Veryscary

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  1. TLDR: Hair with follicle came out of nipple and now I'm ready to do a walk in mammogram. I'm a hairy woman and last night saw a hair growing from the center of my right nipple. This is not an areola hair - I get plenty of those. This happened once before. This time, however, the hair fell out on my finger as I was manipulating my breast. I looked down and saw a white bulb on my nip. I picked that up and saw a tiny little stump of a hair attached to the bulb, like the bigger hair had broken off from that. This triggered off my BC fears - is it a discharged? What does it mean? I squeezed the jesus out of my boobs and nothing came out; I also checked all my bras and there's nothing in there suggesting any type of discharge. I'm having a hard time accepting that this was just a hair with a follicle - not the first, just the first time I'm seeing the follicle. Has somebody, ANYBODY had this happen??? Background: I am 40 y/o, last mammo in May 2019 for a different episode. All clear. I have at times severe BC fears and as a result, rarely touch my breasts, even to put lotion on them. (This has led to years of dry nipples, but I don't have the energy to process that today.)
  2. I am cycling through two things today so early apologies for back to back posting. TLDR: Black lady with mole removed with clear margins, grew back along with hair, now can't convince myself it's not still changing. I had a mole removed from my chest in late June; this mole always looked like a blackhead and I'd pick it out and it would grow right back. This time they got it with a shave biopsy and I was told it had clear margins. Phew, right? Nope, it grew back, along with the hair that's always been at the center of it. I was told to just watch it - that it may look funky because it is growing through scar tissue, but as long as it stabilizes, I'm good. So far as I can tell, it has stabilized, but as mole watchers know, it can be hard to convince yourself a mole hasn't changed, even with pictures. Has anyone experienced this? FWIW, I am Fitzpatrick V (Beyonce colored) and the mole came back as mildly atypical (but they weren't sure if that was pseudo atypia since I had dug the mole out at least three times).
  3. Thsnks for taking a sec to talk me down. I've been really struggling lately clearly. I know when I sound crazy...but it's like logic just loses.
  4. I went through the same thing and had a full colonoscopy six years ago. It still happens from time to time and I totally lose my shit - and this is having had the full blown roto rooter treatment. So I know what you're going through. Please just trust your doctor. And stop looking at the tp. Just wipe real good, toss it and flush. I literally close my eyes. I'm not saying this is an ideal fix. But you gotta build some distance from this shit. (Inadvertant pun)
  5. Btw: the gyn visit on June 28 was for the same scenario just on the side/armpit area instead of the upper chest area. The sharp chest pain had stopped but still feel heaviness and some upper back pain. This is how my anxiety usually shows up just that it got so sharp yesterday I freaked.
  6. Yesterday I experienced a sharp pain on the right side of my chest. My first thought was that I was experiencing chest pain due to all of the intense stress that I have been going through this week worrying about several different types of threats. But then my health anxiety kicked in and I decided that it must be breast cancer since everything in my mind is cancer. I started feeling around and sure enough I felt a glands like thing in my right breast. It didn't hurt or anything and when I went to the left breast and sure enough in the exact same place and same shape the same everything I find the same type of gland. I went through something not dissimilar about 2 weeks ago. 16 days to be exact and I went to a gynecologist who gave me a very thorough breast exam and told me that he did not feel anything but my normal breast tissue which was very easy to feel because I don't have much in the way of breasts. I AM STRUGGLING SO HARD TO BELIEVE THAT NOTHING HAS CHANGED IN THE 16 DAYS SINCE I SAW A DOCTOR. I'm sure this sounds really sick silly but this is a continuous thing with me. I will go to an oral surgeon and within 90 days I'm convinced that something is in my mouth that he did not see at that time. I must admit that 16 days is a new low however. Please help me to understand that I'm being irrational and that noy only do you not grow perfectly symetrical breast cancer in both breasts, but that cancer doesn't crop up in 16 days and there is nothing there that the doctor did not feel and tell me was completely normal.
  7. It's not that I'm not educated - I'm a lesbian so I actually have a lot.of gay male friends and am overly aware it's just my anxiety doesn't listen to reason. My mind just starts with the what ifs.
  8. I cut my thumb Sunday, on the knuckle. I’d describe it as a paper cut, though it did bleed. Yesterday I had forgotten about it until I went to get my nails done. The technician kept grabbing my thumb right there, pressing her thumb into it. I looked at her thumb: There was no obvious cut or blood and there was no blood that I got on my fingers or anything. Yet, by the evening, I’d started having a panic and this has since really gained quite a bit of momentum. I can’t stop thinking What if she had a cut that I didn’t notice What if there was blood I didn’t see Why did you let her touch you there And the big one What if in two weeks I start having flu symptoms My HIV OCD has really gotten bad over the past year. I’ve had incidents involving a pair of pants, sheets, a dress, a dentist chair, dentist tools, an allergy test, a bandaid, toilet paper, a barber, a different manicurist (this one who did have a cut), a cashier and an incident where I thought my girlfriend might have touched blood. Until last night, when I thought about it, I didn’t even realize things had gotten so bad. The thing is, even if I can convince myself that I didn’t likely get anything, or that this is not how people get HIV, I still get caught up in this fear that I will get “the symptoms” in a few weeks. This is what sends me into an absolute spiral. This weekend I am going out of town and am likely to link up with a friend who actually IS HIV positive. Part of me is scared to death that she will hug me and kiss me on my face. I’m ashamed. But right now, I’m just panicked and so afraid I don’t know what to do. I have another allergy test tomorrow and I am petrified that the tools they are using could somehow be contaminated. I have even tried to think about times that I was in a much more "at risk" state, such as times when I sat on a toilet seat with visible blood or touched a hand rail someone had just bled on. When I was in the depths of my HIV panic in 2009, I actually got tested at a place where the testers had HIV. I couldn't do that today. I feel like a failure because I have all this meditation and psychology and shit I do, but when the shit gets really intense, it's back to Googling and feeling like my life is over. I don't know whether to call a hotline or what.
  9. I gotta disagree on one point here: The prep is NOT cool!!!! lolol I have never in my LIFE shat like that. And that stuff tasted so nasty. SO nasty. So very very nasty. Yeah, we're gonna have to agree to disagree here lmao lmao
  10. I have pain every month during ovulation and I often spot. Sometimes the spotting goes on until the next period, slowly building. Other times it might last the entire month - TMI but brown sludge. I am FULL of fibroids. Like legit, they don't count them anymore, they just say "several" and tell me how big the largest "few" are. My gf also has fibroids and gets the brown stuff. Point being, if fibroids can do that, I bet cysts can. Endo can too - and that can't be diagnosed by transvaginal (and wasn't that the BEST process ever, btw?) There's also something called dysfunctional uterine bleeding, which is code for "we'on know why this is happening." It happened to my friend - bled so much she was anemic. They did a pap, gave her progesterone, it stopped and that's it. I was like "Uh, yeah, WTF??" but she's still alive and fine years later. It was just a fluke. As for your pain: I started getting sharp stabby ovary type pains back in 1999. I've since had upper gi series, MRIs for the fibroids, pelvic ct with and without contrast, transvaginals, more paps than you can shake a stick at AND an endometrial biopsy (I do NOT advise).Diagnosis? NOTHING. They have never figured out what the crap caused it and now it only happens during ovulation. I'm 37, so I have concluded after 18 years, it must be alright! I personally think it's some type of endo, but again, whatevr it is it's benign. This happens to so many people. Don't worry. And if someone as assf*cked by anxiety as me can say don't worry, don't worry.
  11. I literally woke up sleeping on it with the hand numb, so I'm certain that's it. But I can't stop being weirded out by it. And I am now starting to feel stuff all over my body - randomly. I know that's an anxiety symptom.
  12. I woke up Thursday am laying on my arm. I woke up because I felt my hand asleep. Well I had pins and needles in my finger tips; a weird feeling in the center of my arm over my elbow and two weird red marks also in the middle of the arm.over the elbow. Pins and needles lasted all day!!! It got better by nightfall and was pretty much gone the next day unless I moved my arm a certain way. I've been freaking out about this. My fingers feel fine but my middle arm and shoulder blade feel not great; if I stretch my arm out palm up the pain intensified in the middle of the arm and fingers buzz. The further I stretch the arm back the more intense it is - though again, it has gotten better. I keep telling myself this is NOT random numbness - there's clearly some type of nerve compression issue that will slowly resolve if I stop "testing" the arm ie getting back into the position I woke up in (which instantly causes issues again) I sleep exclusively on this side and have a history of the arm falling asleep bad enough to wake me. Could this be from some cumulative damage? I'm still trying to avoid neuro stuff because I know it won't solve anything. I'll just focus on needing multiple MRIs on higher machines etc.
  13. I've been stepping for a decade. I luv the choreography - I have one instructor who cartwheels over the bench. I never meet other steppers lolol
  14. That's so funny that you all do step aerobics - I do too!!!! I do vinyasa yoga as well and African dance three times a week since I'm in the group (that's roughly six hours if I don't get there late). I have been trying to organize my thoughts around this situation but I just keep tumbling back into the abyss. I have some Ativan so I may take that today just to get my heartbeat down. And I'm listening to my peaceful nature sounds at my desk for sure
  15. Thank u so much for all this kind supportive energy. I'm glad youre getting better! I have to admit that I tested this morning I did just fine even though I realized I was trembling with anxiety (normal morning). I'm trying to focus on mindfulness today. I'm just so tired of suffering.