Debilitating Health Anxiety

[collegelady 3]

I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. 

First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine.

Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. 

Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. 

Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. 

Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works.

Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health. 

[Holls 1505]

5 hours ago, collegelady said:

I'm a 20 year old college student, and I think I can safely diagnose myself with health related anxiety. I was always one to worry about my physical health, and I'd always go to the doctor to put myself at ease. I handled it well before, but recently a friend my age died of cancer and it set off the ticking time bomb within me. 

First, I had an infected cyst under my arm. I convinced myself I had undiagnosed lymphoma. I went to 3 doctors, and they all told me that it was a minor infection. For some reason, I didn't believe them. I didn't believe them even though I was put on antibiotics and the infection and lump went away under my arm. On top of not believing them, I constantly check the internet and check my temperature for that short relieved assurance that I'm fine.

Second, I have a minor cough that's accompanied by a tickle in my throat. I then convinced myself I had lung cancer or some sort of fatal disease in my heart or lungs. Went to the doctor and they told me I had a bunch of mucus in the back of my throat and it was a post nasal drip. 

Third, I started having back pain. Once again, searching the internet made me believe I had lung cancer or failing kidneys. In the back of my mind I knew it was from bad posture, but my body told me it was cancer. 

Now this week, I'm studying the nervous system and we covered several motor disorders. These include ALS, Parkinson's, Huntington's, and others. Now I've developed weakness in my legs and arms (they feel like jelly), and my hands are shaking a tiny bit. I have been constantly in a state of anxiety since the beginning of November, and this is most likely from anxiety, but I am CONVINCED I have ALS. I can hold a pen just fine, I'm not tripping over my feet, I was able to lift a 25 pound kettlebell in each individual hand, and I walked up and down 6 flight of stairs 3 times yesterday. My legs feel better, and my hands feel better, but are still shaky. Yet here I am. 

Because I am in such a state of anxiousness all day every day, I haven't been able to eat or study. I am crying nearly every other day. These are the thoughts that run through my mind as soon as I wake up in the morning up until I go to bed. I have avoided hearing or reading the words cancer, death, disease, etc. Every time I hear it, I go into panic mode and I nearly vomit. I'm even bothering my parents because I'm constantly calling them to ask for reassurance that I'm not fatally ill. I'm seeing someone about this when I come home from school, but I am desperate for medication that can help me be in a calmer state so I can deal with my anxiety better. I don't know how this works.

Has anyone ever started feeling symptoms when they hear about a new disease? How have you guys coped with this? My goal in life is to work as a physical therapist in a hospital with patients with spinal cord injuries, amputated limbs, and other disabling problems. I can't do that if I can barely deal with my own health. 

Yes I've googled then had symptoms. If you are studying about ALS.. and this is not to come off as rude.. but then you already know you don't have it??? You just said you can hold a pen and you aren't tripping or failing.. and your 20!!!!!! No als.. anxiety big yes!!! 

I think you should maybe see a therapist and get some help and tools with your fears especially if health is what you are studying. It's not uncommon for those in nursing programs etc to start getting health anxiety. Does your school offer free therapist?? Hugs. It's going to get better. 

I don't take medication.. I went to a therapist for a few months.. I found that journaling, meditation and working out helps keep my mind clear. You will find what works.. just start somewhere. 

[collegelady 3]

3 minutes ago, Holls said:

Yes I've googled then had symptoms. If you are studying about ALS.. and this is not to come off as rude.. but then you already know you don't have it??? You just said you can hold a pen and you aren't tripping or failing.. and your 20!!!!!! No als.. anxiety big yes!!! 

I think you should maybe see a therapist and get some help and tools with your fears especially if health is what you are studying. It's not uncommon for those in nursing programs etc to start getting health anxiety. Does your school offer free therapist?? Hugs. It's going to get better. 

I don't take medication.. I went to a therapist for a few months.. I found that journaling, meditation and working out helps keep my mind clear. You will find what works.. just start somewhere. 

Thank you so much for replying. In the back of my mind I know I'm not ill, but there's the majority of my brain telling me I am. And then my "symptoms" get worse/don't go away. I have this excessive irrational fear of dying and another fear of going to the doctor and being told I have 6 weeks left to live, which is what pushes my anxiety even more. I know everyone eventually passes, but I don't want to live my life in this fear...it's just not normal. And its not something I've always felt, it maybe started like a year ago.

I went for a really long walk today around campus and my body was able to calm down and not feel like jelly anymore. I just hate that I feel like I can't control my body anymore. My school does offer services but I unfortunately couldn't get an appointment at a decent time, but I scheduled for a therapist meeting when I go home. I actually went out yesterday and bought a journal to write all of my thoughts in! I'm going to try to meditate and go for long walks more often to help me be calm. Thank you for your kind words, sorry if I spoke too deeply for your comfort lol  

[geezer 11]

Hi collegelady,

get help as quickly as you can you are too young to be going through this.I have had h/a for 25 long years and you do not want that,i recognize every symptom you mention and i have put them all to every disease that you have and i will bet all on here will have too.

The sooner you break the cycle of worry the sooner you will recover you are only 20 so do not let these thoughts ruin your young life like i have.

I see life in black white and grey,black and white we are born and die,grey is the bit in the middle LIFE, none of us know how long grey will be.There lies the problem we with h/a think that we are able to hold this process with what ifs.Of course life does not work like that it was never meant to,we should enjoy each day as it comes and the quicker we with h/a realize this the quicker we will live life again.

A while ago a work mate asked me if i was a hypochondriac,i said yes i am he replied ,you should give that worrying up it does you no good.2 weeks later this big strong guy died of a heart attack,did i learn a lesson from my friends demise NO i still carry on worrying, my wife keeps reminding me of him to stop me by saying he did not know his time but he did not worry about it and what difference would it have made if he did.

Yes life has ups and downs and i want you to have the ups in life carry on your college work and go on to be the best you can in your chosen profession . Do not be like me and regret all the years i have wasted on h/a,as the song goes live,love,laugh and be happy.

All my best wishes to you collegelady,make a start by having a very merry Christmas promise yourself this and your family.

Merry Christmas to all on Anxiety Central. 

[emma2 33]

Hi collegelady,

I totally understand what you mean. I'm a senior in college and every disease I learn about in school scares the shit out of me. Cell bio made me believe I had every type of cancer. It's so hard to concentrate on anything, especially school when you're in such a terrible place mentally. Definitely take advantage of the resources your school offers, I see a therapist at my university and it has helped me a lot. Right now I'm having bad MS anxiety because my hands feel weak and shaky. Deep down I know its my anxiety causing it, but I can't shake off the feeling. Once you have HA for a while you'll start to realize how there's always going to be a symptom and that's normal! Our bodies have so many functions and sometimes a little weakness, pain, headache, dizziness, etc is totally normal. Especially when you have anxiety. My rule is to always wait at least a week before I freak out and see a doctor. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. Hopefully when you go home and see you're doctor you'll feel a lot more relaxed! You're totally fine, don't worry. Good luck on finals and happy holidays!

[collegelady 3]

9 hours ago, emma2 said:

Hi collegelady,

I totally understand what you mean. I'm a senior in college and every disease I learn about in school scares the shit out of me. Cell bio made me believe I had every type of cancer. It's so hard to concentrate on anything, especially school when you're in such a terrible place mentally. Definitely take advantage of the resources your school offers, I see a therapist at my university and it has helped me a lot. Right now I'm having bad MS anxiety because my hands feel weak and shaky. Deep down I know its my anxiety causing it, but I can't shake off the feeling. Once you have HA for a while you'll start to realize how there's always going to be a symptom and that's normal! Our bodies have so many functions and sometimes a little weakness, pain, headache, dizziness, etc is totally normal. Especially when you have anxiety. My rule is to always wait at least a week before I freak out and see a doctor. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. Hopefully when you go home and see you're doctor you'll feel a lot more relaxed! You're totally fine, don't worry. Good luck on finals and happy holidays!

Thank you so much for responding! The shaky and weak hands is exactly what I'm going through right now! I meditated for 30 minutes last night and was able to calm down and stop shaking. But this morning my body woke up in an adrenaline rush and im back to my shakiness. My legs feel a tiny bit weak but I think it's because I was in bed all day and didn't move. Gonna meditate again later today. I was also going to go to the doctor today but I'm going to take your advice and wait a week and see what happens. I see a therapist next week too. Thank you, good luck on your finals as well! Happy holidays :) 

[collegelady 3]

19 hours ago, geezer said:

Hi collegelady,

get help as quickly as you can you are too young to be going through this.I have had h/a for 25 long years and you do not want that,i recognize every symptom you mention and i have put them all to every disease that you have and i will bet all on here will have too.

The sooner you break the cycle of worry the sooner you will recover you are only 20 so do not let these thoughts ruin your young life like i have.

I see life in black white and grey,black and white we are born and die,grey is the bit in the middle LIFE, none of us know how long grey will be.There lies the problem we with h/a think that we are able to hold this process with what ifs.Of course life does not work like that it was never meant to,we should enjoy each day as it comes and the quicker we with h/a realize this the quicker we will live life again.

A while ago a work mate asked me if i was a hypochondriac,i said yes i am he replied ,you should give that worrying up it does you no good.2 weeks later this big strong guy died of a heart attack,did i learn a lesson from my friends demise NO i still carry on worrying, my wife keeps reminding me of him to stop me by saying he did not know his time but he did not worry about it and what difference would it have made if he did.

Yes life has ups and downs and i want you to have the ups in life carry on your college work and go on to be the best you can in your chosen profession . Do not be like me and regret all the years i have wasted on h/a,as the song goes live,love,laugh and be happy.

All my best wishes to you collegelady,make a start by having a very merry Christmas promise yourself this and your family.

Merry Christmas to all on Anxiety Central. 

Thank you so much for replying. I certainly am going to get help for this, because I know I can't live the rest of my life this way. Thank you for your words of wisdom, it means a lot for strangers to answer me. Merry Christmas!!

[Angelica Schuyler 217]

@collegelady, I was about your age when I developed hypochondria. We share a lot of the same symptoms - not believing doctors, always finding something new to worry about, not being able to eat or focus. I was desperate to feel normal again, too, and ended up on medication. It helped for a long time but, when I went through a major trauma and the pills stopped working, I realized I didn't have any other coping skills to fight my anxiety. Now I'm 33 and basically starting over from the beginning with my hypochondria, wrestling with it while juggling the other responsibilities that keep a roof over my head and food in my mouth. 

As mentioned in other responses to your original post, different people have different solutions to their anxiety. Medications can be a part of that. So can mindfulness, meditation, cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance therapy, journaling, and all kinds of techniques and self-care. Work with a doctor, try lots of different things, and see what works best for you. Keep a bag of tricks in your pocket instead of assuming that one solution is all you need, like I did. 

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. The tricks your mind can play on you are scary and awful. Remember that there is a way out of anxiety. It takes time and effort, but you won't feel this way forever.