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Everything posted by moneakers

  1. I can’t believe I am posting this because it seems like a ridiculous thing to worry about 🤦🏻‍♀️ But earlier today I had a panic attack, was certain I was going to pass out at work. Ended up going to the bathroom and was okay. I noticed afterwards I was cold and my nail beds were basically purple! I work in a hospital and one of the nurses checked my O2. Totally fine (100%). Just seemed to be due to cold hands. They’ve definitely gotten better as the day has gone on but they still look purple-ish. For some reason I can’t stop looking at them and worrying about them! I just continually imagine all these symptoms are connected to some greater underlying terrible thing. I’m so tired of it 😭😭😭
  2. Usually they are premature ventricular contractions or premature atrial contractions and they are annoying but totally harmless. You have to have A LOT of them for it to be serious (I mean like an insane amount). Never hurts to talk to the doc (they can do a holter monitor or ziopatch) but typically they are just more annoying than anything. And definitely can be caused by stress.
  3. Birdie, I don’t know if this will help but I was in your position a couple months ago. I was constantly shaking, having increased heart rate every time I stood up, cold sweaty feet, insomnia, and general sickness. It started out as what I thought was anxiety, then I thought it was POTS, and has gone back to what I feel is mostly anxiety (although I constantly worry I’m going to die from cancer or something else). I have gone back on my Zoloft after only 3 months of being off 😕 I kind of wish I had never gotten off. But at the time I felt stable. And I was on a good regimen of eating healthy, exercising, and taking lots of natural supplements recommended by my psych NP. Anyway, I’m back on it and it seems to be taking a bit longer and higher dosage to see results this time but it is working. I’m working with my psych NP who is very holistic as well as a naturopath to help me support my body with lots of supplements but also detoxing. All of this to say... I know Zoloft is not Lexapro but they are fairly similar (both SSRIs used for anxiety and depression) and honestly if you’re at the point where your anxiety is unmanageable it could be just the tool you need to help lift you out of that darkness. I have a friend who went on Lexapro for about 9 months during a tough time for her and I know she really liked it and it really helped her. Hope this helps. Don’t be afraid to look at the whole picture which can include fixing nutritional deficiencies, detoxing, eating right and exercising (which it sounds like you do), therapy, brain retraining, and meds if you need them 🙂
  4. Jonathan- beautifully said. I guess I think brain sometimes because I am literally trying to form new pathways in my brain and it’s not easy, but it can be done. We know the brain is neuroplastic and can learn new things. And oh Birdie, I’m so glad it helped ❤️ I too have felt the exact same way recently and I’ve never experienced suicidal thoughts before. I just have been so exhausted and so done. Literally sick with anxiety. Unable to see the future. I have always struggled with anxiety too (sometimes better, sometimes worse; sometimes on meds, sometimes not) but I think everything from this year finally just crashed on me especially after weaning off my meds. For me it’s not so much fear of getting COVID but sadness about the state of the world, the “not normal-ness” of it all, and fear of the future my children may encounter. I’ve just been so sad and it’s been hard to see the future. I’m thankful some of the clouds have been lifting the past couple days. I’m not sure if “normal” people understand how much all of this has effected people who already have mental health issues. Don’t give up, I’m here if you ever want to talk ❤️
  5. It’s so crazy what the brain can do! And thank you! But honestly today is the first day I have felt more happy and empowered in I don’t know how long! Like my meds have kicked in just enough for me to actually be calm enough to use my strategies. Last time I went on Zoloft I thought I had terrible postpartum anxiety (and I did) but after 1-2 months on Zoloft at 100 mg basically I was “normal” again. I had almost no symptoms and it helped me so much. It was just so “easy”. This time I’ve been so sick with anxiety (for two months) and throw in some new depression and suicidal ideation in there. It’s been rough. I’ve definitely made progress over the past two months but it’s felt slow. Two days ago I was just crying and crying to God to take it away- I think He is having mercy on me, at least today because it was a better day (even with the symptoms). I had hope.
  6. So been have a REALLY bad flare of anxiety the past two months. I’m on 150 mg of Zoloft and might go up more. Was on it in the past with good results- this time it is taking longer and a higher dosage. But today I did see some more progress and I felt like I was in a place mentally where I was able to “accept” my symptoms more. I was having a bunch of symptoms and I just powered through, did my job, and told my limbic system “thank you for the thoughts and feelings”. It actually felt great! Even though I was having the symptoms, I felt empowered. So I was doing pretty good until this afternoon when I was scrolling Facebook. An acquaintance of mine posted how this was the three year anniversary of her stroke. How her husband went out to dinner and that night she started having symptoms Of a vertebral artery dissection. A few weeks later she had a stroke. She’s in her 30s as well. She recovered but of course it’s rare illness for a young person. In comes the immediate symptoms of dizziness And anxiety for me. I’ve had the dizzy symptom A LOT with anxiety in the past, so you think I’d be used to it but NO, I freak out. Then it’s hard for me to focus. It sucks, because it’s like I start to make improvement and then my brain is like: here I’m gonna throw a symptom at you HARD. I don’t like this retraining you’re doing so I’ll throw something at you so you HAVE to pay attention. Anyone else get this? So frustrating. I know I’m improving but it’s a journey....
  7. Yes they are! This forum is a little more calm and logical! Glad it’s back up too 🙂
  8. Thanks all! I am honestly not sure if I have POTS or like you @KNC09 possibly a milder version. Sometimes when I stand my heart is 100s-120s, other times it’s 88-100 and more ‘normal’. The cardiology PA didn’t think it was POTS but didn’t want to rule it out. EKG was normal and I had my echo and the radiologist said my heart was “boring” 🤣. So I guess that’s a good thing. I am also working with a naturopath to try to get to the root cause and she put me on high dose vitamin D for two days and I started to see some improvement. I’m also on b12 shots twice a week now, vitamin D and lots of other supplements. Also back on my Zoloft. Feeling maybe 50-70% better. I know the anxiety definitely feeds off of all of this as I’ve also convinced myself I have an adrenal tumor or some other cancer that I just don’t know about yet 🤦🏻‍♀️ But I am thankful for the days I see some improvement. I likely wouldn’t want to take beta blockers either and am hopeful that I can heal naturally and get to the root cause.
  9. So I’m just curious if anyone here has POTS or Dysautonomia? I feel like a lot of the symptoms of anxiety and POTS can overlap. The last few weeks I have had a huge flare of my anxiety (I weaned off Zoloft about 3 months ago). For two weeks I really hadn’t been sleeping, was shaking like crazy, hot but cold, and my heart rate was increasing every time I stood up or even turned over in bed. I was certain I have POTS. I went to the hospital on Friday with the above symptoms because I could not sleep and was going out of my skin. They gave me fluids and thought it could be POTS (because of my increase in HR with standing) but didn’t want to give me the official diagnosis until I follow up with cardiology. My nurse practitioner put me back on my Zoloft so I’ve been on a low dose for about a week. The last few days thankfully I have been able to sleep with some modifications which has helped bring down some of the shaking, nausea and constant adrenaline surges. I definitely do have an increase in heart rate from lying down to standing that stays elevated for 5 minutes. Resting rate is about 72, standing is anywhere from 100-112. My feet are still cold and clammy. So I definitely could have POTS, however I also know I have anxiety because it’s hard for me to stop thinking about it, googling, and looking for the next symptoms. I see my GP tomorrow and follow up with cardiology later. My question is: could I have had POTS for a long time but never really noticed until now because my anxiety is flaring? I remember thinking I had it after I had my daughter too as I had sever postpartum anxiety, but I don’t remember seeing the consistent heart rate increase and was worried instead about lots of other symptoms at that time. I feel like if I’m not super focused on it I don’t notice the increase in heart rate that much, but it’s definitely still happening. I’ve had some increased heart rate at night. I generally just feel a little sick to my stomach, not wanting to eat, and having muscle weakness- but I know anxiety causes all of these as well. What is most people’s heart rate when they’re standing up compared to resting? I forgot how absolutely terrible anxiety is and it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not. 😔 Any reassurance is appreciated!
  10. This sounds like your cortisol is out of wack! Going through this myself. I’ve been having really bad morning anxiety; gets better as the day goes on but still there. I sleep lightly until about 1 or 2 and then wake up. If I get back to sleep I wake up in the morning wired and anxious. Doing cortisol testing tomorrow (spit into a tube 4x throughout the day to measure your levels)- my naturopath gave me the kit. We will see what it says. My psych NP also recommended Integrative Therapeutics Cortisol Manager. It’s ashwaganda with l-Theanine to help manage cortisol. I’m going to try it after I do the testing tomorrow. Hope that might help you!
  11. Hi all, I haven’t posted here in quite a while! A few years ago you all were so helpful when I was going through a really tough time. I ended up going on Zoloft and that really helped me so I kinda fell off the board so as not to focus on anything negative. But I have since weaned off my Zoloft about 3 months ago and here I am again. Struggling and trying to do this without immediately going back on meds. Wanting to do this naturally and wanting to find the root cause. Anyway, in my frantic-ness to try to find something to feel better, I bought “The Mood Cure” by Julia Ross. It’s a great book and I definitely think it has some great potential treatments for those of us with anxiety. When reading her book, I realized I’m very low in serotonin (or so it seems) and she recommends a few different amino acids or supplements for boosting serotonin. I tried 5-HTP briefly but didn’t have the right dosage she recommended in the book and for some reason I’ve heard mixed reviews about 5-htp. So I went with the second option of taking l-tryptophan, which also coverts to serotonin. So yesterday I took about 2000 mg of l-tryptophan and today I took 3000. And honestly it did help my mood and anxiety some, HOWEVER, last night and then again today I noticed some tingling in my hands. And also I’m getting the occasional PVC tonight. And of course- googling- I notice that some of these symptoms can be from a rare serious side effect. This was mostly prevalent in 1989 after a tainted batch of l-tryptophan came from Japan. I believe about 37 people died. Afterwards, they banned l-tryptophan but it later came back in the market when they relaxed some of the standards and oversight for natural supplements. But it’s still a possibility. From what I’ve read, it seems like most people who got the condition were taking the supplement for months at high doses and developed some pretty severe symptoms. Way more than my little tingling. But of course now I’m worried a bit even though I don’t plan on taking it anymore. That said, it sucks because I feel like it might have been working for me, especially after another week or two. So I suppose I could try 5-htp or St Johns Wort at some point. If anyone has experience with these please let me know! Anyway, if anyone read that and wants to reassure me that I’m not having a serious rare side effect and that I’ll be fine and that I WILL find a supplement that works for me that would be amazing 😉 But if not, thank you for allowing me this space to get out all of my thoughts. ❤️
  12. I think I definitely get this and mostly it makes me depressed. I have felt terrible that I’m wasting my life worrying when there are other people out there that are truly sick. And I’ve felt so silly for running around to doctors when I’m likely healthy. I’ve apologized to my husband even though he’s so supportive. The weird thing is I think sometimes my anxiety stems from guilt that I AM healthy and others aren’t. Like why am I more deserving of health than someone else? I think sometimes I don’t deserve good things to happen to me or for things to turn out well so I sabotage myself and start looking for problems.
  13. Oh no worries! It's funny you mention the meds. I was on some a few years ago and they helped make my anxiety more manageable. They kinda stopped working after a year or so but I wasn't on a very high dose and never really went up. I've decided I'm going to go back on them because I'm 4 months postpartum and I think with the hormonal changes I just can't seem to get over this hump (and my anxiety is just really intense and it's hard to focus and enjoy my daughter). I'm hoping they work again because it's just been so rough these past few months. Counseling, reading, meditation and yoga do help but it's hard to find time to do them with a new baby and it's also hard to motivate myself to do them when I just don't feel like myself and am so anxious all the time. I really hope the meds will take the edge off so I can take care of myself better.
  14. I totally get that. The power of suggestion... it is so powerful! Sometimes I actually am sort of 'thinking' about a symptom or maybe checking or looking for it and it legitimately isn't there... so then it confuses me. Are my thoughts bringing on symptoms or is this real? What's real and what's not? Honestly I think sometimes I do get symptom that's real but it's how quickly the mind gets caught up in it that causes the escalation. And once I'm in that spot it's hard to let the thought and subsequently the symptom go. I'm listening to this book on audible right now called "Loving what is". It's really powerful and I can only listen to a little at a time, but it's all about recognizing that what's happening isn't causing the suffering, it's your thoughts about what's happening that's causing the suffering. It's about learning to inquire about your thoughts and you have to practice as she calls it doing "the work." She has a website called I'm working through this right now- one of my best friends recommended it so we'll see how it goes! I am going to therapy as well but I think we need to use lots of different techniques to overcome this. There is no magic pill (although I know meds can help ?).
  15. I am actually going through this right now! Usually my fears are centered on feeling dizzy and off balance, but lately I've been really worrried about my heart. It's been fairly slow lying down 48 to 50s (and I'm not a trained athlete) but will go up to like 150 just going up the stairs! It could just be that I'm anxious and then doing any sort of exercise shoots it up more. Also last week on my drive into work I noticed some tightness in my chest and I felt like I was having a hard time getting a breath. It would come and go (seems like when I'm not focused on it it would mostly go away- surprise surprise) but I freaked myself out last Friday and went to the ER. EKG, chest x ray and ddimer all clear. I have a cardiology appointment on Friday. I really do think it's just anxiety but when I feel the symptom and start thinking about it it can be hard to stop. I am working really hard to just try to notice my thoughts and feelings and not get caught up in them... but it's difficult and a process. You aren't alone!
  16. I've actually been getting this a bit lately. Feeling that chest tightness and difficulty getting a breath. Even went to the ER the other night and everything checked out normal. It's interesting, once I take deep breaths, use my meditation app and just try to not focus on it usually feels better. Breathing is one of those things that can feel unnatural as soon as you focus. And I have had that feeling lately like I'm going to die young too. I just had a baby 4 months ago and I think it just stems from terrible fear of leaving her combined with the stress that parenting is a 24/7 job for the next 18 years. It's scary! I've had some weird symptoms postpartum and saw a neurologist yesterday and will see a cardiologist on Friday. I've had some health anxiety in the past but often felt the symptoms were too vague or not severe enough to get them checked out. And usually they pass. But I think with all the recent stress my symptoms have felt a lot more intense and with having a little one I really want to get things checked out. It's weird, I'm not sure if I actually believe I'm going to die soon, but I just get this bad feeling like something bad is going to happen and my days are numbered. It sucks the joy right out of life! I was actually feeling really happy the past couple weeks after starting therapy and then this week health anxiety reared its ugly head and all these fears came flooding back. I'm hoping that the results of some of my tests help give me some comfort. We'll get through this
  17. I was trying so hard today not to take my blood pressure today. Honestly I've been taking it everyday, several times a day for the past couple months. And it's always been fine. Even if it's a tiny bit lower it's fine. And lately I've been checking my O2 and heart rate at work (I work on an acute Geri-psych unit- ironic I know) because I've had what seems like a slower heart rate (like in the 60s sitting at work... I'm usually in the 70s... and also like high 48-50s lying down). I've also at times felt like I've been having a hard time getting a breath, but I feel like it's mostly due to me focusing on it. I'm going to the cardiologist next Friday. It's probably fine but I just want it checked. So anyway today I said I wasn't going to do it. I could feel the anxiety rising in me this afternoon. I always feel kind of off balance/dizzy/lightheaded throughout the day and it gets worse as my anxiety increases. It doesn't ever really go away though. (Going to a neurologist on Monday- never been). After running a group at work today I was in my office, stood up, and felt like I was short of breath and like my heart stopped beating in my chest. Made me SUPER anxious. I sat down and took my BP and of course it was high but my pulse seemed low. I ran over to our pulse ox. My heart rate was better in standing but then my O2 started going down. That freaked me out. I took it off and put it back on and it was fine. I ran to another BP machine and pulse ox in the charting room where no one was. Pulse stayed steady in 60s sitting, O2 100%. In standing, heart rate 80s-90s O2 100%. I wanted to go without it today :/ why is it so hard not to check? I'm sure this must be anxiety/panic. I've never been to a cardiologist or neurologist. Never been one to have lots of tests or run to the ER (but I think about it all the time). I hope it gives me the reassurance I need going to these specialists.
  18. So I have struggled with anxiety since high school and at one point in college took zoloft with good success for about a year. Then it kinda seemed to stop working. I probably needed to go up in dosage, but since my anxiety was 'manageable' at the time I ended up just weaning myself off if it. Well now I'm 3 months postpartum and my health anxiety has reared its ugly head terribly. I've had two really good sessions with my therapist (she's doing something called brainspotting with me) but I keep debating about going back on the Zoloft. Honestly I would have gone back on it 2 months ago but I was afraid because of breastfeeding. But I've had such a hard time coping that I'm willing to go back on it now. I really just started to tackle things the last couple weeks with starting therapy and trying to eat better but it just feels like I've been dealing with it for so much longer because the first 6-7 weeks (after my anxiety really came on) I was trying to 'get through it' while I waited for appointments with my therapist and naturopath. I am *starting* to feel better within the past couple weeks but I know I still have a ways to go. My question is, how many of you found medication to help your health anxiety? Was it a piece of your recovery? Should I give myself 'more time' to do it naturally and have more therapy sessions before I take the meds? I know it will take time for the zoloft to work too. I just hate this anxiety. I want to be able to enjoy my daughter. And I just started back at work last week and I would like to be able to focus there too!
  19. That's good! And thanks! I keep debating about going to the doctor because it's so intermittent. I feel like it's probably not really a thing but when it's there I can't help worrying about it :/
  20. I'm actually happy I found this post. I've been having nonspecific mild pain in my upper left quadrant. I do sometimes get intermittent pain elsewhere in my belly, but for some reason I'm focusing on it most in that spot. I've convinced myself I have pancreatic cancer (since it's so difficult to detect early). Or maybe even a heart problem as pain can be under the ribs. If it's not one thing I'm worried about it's another :/
  21. So a few weeks back I noticed when I push in on a spot in the upper left quadrant of my abdomen it felt tender. I had no pain at baseline, but if I pushed on it it felt tender. But then sometimes it wasn't there. Sometimes it just seemed like superficial ab soreness as I'm 12 weeks postpartum and likely still out of shape. I hadn't focused on it too much but then I happened to move in a specific way today and noticed some tenderness. When I pushed on my belly again sometimes I felt slight tenderness and other times not. It had it be in a very specific spot. I want to get it checked out but feel stupid. It's one of those things where it's like, 'it hurts when I push here doc' and doc says 'well don't push there.' Of course I get myself worked up it's pancreatic cancer or something. I've had any other anxiety symptoms since giving birth such as hot flashes, tremors, dizziness, and lightheadedness. Of course I start thinking they're all related. And sometimes I just get waves of heat through my body and lightheaded when I start focusing on this tenderness. I feel like such a mess! Sometimes I feel like my anxiety symptoms constantly switch. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly dizzy and off balance. Other times I'm really focused on stomach sensations and I'm sure I have pancreatic cancer. Other times it's a little of both. This is why I have such a hard time going to the doctor for these things as they just switch all the time. Just dont know if I should go to the doctor for this or not. He's already done lab work for some of my other symptoms.
  22. This is a great topic! Let's see mine are/were: heart attack (as a teenager) brain tumor aortic aneurysm pancreatic cancer pancreatitis POTS random vessel in my abdomen bursting believing I would hemorrhage after I gave birth lymphoma parasites stomach cancer uterine prolapse And then all the ones I think about in passing but maybe don't actively worry about but am afraid I might get at some point. It's exhausting.
  23. Hi all, I'm new here but have struggled with anxiety for 10 years or so (since high school). Just looking for some support! My anxiety has waxed and waned over the years. I'm cutrently 12 weeks postpartum and my anxiety has really been kicked into overdrive since about 5 weeks postpartum. I cannot stop thinking that something terrible is going to happen to me and that I am going to leave my little girl all alone. Something catastrophic. Like my husband will come home from work and find me passed out or dead on the floor and our little girl will have been crying there for hours. I keep feeling weird sensations in my stomach. Sometimes it's a like a tightening or a muscle twitching sensation (the sensation seems to move around- sometimes in upper abdomen, other times lower). Other times it feels like all the blood is draining out of my stomach and my blood pressure is going down and I'm going to pass out. I've checked my blood pressure though, even when I'm standing and it is basically fine. I also feel really dizzy and off balance a lot of the day, which is a sensation I've had in the past and has come and go over the years. Ive never had an MRI for it, not sure if I should. I'm currently working with a naturopath and have had a ton of labs done and am getting all my hormones looked at. I get so anxious about these sensations though. I feel shaky a lot and am high alert throughout the day. I feel like I'm constantly scanning my body. I feel like health anxiety has taken over my life and it's hard for me to care for my little girl. I just want to be normal and to enjoy her! I have started seeing a counselor who will be starting alpha-stim with me next week. I'm also going to try the whole 30 diet as my midwife suggested this could help. I do have a prescription for Zoloft but I'm holding off as long as I can as I am breast-feeding. I'm thinking about trying medical hypnosis as well. Anyone have experience with these kinds of sensations or postpartum health anxiety? Should I go to the hospital and demand an MRI of my head and an ultrasound of my abdomen? In the past week I've convince myself I have worms, pancreatitis, pancreatic cancer, and aortic aneurysm, and a brain tumor. I feel like a crazy person.