thinker247

I turned 31 yesterday. I started having anxiety with accompanying bouts of depression since the age of 15, which means I have officially been more unhappy than I have been happy in my life. My mother tried to cheer my up yesterday by telling me that I am young and that I have many years to look forward to, but if I am looking forward to another 15 years of this crap, life has very little appeal. I received a rejection letter for my application for social security disability on my birthday. It was my second time appealing for a favorable decision, which means that, overall, I have tried 3 times to get approved with no success. There seems to be no validation on any level of the kind of suffering I go through. I'm not going to try any more meds, as I have tried more than I wish to list. I may go back to therapy at some point, after I get over my therapy fatigue brought on by numerous unsuccessful attempts at therapy. I may even try throwing myself back into the dizzying, frustrating, and excruciating process of working with my anxiety and depression symptoms, although if it's anything like my last two attempts, I will just end up disappearing from work because I eventually can't face anyone there anymore. I feel hopeless about the world and the people in it. There are exceptions here and there, but by and large, the world doesn't care all that much for the mentally ill.

Regarding anxiety, What would Gus do? Nuff said.

Listen up ass-wipes! The next time you pussies get scared to do something because of anxiety, heed the word of the man Gus Fring, and just:

I applied for disability in like January of 2011. The denied me twice and I am currently in the process of getting an appeal hearing. The average wait time for a hearing is over a year in the state of Maryland (where I live), and that's just to determine whether you can get it or not. They estimate I will get a hearing date in April. The key is to get a doctor who will vouch for you but even that is not a guarantee, especially with "just anxiety or depression". The bottom line is, if you don't have severe mental illness, like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, your chances are slim of getting approved right away. Although I also know some people who got approved just for like panic disorder and agoraphobia or social anxiety disorder. Maybe it depends on the state. Generally though, I think It's pretty much a joke in the US. The paper work is insanely long and tedious and they don't even seem to really put care in the applications. I got a law firm to represent me in the last phase, but I would recommend you get one from the beginning. They usually take around 20-30% of the first payment or up to a maximum of $6000, but it could really speed up the process and let Social Security know that you are serious. I think you have a better chance if you are over the age of 50, though. Good luck if you choose to apply, in my experience, it can be a long and discouraging road...

Yeah one day at a time is all we can do I suppose. I did go for a long walk to the grocery store yesterday. It was nice.

I'm not even sure what is anxiety anymore and what is physical stuff. At this point I feel like they have merged together to make my life a living hell. I woke up this morning thinking, "man I have felt like this now for a few weeks, but I can't describe exactly what it is". I have suffered with anxiety for over 15 years now but there are still times where I just can't fully encompass the full spectrum of my symptoms and feelings with words. I wake up tired, foggy and weak. My nose is dry and stuffy. There is a heaviness and congestion in the front of my face around my nose and eyes. The weakness and fatigue pretty much last all day. I get really irritable and feel lethargic. Things I used to be able to do even a month ago or a few months ago seem like arduous tasks. I am constantly trying to ignore nausea, heartburn, indigestion and the ball in my throat. Cringe-inducing thoughts constantly pop up in my mind before I can even stop them or notice them creeping in, specifically moments I felt embarrassment in my life, even moments from like years ago, like in me teens. I am so much more easily triggered and skittish, like a raw nerve. I don't know if this adds up to anything for anyone but the best I could come up with is that I have a combination of sinusitis, anxiety and depression, and digestive problems associated with that. I have gone to doctors, therapists, psychiatrists and all that. They will prescribe nasal sprays, anxiety and/or depression medications, probiotics, supplements, life-style changes anyone could think up in a high school gym class, all of which I have tried at one time or another with no real successful results. Things, symptoms keep adding or getting worse up as time passes by, because I can't seem to treat or attenuate the root cause, for which there really is no cure. Thanks for reading.

Personality disorders are most likely just wired into your genetics and manifest themselves at a certain age, like most mental illnesses. All you can do about them, like with any other mental disorder, is to see a professional about them (such as a psychologist and/or a psychiatrist). My point in telling you about this disorder the other day, Chlo, was to get you to be aware of the dramatic, and sometimes distressing attention seeking behavior you engage in in chat, not for you to take that behavior into the forums. Like Gill (and pretty much everybody else) says, go see a psychiatrist and a therapist/psychologist. Whatever they diagnose you with and recommend as treatment will be far more helpful than what you are doing on the internet...

Nausea has been one of my most persistent and frequent symptoms since I have had anxiety, which is for the past 15 years.

This post is still true today, sadly. Honk, honk, honk...

If perfectionist parents also includes having control freaks as parents then I agree even more with this study.

I was watching "Up with Chris Hayes" this morning and learned about a guy whom I found to be quite brilliant in his description of depression. Aaron Swartz, the creator of reddit and RSS, took his own life recently at the young age of 26. He was a genius in many things, but I did not know of him until today even though I knew of reddit and RSS. What really impressed me about him was his description of depression as he experienced it. Here is an exerpt from his blog ( http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/verysick ): "Surely there have been times when you’ve been sad. Perhaps a loved one has abandoned you or a plan has gone horribly awry. Your face falls. Perhaps you cry. You feel worthless. You wonder whether it’s worth going on. Everything you think about seems bleak — the things you’ve done, the things you hope to do, the people around you. You want to lie in bed and keep the lights off. Depressed mood is like that, only it doesn’t come for any reason and it doesn’t go for any either. Go outside and get some fresh air or cuddle with a loved one and you don’t feel any better, only more upset at being unable to feel the joy that everyone else seems to feel. Everything gets colored by the sadness." The same can very easily said about anxiety, and the lack of any really severe trigger causing an overwhelming amount of worry and/or panic. Ever since I heard that quote today, I have been reading up on Aaron Swartz and have been reading his blog. He was also a social activist fighting for social equality and freedom on the internet. Just thought I would share this info with you all. I am currently reading his blog at http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/ and have checked out the activist websites he started ( http://boldprogressives.org/ and http://demandprogress.org/ ). Lots of interesting stuff on his blog. R.I.P Aaron Swartz

No but seriously, I get like that , or I used to a lot when I was still going out and meeting with people. I would just push through and sometimes I would actually have fun. At others I would just get throught it and go home and analyze every last moment and be wired for hours afterwards... I have had some good times though, once I actually pushed through. Hope you had fun

Walk it off...

Good point Joseph. I think sometimes I am so afraid of being abnormal that I cling too much to social norms, conformity and whatnot... but I did used to be more social than I am now. Like I don't know that I would be the club hopping, womanizing type, but I would certainly enjoy the attention and company of others if it weren't for this anxiety...