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About CircusFreak

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  1. PROUD MOMENT. I'm signed off work because of anxiety. I was out clothes browsing on my own (a good day already in my book, living with social anxiety). i was browsing the menswear section as I wanted to get a present for my boyfriend who was meeting me later. I noticed a man singing along to the song which was playing. On any other day I would have already removed myself from this situation for fear he may engage in conversation or suchlike, with him seeming like an outgoing happy person. This day I didn't, I continued to browse. After about 5 minutes he spoke to me... We chatted about the weather, he picked up on my accent and spoke about that. He had family from a similar part of the county. We chatted for around 7 minutes or so... I felt some anxiety coming on, so I ended the conversation, wished him a good day and moved to another section of the shop. A very small thing for many people, but such a massive step for many others. I told my boyfriend all about it later with a smile on my face.
  2. Hi all, I don't know how to quote just one part of a post (still learning the site) 'I've been constantly misunderstood due to my anxiety and the way I shut myself off from people. People tend to think I'm stuck up or rude as you say, if I distance myself from them. And when I do make an effort to reach out to people I often stumble all over my words and embarrass myself.' quoted from 'ashes'. YES! I can totally relate to this. And your initial post, cmay520! My workplace when I started consisted of a very small number of people, and over the last 2 years has expanded at an extremely rapid rate. I have not coped well with all the change and new people around.. A new face every other day. This year our department alone have employed 3 new people. The end of last year we employed 2 others, who I was just getting used to!! I joke with my friends that I have 'resting b1tch face'. But it's not a joke when other co workers are misunderstanding my shyness, anxiety for rudeness. A number of people, once I've got to know them and become friends have said ' I thought you hated me because you never spoke to me and gave me dirty looks' The worst part of this is sometimes I find it easy and less hassle to let people think I don't like them.. At least this way I don't have to explain myself, and also, at least if I chose not to like someone, at least that is MY CHOICE. not my brain telling me what to do. you are not alone, this is a very common thing for me.
  3. Hi all, I'd really appreciate any advice on the following... I've suffered with anxiety (mainly social) on and off for as long as I can remember. I've seeked different Drs help numerous occasions but hadn't ever found a Dr I was comfortable with or who I felt actually understood me - most of them just made me feel stupid, so I just struggled on. February just gone I felt my anxiety getting very bad, so I tried a new Drs surgery and the man was amazing! He gave me paroxetine tablets and a number to call for therapy. I am on a waiting list to see a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner. I gave it two weeks, still going in to work but I was getting worse. Beginning of March I was signed off for 2 weeks and he increased my dose. I returned to my Dr and was signed off for another 2 weeks... I have 4 days left on this sick note. It will have been a month by next Tuesday. Meanwhile, I contacted my work and suggested I go in for a catch up meeting to discuss 'options'. Just to see what there point of view is, to explain to them where I am, what I'm currently going through, maybe even to talk about setting me up to work from home. And to see what impact my absence is having... We have set a time for tomorrow (Friday). However, I asked if my boyfriend could sit in the meeting (who I live with and who has helped me no end through all of this). My team leader said 'HR feel it would not be appropriate as he is not an employee'. She then went on to say that 'it is just an informal catch up, there are no actions coming from this other than to see how you are doing, it is not a return to work meeting.' Surely if I proposed the meeting in the first place then it should be on my own terms? I would feel more comfortable with my boyfriend there for support and to help me if (or when) my words escape me... And if it's an informal chat then I don't see what the harm is? What's to stop me calling the meeting off and just contacting them after my next Drs appointment with an update? My team leader has been very understanding with all of this, and she is also quite a good friend of mine. I don't know if this makes my situation better or worse to be honest. I don't feel ready to return to work, at least until I have had my first therapy session... Or maybe even if I have been given an appointment date. I am currently feeling like I should request another note to cover a month. I was told today that it will be at least another 4 weeks until I see a therapist. I also want to suggest changing the reason on sick note from 'anxiety' to 'anxiety and depression'. Has anyone else had a similar experience, or can anybody advise on any of the points I've mentioned? Any help would be a huuuuuge help as at the moment I just feel confused and don't see what's for the best. PLEASE HELP
  4. Hi all, My name is EJ and I have suffered with 'anxiety' for as long as I can remember. Some days are better than others!! When younger, it's not such an issue.. 'Oh, she's just shy.' 'She'll come out of her shell'. But when you're a fully grown adult making your own way in the world... There are certain expectations. Things we MUST do, and everyday has become a constant worry... What obstacles will I come across today, and what if I can't get through it.. What if a co worker asks me a question and I don't know how to respond..? My face will go bright red and start burning. The burning sensation will spread through my whole body until I start to sweat and my heart will race. I'll attempt to speak but my throat will be so dry and as if blocked. No words will come out and I'll just be left standing there. Just standing. Embarrassed. Dont get me wrong, I have friends. Although I'm surprised some of these still bother with me, the amount if times we make plans before I pull out at the last minute. Panic. Worry. Weirdness. Most of my acquaintances feel as if I dislike them (or at least this is the impression I get) Simply because I avoid them at all costs... And the worst part is, I'm not entirely sure why!?? Why am I this way!? I am taking medication, awaiting counselling and have been signed off work. In the meantime I hope to figure out some kind of road to recovery. By recovery, I actually mean a way to cope.. I don't feel I can ever be 'cured'. So anyway, all this has got me thinking.. Surely if this thing has been given a name.. 'Anxiety' then there must be others out there who are just as messed up as me. So I figured, why not give the forums and chat rooms a bash and see what they have to offer. I hope to gain a better understanding of why I am the way I am.. And maybe even how to accept and overcome this, rather than just hiding away. I'm open to chatting so feel free to pop me a reply, private message, or whatever we do on here. I hope to make use of the chat rooms too. EJ