New Here- Panic- "Cotton Wool Spot" in my eye

[LilyLabVA 56]

Hello everyone. I am new to this board but not new to anxiety. I have suffered with health anxiety for about 7 years now with the past 5 of those years being the worse. Of all the things I ruminated and worried about none have come true. I try not to go overboard with medical testing and my PCP is very good at working with me and my anxiety over health related things.  I am a generally healthy Mom of 2 young kids. So here is why I write today. 

Yesterday at a retina specialist appointment I was told that I have a "cotton wool spot". Dr. did not seem concerned at all. He said that it is most likely due to spikes in my blood pressure due to anxiety and panic. Monitor BP and follow up in 6 weeks. He was pleased to know my CBC and CMP in October came back totally normal. I also had an upper abdominal ultrasound in October that was clear. He said that was good and he is not concerned about systemic illness. Other than the one isolated cotton wool spot, my eyes are very healthy. My Mom accompanied me and my supporters (husband, parents, sisters) all feel that I am perfectly fine and have nothing to worry about.  However, I am in a state of complete PANIC and distress. I can barely get through the day. I read up on cotton wool spots and looked at some of the medical data and it seems to repeatedly say these are NOT NORMAL and should be a first alert for systemic illness. I am beyond terrified. Of the long list of things that could cause these, cancer is of course most concerning- leukemia and lymphoma. The top two reasons most people get cotton wool spots are - 1 Diabetes and 2- Hypertension. I am not diagnosed with hypertension but my blood pressure likely goes up during panic attacked. The highest measured at a doctor's office was 140/90. To make matters worse, I've been sick with a head cold that has been lingering for weeks. I did get checked by my doctor for the cold/cough and got the all clear. But now I'm really thinking bad things... why am I sick this long?! I must have a problem. I have not lost weight, probably gained weight,  no night sweats, I have no swollen lymph nodes that I am aware of. I am fatigued a lot but always have been so chalk that up to anxiety. Afternoon times i run a 99 temp which I'm told repeatedly is not a temp. Retina doc was really good and helping me with my health anxiety and letting me know that more and more testing is not always the right answer esp for someone with health anxiety. He says we all have little incidentals that mean nothing and never need to be found (this was a general comment not ness. in reference to cotton wool spot) 

I am leaning on October blood work being totally normal and Abdominal Ultrasound being normal- surely these would have picked up on leukemia/lymphoma cancer. Also my sister in law has found a few things online that indicate people having these cotton wool spots and nothing was ever found but that seems not to be the norm. 

My family has been through these things with me time and time again. Its affecting my marriage and even though I work hard to protect my kids from knowing any of this they are getting old enough to know when Mommy is more quiet than normal. I am on meds and in counseling. 

 

[Ellebel 67]

I am so truly sorry you are going through this... i have no idea what cotton wool spot is and i will not look it up for my own sake haha.. but i can tell you this: on the internet the ‘nothing was wrongs’ never seem to be the norm, because they just dont end up on the internet. I know this phrase by heart because i keep having to repeat it to myself as well... in the last few weeks i have been terrified of a braintumor, which turned into lung cancer for a couple of days in between but quickly went back to Bt, untill today, because now I am in absolute agony over a twitching hamstring which makes me fear ALS. I see the irony, yet cannot truly convince myself to let it go. I hope you will, but if not the only option is to go back to your doc and demand testing. Only problem is: we cant keep doing that, can we? Ugh... ?

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi Lily. Welcome to AC.  .

 You are overreacting. I have no need to tell you that because you know, don't you? But that knowledge will not stop the panic or anxiety immediately. It takes time. But you can take one important step now. STOP GOOGLING!!. You are frightening yourself out of your wits by accumulating knowledge that you take out of context and just don't understand.

Your family are right, you have nothing at all to worry about. Got it!!? 140/90 for BP is not at all unusual and is probably caused by the anxiety. Now try and take deep breaths when you feel panic and let it come. You are fighting 'IT'. Fighting yourself. Stop fighting and struggling.

I am leaning on October blood work being totally normal and Abdonminal Ultrasound being normal- surely these would have picked up on leukemia/lyphoma cancer

Of course they would. Do you honestly believe they would have let you go if even the slightest risk was involved. Of course not. No way! Promise me you will stop Googling. It's the worst possible thing you can do in anxiety. You are not a medical student so can only take things out of context. Does your doctor look up Google when you see him? If it's so good and reliable why don't they? Because they know how unreliable and misleading it can be, so stop doing it. For years on this site we have tried to dissuade people from Googling, but with little success. Curiosity killed the cat, and while it can't kill us it can do sometimes irreparable damage mentally. In fact more damage that the imaginary illness we may have. Take heart. Everything passes. TRY and accept how you feel without fighting and struggling. It takes time but eventually you will feel better. Promise!

[Bobnnat 496]

Additionally, if you had anything serious going on with your blood, like what you mentioned, you would not have normal blood work. Also, nodes are almost always large in some place, and very obvious with blood cancers.  But beyond that, you should be thinking about possibly getting therapy and/or meds if your PCP agrees. Health Anxiety is a royal PITA and as Jonathan suggests, you need to take that SOB and grab it by the reins and take charge of it.

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thank you all so much! Yes family and friends have been telling me for years to get off google. I never listen. I always want knowledge / Control/ reassurance. I have stayed off google all day only bc I promised my father. I just to worse case senerios and have catastrophic thinking. When I saw two (of the many possible causes) being cancer that’s where I went instead of looking at things like high blood pressure, idiopathic. Then I start picturing myself getting the “diagnosis” how will I tell my children? Will they be okay when I die.... ugh it’s hell. I have died a thousand deaths with this health anxiety crap. I wish I could chalk this one up to anxiety but it feels a so real. I have never been diagnosed with hypertension but I guess doc think she spikes in BP due to panic can cause this. I hope that is true. BP doesn’t scare me so if 140/90 is hypwrfensive -then good. It proves Doctor was right- i do have spikes of hypertension. Now how do I get through next 6-8 weeks when I go for dreaded recheck? Good lord any symptom that comes up between now and then will have me terrified. Does anyone here think it would be wise to rerun all bloods from Oct 31st? That’s a little over 2 months ago. I don’t think that’s the answer, and doc didn’t seem to think so either so I guess... now I wait, pray and try to keep calm! 

PS so happy to have found this page. I used to use anxietyzone from time to time but it was shut down. 

[Angelica Schuyler 217]

What Bobnnat said! I had lymphoma and your labs would be REALLY REALLY not right if you had a blood cancer, especially if you're showing a symptom. Both blood sugar and blood pressure are relatively easy to monitor and treat (and you're not having issues with those, anyway, save your blood pressure when anxious), and that covers all of the big causes of cotton wool spots. I know it's hard, but stay off of the Google and trust your doctor. He's absolutely right that everyone has a "weird" health thing - a fibroid, a nodule, a strange lab finding that never changes - that's just there for no reason, sinister or otherwise. You're gonna be just fine. 

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thank you all! Wow you guys get what I’m going through. No more google, I just can’t get past what I’ve already read  Angelica- you had lymphoma?  I’m so sorry but I’m also grateful you chose to share. Are you in remission? I though lymphoma doesn’t show up in blood work. I don’t really have any symptoms other than not getting over this head cold while the rest of my family kicked it. I had a CBC and complete Metabolic Panel. Both perfectly normal. I’ve never been tested for auto immune. So I only had those two routine tests.  I wonder with lymphoma if it would have shown up in my spleen, liver etc during the abdominal ultrasound I had when they were looking at my gallbladder. 

I just can’t get past what I read that they are “never” normal in a healthy person. Then list all the horrible things.....

oh and lupus was one. Does CBC show autoimmune issues? 

[Angelica Schuyler 217]

@LilyLabVA: I did have lymphoma, many moons ago, but I’ve been in remission for a long time. There are no EXACT markers for blood cancers, but they all affect blood counts one way or another, and usually to an extreme. With my flavor of lymphoma, white blood cell counts go off the chain. Mine was, like, three or four times higher than normal when I was diagnosed. There are tons of other things more likely to cause lab irregularities, but you don’t have leukemia or lymphoma if your blood work is fine. A CBC should cover all your bases, IMO, so you’re good to go.

I’m not that familiar with autoimmune diseases, but I would think there would be some signs of inflammation in your labs, like a high WBC or SED rate. Either way, I don’t think there’s anything to be concerned about based on the tests you had.

And don’t sweat the cold. The virus going around this year is brutal. 

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi Lily. I have died a thousand deaths with this health anxiety crap

Oh yes!! A thousand deaths. And every one so painful and self destroying. Lily, we have all been there or are there. It's so bloody frightening. Gosh, don't I know. BUT; and there is always a big BUT! It IS possible to recover however hard it may seem to believe it when you are in the middle of it. Can you get any counselling or some talking therapy? Medication will give relief, but there is no medication that will cure anxiety. That has to come from within ourselves. There is no substitute for counselling. and although it takes time it's well worth it. I do appreciate the cost involved, and if you are in the USA it probably can't be got through your GP.

Does anyone here think it would be wise to rerun all bloods from Oct 31st?

NO!!! Now listen! LEAVE IT TO THE MEDICS. They know what they are doing and are trained to do it so give them a chance, and STOP SECOND GUESSING. I'm not being uncaring, but unless you get a grip on this obsession, because that is what it is, you will continue to suffer. I am not going to come out with a load of platitudes like 'it's all ok, take your pills, calm down, snap out of it, pull yourself together'. You may have heard them all from those who have never suffered the misery of anxiety. Take no notice. You seem to have a supportive family and THAT is worth its weight in gold. Support is what you need and what you get here, even though we are a long way apart.

Now TRY, just try because you may not succeed at first, but try to ACCEPT how you feel. No fighting, as I said before. Deep breaths when you feel the feelings of fear and stop second guessing your doctors. I have seen so many far worse than you recover, so I am never in any doubt that it is possible. OK? GOT IT?? .

 

 

[LilyLabVA 56]

Its amazing how well you all get this. I feel not alone. Those around me don’t understand it well and even though my loved ones care and support me every step of the way they do get frustrated as I would too! I had a breast lump once and was out of my mind devastated, basically planning my funeral, could not function. I told my parents that once it’s resolved (found to be benign) I will be all better. My Dad said “no, you will not be better you will find something else” he was right. It’s  been non stop since. He knows best bc he has suffered anxiety as well although not nessearily health related. 

I woke up this morning shaky before I could even recall why. Then it hit me... I have a spot in my eye represenative of a systemic ilness that I don’t know. Probably a bad one. If it’s bad can I survive it? Is lymphoma survivable ? I know one type is but is t there another more common one that is less survivable? What if this it’s Mets from somewhere else. Maybe if it’s early, maybe not. My heart breaks all over again and I muster though getting kids dressed and ready for school and myself for work. 

I want this to go away. I wish I never went to the doctor to find this spot.

I have not googled but oh how I would love reassurance- to find that thee often are no big deal, many healthy people have them, not a sign of cancer, or that yes people with moderate spikes in blood pressure could have this. 

So I wait. Day 2 of a 6 week wait. When I go in will there be more spots- then what? Ugh 

Have marriage counseling tonight and my first EMDR session tomorrow. Maybe it will help but it won’t change that I have this spot that harbors bad things in my eye. 

I am a Christian and know that I need to have faith and trust God and it’s all just so hard. I want to! 

[Ellebel 67]

Please please please do not google! Even if to find reassurance. I am so familiar with the fear and struggling to get through daily things.. isnt that ironic? We fear death bit arent exactly living while doing so... 

i have a twitching hamstring. No biggie right? Thats what I thought monday evening. I googled. My life is a mess now. Im in nonstop fear of ALS and in agony over it. I am struggling to make it through the workday. Even tho googled said it is most likely anxiety itself, you see that one word and BAM. So please dont!!! Promise! 

[jonathan123 2367]

Hi Lily.

I am a Christian and know that I need to have faith and trust God and it’s all just so hard. I want to! 

I could quote no end of the sayings of Jesus, most of which are based on a total truth. But would it do any good? Was your dad right when he said you would go looking for something else? It does seem that we do want to find something wrong all the time. But why? Ah, the 64 thousand dollar question! Is it because we have no faith in God, or whatever you want to call the Great Intelligence that rules us all?

"As you believe, so it shall be done unto you".

Give love and you get love. Give hate and you get hate. It's as simple as that. Give out negative thoughts and back come negative results.

"Take no thought for the morrow".

BUT we do don't we? Why do we call ourselves Christians when we ignore the teachings of the Master. Christ was a master psychologist, although it was unknown in his time. He could see into mens hearts.

"As a man is in his heart so is he".

It's what we cherish that causes our problerms,  because we cherish the wrong things. 

We live in an  acquisitive and materialistic world. Little thought is given to the world of Spiritual welfare. I talked in a post recently about the Mind and how little attention we pay to it compared with the body. This applies equally to our Spiritual being. As far as the vast majority of people are concerned it does not exist, yet it's neglect has resulted in what we see about us. Utter chaos!!

"Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do". Do any of us know what we really do?

This from a guy nailed to a cross. How forgiving can you get!! We harbour grievances and anger. We attack our neighbour, not physically but mentally. We indulge in all sorts of 'games' that we call living. We make constant excuses to ourselves for our behaviour because we know we are behaving badly but can't stop. So many families are in chaos and malfunction because one simple truth is ignored. WE ARE NOT JUST A BODY.

"What profiteth a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul".

Christ's whole teaching was based on LOVE!! Why are so afraid of the word? Because it has become debased with sexual and materialistic overtones. LOVE is unconditional. There is no 'I love you, but.....'. If we truly Loved one another then the world would be free of anxiety and fear.

"Love one another; as I have Loved you Love one another".

Some of the last words Jesus gave to his disciples before the crucifixion.  The final point.  (Did I hear you say thank god!!!). After the suffering of the crucifixion came the resurrection. This is a great lesson for all of us anxiety sufferers provided we learn from our experiences. We emerge from the darkness into the light better people than when we went in. In a way we are being given a great opportunity denied to so many to change our lives; the way we think and act. It maybe we needed a good kick up the butt to get us moving. Maybe! Without the suffering and its redemption we remain as the vast majority of so called 'normal' people are. Selfish and self centred. "Take up your cross and follow me". You have to take up your cross and walk with it to calvary where you will find peace at last, and you don't have to die to get it. The stone can be rolled away from the tomb and you can be free any time you choose.

"The kingdom of heaven is within you". Sorry to the non religious, but this is not about religion which is so often an attempt to crate a power base, but about you and me and our contact with healing forces that we are only remotely aware of.

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thank you all again. Elle- for what it’s wroth I twictch all the time  all over, the more I pay attention, the more it happens. I never give it a second thought! 

I want so badly to move on but I’m stuck in “this means I have something bad” I can’t get passed all I read. None of it said they can just happen to normal people, none. First sign of systemic illness. UGH ? my blood work was fine but I bet if I did it now something would be off. I never got an inflammation markers in reported at all ?

I want so badly to find out if a upper respiratory infection/ sinuses issues could have played a part in this. It mentioned infections.... but odd rare ones. What about viruses? What relief sweet relief I would have! It would be an ah ha moment. Anything but Lymphoma and metastatic cancers ??? Oh and I had pink eye the week prior but doctor said it has nothing to do with it. But I won’t google as badly as I want to I won’t because even if I see reassurance I will see the other stuff too. 

 

[Bobnnat 496]

Idiopathic is listed (last of course because Google is a bitch). idiopathic means for no reason..which IS normal for some folks.

[LilyLabVA 56]

I broke my promise and googled. Now I feel like sh-*t . I thought if I googled “idiopathic cotton wool spot” then I would find my answer. It made it all worse.  

 

[Ellebel 67]

I did it too... i broke my own promise ?. I read about hand weakness which i realise i might have a bit and am in a panic frenzy now ?. So i feel you... 

[Holls 1505]

9 hours ago, LilyLabVA said:

I broke my promise and googled. Now I feel like sh-*t . I thought if I googled “idiopathic cotton wool spot” then I would find my answer. It made it all worse.  

 

Hi. I've never heard of cotton wool spot before so I googled it and I don't see anything concerning.. sorry.. it seems to me that you Dr is right. If your Dr isn't concerned I wouldn't be. Hugs. Anxiety has you worked up. 

[Ellebel 67]

14 hours ago, LilyLabVA said:

I broke my promise and googled. Now I feel like sh-*t . I thought if I googled “idiopathic cotton wool spot” then I would find my answer. It made it all worse.  

 

Good you did @Holls that might help @LilyLabVA a bit! I was afraid to, scared It might be something i unknowingly have and would get worked up about as well haha. Brave that you did and hope it helps lily!

[LilyLabVA 56]

Thank you Holls. I truely appreciate you googling it for me. Unfortunately I’ve been to the end of the internet and back  update is that my anxiety has been much better. Getting on with daily living, laughing, smiling and getting things done. It’s still in my mind and I pretty much think of it everyday. Last night when I took my contact out I thought I was having another vision issue which made me nervous. It was fleeting though. Part of me wants to go get a ton of blood work and be done with it but I know that’s not nessearily the answer. Anyway thanks for everyone’s feedback and support! 

[jonathan123 2367]

Let me tell you a funny story, although it wasn't funny at the time. It does show how we can get uptight about nothing. When in the middle of GAD I put on my glasses. I wear them for distance and driving. One eye was all out of focus. I panicked. OMG!!! My wife came and sat me down and we had a talk. A stroke, that was it, must be!!! I was tempted to Google 'one eye out of focus' but resisted the idea. OK, so you have guessed it, A LENS HAD COME OUT. . We hunted round, found it, put it back in and eyesight returned to normal. Phew!!! What a relief! I was BLUFFED, FOOLED into a false belief because I panicked.  There's a moral there somewhere! .

[EyeWoeKnee 2]

Hi Lily.

 

Wow. Your story gives me so much reassurance.

 

I am a now-28-year-old with no history of chronic illness, other than illness anxiety.

 

On the evening of June 16 of 2017, I first saw the "arcuate scotoma" (aka shiny swoop) that you may have read about. I went to see an ophthalmologist two days later. She found the CWS on fundoscope corresponding to the point just proximal of where I saw the scotoma.

 

Obviously, because I even found your post, I have been googling "cotton-wool spot" for waaay too long now.

 

At the onslaught of the CWS, I had just moved across the country to a new state. I was planning my wedding from 2000 miles away. I'd started a new, physically active career. And. I had my first full-blown ANXIETY ATTACK in ten years that morning, a few hours before I noticed the visual disturbance.

 

I normally have very low blood pressure, around 90/60. So I imagine the spike that probably happened for over an hour ( I was stuck in a very uncomfortable situation, socially, professionally, physically, for no less than 53 minutes ) was extreme.

 

My doctors were all new so they hadn't figured out I was a closet hypochondriac.

 

So I had aaaaall the tests. Echo, corotid sono... CBC's and WBC differentials THREE TIMES. Because my platelets were slightly high and iron stores slightly low. But I had no other markers for disease anywhere.

 

It seems so silly to chalk it up to a panic or anxiety attack - because it's all in your head right? But we forget about the periodical spike in blood pressure, adrenaline, cortisol, and the dozens of other physiological stresses, that accompany anxiety.

 

Even pregnancy can cause cotton-wool spots. And doctors don't even know why.

 

I'm thinking these spots are probably more common than ophthalmologists can see, it's just that most people don't catch it at the exact occurrence, except, as you've probably read about, people with sustained high blood pressure, and diabetes, who have constant issues with eye circulation. 

 

It is still hard for me, not knowing... every tingly finger feels like non-Hodgkins lympohma. But I am getting better every day. And I thank you for sharing, and hope my story gives you comfort as well!

[EyeWoeKnee 2]

Also, for full disclosure and just curious discussion, the iron marker that was low for me was an iron storage-related molecule called "ferritin"... different from hemoglobin or even blood-levels of iron, and indicates long-term iron deficiency.

Mine was only slightly low at 26, and according to some sources like Mayo Clinic, not even officially flagged as low. And labs differ, but some studies suggest that having ferritin below 50 can cause anemia-like unexplained fatigue.

Obviously, low iron stores is not a medical emergency and easily treated with iron supplements. Next time you have a regular blood work up (if you do that every year or two?) I'd be curious to see whether your ferritin might also be on the low side - maybe something to ask your doctor about? I don't think they normally test it, so you would have to ask for it specifically. But keep in mind I'm suggesting this half because I am just curious. Do what is best for you!

[LilyLabVA 56]

Hi there! So happy you were able to connect with me about these annoying cotton wool spots! Did you doctor attribute yours to your blood work being a bit off or anxiety? I have come a long way with my anxiety over it. I went back in 6 weeks and it was gone! I hope it never returns but if it does I will just go step by step. As you probably read, I did not do much testing bc my doctor felt it was likely anxiety or fluke and he felt more testing would only increase the anxiety cycle for me. Every time I have had blood work in the past, it’s been totally normal. Can I ask how long your scatoma lasted? That was pretty much the scariest part for me .... I like OMG whats going on with my vision?!?  I had a hard time explaining the phenomenon to anyone. It was like a black arch on the bottom corner of my eye and was worse upon blinking or looking at something light. It lasted about 36 hours with the worst of it 12-24 hrs. Has yours returned or did your Dr advise that it could ever return? Thanks so much for connecting!  

 

[EyeWoeKnee 2]

 

I found that picture online. If you take just the bottom half of that "C" shape... that is almost exactly what mine looked like. It was in the bottom-left quadrant of my right eye. And was definitely worse in bright lights or against a white background. And it changed colors when I blinked.

I'd had migraines before, with similar visual disturbances, so initially when I saw it I wasn't even worried. But they never lasted as long as this one. I didn't start the cycles of anxiety over it until I saw the look on my eye doctor's face lol. 

The visual arc I saw was bright at first, and then just dimmed slowly over a few weeks. I ended up going in again to the eye doctor after a couple weeks when I had a scare (thought I saw something in my *other* eye which turned out to be nothing lol) and the opthalmologist said the one I had had already faded a little. And she did say my eyes looked completely healthy other than that one spot. At my 8-week follow up it was completely gone on examination, although the arc I saw had not gone away, it was just dark instead of bright. I can still see the remnants of it, but as the months have passed I notice it less and less -- even when I'm looking for it specifically in sunlight. I never got another one that I know of. I am planning to return to an eye doctor at the one-year mark just to make sure all is good.

My PCP was mostly concerned about the platelets, which my paranoid brain now thinks was him worried I had some kind of cancer. But, like my only-slightly-low iron, my platelets were not even high by some labs standards (i.e., it was exactly the same measurement, 420,000, at my last CBC in 2016, it was not flagged by the lab as high, and my previous doctor hadn't even made a note of it.)

I was the one who brought it up to both my PCP and my eye doctor that I was under extreme psychological stressors this year, and they both conceded it may have just been due to stress.

[LilyLabVA 56]

Yes! That visual is almost exactly what I saw. Bottom left of my eye... I would say mine was less of a “C” the first several seconds it was silvery and I thought I had looked at a light the wrong way or something. Kinda like when someone’s camera flashes.... Then it faded to a black arch only when I looked at white walls or light things and every time I blinked! When eyes closed it was like a neon color. I am shocked yours took so long to go away! I would have been a wreck.