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About Cubmanben

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  1. Hey everyone, new here. Not new to anxiety though. Fortunately, I've been managing really well the last several years. I was actually to the point where I was thinking about tapering off the Celexa I've been taking. Then things got crazy at work and it looks like there's several, myself included, people who are going to be let go in January. Needless to say this is the best paying job I've had. I'm still paying off a lot of things from my divorce a few years ago and now may be really in a bad place. Not to mention I'm sure my ex-wife will be all over this one when it comes to custody. I'm back to not hardly being able to eat or sleep. My blood pressure is way up, my palms sweat a lot. I realize there's no fast or easy way out of this. It's a real life issue that I'm really going to have to deal with. I just know sometimes it helps to talk things out... So thanks for listening!
  2. One of the common misconceptions that people have with anxiety and/or depression is that you can just put your head down and power though it. It's not really how it works. Yes, you will learn to be strong throughout the process, but it's a smart strength. The real lesson to be learned is how to accept and understand your feelings and how to manage them. You mentioned embarrassment. I have been there, and I get it. But at the same time, that's an outside pressure. We feel like we should be different because of society. It's just a feeling, it doesn't make it real. People who have the flu aren't embarrassed, it's a thing. It happens. That's just a quick example in learning to understand and start accepting feelings for what they are. They're just projections our mind puts up there. Anxiety is what we deal with, it's not who we are at our core.
  3. Kylie really hit the nail on the head on a lot of points Jennifer. Anxiety is a challenge, no doubt. But the challenge isn't to go back to where you came from, it's to move forward and forge a new and better life for yourself. There are a lot of people who just muddle through life and don't ever take the time or make the sacrifice to really take stock in themselves and where their life is at and where they want to go. In a strange way, anxiety gives us all the chance to assess who we are and what we really want to get, because there's no short cuts here. The way out of anxiety is learning to understand and accept your feelings. It's dealing with the panic and learning to let it pass. There's some work that goes on in that process, and everyone here knows it. The end result though is a really great thing, and you can and will get there!
  4. It's hard to discern exactly what may be the cause of it. How long did you taper off the meds? And while it takes 4-6 weeks to get full effect, it likely takes as long to fully clear your system. It's possible that it's some bounce back anxiety as your body adjusts to the lower levels of serotonin. It's possible that the meds were helping and not having them is having a bit of a negative effect on you right now. The thing is understanding the root causes, whether this is rebound anxiety or what is going on. Do your best to allow yourself to understand that this is just anxiety and not to let it get to you. Allow that fear to pass, address it as anxiety and keep moving on. That's really where the secret lies, it's not always the easiest, but you can do it.
  5. You're spot on with your observation that focusing on things does increase the worry and fear. Typically when you do that, your mind likes to wander off to all of these crazy places that are so unlikely (if not impossible) that you stay focused on all those what-if type things. The thing with our health, and this is just my own opinion, is that it's so unpredictable that it can really make it hard. Usually anxiety comes with some level of wanting control, and it's impossible to control when we get sick for all intents and purposes. This is again, why it's so important to learn and understand your anxiety more. Allowing those feelings to come, but not focusing on them really is the key to this entire thing. Getting off that downward spiral is really difficult, but it's essential to your overall well being. The trick I've found is never letting yourself get to high or too low when dealing with feelings and emotions. The more you ride that back and forth pendulum the worse the swings seem to be. Once you learn and accept that you're ok and will be ok, then you don't need a good day to think that things are good or let a bad day get you down, because you'll know that ultimately, you're going forward with your life and you'll get there. Do your best to take a step back and breathe when things get tough. Workbooks may be helpful. Again, for me, I found writing and journaling extremely helpful. Sometimes just writing things down helped organize my thoughts and kept things from getting too far out of hand.
  6. How long have you been on the meds for one thing and what dose are you on? They take some time to get worked in. The other thing with meds is that they'll help, they can certainly be a part of the equation, but people respond to them all differently. The other thing that helps a lot, even more than meds for many is getting some counseling on the side as well. Anxiety is still all about understanding and learning coping techniques and ways to address and handle anxiety. Meds can help you get a foundation, but ultimately success comes from understanding and accepting the anxiety for what it is, an overreaction to stressors and the fight or flight kicking in, and allowing those things to pass. The best thing you can learn for yourself through all of this is that it's harmless and while it's uncomfortable, it's not dangerous and you'll be ok.
  7. I think there typically tends to be two types of people, those who are comfortable with themselves and try and bring others up, and those who are unhappy about who they are and try and drag others down. There are a few things that you mentioned that make me believe she's of the latter. There's absolutely nothing wrong with relationships or being in them, but if she's going through these constantly and moving around, it seems like she needs the comfort of having someone with her in order to feel validated as a person. Secondly, those that typically like to call out others for things they haven't done are feeling some sort of guilt or shame and are trying to deflect the blame off of themselves. The important thing to remember in all of this is that whatever she says, does, tries to pull, whatever... don't have any effect on who YOU are as a person. While that's not always an easy thing to grasp, remember that you are in the right and you are the one in control of who and what you are. You've made good choices by stepping away from what sounds like a fairly toxic situation. Now, allow yourself to take that last step away if things can't be resolved. As the girls said, the facebook posts are there for a reason. She wants to get a rise out of you and get under your skin... it goes back to dragging you down to her level. For some reason she's not comfortable with herself and you're bearing the unfair brunt of her own insecurities.
  8. It is only thru the darkness that one is truly appreciate the light. It's only thru the cold of winter that you can appreciate the warmth of spring. I know you can see the light starting to creep through. And I agree with you Kylie that you just need to fully believe in it. The whole key is to continue to be grateful for the light that you can see. For the love from your family that you do feel. For the real smile that you have and the joy you experience. As Jon said, this is the truth of what's in store for us all as people. Continue to see that and appreciate that. Your blessings will only become more bountiful!
  9. I think the Lexapro can do you well. I had some similar experiences with some health related anxiety. Mine was tied more to heart palpitations and further manifested itself from there, but I found Lexapro to be a huge help. It wasn't some magic pill or did anything to make me feel differently, it just helped slow things down a bit to where I could actually focus on getting better. Those racing thoughts slowed and as a result a lot of the other symptoms began to wane as well. It's pretty amazing how your mind can do those things to you. The thing you need to do at this point is trust your doctors. I know it's uncomfortable and it can feel really strange and it is hard to believe that it can be something as simple as anxiety, but give it a shot and I think you'll find over the course of the next several weeks that the symptoms will subside and you'll be able to think more clearly.
  10. Cubmanben


    I used to keep a journal just because it helped get my thoughts organized. You're not just letting your mind play tricks, you're getting it out. I've really found sometimes just writing or typing things out really helps you see things a little more clearly sometimes. If nothing else it's nice just to get it off your chest so it's not all bottled up. A new job is a stressful thing anyhow, so that's probably contributing to things as well. So given everything, having some anxiety is not abnormal. Just keep your head up and doing what you're doing to take care of yourself. You're doing really well!
  11. Cubmanben


    For me personally, not getting enough sleep really can set off those palpitations. Anxiety definitely also can wreck havoc on your digestive system, so unfortunately it's not a surprise you're having issues with it right now. The important things as you've stated yourself here is that they are a symptom of anxiety. I can completely relate to the little pangs of fear when you get those palpitations, but just remember what it is. It's not comfortable, I get that. But, as you're able to address them as anxiety and let them pass, in time they lessen because they don't have that same grip of fear on you that they did. You have the answers already Shelby. Stay strong and always feel free to do as you did and write things out when you're feeling uncomfortable. For me at least, it's always helped organize and rationalize things a bit.
  12. You've had a lot going on Kylie, don't forget that. Deciding to quit a job is stressful even if you're not prone to anxiety. As you said, people going back to work or school or back home are all major events as well. Throw in the fact that you're a good mom and want what's best for your children and your family, it's a lot. None of this is to say that it makes it easier on your anxiety, goodness knows that's not how it works. But, that said, there's been a lot of major stressful events that all happened virtually at once. I think it'd cause anyone to be a little stressed out. Throw in the fact that you're the type of person who likes to just get things done and keep going, and this anxiety has hung on I think longer than you were hoping/planning for your feelings are very much justified. Just remember that the feelings are all based again on external things and artificial timelines. You're right, this will make you better and stronger, but it is hard to see. I think for me one of the hardest things about anxiety and/or depression is that it really does seem to blind you at times. I don't know how many times when I've been going through it the answers are right in front of me, but you can't see the forest through the trees. All of those things certainly can and do contribute to the frustrations that you're feeling, but I hope you find some comfort that in the end things are and will be ok, no matter what. Do not stop working and looking for answers, but also have the patience and understanding that when it's time, all will be revealed and you will find that peace you're looking for. Here's to hoping that it comes to you in short order.
  13. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way Kylie, but I think it's fairly common to a point. There's not a quick answer or a quick cure to any of this. That said though, I know you are displeased with how you're feeling, but I think it's important to remember that you need to focus on you. In the same way your children's limited world exposure limits their ability to help, it limits their ability to understand as well. That's all it is. I mean, we who struggle with anxiety don't hardly understand it, it's impossible to feel like they can understand, so the natural reaction when things are different than what they're used to is to question it. I think it's pretty great that your kids lives are as intertwined with yours that they worry. The second part with respect to what will happen, you can't predict the future. You have a good family and so don't try and figure out where all things are going in your future, because there's literally no way to know. Instead focus on the here and now. You've assigned a lot of labels to the things that you're feeling. Guilt is obviously commonly associated with a negative feeling. Well, why are you feeling guilty? Because of external pressures, because you're not where you envisioned yourself months ago when this began. So what? You didn't know how this was going to go. You didn't know the meds would make you so sick. You didn't know you'd get sick yourself. Feelings are common and natural. Those of us with anxiety tend to be very sensitive to our feelings. But understand that they're based only upon your own perceptions, not what's real. You will get better on your time. Not mine, not anyone else's. So do your best to avoid the temptation to label all these feelings as good or bad. Ultimately what happens then is you just keep going back and forth with "this feeling is bad, I feel bad. This feeling is good, I feel better." The ups and downs are always going to happen, but when you understand that ultimately you are ok and that things will be ok, it makes trying to navigate these rougher waters a lot easier on a person. Again, none of this is to say that I or others don't understand the feelings of guilt or frustration or that it's not something that's easy to get caught up in. I feel like I'm pretty far along in my own recovery, and yet I get sucked into that trap at times myself based on external pressures or things like that. And it's perfectly fine that you're here and venting and I hope that getting some things down helped you out. This isn't a criticism at all. I hope you get feeling better soon.
  14. Good morning everyone and Happy New Year to you!! While I recognize that the turning of the calendar is largely ceremonial, it does offer a chance for some reflection and goals. Both of these things are good and helpful, but if you're going to work on goals for this year, be sensible about them. Every person is different and we all react and respond differently to things. To say that you want to be anxiety free by spring is great, but is it realistic? Instead I'd like to ask that you set a goal of writing down a few things every day that you're grateful for or going to see a therapist or something that you can actually do that is within you to do. It avoids a lot of possible frustration down the line. Now that I've made my segway into frustration, let's dive into the real purpose of my post today. Frustration, depression, anger, increased anxiety... they are all things that most of us have experienced along our journey. I know I certainly have, more than once. So why is that? For me, what I've found is that we feel there's a void there or that we're lacking something. Using the example from above, if I said I want to be anxiety free by March and I'm not... I could get awfully frustrated. I feel like I should be at one place and I'm not there, meaning that there's a void or a lack that I'm feeling. Well what is that void really? In this case, it was an unrealistic expectation on my part. There are many things that we do to put pressure on ourselves. We think that we should feel better because our significant other thinks we should, or our family thinks we should or society thinks we should. We should make more money or be more successful or have a family by now or whatever the case may be. Well why do we feed into that? We as individuals are NOT everyone else. Do you really want to be like everyone else? Do you want to be a Kardashian and just go out there with the sole purpose of being a mindless lemming following whatever pop culture dictates, I doubt it. Now that is not to say that you need to ignore your feelings. Feelings are feelings and you have them. That's fine, accept them. But take away the labels from them. Don't be tempted to say that "this happened, it's bad," or "this happens, and it's good." If you allow the perceived positive or negative feelings dictate how you actually live your life, you're always going to be on the pendulum swinging back and forth. But, if you start allowing your feelings to come and accept them and dismiss them all as neutral, understanding that what is actually in store for you is good, you will be much better off in the long run. It's obviously not an overnight thing, it takes practice. Switching your mind from one to feeling overwhelmed to feeling grateful for all the good things you have takes time. But, you can and will get there if you commit to it. Again, Happy New Year to each and every one of you. May 2016 bring you better days!!
  15. Hey Chelsea. I was on citalopram for about a year and stopped cold turkey. Holy heck did I feel like hell!! I was sick as a dog for a bit, I had horrible side effects for a while, it was not a pleasant experience. On the plus side, it can't and won't kill you. It's kind of like a really awful hangover though where you wonder about it... but it won't. Your body is adjusting on the fly to not having that in your system anymore and is shocked a little while. Make sure you try to get plenty of rest, keep hydrated and if you get any relapse in anxiety, just remember it's your body adjusting and stay strong.