How did your Health Anxiety start?

[Gilly 1086]

How did your health anxiety start?

I have often wondered how my health anxiety started. I have had Crohns Disease since I was 12 years old. I was always sick, had numerous surgeries including 3 major ops. I know my anxiety took on a new level in 2009 when my mum suffered a stroke. I've had a few traumatic events in my life, including finding my nanna dead but I think I can now look back with clarity and see where the health anxiety aspect was majorly triggered.

Through my illness I never once had anxiety over being sick, never once felt depressed or scared something bad could happen. I always just got on with it and was confident I would get better. But looking back now, I know for sure that all changed in 2002.

In 2002 after my Crohns had been in remission for 5 years it came back with a vengeance. Prior to having my colon removed (I have an ileostomy) in 1997 I was constantly sick, I had a brief period of remission in 1987 but it was brief. But after 5 years of feeling great, healthy, it was back again. I was very sick for months, I developed a fistula on my stomach. I won't go into details but it was gross, very painful and debilitating. I was housebound, on constant antibiotics, steroids and codiene and it was just horrendous.

I had more surgey to repair the fistula and remove the diseased bowel later in the year. the hospital stay was horrific, by then I'd developed a fear of vomiting and refused to eat anything whilst I was in the hospital (or hid it so they thought I'd eaten) I remember pleading with my husband not to leave me there, crying as he left because he had to. I now know this is where the HA began, or was triggered.

Afterwards I slowly started to worry about getting sick again, at first it was the Crohns, then it was anything. I just don't want to, I cannot go back there again.

Do you know how yours started? If it was triggered by something? I think if you can figure that out you have a better chance of dealing with it.

Gilly

[xfilme 2]

Youve probably heard my story before, but ill tell it for the benefit of those who havent.

My mum died of c***** in June 2008. In November 2008 we went away to scotland to scatter her ashes. I was feeling fragile. As I came home and put my keys in the door, I saw a letter. I opened it. My smear test results showed an abnormality. I didnt understand what it was about as the docturs never really told me much. From the Cervical c***** Booklet etc that theyd put in with the letter, I presumed it meant I had c*****, or was likely to develop it shortly. I lost the plot.

I freaked out day and night. I got some reassurance from the doctors but the panic had already set in. Over a period of 6 weeks, of no sleep and checkin my body in case I saw disease, I reached a point where I had drained my iron stores with my high anxiety levels. The whites of my eyes began turning blue, my hair started turning white in places and thinning out, I was getting aches and pains everywhere. I was so dizzy all the time and I started coming down with chest infections, sinus infections, then I went on to get an inner ear infections, and a UTI. I felt awful. I convinced myself because of the iron deficiency I had (which at that point I was unaware of) that I was suffering the same fate as my mum. I thought I had c*****, or kidney failure, AIDS.... and so on.

I got to a point where it had been so long without respite that I had to try and regain control. I had been seeing a doctor twice a week panicking, or going to walk-in centres, or calling NHS Direct on the other days. So, enough was enough. I had a whole bunch of tests done. Full Blood Count. Thyroid, B12, Kidney, Diabetes, CHlamidia, STD's, HIV..... I tested for everything I could. Everything came back fine. I developed Ectopic beats and had to have ECG's. Everything still fine.

Eventually, after the first year, I managed to get CBT. I attended and finished the course. It helped me a lot. Thanks to CBT I can control my panic now.... but that does not mean I no longer panic... oh no. I panic a lot.... I just stop it from going off the scale, because I know that will make me even worse, like it did before with the Iron Deficiency.

It is now four years since it all started. In that time I have seen doctors for concerns regarding my heart, lung c*****, throat c*****, ear infections (i had labyrinthitis), sinus problems, allergies, jaundice, skin c*****, kidney failure, breast c***** (had to see a specialist and have an ultrasound to reassure me), oral c*****, thyroid, acid reflux, bladder infections, bowel issues, loss of sense of smell, lumps in my abdomen, swollen joints, sleeping difficulties.... you name it, Ive feared Ive had it.

My health anxiety has always been termed a 'Bereavement Issue' from losing my mum... but I am no longer sensitive to the fact I lost my mum, so why cant I get closure with the health anxiety?

Ive had four years now of sleeping usually, no more than 2 hours a night. Having mid-night panic attacks on a frequent basis... and now I have digestive issues. As much as I try, my health anxiety refuses to leave. It shouldnt have happened like it did. I wish Id coped better... maybe I wouldnt be like this now. Im trying to get more CBT but Ive done two self referrals now.... and heard nothing.

Life is still getting progressively harder.... and I dont know how to change it.

[Twinks* 16]

Mine started after my brother died of a brain tumor....

[Texy 13]

I am not 100% sure but I think mine started 2 summers ago. I wanted to try a new birth control so I talked to my Dr and he prescribed what I wanted to try. Well I get home, and of course start it right away. Then I started googling....and apparently there were some cases of adverse and unusual side affects happening, including young women having strokes. I remember having a couple hot flashes and needing some water but at that time I was not sure of what was going on. Then we took a trip to Texas and I think the stress of the trip and the excess amounts of caffeine triggered everything. I ended up in the ER twice while in Texas and then just wanted to go home. On the trip home, I continued having attacks but still wasn't 100% sure of what was going on. All I knew was that I had chest pain, heart palps and "shortness" of breath but yet nothing medically was wrong with me. It wasn't until I found some anxiety websites and started talking to other people with anxiety that I then realized that is what I was dealing with. It is comforting knowing there are other people out there like me and can help me with the issues I have

[The Tick 0]

mine started when my dad was diagnosed with prostate c***** last year.

[mrsalphabet 4]

I honestly don't know when mine started. I've always been a worrier, but since I had kids it's gotten crazy.

In the past few years I have convinced myself I have had: MS, Ovarian C, Colon C, Heart attack, stroke, AAA, blood clots

It's crazy and I don't know how my husband put up with me. There were many trips to the E.R. thinking I was having a heart attack when indeed I was having a panic attack.

I have been much better since starting my Lexapro. Now when I think I have something I say to myself "so Mrsalphabet, last week it was a heart attack and you were fine, so just because your hemorrhoids hurt doesn't mean you have colon c*****" It sounds comical when you say it out loud, but when your feeling it inside your head it feels so real

[SEA81 2]

In the past few years I have convinced myself I have had: MS, Ovarian C, Colon C, Heart attack, stroke, AAA, blood clots

That sounds so familiar! One of my biggest fears has always been getting diabetes (my grandmother had it) and for some reason, I just started convincing myself I had it one day after I got sick after eating. That really is what started mine. I got over it for a while, but later on, my mom found out she was diabetic, started having lots of health issues, and I started having the symptoms (despite my doctor telling me I didn't have it). My HA seems to come and go based on what's going on in my life.

[mrsalphabet 4]

That sounds so familiar! One of my biggest fears has always been getting diabetes (my grandmother had it) and for some reason, I just started convincing myself I had it one day after I got sick after eating. That really is what started mine. I got over it for a while, but later on, my mom found out she was diabetic, started having lots of health issues, and I started having the symptoms (despite my doctor telling me I didn't have it). My HA seems to come and go based on what's going on in my life.

Same with me. Or with what other's around me have had or are dealing with. It's like my mind is sponge for symptom's and I contribute every little thing to some major illness I must have. It sucks!

[shaun 6]

It's hard to look back and distinguish the specific moment your social anxiety started. Like you, I think I have suffered from it for a long time. I remember in my teen years, I used to drink before going out with my friends to 'loosen up' and feel more confident. Having said that, EVERYONE has experienced social anxiety to some extent, it is part of growing up.

[leyash 4]

My health anxiety started with a panic attack. From there, it went into hypochondria.

[Twiztidcree 1]

I'm not too sure when how or why I was 17 though when my family assumed I was trying to kill or thinking of killing myself during Xmas holidays. I used to write poetry a lot!

Was published a few times at 15 yrs old. Was invited to gathering to accept an award.

My poetry was based on people I met, exchanged stories with, seen and my life as a native boy finding my place as a man. My "style" was breath taking from people have said.

The very last poem I wrote was that December 22nd 1997

It goes

(sorry haven't written in a long time so bare the errors)

1st nights star,

My life is a wicked ride with twiztid kind,

I'm not a bad guy

My last star is when my new life starts.

My aunt phoned the police I was Read my rights, handcuffed and charged under the mental health act.

I spent 4 hrs in a cell, then spent 6 hrs talking too some dude about how my life was.

I told him great, honor student, published poet have my Harvard application because I will be graduating in a year,

He asked me what I wanted be, told him I would not mind learning studies in this field actually for mental health, I love science , astronomy, health, medical engineer said anything is possible when your a genius he laughed. He asked if I was poor I told him no, sexual abuse and if I get judged for my long hair?

He asked that " poem"so I explained it too him, it wasn't done actually told him I re write a couple times till its real and not just words.

He got me to explain word for word which all I said is I am honor student, I put up with racial attacks everyday minute I am bullied because I have girl hair, my mother is a educated woman in engineer, conversation of lands but she works for minimum wage I was trying write out an expression of one day I will end it.

Anyways after I was released I walked home, with a police car containing officer following me. That day my life I knew changed, I quit school the next day n was charged for cause of bodily harm on a police officer, the cop who would not listen and yanked my hair I beat him within a few more hits of his life the day after I quit school.

I dealt with court walked out with no penalty.

After that for this passed year 2011-2012 I believe caused my anxiety in 1997 when I was a teen.

I have no educated, no degrees no dreams, only depression and no one to help me, so it sucks lol but I still have laughter.

[JOYCICLE 654]

That's sad Twiz

[Twiztidcree 1]

That's sad Twiz

Yeah it's frustrating quite a lot but sanity and health is more important then a dream right now.

One day ( hope soon) I wake up and not feel like i am dreaming or my body left and I'm laying there.

[secretanxiety 1]

I am undiagnosed but I'd like to add my story anyhow. I think I have a few different types of anxiety, health anxiety being one of them. I think it started in 2008 when I got really sick in college. I still to this day never figured out what I came down with. Maybe the flu...idk. Anyhow I was 21 and at the time I thought this illness I got was the worst ever. I felt so alone as I was living in a dorm room at the time and had to stop going to classes. I ended up getting a family doctor since I still didn't make the transition between my pediatrician and an adult doctor. I even was sent to a rheumatologist. They said I had reactive arthritis due to infection. I just never figured out what the original infection was. Anyhow, I was just sick for so long and it was so debilitating that everytime I get sick now like with a cold or a stomach bug I freak out and have panic attacks. I even think new symptoms or changing symptoms point to a greater illness like vitamin deficiency, something wrong with my organs, a blood disorder, or even c****r depending on what the symptoms are. It's just soo annoying and horrible that I would convince myself of these things in the moment. I always look up things on Web MD or just on basic web searches for hours too trying to diagnosis myself and of course I never can but I think I get close. My boyfriend rolls his eyes and gets upset at me when I do it. Idk..I try to tell myself to not look stuff up and it helps but I always get a nagging feeling that something is wrong more than just a regular cold or stomach bug. I think it's also influenced by my bloodwork which is off. I ask the doctors what it means and they tell me general inflammation or that things very sometimes. I went to see a blood specialist once and they didn't find anything so my regular doctor said maybe it was always like this but I don't think so. It's hard to prove tho cuz I moved a lot and have trouble getting my medical records to transfer. Okay now I think Im just rambling so Ill stop talking now lol I hope you guys understood me

[Gilly 1086]

I TOTALLY understood you secret, you just described how I am too. I am exactly the same, like a phobia of being sick, get a cold, feel unwell I panic. I have Crohns Disease, had it for almost 30 years. It's been in remission since 2002 but it's left me with this anxiety. Being that sick, like you experienced, its traumatic, you don't want to be sick like that again, and like you my blood work is always off somewhere.

Dr Google is evil, try your best not to google. The internet if filled with worst case scenarios. WebMD and the likes basically scaremonger you, I think probably into running to the doctor, $$$. The amount of forums that are filled with people worrying and asking questions because they read something online are in their millions, yet I can't say I've seen one where someone really had what they feared.

[lomew 0]

Hello Guys I keep in mind about that and concealing in my cabinet because I was frightened of going for my yearly actual. For many decades, I'd say it was more generic anxiety.but within the last ten years it's moved way towards health anxiety and I would now consider myself a full-blown hypochondriac.Thanks a lot!!

[Fiona 0]

The earliest I can remember having an anxiety attack is when I was about 5 years old. I was in my grandmothers kitchen and there was a safety pin on the counter I was standing next to. Then I noticed the safety pin wasn't there any longer. I immediately assumed I'd swallowed it and panicked and cried fearing I was about to die. Long story short I didn't swallow the pin but I believe that was the birth of my anxiety.

[JOYCICLE 654]

Fiona, that sounds about right ! Did you or a family member have a really bad health scare prior to that the you witnessed? Or one thing my memory keeps telling me lately is how my mom always was worst case scenario when we were young. She's totally very mentally ill in lots of ways, but that is another story, but it led her to constantly fear WE were going to die AND telling us so. Go outside without a coat, you will DIE of PNEUMONIA,,, go to bed with wet hair DEATH BY THE COMMON COLD...etc etc. So I think if you had a parent or grandparent or close adult filling your very young head with that type of fear, it 's very common for it to spill over on to you !

[jonathan123 2368]

Absolutely right. I was brought up in an anxiety laden household. My father was a policeman and although he did his job well he was no match for my mother who always put him down. Imagine that effect on a young lad! So there was no specific point at which the health anxiety started. I am not going off the subject but I remember years ago on a visit to a friend that he had goldfish in a pond in his garden. They were chocking to death in the dirty water. Just swimming around in a lethargic way; no interest in life. I suggested taking them home and putting them in my pool. He agreed. When I did within a few days they came to life and were swimming around happily. Moral? If in an environment that is not good for you get out. That is not easy I know and impossible for some, but if you can, go. If someone comes along and 'rescues' you then you are blessed. But children cannot leave and the damage some parents do is beyond belief. But they know no better so are to be forgiven if not pitied. If we hold a grudge against them it will eat into us. I am afraid unconditional forgiveness and the ability to move on is the answer. Jonathan.

[Suzi Q 0]

How did your health anxiety start?

I have often wondered how my health anxiety started. I have had Crohns Disease since I was 12 years old. I was always sick, had numerous surgeries including 3 major ops. I know my anxiety took on a new level in 2009 when my mum suffered a stroke. I've had a few traumatic events in my life, including finding my nanna dead but I think I can now look back with clarity and see where the health anxiety aspect was majorly triggered.

Through my illness I never once had anxiety over being sick, never once felt depressed or scared something bad could happen. I always just got on with it and was confident I would get better. But looking back now, I know for sure that all changed in 2002.

In 2002 after my Crohns had been in remission for 5 years it came back with a vengeance. Prior to having my colon removed (I have an ileostomy) in 1997 I was constantly sick, I had a brief period of remission in 1987 but it was brief. But after 5 years of feeling great, healthy, it was back again. I was very sick for months, I developed a fistula on my stomach. I won't go into details but it was gross, very painful and debilitating. I was housebound, on constant antibiotics, steroids and codiene and it was just horrendous.

I had more surgey to repair the fistula and remove the diseased bowel later in the year. the hospital stay was horrific, by then I'd developed a fear of vomiting and refused to eat anything whilst I was in the hospital (or hid it so they thought I'd eaten) I remember pleading with my husband not to leave me there, crying as he left because he had to. I now know this is where the HA began, or was triggered.

Afterwards I slowly started to worry about getting sick again, at first it was the Crohns, then it was anything. I just don't want to, I cannot go back there again.

Do you know how yours started? If it was triggered by something? I think if you can figure that out you have a better chance of dealing with it.

Gilly

 

 

How did your health anxiety start?

I have often wondered how my health anxiety started. I have had Crohns Disease since I was 12 years old. I was always sick, had numerous surgeries including 3 major ops. I know my anxiety took on a new level in 2009 when my mum suffered a stroke. I've had a few traumatic events in my life, including finding my nanna dead but I think I can now look back with clarity and see where the health anxiety aspect was majorly triggered.

Through my illness I never once had anxiety over being sick, never once felt depressed or scared something bad could happen. I always just got on with it and was confident I would get better. But looking back now, I know for sure that all changed in 2002.

In 2002 after my Crohns had been in remission for 5 years it came back with a vengeance. Prior to having my colon removed (I have an ileostomy) in 1997 I was constantly sick, I had a brief period of remission in 1987 but it was brief. But after 5 years of feeling great, healthy, it was back again. I was very sick for months, I developed a fistula on my stomach. I won't go into details but it was gross, very painful and debilitating. I was housebound, on constant antibiotics, steroids and codiene and it was just horrendous.

I had more surgey to repair the fistula and remove the diseased bowel later in the year. the hospital stay was horrific, by then I'd developed a fear of vomiting and refused to eat anything whilst I was in the hospital (or hid it so they thought I'd eaten) I remember pleading with my husband not to leave me there, crying as he left because he had to. I now know this is where the HA began, or was triggered.

Afterwards I slowly started to worry about getting sick again, at first it was the Crohns, then it was anything. I just don't want to, I cannot go back there again.

Do you know how yours started? If it was triggered by something? I think if you can figure that out you have a better chance of dealing with it.

Gilly

Gilly I am sorry to hear about your mom.  Tardon said she is ill again.  Is she allright?

[dbyrum72 0]

Chantix. I used this drug for smoking and even though I had the side effects I kept taking it because it kept me from smoking. When I stopped I had huge withdrawals and started back smoking. One night at work I had my first panic attack. I really thought I was dieing. Went to hospital several times and to doctor. Had every test known lol. Now I take lexapro and librax. They seem to help me cope with the anxiety. Still have some attacks though. I just have to fight my way through them.

[jonathan123 2368]

Hi dbyrum. A warm welcome to AC. Panic can do that. We think we are on the way out and that thought in itself creates more anxiety and thus more panic. Now once again I have to pick up on this word 'fighting' your way through. It occurs so often but let me ask you, are you any better for fighting? I doubt it but that is the natural thing to do isn't it?  Now I am going to suggest you do just the opposite. Stop fighting and struggling with the dreaded symptoms. Fighting creates more tension, more strain, more anxiety and more adrenaline thus perpetuating the attack. When you feel a panic coming on try and relax toward it; go with it. I am not suggesting you 'put up with it'. ACCEPTANCE is positive action. Take deep breaths and try and relax as much as you can. Don't add second fear. That is the 'oh my goodness, what will happen next etc'. You CAN recover from panic and anxiety. On this site are the tools for doing just that. And you will receive further good advice.Take some time to read the articles especially the ones relating to Dr. Claire Weekes who was an authority on panic attacks and how to overcome them. You can and will win but it does take perseverance.     Jon.   

[WorriedJayhawk 6]

when my adorable mommie died. I'm getting better with it all. slowly. 

[patteran 1]

My mother was something of a passive aggressive and her caving in to pressures real and imagined was indulged by my father. Her dependency on his unconditional support meant that only child me tended to be held responsible for the inevitable clashes between mother and son. Anger from my father was a rare reaction; it was generally more sadness. So although I became increasingly aggrieved and defiant, the guilt was suppressed. However, for a crucial period of my early childhood - around 6,7,8 - I became deeply anxious. I was almost without any social confidence and it took unusually enlightened schooling to bring me out of this disabling stage. (I have a detailed account on my blog here, if anybody feels that there might be data there of relevance to their own experiences).

 

In 2008 I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis, a potentially enervating condition. It became evident that its presentation was mild and with no impact on my day-to-day life, but during the early stages of response and treatment I began to experience powerful bouts of anxiety concerning the possible course of the condition, in spite of my specialist's reassurances. In 2010 I was diagnosed with prostate c****r and I had a prostatectomy. I'm currently in the clear, but again during the treatment process the health anxieties returned in force, this time proliferating across a range of possible ailments. I've catastrophised a series of symptoms into worst case scenarios, entailing two colonoscopies in two years and various other consultations with my GP and at a local private hospital.

 

Currently, the anxieties are manageable. Counselling has helped (although I had to go through three counsellors before finding one who had the wit and enterprise to go beyond the slowly nodding response and the refusal to have an opinion or suggest a course of action!) I've also had a course of meridian therapy, which appears to have constrained some of the worst manifestations of the pathological worrying. Maybe both identifying through rigorous self-analysis and counselling probable sources for anxiety in childhood and seeking a form of therapy (albeit an unorthodox one!) have addressed to some degree at least the roots of anxiety itself. I'm certainly convinced that this extraordinarily invasive and debilitating neurosis from which we all suffer needs that kind of comprehensive approach. Hypochondriasis itself is surely a symptom of much deeper unease and unless that is addressed little can be achieved in its alleviation. 

 

Wishing all the battling best to those who have responded to Gilly's question.

 

Dick

[jonathan123 2368]

You are so right. Counselling is fine but it has to be the right counsellor for you. I too had almost the same experiences in childhood. A dominant mother and an over passive father. You can imagine the conflict there. It does all show up in adulthood. When I first ran into GAD there were no sites like this so I suffered alone, apart from my very understanding wife, but even she got a bit put out at times. I wouldn't have wanted to live with me that's for sure. After a while I went for psychotherapy with a Jungian therapist. He was a retired C. of E. parson so I was not charged for this. That is another problem. Most people can't afford that kind of therapy. I went once a week for two years and between us we sorted out a lot of my psychological problems. But he introduced me to the nuministic side of life (very Jungian) which one can't go into on a site such as this. The old guy is no longer with us but there is no doubt he saved me from a lot of misery. All of us have different experiences and some good some not so in regard to advice and treatment. My therapists first words to me were "Do you want to get over this or do you want to go through it". It took me a long time to undertsnd what he meant.' Getting over' leaves you where you were before. The old self from which all the problems arose. By going through it you learn and, hopefully, emerge a more tolerant and understanding person even one with a little empathy. Unless we learn from our suffering it is all a waste of time and energy.   Regards.  Jon.