bigbluewildcat

Freaking out about leukemia

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Leukemia is a recurring HA fear of mine. This time, though, I feel so sure that I really have it and I'm about to have a meltdown. I have easy bruising, paleness, fatigue (I can sleep 14+ hours a day), and suddenly my period is all messed up. Normally I have it very heavy for 5 days, but now it's light and only lasted 3. I was also late this time. I know an irregular period can be caused by anxiety or stress, but I can't get the leukemia fear out of my mind. I'm not a very active person and I'm also not very clumsy, so I don't understand how I wake up with 10+ bruises sometimes with no idea where they came from. I don't have kids or a pet that could have caused them.  I don't remember running into anything or hurting myself in any way. 

Here are what the bruises look like, I took this picture a little over a week ago:

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Those look like normal bruises. My father in law had leukemia for several years. He never had any bruises at all. His exhaustion he would fall asleep sitting up. He also had odd weight loss. Believe me, you don't have it.

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I agree with utrocket09. 

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Hi. I'm sorry you are scared and worried. You are so young to be going down the health anxiety road. :(

As far as your menstrual what you said is right.. stress and anxiety can change your cycle!! 

Your sleeping habits are normal... I could sleep all day if I had the chance. I have always loved to sleep A LOT. I'm 37 now but my parents used to be make fun of me because I was always asleep. I take naps when I can with my daughter. I think some of us just sleep more than others. If this is not your normal sleep pattern. Anxiety can zap you of energy. I know when I have a constant worry and I let it take over, I feel so exhausted for days after it's over. I had a co-worker that had leukemia and she would fall asleep at her desk. 

My co-worker never had bruises.. I wake up a lot finding bruises on me in the shower. I wouldn't say I'm clumsy but I do run into things at night and forget until days later when the bruise is on the way out. 

I don't think you need to but to put your fears to rest you could ask your Dr to run blood work.. results come back in a few days. I bet urgent care can do the same. 

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7 hours ago, utrocket09 said:

Those look like normal bruises. My father in law had leukemia for several years. He never had any bruises at all. His exhaustion he would fall asleep sitting up. He also had odd weight loss. Believe me, you don't have it.

 

3 hours ago, MARC said:

I agree with utrocket09. 

 

1 hour ago, Holls said:

Hi. I'm sorry you are scared and worried. You are so young to be going down the health anxiety road. :(

As far as your menstrual what you said is right.. stress and anxiety can change your cycle!! 

Your sleeping habits are normal... I could sleep all day if I had the chance. I have always loved to sleep A LOT. I'm 37 now but my parents used to be make fun of me because I was always asleep. I take naps when I can with my daughter. I think some of us just sleep more than others. If this is not your normal sleep pattern. Anxiety can zap you of energy. I know when I have a constant worry and I let it take over, I feel so exhausted for days after it's over. I had a co-worker that had leukemia and she would fall asleep at her desk. 

My co-worker never had bruises.. I wake up a lot finding bruises on me in the shower. I wouldn't say I'm clumsy but I do run into things at night and forget until days later when the bruise is on the way out. 

I don't think you need to but to put your fears to rest you could ask your Dr to run blood work.. results come back in a few days. I bet urgent care can do the same. 

 

Thank you all! I'm feeling a lot more calm today.

Holls, unfortunately HA is something I've struggled with for several years now. :( I'm 24 and I had a few scares on and off over the years but it became almost a constant thing when I was in college. I couldn't suffer silently anymore, I was bringing other people into it; I remember asking my friends "Is my gait weird? Do you think I'm dragging my foot? Watch me walk" and I would get up and walk around the room and even when they told me I was walking fine, I was convinced something was wrong. I know it annoyed them and they all thought I was crazy. :/ It's gotten a bit better over the past couple of years but lately the worrying has came back really badly.

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One of the hardest things to come to terms with about HA is that I come on here and read about other people's fears and I can see the anxiety so clearly. But I have the exact same fears about myself and it seems so real to me. I don't know if other people know what I'm talking about.

You are fine. By all accounts leukemia is so very obvious when you have it. My aunt passed away last year from it and everyone around her saw such a huge change in her energy and personality. She stopped being able to take care of her house like she used to and couldn't stay awake if she tried. I am so sorry that this fear is so real to you because of course I know exactly how you feel. I think last week I was on here and also emailing my doctor talking about how I'm sure I have leukemia. We both definitely have HA, and that is probably it.

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55 minutes ago, enidoreilley said:

One of the hardest things to come to terms with about HA is that I come on here and read about other people's fears and I can see the anxiety so clearly. But I have the exact same fears about myself and it seems so real to me. I don't know if other people know what I'm talking about.

When you see other peoples fears, the experience is objective to you so it's easier to see what anxiety is up to with them.  When you feel that fear, your experience becomes subjective so your own anxiety starts it's games of trying to manipulate.

 

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6 hours ago, enidoreilley said:

One of the hardest things to come to terms with about HA is that I come on here and read about other people's fears and I can see the anxiety so clearly. But I have the exact same fears about myself and it seems so real to me. I don't know if other people know what I'm talking about.

I know exactly what you're talking about. A while back I was telling my friend everyone I know who has HA has experienced chest pains. Whenever someone else says they're having them, I know it's just a product of their anxiety. But when I had chest pains myself, I was at a cardiologist ASAP. I was thinking "I know mine isn't just anxiety. This is really a heart problem." I was fine, of course. It was my anxiety too. It's amazing how much anxiety can affect your body physically and then convince you in your mind it's something else.

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One time when I was at my GI physician's office, I had an issue and I was self diagnosing. My GI phyisician then asked me what I did for a living, which of course he knew already as I have been seeing him for years. I said a CPA and he said stick with what you know and leave the medical issues to me. 

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50 minutes ago, MARC said:

One time when I was at my GI physician's office, I had an issue and I was self diagnosing. My GI phyisician then asked me what I did for a living, which of course he knew already as I have been seeing him for years. I said a CPA and he said stick with what you know and leave the medical issues to me. 

Lol that sounds like something my Dr would say to me. It's so true. 

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If you have been to the doctor and have had normal lab work in recent history, then the chances of leukemia are so slim. My doctor told me its not my job to worry, its his! I think the same goes for you too!

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7 hours ago, Mike L said:

If you have been to the doctor and have had normal lab work in recent history, then the chances of leukemia are so slim. My doctor told me its not my job to worry, its his! I think the same goes for you too!

Totally agree with this.  When I was worried about leukemia with normal lab work, my dr said the blood test results are not just a little bit off in leukemia patients; they usually pop off the page.  And I agree with your second sentence too :)  

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Those do look like normal bruises. I get those after running when my skin is itchy and I start scratching hard. Has your skin been itchy lately? You could be scratching without knowing it 

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