Zazz

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Zazz last won the day on January 29

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  1. I think I might have found a fix... which is hydrogen peroxide to break up the junk. First pass got some hearing back!
  2. So... I'm not here to give reassurance. Honestly, reassurance seeking is a compulsion that will worsen the anxiety over time (it's kinda like addiction, you're looking for relief and over time you'll need more... or hit a meltdown if you don't get it). I will tell you what I know though... and it may not be totally reassuring. I have Psoriatic Arthritis and have bilateral (motor) neuropathy in my arms (with a dash of sensory neuropathy symptoms - and a dash of symptoms in my legs --- only the motor neuropathy showed on tests and only the arms). Inflammatory causes for bilateral neuropathy (which it sounds like you're describing - though all your symptoms could also be anxiety) run the gamut and the most common is the zillion forms of inflammatory arthritis. Tingling is much more common in compression neuropathy (which can be over use) - and your symptoms don't follow an inflammatory pattern (which they should even in MS), so it's much more likely that you've overworked your legs a bit recently. Realistically, if the doctor isn't concerned it's MS it's likely it's not MS. Not saying you'll find something delightful but there's so many other things that are far more common and likely. My sister-in-law has MS and her first symptom was unilateral numbness and virtigo (and let me also state that MS isn't always what we think of... sometimes it progresses slower than that - as it has with my sister-in-law). It's good you're getting it looked at though and I hope the tests are negative across the board. Hang in there... and maybe try to keep your legs straight as much as possible (if it's swelling this can help reduce the pressure on the nerves which can help the neuropathy chill out). Wishing you the best.
  3. I do have allergies but I haven't been really dealing with any allergy symptoms (though I am allergic to my cat). If it's an infection... it's very mild. The ache isn't much. I am hyperaware of my body though so... yeah. This ear has actually been bothering me on and off for probably five years. I occasionally get a pretty fierce burning pain in it from time to time that I'm fairly certain is my arthritis acting up (especially since issues with it often show up early in the morning or late at night before bed). I would guess this why the swelling is so mild as well (like most of it's inside I guess? But the trigus is a little swollen from what I can tell). That's just based off my knowledge... I would guess a mixture of inflammation and ear gunk... there isn't any puss or odd coloring. *Shrugs* I guess I'll give it into next week since it doesn't hurt that much and then send my PCP a message (I'd wait longer and depending on how much my anxiety wants to be a dick I might... but this is actually really annoying me?). My brain has of course gone worst case scenario already. Since I haven't Googled it, all it's got is "you could permanently lose hearing in that ear" And I'm luckily not really that freaked out about that (though do not want cus... I'm already paranoid I won't hear something I need to be able to hear (and that's with normal hearing)).
  4. You're totally right. I keep telling my therapist "I need some strategies to deal with this" but I'm not really getting any? She suggested that my husband and I start having date nights (which I would very much like) but we never do... *Shrugs* I keep considering asking my doctor for more Klonopin but I haven't wanted to take any since I got in a car accident that day I took one (which is silly because they're not connected... I took it early in the morning and I got in the accident that evening... after it wore off... because I was distracted.... because I was anxious). Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it. I know that was a lot to read.
  5. Honestly, it's mostly up to you. If you're in the US, most psychiatrists basically are there for prescribing meds... so if you don't need/want meds you might skip that one (I think it's different in other countries, at least where I live psychiatrists don't do much in the way of talk therapy). I would probably also skip "counselors" if they're not also considered a therapist or psychologist... but that's... kinda variable too? Some "counselors" aren't actually psychologists (example: school counselor) and are more there for support than actual psychotherapy. Both psychologists and therapists should be trained and licenced psychotherapists that do talk therapy. From there I think usually the difference is that "therapists" focus mostly on talk therapy, where as psychologists might have additional training in specific forms of therapy (like DBT, CBT, EMDR, ect) that can be an additional help to you in figuring out strategies for coping and recovery. I personally see a therapist. My sister poo-poos this because she thinks I need more than talk therapy (and honestly... she is correct) and my therapist has actually suggested I see a psychologist that does EMDR for my PTSD. But honestly... I mostly need someone to talk to. That said: there are lots of times that I wish she were more knowledgeable in therapy techniques because... truly... I could use some CBT or DBT or some kind of focused therapy that's less about getting me talking and more about helping me fight this shit. The reason I don't switch is because it takes me a long time to warm up to practitioners so switching is very difficult for me. I've been seeing this therapist for idk 8 years or something and I actually really like her... and I've had some really really bad psychs in the past so... yeah (I have also had some great ones too... don't get me wrong).
  6. A nodule on an x-ray could be just about anything - like a callus from an old fracture (which can be small enough to not show on an x-ray (personal experience), bone/cartalidge overgrowth, or even a pretty wide variety of benign tumors. Only the doc can really tell you what it is. I'd go Google for you but I'm not in a place for random research and I'll probably end up going down a hole of my own symptoms. If the doctor doesn't seem worried, it's probably nothing to worry about. Things are more commonly scary in our minds than they are something bad in real life. I know waiting is torture. Maybe try to find something to distract yourself with if you can. I hope you get the answers soon so you don't have to worry about it too long. Wishing you the best. Hang in there.
  7. I'm gonna fight my anxiety on this one that says I shouldn't post twice in a day but this is basically the very reason I'm posting again... because I am not handling this well. So... Idek how to explain this and I'm just going to apologize if I ramble. So... I guess my anxieties have become buddies and they're all just torturing me together right now and have been for awhile now. And I'm just falling into this hole repeatedly and I don't know how to get out. I am extremely lonely. I have my husband, my son, my family? I talk to my mother, father, and sister occasionally. I get a text from one friend maybe every few months (bless her heart). I guess I ran off the last two friends that I actually saw on any regular basis. I was babysitting for them and I guess a year of seeing me five days a week is kinda a limit. I guess it would be for anyone cus I'm annoying as fuck. My mom has stopped answering my texts about 75% of the time. My husband never spends any time with me. But here's where the problem is. I can't believe that I have merit... that I'm worthy. And this is what I see in my life... I try to connect with people... but I'm obsessive and I guess I do things 300%... which is great when I'm doing something for someone... but not great when I'm... just being me? The problem is... I am extremely sensitive... like ridiculously sensitive (and I am painfully aware of how ridiculous it is but... I just can't stop it?)... and I feel rejected very easily and it just always falls down to "I'm a worthless piece of shit and if I ever want anyone to love me or want to be around me... I can't be me"... and it's suffocating? I try so so damn hard but it really honestly takes so much energy for me to do it to try to fit myself into a box that others might like... and I resent them for it and I know that's dumb so I just end up hating myself instead. I want to get out of this hole but it just feels like the proof is everywhere. I feel deserted... and that actually makes me want to isolate more... and like... I'm never going to learn to deal with people like this? I'm scared my therapist is going to hate me and basically abandon me and that's ridiculous! I'm afraid to post on the internet on my personal blog for fear that I'll annoy people... like they'll read my post and just go "wtf is wrong with you, you're pathetic and whiney" because I am... even my therapist has told me I'm a victim (not in the "you were victimized" way but in the "you're a big baby" kind of way). I mean... it's all true, isn't it? I've been crying and panicking about this for like nine months now. Am I doing anything about it? No... not really... just trying to distract myself and then get a quiet moment and go right back to being a nut. I just... I catastrophize a lot and I'm stuck in a fear lately that everyone's going to come to hate me and I'm going to be alone... and my brain totally doesn't stop there... it goes right to being on the streets with nothing... which is incredibly insane considering I know my parents and sister wouldn't let that happen... to the detriment of themselves. And I guess that comes to the other part of the anxiety... which is the burden I place on others by being so damn screwed up in the head (I'd add physically but it feels like no one actually considers that to be an issue so whatever). I wouldn't even care that I keep falling into this one but... I'm not functional like this. I haven't brushed my teeth in probably a month and my stomach is so mad I'm making up my calories with chocolate to soothe my metaphorically bruised heart. I can't keep up on chores or anything I'm supposed to be doing to function like I should. I'm barely keeping up just enough so that we don't run out of dishes... like just barely skating by. But I don't know what to do or how to combat it cus... it's anxiety and it's not logical and I have OCD so if someone tries to tell me it's just the anxiety talking (which I very much know... even when I'm having a full blown meltdown) or tries to reassure me... it just sends me deeper. How do you fight something that uses your own tactics and turns them into anxiety fuel? Jfc... I don't know what to do. I have no idea what to do. I'm just sitting here terrified trying to hide that I'm scared cus I don't want anyone to know because they'll make it worse either by knowing (and thus guilt) or by trying to make me feel better (and thus shame). It's insane! And I can't handle it. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of trying to push back against it and make some progress towards functioning only to be set back and literally lose all my progresses because someone did exactly the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time and my brain ran with it and used it to set fire to my pathetic excuse for self-respect. 😟
  8. Yes, and I think it's quite common too. I'm pretty sure Health Anxiety falls under the category of OCD and most people with OCD have another anxiety disorder before developing full-blown OCD. I have been diagnosed with: general anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, panic disorder (+agoraphobia), and OCD (of which I've had way too many obsessions to count). I have been an anxious person since I was a kid (idk maybe that's cus trauma) and dealt with crushing paranoia from probably age 6 on (diagnosed with ADHD around that time and diagnosed with depression about two years later - my first obsession was that everyone wanted me dead for doing something bad (can't remember why but my therapist and I theorize that it was connected to CSA)).
  9. The most common cause of easy or unexplained bruising is anemia actually, I think generally iron deficiency anemia to be exact (which also causes fatigue). Maybe you should have your iron checked (maybe B12 too). I feel you though. I get really incredible bruising because of my Psoriatic Arthritis (which also makes me anemic, go figure)... and it can be distressing. I got a cranberry sized hematoma on my arm once and tbh thought the exact same thing because it was there for idek... like a month and the bruise was about the size of a plum. Bodies are weird... and I really wish they weren't. 😓
  10. Hey everyone. So... maybe weird question? How does one even know that something is worth going to the doctor about? Is it duration, intensity, symptom based (like how can I even trust my symptoms anyways)? Per usual I'm stuck in a stupid loop of "I should ask a doctor about this but I'll probably embarrass myself and I've been in so many times lately and I'm wasting their time and I should just wait for it to blow over". What's going on right now is that I haven't been able to hear out of my right ear for about four days (+tinittus (ringing and pulsate), mild achiness, warmth, mild swelling). I know it's probably not long enough to go in... and swear to God if I do it'll go away a couple days after I go in there while I'm waiting for a damn referral to the ENT. I really want my body to stop doing weird things. I've had it. I'm starting to get actually a bit pissed off because I'm tired of this anxiety loop... and I'd get out of it if my immune system would stop being a douche! On the bright side... I haven't Googled potential causes... so... that's an improvement?
  11. I have had a mole return when removed via shave biopsy. They likely missed it's base - it is actually quite common. It's probably worth bringing up to them since they thought they got it all and it was atypical. Best wishes!
  12. Thank you so much for being so kind. I'll let you know as soon as I know. Nothing so far, I'll call tomorrow and see what they say. Fingers crossed it's sooner rather than later --------- Update (added as edit to not bump the thread unless someone wants to talk to me?): Derm still wants me to come in. I sent a message over the patient portal. I messed with it a little and injured it (which was way easier than I expected but clearly the skin had stretched so much that it was fragile) and it bled and deflated. That's gotta be a hemangioma... as they can very much do that... pretty sure melanoma doesn't. Sorry for everything.
  13. Thanks for kinda going through this with me. I probably shouldn't have roped you all into it too.
  14. It isn't your fault, so there's no need to apologize. And I would like that as well. I'm exhausted.
  15. I have to have my PCP refer me for my insurance to cover it since I've already seen the derm in the last 12 months.