How to deal with the bad thoughts?

[James417 4]

Hello again I am in the middle of a very rough time right now. I'm about to go to bed and I am thinking about lots of things. Stress of bills and trying to get a job and such as well as if you read in previous posts I was dropped off of my anti depressant medication. My anxiety and depression have been absolutely at their worst ever since the bad experience with weed in January. And since I was dropped off of my medicine I have had constant questioning of everything. Like constantly asking what could be wrong with me. If that little bit of numbness or pain could be a sign of a huge problem like a heart attack or stroke. My last several nights have been a horrible experience with bad sleep. So because of this horrible sleep I have had groggy slow anxiety filled days with dizziness (probably caused in part by other things) just always horrible and scary. I do find some happy times while watching TV or playing a game and my mind is off of it but then I will get the my life is ruined there is no point in going on thoughts and it causes worse anxiety and then that backs up that thought of my life being a constant anxious mess and it will never get better. I'm thinking I can't enjoy the simple things in life anymore like riding a motorcycle or driving without bad anxiety and depression knocking me down and making me feel like I would be best off doing you know what since I can't enjoy life. I know this isn't true. It's just depression getting the best off me but I am having more and more trouble every day not taking the s*****e thing to heart and thinking what if I do it? And than my anxiety gets even worse and so do the thoughts then I feel I actually may do it instead of what ifs and images flash of me just ending it. This is so hard for me to handle.how should I be handling this situation? Should I be fighting and thinking its not the right thing to do and you are not that bad off and if will get better and relax you aren't gonna do it? Even though that approach causes and internal clash of what ifs and its to late and stuff. I just say my therapist w few days ago and she was explaining about how it sounds like I have add and ocd and get trapped on these thought loops and can't get out. So I end up kind of playing into them and thinking this is it. And everyone is gonna miss me is guess. But my anxiety just gets worse thinking about it because I don't want this! What should I do I am literally petrified Im gonna do it. I am calling my phyc doc tomorrow to hopefully set up an appointment to get a new med started or something because coming off of that anti depressant has made me hit rock bottom. This is a horrible time for me. Pease let me know when these thoughts occur should one feed into them? If so how by accepting them or fighting and saying its the wrong thing to do? Or should they be ignored and try to out my mind somewhere else? I guess mindfulness is my best friends. Thanks for any input in advance.

[rainbow 333]

Hi James 

sorry to hear your going through a rough time. Clearly coming off the antidepressant at this time may have not been the right thing to do. Especially if you are having s*****al thoughts. And trust me your family would miss you and wonder what they could have said or done. 

Having said that this is just temporary thing your going through. It will get better.  I have had quite few struggles in my life but I managed to pull through the darkness. Right now that is what you feel in the dark especially at night when it's all calm and your mind is racing. 

Please go see your doctor. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Let us know how you get on. 

Take care 

Amber 

Edited November 13, 2015 by rainbow

[Guest]

Hi James I agree with everything rainbow stated.Try to be persistent and get in to the doctor.Ups and down.Give yourself enough time to adjust and figure things out.Keep your hands busy and your mind busy with positive things.If things get too bad pick up the phone.

[Cubmanben 134]

There's a lot of things to sift through there James. The main thing I can tell you is that a lot of what you're saying is very common with anxiety. And the struggle to want to get better now and then the frustrations with the nagging symptoms can lead to some times of despair. If you are really feeling that badly, you do need to get in touch with someone right away though...

As you go though, remember that things take time. You didn't get yourself caught up in all of these anxious patterns overnight. It will take some time to unwind the knots. In the mean time, focus on the positives as best you can. Debts... sure, we all have them. Stressing to no end today about them isn't going to make them go away. Job searching sometimes takes time. Getting yourself all worked up about it won't change the right opportunity for you. You need to relax and be confident in the knowledge that something will turn up. The more you can move forward with confidence, the more that will be portrayed to a potential employer.

Most of all, remember that anxiety and depression don't define you. They are NOT who you are. It's a setback and it can be uncomfortable, there's no debating that. But it's not who you really are. So as you forge ahead in life, remember that it's not going to define you. It's a moment in time that ultimately will make you a better and stronger person because you're about to set out on a journey to find out who you really are. And once you start to unlock those things, the world can and will be your playground and things can and will get better.

[James417 4]

 

There's a lot of things to sift through there James. The main thing I can tell you is that a lot of what you're saying is very common with anxiety. And the struggle to want to get better now and then the frustrations with the nagging symptoms can lead to some times of despair. If you are really feeling that badly, you do need to get in touch with someone right away though...

As you go though, remember that things take time. You didn't get yourself caught up in all of these anxious patterns overnight. It will take some time to unwind the knots. In the mean time, focus on the positives as best you can. Debts... sure, we all have them. Stressing to no end today about them isn't going to make them go away. Job searching sometimes takes time. Getting yourself all worked up about it won't change the right opportunity for you. You need to relax and be confident in the knowledge that something will turn up. The more you can move forward with confidence, the more that will be portrayed to a potential employer.

Most of all, remember that anxiety and depression don't define you. They are NOT who you are. It's a setback and it can be uncomfortable, there's no debating that. But it's not who you really are. So as you forge ahead in life, remember that it's not going to define you. It's a moment in time that ultimately will make you a better and stronger person because you're about to set out on a journey to find out who you really are. And once you start to unlock those things, the world can and will be your playground and things can and will get better.

 

Hi James 

sorry to hear your going through a rough time. Clearly coming off the antidepressant at this time may have not been the right thing to do. Especially if you are having s*****al thoughts. And trust me your family would miss you and wonder what they could have said or done. 

Having said that this is just temporary thing your going through. It will get better.  I have had quite few struggles in my life but I managed to pull through the darkness. Right now that is what you feel in the dark especially at night when it's all calm and your mind is racing. 

Please go see your doctor. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Let us know how you get on. 

Take care 

Amber 

 

Hi James I agree with everything rainbow stated.Try to be persistent and get in to the doctor.Ups and down.Give yourself enough time to adjust and figure things out.Keep your hands busy and your mind busy with positive things.If things get too bad pick up the phone.

Thanks for the replys! It really helps to just talk and get things off of my chest. I have still been having these thoughts though unfortunately but I am doing my best to just let them pass instead of fighting them and trying to question my sanity or if I will take my life every step of the way and instead learn to think positively and get my mind in a different direction when this happens. I did talk to my therapist a few weeks ago and she said my best action at this point is to meditate and let these thoughts pass and learn mindfulness techniques as she thinks I may have a bit of manic depression and alot of it is bad habit i have of looping thoughts sense I seem to feel a lot better at random times and then feel depressed again at random. I will be honest I have aspergers (high functioning autism) and add/ADHD and have always looped thoughts and obsessed severly. When I was younger I used to get "caught up" on thoughts and ideas and couldnt stop thinking about them. An example was when I was in school if I had something to look forward to when I got home I could not pay attention because I was always off in a daydream stuck looping then thoughts about it. Now it's like ever sense I read about that guy taking his own life and others suffering through similar experiences its almost like it triggered me to imagine myself in that situation and got stuck on these bad thoughts. Staying away from google and comments from others online who dont fully understand how to handle this situation is a bad idea. I dont knowmhow to explain it but its like every time i hear about something or a situation or illness i kind of put myself in that situation without realising it. Like i just take every little thing i hear and read to heart and act like i may have the same ting too. But anyways Like now late at night I feel pretty good aside from some anxiety thinking about this but otherwise I'm alot better than earlier. She did agree that it was probably a bad idea to drop off of the anti depressant. But this was several weeks ago and I don't see her until next month. Thankfully my phyc doctor can help me get that med or another one going she I see her in a few weeks but I'm planning on calling her tomorrow to ask if i should restart the citalopram (anti depressant) in the mean time and letting her know everything that is going on.  I wish I could see them more often but the mental health is WAY underfunded in my area from what I know sense they are like the only place that take people with my health insurance around here. Again thank you guys for reading being supportive I really do appreciate this and hope any subjects I'm touching on don't trigger anything in others who read this.

Edited November 20, 2015 by James417