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About Nicolette918

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    Music, art, horror films, travel, animals, gaming, writing, YouTube, rocks and minerals, driving,

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  1. where's the flour gravy? Holy shit is that Oreo ice cream with chocolate syrup in the background?
  2. Somebody please help me!

    1. Holz


      What's up Hun?

  3. hi megan I know what its like to be a cutter. I am recovering from it now myself. ive been a self harmer for many years now. I have more scars than I can count. I suggest calling someone you can trust. if you cant call anyone just try to do something with art. I know this is difficult but please stop. don't hurt yourself any further. its really not worth it I can promise you that. im not going to say go to the hospital or call 911 but if you truly need help please I am begging you to ask for help reach out because people care about you. it may sound stupid but truly people out there care about you. I may not know you and you don't know me but I care. I came from a very troubled home myself. you can get through this
  4. well I have had a lot of changes. I moved to New York and then back again to Tulsa Oklahoma and had a breakup and had to put my dog to sleep a few days ago because she had metastatic bowel c****r and I've been super depressed and have been having trouble eating due to my Ed messing with me and haven't been sleeping well for a while now. I quit taking my meds back in October but never really took them much before that anyway.
  5. yea its been ruff for me lately..i don't know what to do but I really don't want to be put away again
  6. I've lost it for sure now. My brain is having "lag" issues. basically I am freaking out. hallucinating isn't a new issue for me but I am having new symptoms I guess. and yes I am completely sober when this is all happening. anyway I have the usual hallucinations of blood coming down the walls and out from the floors and things morphing and things moving that shouldn't be moving like the walls, doors, and peoples faces melt and get all distorted and well turn into creepy shit kind of like they are transforming. smells are also an issue but I wont go into them. anyway lately I've had a new symptom that I call ''brain lag'' or life lag kind of like when a computer or a dvd glitches the picture will move in blocks and some of the images just kind of melt together well that's what I'm experiencing except its in real life! also I am seeing and hearing images and conversations from my past. audio sounds almost robotic, very slow and strange both with real people talking and the audible hallucinations. when this all starts I can hear myself breathing as if I am trapped in a tight space and I can feel my blood flowing and my organs working. it freaks me out and makes me want to claw my insides out. which when it gets to intense sometimes I lose control and hurt myself either by hitting myself or cutting in multiple places to inflict pain to get rid of the moving inside of my body. I also get very shaky and my body locks up and twitches which is very painful as if I have Tourette's or something. I don't know what is causing all of this but I am afraid to tell my doctors and ''family'' about it. any of it in fact I've not told many about the hallucinations in general but this has gotten overwhelming to the point I feel hopeless, helpless, scared and out of control. someone please help me figure out what this madness could be and how to fix it.
  7. Trying to recover from addiction is killing me but then again so were the addictions..

    1. Jase


      Dont give up it gets easier...or so I'm told, lol. Really, the more time i got clean the less i think about it.

  9. ok first off im not sure if this is where I should write this but its going here anyways. so while laying in bed I was thinking about my ''father'' being its around fathers day. looking at my birth certificate my mother has the name of her ex husband still. I was given my ''biological father's'' last name however something just doesn't seem right! I know they were not married until after my birth so the last name thing kinda makes sense but it got me questioning. I asked my father the question today about how him and my mother met and when. I was born December 4th 1993 but my ''father'' as I know him didn't know my mom until may sometime which would mean basically that my mom was already pregnant with me before they even met. the man she was married to died from addiction to drugs and alcohol in the middle of 93. I was told addiction runs in my family and I struggle with addiction to many things myself. also there is a history of mental illness which I have. but back on track here. I am now wondering if my ''father'' is really the man ive been told he is for all these years. if he isn't that means that not only is my mother dead but my bio father is as well. I need others opinions on what could have happened and is the man I call my father really mine? sincerely, A worried and stressed insomniac
  10. warning may trigger some just going to say I kinda threw this together I did not worry about the flow but its actually a 2 in 1 thing I have written but very similar so I figure they may work as one. I've cried a thousand tears now my walls are caving in. I don't know where to start or how to begin. I continue to wonder if this will ever end. Days pass by while nights drag on. It's been this way for far to long. Sitting alone in agony and despair I wonder what it would be like if I still had you there. There is no light at the end of my tunnel as far as I can see. Through lonely hours I sit and wonder, why me? In the light you think you see me but I'm not really there I disappear in the wind and leave you holding onto fear the final breath I took was just another step in my mind. Im like ticking time bomb ready to explode slowly slipping farther through the night but the words I always speak to you are that I will be alright. If only you could see right through the sleeves I wear you would see what has become of me.behind closed doors the smile fades and the tears are all that's left but if you only new the truth my tears aren't like the rest when the cloth is removed you will know my mind has been distressed
  11. WARNING MAY TRIGGER MOST- I WOULD LIKE TO ADD AHEAD OF TIME I HAVE NO PLANS AS TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS. THIS IS MY STYLE OF WRITEING AND HELPS ME TO GET OUT THE FEELING AND THOUGHTS IN A SAFE MANNER WITHOUT DOING MUCH TO ANY PHYSICAL HARM TO MYSELF. IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW NEEDS TO TALK WRITE IT OUT. ON A SIDE NOTE I WOULD LIKE TO ADD ALSO THAT I AM HERE FOR THOSE THAT WISH TO ASK ME QUESTIONS AND WOULD JUST LIKE TO TALK. PLEASE IF YOU ARE IN A BAD MIND SET DO NOT CONTINUE READING RIGHT NOW GO AND TALK TO SOMEONE OR WRITE IT OUT. My mind- always distorted- has reached the point of no return.I wish for a farewell kiss, not from you, but from this.My neighbors will hear one g**shot, but to me it will be a silent whisper, "rest."Su*c*de is not centered on weakness but on absolute power.How many can grip a g*n to their skull and pull the trigger.A worthy expense for an unceasing agony, at least in my case.Others wait for something or someone to save them, something that doesn't exist that someone that is always to late.For me I choose a lesser movement, just a squeeze of a finger, as this bullet whispers in my ear. no more pain. no more fear.
  12. warning may be very triggering for most warning THE TICKING TIMEBOMB 1:20am... The tension is building 1:23am... The temptation is overwhelming 1:25am... Just do it 1:26am... The knife is pulled from my pocket 1:29am... My mind sinks even lower 1:31am... Tears begin to flow 1:34am... The knife is turned over and over being pondered 1:35am... Last chance, no turning back 1:37am... The knife is raised and switched open 1:38am... The knife is pressed to the vain 1:40am... A flash of thoughts 1:40am... A sudden surge of pain 1:50am... Everything is now numb, cold and empty 1:55am... The complete silence of death 7:30am... Found lifeless
  13. WARNING MAY TRIGGER SOME ~comatose~ I feel so very empty, I feel so very alone, I chew nervously On my cold bottom lip My pupils have consumed the light of my eyes blurred my world so it seems arms bruised,feeling used But I just smile as if I'm amused. blood stained sheets,torn flesh, silence left at its best. numb scars,feeling too far lost, blood pumping through a small single heart. If that heart were to stop, Were to give up and run, There is no hope, The deed would be done. Just like the heart a person can die. Though there are many ways that a person may try, The worse way to go is dying inside. What is the pain to the numb? Triggering blood to flow and to come, It makes no sense, bleeding to realize you can still feel, Its like ending a story that never began. comatose release. Lost.. I am here, But I can't see you, someone says I'm numb, That I can't hear you, but They are wrong...sometimes I can. I see the tears Roll down your face, I want to wipe Them all away. But I am stuck Inside this body, It's like a dream, But it's not ending. I feel your touch...sometimes. Your gentle kiss, It's what keeps Me holding on. I know your hope is fading quickly, your voice is shaking. "I love you, Please stay with me" I never wanted to hurt you, Your hand's in mine,like a fire against ice melting me. Don't be afraid my love,hold me close. One day I'll wake up, one day I will be ok You'll see, one day you wont have to save me from thee. one day I will feel again and be happy. for now it's just you,me and comatose.
  14. ~warning may trigger some~ I can't bear the hurt; I can't stand the pain a feeling of sadness I can't explain. This is a life in which I walk alone shattered and broken Always angry for no reason at all Constantly wanting to end my pain Fighting with myself again, and again, Nothing I do can make her proud There’s no silver lining on her clouds I’m a rainstorm filled with dark black skies And a haunting rainfall full of lies I only wish I could make her see I’m trying hard so I can be Someone she that can trust and love Instead she tells me I'm not good enough Everything I do is a wrong decision She constantly tells me I'm not living The path that she truly wishes I'd take But she doesn't understand I'm just one big mistake If I could I'd erase myself from here I wouldn't have to live this fear want to be skinny And always happy, fun, and pretty Instead I look at myself in the mirror Disappointed in the reflection that appears It’s hard to live when you don't love who you are Wishing that you could change it all Every day I make a mental note How much would I actually be missed, if I decide to go And how much more I can take before I fall over the edge How much longer can I last? Before my life becomes one of the past. When the blade slices deep across my skin all the pain and all my thoughts and worries slip away everything is calm and I feel at peace when I see the blood I feel free and when the cuts start to heal it makes me hopeful that I will someday heal it feels so much better to feel at ease everything just seems to go blank and my head starts to clear and at times I completely fade out and then I’m at full ease but it’s a complicated task to pull off unless I go deep the only way I can truly be free is to take the leap and end what’s left of me