Anxiety "flare up"?

[James417 4]

Hello all again its been quite a while. Been busy with lots of things and trying to get myself back on track with depression and anxiety standing right in my way. For the last few months I've been doing really good actually with lots of progress and interacting more socially and having a higher self esteem. But I have had my problems. I have a habit (which I have read comes with autism) where I persevere on thoughts. I loop thoughts and ideas in my head repeatedly. Sometimes for a few minutes sometimes for months on and off. I'll hear or see something and then can't get my mind off of it. A great example was today. The last few days have been alright except the extra stress of a few things. One being my car needed some work and I have been working my butt off getting that done sense Friday and two my phsycologist doctor completely dropped me from my 20mg citalopram and I have been getting the typical tingling shooting pins and needles sensations and other side effects that accompanies withdrawal. I think dropping from 20mg a day to nothing made this alot worse then usual. Also my anxiety and depression have definitely been worse sense Thursday when I stopped taking the med. Well between having a bad nights sleep last night working on and stressing over my car and dealing with paint fumes i stupidly breathed in that definitely did not help matters with the anti depressant citalapram being dropped I felt like crap. On top of all this I still have my bad looping of thoughts with my health and derealization and thinking something's medically wrong with my heart of something and looping that. Anyways A few a hours ago I was watching YouTube. Felt OK for the moment. Then I found some videos on depression and anxiety and other people coping with it. Then out of nowhere seeing these comments about how you have to fight and get through and how bad it can be my anxiety flared up thinking about it. That then became a viscous cycle for the last few hours between depression related thoughts and ideas and then my anxiety flaring thinking about them just kept escalating the situation. Eventually I saw a comment that was about a friend of theirs that committed s*****e. I hate that word because the moment I read that comment something broke me down. I started thinking about what if I get in the same situation. Am I loosing control? Will I do the same thing? Then the panic attacks and derealization got really bad and (I am mad at myself for letting this even cross my mind) I think what if its the only way to make this stop? What if I give up? Maybe I should. The even scarier part was I started to picture myself doing it in my mind. One thing though is my mind runs almost uncontrollably sometimes and these horrible thoughts I want to block out just come though uncontrollably. I think I have ADHD and or ADD which makes of worse. These thoughts drove me into a full panic state of mind because I do not want that. I love life and know I can live it happily without having to do such a horrible thing. Its just when I let a thought break through that mental barrier I can't help but let it get to me and loop it in my head over and over. And as I loop it I get worse and worse anxiety like a horrible cycle one feeds on the other. I am a very sensitive person. I have a lot of trouble processing things like this. Now for the next several days I'll be feeling better and ready to enjoy life then I'll have the looped depression driven thought from this experience come racing around again and flare this up. I also have a hypersensitivity to my feelings and thoughts and surroundings. When I was younger I could not stand anything loud. And i had crazy bad sensory issues with shirts which i still have. This hypersensitivity has turned into an extreme sensitivity to changes in my body chemistry. Which is why I can not get high without panic attacks. I feel even the smallest bit of anything. The other day I walked up on my freind who smokes weed and inhaled a tiny bit of a cloud of smoke he exhaled. A bit later I started to actually feel high. Whether it was because I actually had such a hypersensitivity I was a tiny bit high or my anxiety made me think that it almost caused panic attacks. I had to leave him and go home. Gonna get ahold of my phsycologist doctor tommorow and see what she recommends. Anyways I hope this want too long but i guess I'm doing OK now just tired and ready to head to bed but it felt really good to get that off of my mind. I have been an emotional wreck lately and lots of thoughts on top of the looping thing just really get to me. Anyways thanks for reading my massive novel of a post and hope all is well with everyone. BTW could this be related to the rapid withdrawal of the anti depressant citalopram hydrobormide I have been on for 3+ years?

 

Edited October 13, 2015 by James417

[rainbow 333]

Hi James, 

sorry to hear your going through a rough time.. anxiety can do that to us eh... i too am very sensitive. if i read something bad in the newspaper or on Facebook. i get all upset, and really take it to heart.. i worry about things that are out of my control... the fact that you said you LOVE LIFE... i don't think you will take the route of ending your life... as for your thoughts... its just your anxiety feeding them. i too get repetitve thoughts, and its frustrating to get them out of my head at times and causes me more distress. but than from talking to people here on this site... you just have to accept that it is just ANXIETY and nothing more... your not going get  ill, your not going to die.. ..for me DISTRACTION has been the key, or finding something i enjoy doing..also i try to challenge my thoughts too... am i really having a heart attack? am i really going to puke? nope its just the anxiety feeding those thoughts... .. and if your anxiety gets really bad...than come on here like you did. and vent it out !!! there are people here who are more knowledgable than me and can help you out. 

Good luck you will get through... this... as  the saying...goes one day at a time right. 

Take care 

 

[walkingwithGod 169]

You could be experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the medication. I am surprised that your doctor didn't want to taper you down for you to come off of it, especially if you have been taking it that long. I would talk to your doc and see what they say.. they may subside in a few days. 

If posting your feelings and thoughts on here helped you, then I would recommend journaling. Writing things down and getting them out does help. 

Hang in there... it may be a bit of a set back but it will pass. 

Also, I would recommend not watching or googling or anything negative if you tend to hang onto things that you read or hear. Just surround your self with positive things. 

 

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi James. You bet your life that if you feel down then something will come along to make you feel worse. Dr. Weekes tells of a patient that was recovering from anxiety who went to the seaside for a holiday. She was walking along the promenade, reasonably happy, when a group of mentally disturbed people came along from the local hospital.   That was about all she needed. It took her an hour to recover and she thought about going home, but she accepted and overcame the feeling. Anxiety throws so much at us that sometimes it's difficult to bear, but we always come through, as you will. When anxious we are so sensitive. Any little thing that we would have shrugged off before our illness gets to us. It's so confusing and bewildering. We question; 'what has triggered it? what did I do to start it? It's not a good idea to keep looking for causes; rather deal with the present and accept for the moment how we feel.         Jon.

[James417 4]

Thank you very much. That was really nice to read. I am definitely gonna try and stay away from sensitive material like that from now on. Just gonna try to look at positive things. I know the ending my own life thing isn't something in will act on but its definitely a scary anxiety inducing thought. I will get ahold of my doctor today and let her know what's going on.  Also Johnathan that was a great example you shared. Sound much like my mindset when I am very anxious. But like you said the key to overcoming this is acceptance and I am gonna try my best to accept my feelings and perception instead of fight them asking what's wrong or what did I do wrong to cause this?. So again thank you for replays that was very nice to read. I am going to definitely take up journaling. Another thing I have been doing lately is working on my projects to get my mind on a different track. It does helps a lot to have a distraction like that.