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  1. Yesterday
  2. It's not necessarily a failure. You opened up You were willing to take advice, even through the stubbornness of anxiety. You are willint to take a look back. Overcoming anxiety is a process. Each one of these situations is a chance to analyze and learn. How we think - how we react. The goal is to not react as severely to the next situation. 🙂
  3. That's a very interesting question, Ironman. I would have to say that if this is a test, I have failed it miserably. I would say that the good things I've done is to go to the doctor(s) and advocate for myself and some kind of resolution. However, though I'm not in the state that I was in a week(ish) ago when I was waiting on the biopsy results, I can't say that I'm anywhere near comfort or acceptance...that's just the truth. I suppose it's the not knowing what it is and why it is that causes me to doubt everyone and everything including myself. I know that the body is a very complex thing and even the best of doctors don't have the answers - and that doesn't make me feel any better. I know that my own mother had a rash that lasted for months when she was around my age (hers was different, but still) that never was diagnosed, even after repeated tests, and it spontaneously went away never to return...and that's now been almost 40 years. The only "good" that has come of this is I feel like I've drawn closer to God and am more appreciative of what really matters in life - so there's that. If something comes up again like this how would I handle it? I think I'd freak out all over again. I'm not proud of what I just wrote above...I've not handled this well at all...not at all. I guess I don't know how to get from "here" to "there" and I don't know what "there" should look like because it legitimately feels as if I should have freaked out under the circumstances. Edit as I've given this more thought: My husband has had an itchy rash off and on for going on 2 years now (at least) It comes and goes. It looks terrible. He refuses to go to the doctor about it. He's happy as a clam. So who is smarter? Perhaps he is. I suspect, though, that a prudent, yet not anxious person, would not take either extreme (his or mine). They'd probably get checked out, calmly and then if they were told it's okay, they'd believe the doctor and go on about their life.
  4. Last week
  5. To add to what BeautifulDisaster said here, take a look back at the process and what you were going through, the thoughts and issues you had. What did you do that was healthy versus unhealthy. If something like this comes up again, how would you handle it? The first lesson about anxiety I learned was "How I think determines how I feel" - well, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
  6. Well that should make you feel better that he had the biopsy test for all kinds of things and it all came back negative. It is also great that it is getting lighter. You won’t notice it so much because I am sure you are looking at it often and the anxiety will make you see it worse than it really is. this is a good time to practice trust in your body. Everything was thoroughly checked out. He doesn’t know what it is exactly but knows it isn’t anything life threatening. So now you trust your body to heal it to whatever degree it does and then you trust that it is ok even if it takes forever to fade. Sometimes we don’t get the answers, and that’s ok. But you know for sure what it isn’t, and that should bring you peace of mind. Yes please keep us updated!!
  7. So I had my stitches out today as I had popped a stitch anyway and the doctor went over everything again. He reassured me that this was not going to kill me. He went over every scary thing that they tested for ...some things I didn't even know about...everything was good...nothing bad. That's not to say that anyone knows what it is per se. He did say that he thinks it's about 50% better than when he saw it last time. To me it looks exactly the same. Anyhow, he said I'm supposed to see him again in 3 weeks to monitor how it's fading and make sure that it continues to fade. He continued to say that his prediction is that "something" caused this but we may never know what or why and that it will go away eventually. He's certainly being very nice and very cautious. Getting the stitches out was no joke but I'm glad we're at this point. I'll make sure to note the progress here for all of us and for some desperate person in the future with something similar looking for reassurance, ideas, etc... Thank you in particular to BeautifulDisaster and Ironman who have stood by me like the champions that they are.
  8. It is possible that you may always have coloring there. May stick around for a while. May never know what it is. But that is all ok be you have been thoroughly checked.
  9. Not gonna lie...I wish it would just go away already. Sigh...but I'm trying to be logical. I must agree...I don't know of any other test that could be run...so...you know. I have to just wait. Thank you, BeautifulDisaster, for all you've done for me!
  10. Yes!! Let it go- because you know it was thoroughly looked at and all is well! Sometimes we don’t always find the answers and that’s ok but you know it is nothing that needs treated. Time to let go.
  11. It's like you're totally in my head, BeautifulDisaster...I have to let it go.
  12. It’s going to look the same to you because of the anxiety. I have been there before. And when you keep looking and looking you won’t see any changes because you are looking so much. And with all of the anxiety you had around it waiting and waiting and being scared by the drs, you aren’t going to see the subtle changes. Your husband, who is more clear minded right now and not constantly looking, can see the changes. And to be honest, it doesn’t matter if it changes because 4 drs have seen it and the last one thoroughly checked you out, biopsied, and asked the pathologist to check for every scary possible thing - and it’s not. So to be truthful…. It doesn’t matter right now how fast it is going away or changing or even what it is because we know what it is not. Skin also is very sensitive to anxiety and it could be taking a while simply from all of the very high stress levels you have been under. But overall…. It doesn’t matter for all that I have said above. This is a good time now to practice letting go and allowing the body to show you it can heal on it’s own
  13. Earlier
  14. I have to have the stitches removed still...but no ...he didn't want me to do anything. He didn't want to give me any meds or creams or anything. He just wanted for my body to heal on its own in its own time. I told him my husband thought it was lighter and he said that was good. Still looks the same to me. I told him that as well. Thank you for your encouragement. My HA mind still tortures me on it, of course, but I have to let it go and give it time. And yes...I'll never go back to that mammo place ever again ever.
  15. One of the kindest things said to me … thank you so much 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Do not pay it any more of your attention right now. You have been thoroughly, very thoroughly checked. And you know it’s nothing terrible or life threatening- maybe it is not what you prefer your skin to look like - but it is fine. It will go away when it wants to. And maybe some color will always be there. And maybe you will never know what it was. You gave this more than enough of your time and life and energy. Time to let it go and let it be. The derm did not request any follow up or test correct? If not, then no reason to worry now. Go enjoy life!!!! And never ever ever go back to that mammo place again!!!! 😂
  16. Ironman. Thank you for all of your help through this and for all of your very important insight on this website through so many years. I always find that you are very wise. I'm not sure that I handled this particularly well or that I opened my mind enough actually. I truly think I failed this test miserably. As for the pinch theory...my husband shares the same theory. He assures me it came up after the mammo and also assures me that it's been fading. I can't trust my own judgement in this regard. As mentioned, I've never ever ever experienced a mammogram like this past one. It's just not normal. In fact, the nurse at the second (evil) derm told me that she herself would never go back to that place because of how horrible of an experience she had last time. This place used to be "the place" to go for mammos in the area. However, they've been bought out by a big corporate player and I think most of their really good techs left....and well you know. I guess time will tell. Thank you Ironman for all you do for everyone on here.
  17. God Bless you for allowing yourself to open your mind enough to step out of the anxiety situation. Part of the deal with anxiety is that we aren't stepping out enough to see the entire picture - we tend to only focus on the worst case scenario - the catastrophizing. It could even be that deal where your skin gets pinched real bad and it leaves a mark that looks creepy, but it's that blood rising up to the skin business and it just takes time to go back into the body.
  18. I want you to know, BeautifulDisaster, that I thanked God for you today. There's no way I could have gotten through this without you.
  19. I am SO happy for you!!! Go out and celebrate with your husband tonight!
  20. So glad I could help even a little. Sometimes having someone to talk to makes all the difference. 🤗
  21. I could never ever ever repay your kindness BeautifulDisaster....never. You literally have kept me sane.
  22. I KNEW it!!! I knew you were going to be ok!!! I am SO happy for you!! Go celebrate and pay it no mind knowing that you may never know what it is and that’s ok. And maybe it will just look this way and that’s ok too. Maybe this is just your body and that’s ok!! Hopefully the redness goes away but maybe it will always seem a little red - it doesn’t matter!!! Everything is tested and cleared and the dr said do not lose sleep over it!! He knows it isn’t anything life threatening so just let it be!!!! Time to let it go, give your husband a big hug, and live!!!!! This is done with! Celebrating with you!!! 🤗
  23. BENIGN!!!!!! So I talked with the Dermatologist. It is not lymphoma and he is no longer considering that. It came back as "dermatitis" but they have no idea specifically or how to treat it. It could be a drug reaction, could be Lupus (Derm doesn't think so because he says it doesn't look like it...though it wouldn't surprise me because I have Rheumatoid Arthritis)...to be honest, the same meds for RA are used for Lupus...so I really don't care. Plus I had a complete workup for my RA recently and all my bloodwork is stellar and it would show the Lupus - I really don't think that's it either. He said it could be a drug reaction. He said it could be pityriasis rosea which is benign and self limiting. He didn't think that was it. He was honest in saying that he was unsure as to the cause of the skin inflammation. I told him my husband thought it was getting lighter. He said, it might just take time to resolve and we may never know the cause. He said he didn't want to treat it with anything...just leave it alone and let the body do it's thing. I asked him if it could be morphea...which wouldn't be surprising given that I have Rheumatoid. He said it was possible but the tests didn't show that. Regardless he said that he "wouldn't lose sleep over this" and that "he doesn't see anything life threatening." So we watch and wait...for now. At least we know that as of right now it is not cutaneous lymphoma as he specifically asked the pathologist to look for that. BeautifulDisaster and Ironman...God bless you both for your help through this horror. I pray this redness resolves soon but until then at least I can sleep. Praise God for the miracle...all Glory to God.
  24. Very very very wise words. Yes...I agree. I should never have Googled. I appreciate you so much for sticking with me through this. Truly!!!!
  25. I think we have all done that before. But right now you got all the tests possible done. You don’t know what it is. There is no point in reading about the catastrophic stuff until you actually know what it is. Then you can google it. Otherwise it is making you feel worse over something you may not even have
  26. Truth...absolute truth. It was a big big big mistake.
  27. It’s ok - but it won’t help anything and will only make things worse right now. No googling!
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