Nicolette918

confused and worried...who's my father?

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ok first off im not sure if this is where I should write this but its going here anyways.

so while laying in bed I was thinking about my ''father'' being its around fathers day. looking at my birth certificate my mother has the name of her ex husband still. I was given my ''biological father's'' last name however something just doesn't seem right! I know they were not married until after my birth so the last name thing kinda makes sense but it got me questioning. I asked my father the question today about how him and my mother met and when. I was born December 4th 1993 but my ''father'' as I know him didn't know my mom until may sometime which would mean basically that my mom was already pregnant with me before they even met. the man she was married to died from addiction to drugs and alcohol in the middle of 93. I was told addiction runs in my family and I struggle with addiction to many things myself. also there is a history of mental illness which I have. but back on track here. I am now wondering if my ''father'' is really the man ive been told he is for all these years. if he isn't that means that not only is my mother dead but my bio father is as well.  I need others opinions on what could have happened and is the man I call my father really mine?    

 

                                                                                                 sincerely, A worried and stressed insomniac

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First of all arsenic, addictions don't run in families. It is not hereditary.  If you are brought up in a drug environment where drugs are the norm then you will feel that it is OK to take them but, physically, they do not 'run in families'. Again 'a history of mental illness'. We are only subject to this if the environment we were brought up in was an anxiety ridden one. The jury is well and truly out on the heredity factor in spite of what some will tell you. Try not to let it worry you. You are you, a unique and special person and can make your own judgements according to how YOU feel not what others lay on you. I know it seems important to you about your biological father but my personal view is that you are here now and it is the future that matters. Where you came from is less important, though interesting, than what you make of your own life now. The past is dead. Nothing you can do about it and apart from curiosity it will not help you to get in a state over it. Especially losing sleep. Find out by all means but don't make a big issue of it.   Best wishes.   J.

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Nikki, maybe your 'dad' got mixed up, maybe your mum got her dates mixed up. Your dad is your dad, he's here now, he brought you up, he loves you. For all sense and purposes he is your dad. Your mum told you he was your dad, maybe for a reason, or maybe because he is.

 

I know Fathers day is dragging up some feelings, it is for me too. My dad died 2 years ago and the last time I saw him alive was on Fathers Day, the best advice I can give you is for now, just spend the day with the man you call Dad :)

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