows I already knew there's a corresponding cancer but I'm pretty sure after a year if I had something like a sarcoma that would have become a much bigger problem. So... that's my excitement for the day!
  9. Right?! It doesn't look right! And I've seen probably three different types of vessels in there (linear, looped, and branched... maybe dots? but not really sure if that's just spots of blood more than a capillary), a few so clear and dark that they're impossible to mistake - obviously close to the surface where they shouldn't be, and changing like they shouldn't be. It seems chaotic to me. I think ugly duckling and it's ugly... not in a usual spot for a bleed, doesn't fully heal like my other bleeds, and bleeds faster. I can't rule out my body just being weird cus my body is weird but this is another level of weird!
  10. You're right. Sorry I got defensive. I'll try to fight the urge. It's not like it's going to disappear when it's like 3mm and actively bleeding. How ridiculous is it that that's my concern? Yet I want it gone. 🤦‍♂️ The amounts of times a symptom reoccurred and even got worse but disappeared by the time I got in to see a doctor is infuriating. I guess that's why I started taking photos and... Idk I guess at this point I keep kinda a record of weird shit in my head and in photos.
  11. Carbonation can upset some people's stomachs (soda in the morning worsens my nausea personally) and can cause bloating and gas. Artificial sweeteners kinda make them more fizzy which can make one more gassy. Two 2 liters is over 1 gallon which is a pretty large amount of liquid and would be likely to upset your stomach if drank quickly even if it were water and probably shouldn't be drank in a sitting (used to have a teacher in highschool who was an asshole and would get kids to drink an entire gallon of milk in a couple minutes... it's too much volume for most people's stomachs... so often the kids would promptly vomit). Artificial sweeteners aren't great but it shouldn't make you permanently or seriously ill. If you're concerned about the health implications of artificial sweeteners, even in the case of expired diet soda, I'm fairly certain they're reversible through abstinence... though I don't think this is what's going on here at all.
  12. You're not wrong, truthfully. Damn my endless curiosity. 🤦‍♂️
  13. I think you know the answer to that question. I can tell you a practitioner needs to look at it, which is obviously what I'm going to do. Believe it or not, there's been plenty of studies suggesting people learn at least how to perform these as kinda a preliminary to contacting a doctor, and furthermore studies where patients have conducted dermoscopy themselves and sent the photos to doctors for diagnosis. Even a practitioner can't tell 100% what it is by dermoscopy - though the confidence is about 97% with most things that dermoscopy will tell you what it is. It's not difficult, really, and it's not even remotely ridiculous for a patient to do one themselves. I've done a capillarscopy before, which is more difficult (looking as capillaries in the cuticle and nails) and brought the photos to my rheumatologist, who seemed actually impressed. I did not, and do not just walk in there "this is what this is" but "what's up with this". They give clues, really. Biopsy is generally more definitive, provided it's done. I literally asked my rheum about it and he told me to take a picture and send it. I know I look like a nutcase, sure... but it's really not that far fetched and they make devises with the polarized light specifically for patients to do this kind of thing to assist their practitioners, I just don't feel like dropping $200 when my microscope works fine and is also useful for looking at bugs and plants (sincerely, I do use it for other things, and those other things are how I justified it tbh). Sorry I feel the need to ramble after sitting on this for three months and waiting the last month for the referral. 🤷‍♂️ Actually, scratch that... I'm not actually sorry. I put a trigger warning on the post for a reason, you were not obligated to read it.
  14. It's where you apply an oil to the skin and look at it under a microscope. It's an old technique from before they had fancy (polarized) light to get a better look at features of a skin lesion, specifically veins and the likes. It basically makes scales and the likes less visible but makes red structures more visible. The first photo is wet (with petroleum jelly), the second is dry.
  15. Hey folks... it's me with the same thing. Cus I just poked and drained and ignored the thing and it came back a third time and now it's just weird. Trigger warning for skin cancer and photos and general ranting/rambling. I have an appointment in three weeks to see the dermatologist. I'm pretty sure if they're willing to wait that long it's not a big deal. The spot did this weird thing. While waiting for the referral to go through it regressed? From black to red. I thought maybe I accidentally scratched it and it was allowed to drain, but there's no sign of that. I thought maybe it's going away but it turned black again. It's bleeding quickly I guess cus it looked like a scattered bits of blood under the skin when I looked at it under magnification till last night when I noticed it's changed color again. I was able to get a good look, actually, before it filled up again. I'm almost relieved it's still there, I'm irritated that it keeps turning black (which I'm certain is deoxygenated blood) and I have no idea what to expect out of it. I'm milling over showing the derm the wet scope photo because I doubt he'll get a good look otherwise... but also: it looks bad. Unless it's a spider angioma it's not an angioma. I'm telling myself it's got to be some rare as fuck benign tumor that I'm just having a hard time finding a dermoscopy of. I went through a progression: Maybe it's just a BCC. They'll take it out easy peasy, no prob. Symptoms mostly fit - crusting/scabbing. But it doesn't really look like that. On the wet scope it has this white center like scar tissue. Maybe it's a SCC, that would fit along with the ache which is more common. No prob, still slow moving... my brain worries about infiltration. But it doesn't really look like they. It looks like the really bad one to me. There's milky red areas, white structures, streaming, and a variety of different vessels from what I can see that suggest the bad one. No matter what I'm looking at, it's not common. I tell myself "there must be some kind of logical explanation for this"... but what if the logical explanation is *the thing*? I want to talk to my therapist about this but I overslept and missed the appointment. I don't even know how I feel actually? I don't know what I want it to be. I don't know what I think. It's just... this thing. My brain says "whatever it is, this isn't normal". Do bleeds just regress for a couple days then start bleeding again overnight? It seemed to be healing... shouldn't it have healed? Has it been doing exactly this the whole time for the last year? If it is the thing, could it have spread? I just started a new job two months ago. I worry about the downtime, an extensive surgery, having to quit my biologic that I'm getting good results from. Just because for everything I can tell it's bad doesn't really mean it is? I have to be patient but I want a name. And it's my fault I don't have one. UGH! I don't even know what to think. I'm tired and I don't even want to waste an hour of my life to get a shrug. My rheumatologist says it's so small he doubts it needs a biopsy... but am I going to be satisfied if this thing isn't forcibly removed from my body? It only aches when I notice it... for the most part? So I must be overthinking it. It couldn't be melanoma. Amelanic melanoma is exceedingly rare? But I can't even find reference to a angioma bleeding, regressing, and bleeding again... and that's the only other possibility that's fit at any time in it's existence and if I hadn't scoped it during the regression I wouldn't have any idea that it doesn't really look like one. *Bangs head against wall*