SighNoMore

Anxiety with actual issues—that aren’t a major concern

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I have some actual health issues, but I am majorly having catastrophizing thoughts when I have been told my issues aren’t a worry. The what ifs are crushing me. 
How do I deal with this? How do I stop fearing something was missed?

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Acceptance is key. To overcome anxiety, one important key is learning to accept that these things "just happen." We need to learn to accept that the body just does these things sometimes, and that not everything is severe. We also need to learn to accept what we cannot know, as life is full of uncertainties.

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Thank you. That’s an excellent way to frame it. I need to remember that. Jonathan mention something similar on another one of my posts.  Appreciate your words. 

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Jonathan has lots of wonderful advice, and yes, he talks a lot about acceptance as well. And why do we talk about it so much? Because it works. 🙂

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It’s funny because we find it so easy to accept the sinister, and not the rational. I have got to find the flip side of being able to be accepting of the things that just happen and aren’t scary.  It’s a hard dance to learn. 

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5 hours ago, bin_tenn said:

Acceptance is key. To overcome anxiety, one important key is learning to accept that these things "just happen." We need to learn to accept that the body just does these things sometimes, and that not everything is severe. We also need to learn to accept what we cannot know, as life is full of uncertainties.

Yes. But more than that, key is accepting that even bad things can happen. Once you know that even having cancer can happen because it is part of life, you have your ticket to a peaceful mind. It's hard work, but we'll worth it. I'm not there yet myself, but on the way hopefully. 

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My ENT physician once said to me,  unfortunately as we age more and more people will be going around us and we just have to hope we are not one of them. Not very positive, but true. My deceased mother would say instead of here today and gone tomorrow, she would say here today gone today. Also not very positive, but true. I agree accepting uncertainty is key in overcoming or living with anxiety and also everyday life in general. A psychologist client of mine once said to me if you are trying to fight life, you are not going to win. My GI and internal medicine physicians told me to not look past today. 

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Oh yes MARC, so true. Facing life as it comes, doing our best for ourselves and others is so important. Kids these days are told' if it's not fun don't do it'. But life is not always fun. Birth and death are part of life. It's what we take on when we are born. We are given choices. We can play the hand given, or go off in another direction. It's entirely up to us. In Rudyard Kipling's poem, 'You'll be a man my Son', he says................

"If you can meet with  triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same, then the world is yours and all that's in it, and what is more you'll  be a man my son".  

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7 hours ago, ZenCube said:

Yes. But more than that, key is accepting that even bad things can happen. Once you know that even having cancer can happen because it is part of life, you have your ticket to a peaceful mind. It's hard work, but we'll worth it. I'm not there yet myself, but on the way hopefully. 

Of course. That's what I mean about accepting the unknown. It can and does happen.

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I think what boils down to all this is that at the end of the day fear. Plain and simple, fear. Fear that something is missed. Fear I will suffer. Fear of what is to come. 
Acceptance feels like fully giving into that fear. I know that I am already leaning into, and being embraced, by the fear. It’s just hard to surround myself with acceptance. 

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Acceptance isn't giving in. You should still be proactive about your health. Address concerns / questions with your doctor, monitor how you feel, etc. But learn to accept that things can and do happen, no matter how hard you work to stay healthy. That doesn't mean you have to carelessly allow them to happen, but you can take reasonable steps to prevent diseases.

If you can get to the root of your fears, that can be helpful. Just understanding the origin of the fear has helped me, personally, to be more accepting of these things.

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Hi. Bin. You are so right. Acceptance is in no way giving in, more a giving up. There is a big difference. Acceptance is a positive action. Giving up is also a positive action, strange as it may seem. Giving up and accepting all of it is trying not to control anything. If we give up trying to control we gain control That is one of anxiety's paradoxes. Let it all come. No fighting or struggling with 'IT'. It's a battle you will never win. 'You must fight this thing, you mustn't let it get you down'. WRONG!!!  Also, getting to the root of the problem can be so helpful. Understanding why we are in this state can help us. Fighting is 'entering into combat with'. Combat allows more adrenaline to flow into your system, and that's the last thing you want! Calm (as calm as possible) acceptance works wonders. It takes perseverance and patience. Lots of it. 

Sit down, breathe deeply and try and let the anxiety go over you without any reaction. This is so difficult I know, but it can be done as many have proved. Calm acceptance gradually slows down the rate of adrenaline and eventually gives relief.

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Hi Bin, That was not aimed at you but was for general viewing. I would not want to be accused of teaching my grandmother to suck eggs. 😃😊 You and I know the value of acceptance.  Best wishes.    John.

 

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6 hours ago, jonathan123 said:

Hi Bin, That was not aimed at you but was for general viewing. I would not want to be accused of teaching my grandmother to suck eggs. 😃😊 You and I know the value of acceptance.  Best wishes.    John.

 

LoL! I knew it wasn't aimed at me, but I still absolutely agree and even find your additional insight helpful. 😄

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Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I am trying to take your words to heart. I hate anxiety so much. 
 

I have to figure out a way to get a handle on the issues and not let them plague me. I am struggling mightily, but your words help me so much. More than you will ever know. 

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57 minutes ago, SighNoMore said:

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. I am trying to take your words to heart. I hate anxiety so much. 
 

I have to figure out a way to get a handle on the issues and not let them plague me. I am struggling mightily, but your words help me so much. More than you will ever know. 

Eh, it takes too much energy to hate something. It's absolutely possible to live happily, generally speaking, with anxiety. The key is not necessarily to be without it, and it's not to ignore it. The key is learning how to let anxiety have its space, while also not allowing it to take control. It's not the easiest thing to do, but with some patience and effort it's definitely possible.

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Yes Bin. Hate not only takes energy but is poisonous to our soul. Resentment, envy, jealousy all contribute to anxiety. These are emotions we can well do without. 'Allowing it to take it's space while not allowing it to take control'. Oh yes, another definition of acceptance. Hating 'IT' is the same as fighting 'IT'  Nether will help one bit! You are right, it's not easy, but given the will it can be done.   Thanks for that.

 

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Sometimes it just feels impossible to live in the in between. That’s where I struggle. The what ifs eat my lunch and dinner and everything else. 
 

You’re both right about the hate. I just loathe the anxiety. Deeply. I am trying to learn to let go, but it is so hard. I am honestly not sure how to get there. 

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On 12/7/2020 at 5:34 AM, jonathan123 said:

 Also, getting to the root of the problem can be so helpful. Understanding why we are in this state can help us

Hi Jonathan,

I'm curious if you can give us some hint about how going to the root. 

 

Thank you

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Hi. PS. Human  psychology is very complex and can very confusing. In all my years in counselling I found it difficult to get to the root of the problem with so many patients. But there is always a cause because cause and effect are a basic law in physics and apply just as much in anxiety. Most of our problems can go back to childhood. Physical and sexual abuse are two of the main factors. But there are also hidden ones that 'come out of the blue' for no obvious reason. Good counselling can help so much because in finding causes we can eliminate the effects. I may repeat myself here, but bear with me. There is a difference between suppression and repression. In suppression we consciously push memories into the background if we wish to forget, but can always recall them if we wish. In repression the memories are in the unconscious and can't be recalled at will. But the emotions surrounding those memories can and do emerge, given the right circumstances.  If a child hears it's parents fighting, or being physical it can be too much for a child's mind to bear, so the memory is repressed into the unconscious. Nature has made it this way to protect our minds. The child 'forgets' and will appear normal after the event. This can happen to adults who may witness an awful event, like an accident. They remember what lead up to the event but the rest is lost. It is never actually lost but repressed. 'He/she is too young to understand, so no worries'. That is the biggest mistake a parent can make. Now nothing may ever happen to bring back the emotions surrounding the memory, but later, in adult life, the person may hear two people having a fight. The emotions from childhood will emerge BUT NOT THE CAUSE. So the person becomes confused and anxious. Finding no reason for the intense emotions anxiety then begins. It is obvious that when life events occur such as a bereavement, a job loss, a divorce etc, then the reasons are clear. But so often the causes are not clear. It's then that anxiety can begin, especially health anxiety. The mind has been 'triggered' into the fear/anxiety/ fear cycle.  We also need to look at our lives and the way we behave. So much anxiety lies in our behaviour to our fellow humans and our reactions to upsetting events. Are we tolerant? Kind and compassionate? Do we have empathy for another's suffering? Not sympathy, that's different. Do we really have love for those nearest to us? So many questions need answers. But we get caught up in the symptoms of anxiety that we so often can't see the wood for the trees. Anxiety then becomes dominant and takes over our lives. We need to break the chain of anxiety/ fear/symptoms/anxiety. Ask ourselves what is anxiety telling us, what is it saying about our lives. Turn it to good use and let it teach us something. Before I went into counselling I was a wreck. It was not until I met the most amazing man who gave me counselling and trained me in the subject, that I became aware how much the pain of anxiety had changed me. And for the better. It was indeed 'the dark cloud that breaks with blessings on your head'. Being afraid of  'IT' and fighting and struggling with 'IT' will help not one bit. Delve into it; try and find reasons for it to be happening. They are always there but need digging out. Now none of this is easy, far from it. It needs a counsellor, a good trusted friend or someone you trust to talk things through with. I appreciate good counselling can be expensive, but is worth every penny.  You may well emerge a more kind and understanding person. You must trust your counsellor. If you don't then find one you do. My experience of anxiety was painful and for over two years took over my life. I am still an anxious person, that will not change, but it no longer affects my life. I ACCEPT that that's me.  By asking and ACCEPTING we have a problem is the beginning of recovery. If we go into denial and say we have not got a problem simply stops any forward movement. Very best wishes.

A letter from a patient of Carl Jung.

"Out of evil much good has come to me. By keeping quiet , repressing nothing, remaining attentive, and hand in hand with that, by accepting reality -taking things as they are and not as I wanted them to be - by doing all this rare knowledge has come to me, and rare powers as well such as I would never have imagined before. I always thought that when we accept things they overpower us in one way or another. Now this is not true at all, and it is only by accepting them that we can define an attitude toward them. So now I intend playing the game of life. Being receptive to whatever comes to me good and bad, sun and shadow, that are for ever shifting, and in this way accepting my own nature and its positive and negative sides. Thus everything becomes more alive to me. What a fool I was!  How I expected to force everything to go my way".

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Thank you really much for your answer Jon and sharing your personal experience.You enlightened me.

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